We want to get married and love for the sake of Allah
Asalamu alaikum brother/sister in Islam
I pray that this question reaches you in the best of health and Iman...
I have a dilemma. I would love for you to explain to me including Quran and Hadith, in order for me to become more familiar with where to go.
I am a 16 year old girl, and have known of a brother for as long as i could remeber, due to the fact that he lives in our area. He is two years older than me, and is very religious, alhamdulillah. He goes to the masjid 5 times a day to read Salat, and offers his prayers and nafl as i know. He was met my father on many occasions in the masjid, as well. The thing is, is that i am very much in love with his character and conduct, and deen. I know i am young, but i believe that he is the one i want to marry, and i love him just for the sake of Allah. We have spoken to eachother before, may Allah forgive us- and he does also feel the same, but i told him and he agrees that we should not talk to eachother, but should wait for marriage; as that is the only remedy for our love, for the sake of Allah.
He is a Pathan, whereas my parents are not; but we are Pakistani, and speak Urdu- living in the UK. He asked me to learn his language, so that i will have a larger chance in his family accepting me, and alhamdulilah i have learnt a very large amount of this beautiful language. I am trying to strive as much as i can to be accepted by his family soon, In Sha Allah. But the problem is, we are confused. He is not sure whether or not his family will accept me, if our families will accept us. And this is why at times he's acted weird about us, but he always made sure for me to keep myseld frotected from gaze from others, to cover myself and he was very strict in me doing certain things. His anger towards certain matters and things happening to me, just showed how much he loves me for the sake of Allah, and really does want to make me his wife. I know that we shall inform our parents of incidents in the life of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW, and ayats in the Quran, supporting our decision, however we are not sure 'how' to convince our parents.
I know that The Prophet Muhammad SAW said: “If there comes to you one whom you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry him, if you do not do so, there will be fitna in the earth and widespread corruption” A listener asks: O Messenger of Allah, Whatsoever he is? He replied, repeated three times: If someone who you accept his religious commitment and character, propose to marry; accept.. As in the Sunan al-Tirmidhi...
My father is a very religious man Alhamdulillah, and he would be very happy i am sure to know a boy like this boy would want to marry me, looking at his religious commitment and character, and family. But the thing is, the boy is confused as to how we should convince our parents? I am very much attached to him, as our hearts are attached to Allah. I would love to hear from you as to what we should do, i know you may be shaking your head because of my age, but i can assure you i am being mature with this decision, as is he, because the only thing for us is marriage, and i do not want to be anything to him; except his wife, to be by him in the dunya, and in the akhirah, In sha Allah. I just want him and him only, for the sake of Allah, and i am young, but my mind is mature to know what i want. I have sacrificed a lot for him, including have not gone with further education in a public school after i leave high school because of how he felt about me going and mixing with others, i cut off all my friends because they were bad influences, i regected job oppertunity because he was not happy with it. I have become to much closer to Allah because of him, alhamdulillah Allah sends those to you in the time of need. I am happy with my decisions and i am happy with what i decided, because i do not want more than to be his housewife.
We pray for eachother every day alhamdulillah, and put our full trust in Allah. I am sure that those who seek help through patience and prayer, cannot be put down. I pray tahajjud, and nalf salah too, to ask Allah to grant us with eachother. I also have prayed Salah-Al-Istikhaara, sincerely asking Allah to guide. A night or two after, i had strong feelings to go ahead with it and trust Allah, and also had a dream with such things which attributed to my choice. This dream was me wearing a white dress in a big green field. I looked online and saw that garments may mean husband/wife as in the Quran it is said we are like a garment for the other, also white could mean goodness and so could grass. I also read that walking through green fields in a dream,means striving to do good. I know dreams have not much of a connection with istikhaara, but i also had feelings to go with my decisions and build up to prepare to me sufficient for him and his family. But i always have feelings what if he w ants to distance away from me, or what if he is hiding something?
This anxiety, despite the fact that i just over think about it, really does affect me emotionally. Marriage is a huge decision especially for the girl, as i am the one who will adjust to him. But now i have no interest in marrying anyone but him, i am put off by the thought of it.
I am waiting for answers, and i will be really overwhelmed to see a reply, from you.
