Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What do I do? I can’t face my parents.

secret nikah

Salam, I want to share my problem and want to solve.

I liked a guy, he also liked me too much and much sincere with me. Problem was that my parents not like him because he is out of my family as well as difference of sunni shia and also difference of status.

My parents try to me to divert my mind but they did not force me to marry to another, I tried to much my parents to agree for him, but they made mind he is not suitable for me.

Finally our relation has been passed 8yrs. Since 8 yr we both are just praying and beg for Allah. Still our parents are not agree. Then we decided for hidden nikah, to thought that may Allah will be agree after our legal relationship.

Now passed 1yr of our nikah no one have knowledge about our nikah and I have no dare to share with my parents. Only I'm dependent on pray. I cant share with my parents. I'm very worried now I can't leave my legal husband. He is also keep a patience. Please tell me what I do. I can't face my parents.


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9 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,

    Well unfortunately you have to tell your family, I'm not sure if your marriage is even validated without the consent of your parents. I am not any scholar but I'm not sure if it considered legit in Islam from what I know but tell your family. If you we're so afraid of your family why marry the person? I am not judging you but now since that choice that you made through your actions you have to face your parents or family I mean they will be heartbroken but you have to tell them. Why did your husband not tell his family either? You should always in life think ahead of the future being proactive not reactive it saves you a lot of trouble. I wish you the best of luck inshallah Allah will guide you.
    Brother Isaac

    • Thnkx brothr, iwas unknw that marrg will unvaild ,but take ths step,he also force me to agre ur parents but im very senstv cant face my parents to hurt,so i thought that i wil never break my secrte till my parents wil b agree with heart,

      • My best advice is to tell your parents maybe they can help you I know it's hard but it's something you have to do.

        Brother Isaac

  2. Unfortunate maybe you didn't know, but this marriage is invalid. It's clear that a marriage of a girl WITHOUT her wali is invalid.
    Firstly stop this relationship.
    Secondary seek advice from an Iman on what to do as you have done this and how to move forward. And how to make it legal.
    Thirdly speak to your parents.

    Allah forgive us and guide us to do what is with in the sharia.

    • Thnkx sis ,u rite i was unknw,i had been sis plz pray for me i not lookng any way ,i cant b one side bcoz my parents and my husbnd both love me alott,i cant leave any one of on very stress.

  3. It is a humble request to the admins of this site that can they please answer my post ASAP as i am in great stressa and want a sincere advice from my Muslim brothers and is a request please please consider it
    Thank you!!!

  4. It is a humble request to the admins of this site that can they please answer my post ASAP as i am in great stressa and want a sincere advice from my Muslim brothers and is a request please please consider it
    Thank you!!

  5. Sister. May Allahs mercy be upon you

    Nikah is not valid without a Vali. I am really sorry to say that Shatan trapped both of you to the path of zina and all the one year you both did nothing but great of sin which Allah hates most. Nikah is not valid without your parent/guardian. By the grace of Allah, I am a student of islamic knowledge and whatever little I know I spelled it out for you.

    Whats you way ahead??

    First of all, tell your so called husband that you both didint had a halal relationship and beg Allah to forgive the greater sin you did. In the eyes of Islam, you both werent married and only the zina would have possibly happened between both of you like any other unmarried people committing zina. Hence, stop thinking like wife and husband first.

    Secondly, dont ever disclose any harams happened between both of you. Keep it secret. Bcs Prophet (s.a) said that "Everyone of my nation will be forgiven except those who expose their sins". Then, regret for the sins and sincerely repent to Allah, cry out to Allah and increase your good deeds. Prophet (s.a) said that Increasing good deeds post committing a sin will reduce the ill effects of than sin. So sister stop all sort of relation before repentance otherwise your thowba or repentance will not be accepted.

    Three conditions of repentance:
    1. Stop the sins completely
    2. Regret over the sin that committed
    3. Determine never to return to that sin

    After that, you have 2 choices sister,

    One is to forget him and re-marry someone else. Second, you can also re-marry the same man through nikah. You can try convincing your parents for the nikah with him. If your parents agree you can go for it otherwise never betray your parents for him. You cannot claim rights of choice when parents are denied of that after undergoing half pain of death for your delivery, 9 month of pregnancy and then further pain on nurturing you then sacrificed her sleeps and many more for you. Its not just a good decision to stay with your parents but ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to stay with them and serve them. Prophet (s.a) said that the Jannah is under the feat of your mom. In another occassion when someone asked Ibn Abbas (r.a) the direct cousin of prophet muhammad (s.a) also a giant sahaba that he assaulted someone for the sake of a women and is there any hope for him. Ibn Abbas (r.a) replies,"Is your mother alive?" The assaulter said No. Ibn Abbas (r.a) suggested him to repent Allah. Later a sahabi seated next to Ibn Abbas (r.a) asked Ibn Abbas (r.a) "Why did ask about his mother?" Ibn Abbas (r.a) relied, "If at all his mom was alive I would have suggested him to serve his mom and thereby he can clear off his sin of murder. I havnt heard a deed which is equal to serving mom"

    No one can encapsulate the call of islam to serve mom. Yet to simplify, Whatever possible you do it to your mom, you still owe responsibility of serving her till your death. Then how can you imagine hurting your mom???? I am sorry that I really cant encapsulate the pain of a mom but least I hope you being a women could possibly understand a small portion of that pain. When I being a man, buy a vehicle, groom and keep it neat and if I loses it I know the pain, how can i translate the pain of a women who undergone half pain of death for our delivery, 9 month of pregnancy and then further pain on nurturing you then sacrificed her sleeps and many more for you and now you going away from her for the sake of boy who loved you for 2-3 years looking at your external beauty.

    I am really not suggesting you to leave him. But if your parents are not agreeing on the cause, just obey them and dont secure a place in hellfire.

    I can wholly understand your pain and dilemma but I cant say something which islam not propagated. Religion and faith is always beyond your emotions and faith. Thats why Ibrahim (a.s) tried to slaughter his son responding to the call of Allah. Life is not just to enjoy the pleasures of this world. We all forgotten the very basic purpose of our existence in the world. Allah (swt) said that He created us to worship him. What are we doing here sister?? Quran also says "Isnt that time not came to you to change??" If not now when will you change?? If not you decide to change yourself who else can change you??

    I think I am really exceeding lines. Please refer to these words and always feel free to revert back if any further advises or help required from this little student.

    Please pray for me sister.

  6. are you pregnant now or not. may be your parents forgive you after they see baby

    I think so .... so pls update asap.

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