Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We’ve had a baby & he keeps promising to marry me, but won’t

Withering flower

I was raised Catholic, converted to Islam for my "fake" husband. I have known him for years, and actually divorced my previous husband for him. I have 2 kids from that marriage, he first said he never wanted kids so I kept breaking up with  him and he kept pursuing me. He promised to marry me and wanted a baby. I got pregnant and we all moved in together when the baby was born.

All the time, he is promising to marry me but never has. But he lies to everyone and says we are, and even had a "wedding dinner". I hate living a lie, I have threatened to leave him if he doesn't get married because I hate sinning so much.

Now I am afraid we are starting to hate each other because he didn't want my kids and may be feels stuck with them. He wants another baby and I don't, I was going to do it to make him happy...but he still won't marry me!

I think that would be the worst mistake in this situation. I know this is wrong, why has he lied to me so much and told me so many times we will get married!

What can I do to get him to do the right thing so we are not sinning?

~inhope

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5 Responses »

  1. Your answer lies in your first paragraph . You commited adultery and left your first husband for this guy .

    Tell me why would this man marry you when you yourself cheated on your ex husband . Your current boyfriend must be thinking that if you can cheat on your ex husband , you can also cheat on him.

    The most alarming thing is that you left your previous marriage with KIDS . Sorry to say but no sane man would think to marry you if he knows your back ground .

    Ever heard of karma !!

    • I read this and thought harsh, but reading again i think its great and i agree, the sister needs a wake up call and sometimes we need someone to show us our real reflection.

      sister inhope, you must put your kids first and then yourself, forget this pathetic excuse of a man im sorry but it p****s me off when men take advantage of women, making demands and being controlling while in reality they are clueless thrill seekers, this man used you for any purpose he wanted, his cue was im going to marry you, and you accepted it, that was a BIG mistake because then his demands would be accepted as soon as this condition was mentioned, and his hesitance to marry you, have you ever thought he may be having a affair, that he has another family and other kids, and you could be what one would call 'bit on the side'.

      So you had a child with him, now its time you turned the screw and said lets get married, if not im going to leave you for good, sister you accepted islam for the sake of marriage, which is very wrong, its saying that marrying the man was more important than your love of Allah, so please develop a love of islam and Allah, it will be very beneficial to you, and give this man the ultimatum he needs, your in command and must issue him with a choice, because as muslim he should know better and should have married you before having a child with you, and you need to repent for your sins, and seek forgivness from Allah, remember dont let your other kids feel dejected or left out, they are humans and deserve a father figure.

      may Allah guide you and help you through this time. Ameen

      sister just wanted to ask, if this man a 'religious man' by appearence and practice ??, and is he with you all the time, or only some of the time in which case he could be having a affiar ? i apologise if i am wrong but one must question his credibility.

  2. Obviously this man does not plan to marry you. You need to make life plans that do not include this man.

    The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "The deen (religion) is sincerity."

    If we want happiness in life, we have to be sincere with God first of all, sincere with ourselves, and sincere with others.

    To leave one man in order to marry another is not sincere; and to convert to Islam only for the sake of a boyfriend is also not sincere. How could you leave your husband for a man who does not want your kids and never did?

    If anything good comes out of all this, it could be your conversion to Islam. That could be the best part of it. Leave this "fake husband" who has no intentions to marry you, and start learning about your faith and practicing it. Do your prayers, study Islam, try to teach it to your children, and ask Allah to bring you something better than what you had.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. As salamu alaykum, Sister,

    You cannot push anyone to do anything, what you can do is act as a straight muslimah yourself. I would try the following first:

    You need to sit with him and have a serious talk about what to expect from your life, you have a son together that is a bond for life. He maybe scared of telling you something, only Allah(swt) knows. Try to be calm when you talk to him and give the confidence that whatever it is can be solved and if not solved, at least, understood. When someone lies it is because to tell the truth implies the possibility of breaking with the reality they have created and a lie bring thousand lies with it. The reason why he lies can be because he is scared of telling you the truth and of your reaction, again knowing this I will ask you to be very patience when you talk to him, be ready for whatever can be and take your time to digest it, you already know which the straight Path is.

    And after talking I would take a decision, if you decide to stop contact with him as a couple(you have a son together then you cannot restrict to see him completely), he will react, insha´Allah, of course, he will try his best to get you again, but only Allah(swt) knows.

    After you stop your sin you have to repent sincerely for all the wrong you have done all these years,(you have a link on tawbah on the top of the page).

    Sister, you have a huge test now, he may react and marry you or he may not do it, it is your choice if you want to get out of the mess you are in or going on with it, nobody will take that decision for you. Insha´Allah, he will open his Heart to you and stop lying, this way insha´Allah, you both will have the opportunity of returning to the Straight Path, insha´Allah, together if it is the best for all of you.

    Wasalam,
    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. AA;

    LEAVE HIM RIDEAWAY!!!!! You are living a sin and if he does not care, you do.

    Once step one is done, then work on issues, talk to someone, reconcile, etc. Even if he does not end up marrying you (why do u want to force him? Marriage is not by force and I am SURE you deserve and WILL get better than him inshallah) you will be OK. At a minimum, you won;t be living in sin any more.

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.

    AA

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