May Allah reward you immensely and grant you the highest ranks of Jannah, may His help be with you and may Allah bless you with His rahmah, His grace, and shower you will countless blessings from above. May Allah protect each and every step you take, and make you successful in this life and more in the hereafter, AMEEN!
Jazak'Allah Khayrun.
Ya Ghuraba
5 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Assalmoalaikum sister,
I would say do an istikhara and tell your parents he should do the same. If you truly have good intentions and have positive feelings after istikhara why do you fear? Always expect good from Allah swt and trust in Him fully. May Allah swt grant your wish and give you what is best for you in this world and in the hereafter. I sincerely hope Allah swt makes you both come together in the form of husband and wife and gives you a happy and stress free life full of hidaya ameen,
Little sister, I want to ask you something and I hope that you will think long and hard about it. Why do you accept that a strange man, who is a non-mehrem to you and has no valid Islamic or legal authority over you, dictates where you can and cannot go, who you can and cannot speak to, and how you should or should not live your life? What have you said to him or done with him that makes him think that he can tell you what to do and expect you to obey? I am not suggesting that you have committed any grave sin, but I am saying that you have created relationship with this boy that has no basis in Islam or in reality. If either of you understood that you would not presume to make demands of each other. I am highly skeptical of young people like yourself who declare that their romantic relationships, which they confess are haram, are somehow bringing them closer to Allah. This is deception perpetrated by the devil and your own weak self to allow you to justify behaviors you know are leading you down the wrong path. Sister, Islam is about more than wearing hijab or not mixing with men, and it is not through these things alone that you become closer to Allah. Islam is about how you conduct yourself in the world and how you manage your relationships with others. In this, it appears to me that you and this young man have demonstrated a lack of maturity and skewed perception of what constitutes faith.
Sister it seem like you are very obsessed with him and blind. You do anything he says. He is a controlling guy. You are not married yet and he is telling you can't go to college and work because you will have to deal with male. Islam is not that black and white. Would you want to be wih a family who won't accept you because you can't speak their language. If he really wanted you then he would not make lame excuse. He has you under his control. You are 16 and still need time to get out in the world of course halal way and learn about yourself and know what you want. Right now your are infatuated and can't see anything wrong. May Allah protect you and give you what's good.
Wa alaykum assalam dear sister,
i wasn't going to reply but i felt so bad for you, so here we go. First of all i don't understand why you saying you both "love"each other for the sake of Allah?? You are non maharam to each other and by having a relationship you are disobeying Allah swt. As you said you already having feelings for him, unfortunately you don't see all those red flags. You said he was very strict with you doing certain things and showed anger towards certain matters and things happening to you...dear sister that's not the way a man shows his love. He sounds like a controlling and manipulative person. Don't ever go for someone who shows anger. U said you sacrificed a lot for him,your education,your friends and a job opportunity!!! SubhanaAllah a man who truly cares for you, would never ever let you quit education!!! This is totally against the islamic teachings. Education is very important. Especially for a muslim women!!! As muslims we have to be educated,it's a form of ibadah. What do you want to teach your children if you are not educated??what if your future husbands leaves you one day and you have to support yourself,how are you going to do that without any education?? How can you let a guy to command you like this?? He probably is allowed to go to mixed places and study or work but doesn't want you to! He wants you to learn his language so his family will maybe "accept" you, is he also learning your language to be accepted by your family or is it only one sided? He and his family should accept you the way you are, you shouldnt have to change yoyrself for anyone. Sister a "religious" muslim man wouldn't behave like that. He sounds like a very controlling and selfish person. If you marry him , you will definitely ruin your life. Your relationship with this guy is haraam , you shouldn't be obeying him but Allah swt. Please stop all comunication with this non maharam guy and learn more about the characteristics of the prophet muhammed sws Also please continue to study,education is very important sister. Don't let a man who is a non maharam to you command you, have some self respect .
Assalamu Walaikum young sister
As a religious person I like the boy very much. Because Allah swt recommended to marry someone who follows Deen (but it is permissible also you can marry someone observing - beauty, wealth, and family backgrounds but choosing life partner who follows deen is the best) in that sense you have choosen a good person, but what the experts replied if he's controlling you so much than he might be a selfish person, he is behaving like a extremist to you, following religion is good, maintaining religion is good but crossing the religious limits (what religion permitted you and you are not performing because of misconception) is not good. But if the boy don't have any other negative side I would like you to suggest marry him.