Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What are his rights?

divorced family with child, divorce couple with baby

Asalam Malaykon sisters and brothers,

I have a baby of nearly 2 years from a pakistani muslim man. I converted to Islam 9 months ago, allahamdullilah. He doesn't live with us and he did not want to marry me even though he is still unmarried. He says he loves us but does nothing according to Islam. With the excuse of his fear to his family reaction and so on, he keeps us in the dark, so we can say that he is leading a double life. He provides little for the baby with some money and comes regularly to see her. But he is not ready to give his surname to her. I feel very humiliated by that. I would like to ask from an islamic point of view, if I should keep allowing him to see the baby or not, as by not giving his surname, the baby carries only mine and I feel as she is being repudiated somehow. I am thinking to keep getting the petty cash he gives for her expenses into a bank account, and stop seeing him for once and all, unless he recognizes the child as his. I know I can do that on the court, but I do not wish to take that step forcefully. Please , only from Islamic point of view, I'd like to know if I'd do correct.

Thank you for taking the time, may Allah bless you all.

Munira


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9 Responses »

  1. Thats your child right .he has to give his name to her and support your baby financially .I know someone who was going rhrough the same situation.You can ask him and then you can go to the court to get your rights.

  2. Sounds like you want an Islamic argument for him that will carry some weight , but I don't think it will have the impact you are expecting . Like any religion, only the people with a genuine fear of god will respond to that reasoning. He seems not really morally invested in Islam. I say stop being nice and go to court .

  3. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    You want to be kind, nice, accommodating & you want what you want...this utopia doesn't exist on earth dear Sister. I suggest that you go to court to settle this matter, not for yourself, not for your boyfriend...but for your child because when you become a parent, you have to start think in a whole new dimension. Twenty years down the road from now...think about the things that your daughter will ask you. All I am saying is that it is next to impossible for you to get the result that you want with changing nothing...because, as mentioned above, this man appears to be more family-fearing than Allah-fearing.

  4. Family fearing may is just an excuse. Some one who fears family don't have sex/kids without marriage. He does not love you, just wants to use you for sex as long as you will let him.

    Take him to court. Get a DNA test done to prove he is the father.

  5. Thank you for your replies but I think I did not explain myself clearly. I do not want to take him to court. He supports the child and comes often to meet her. My question is If islamically is he allowed to meet her while his not giving his surname to her. Just to clarify, hhe is not taking any advantage of me.

    • Islamically there is no obligation on you to allow him to visit the child, since he does not acknowledge her as belonging to him. In fact I see no reason for you to have any sort of contact or relationship with this man at all. Cut him off and move on with your life.

      On the other hand, if you live in the USA and want to use USA civil law, you could demand child support payments from him and agree to a visitation schedule. The court will back you up, no matter whose last name the child has, or perhaps they will order a paternity test first.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Thank you for your response , brother Wael

        • I want to add that it is always better for a child's wellbeing to have the care of a mother and father. So while cutting the father out of your child's life may be satisfying and might offer a feeling of revenge, it's not necessarily what is best for the child.

          Even if the father does not openly acknowledge the child as his, I think you should allow him to continue to have a relationship with her.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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