Islamic marriage advice and family advice

what do i do? i got a sikh woman pregnant

i feel like i am damned and there is no way back for me. i am a muslim man and was dating this sikh woman for 14 months. i have broken up with her but now she has contacted me saying that she is 6 weeks pregnant and is definitely keeping the baby. I dont know what to do as i am only 21 and still in education. my family will probably disown me if they found out, what do i have to do? marry her? i hate her so much i don't know if i could do that. i feel like she did this to trap me. someone please help me.

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18 Responses »

  1. hiya, definitly not a happy spot to be in!! what does your ex want from you? does she expect you to marry her? or just contribute to the cost of upbringing the child? it is quite a serious issue...why do you hate her so much? i don't knw how islamic your family is, if they are very practiciing with traditional values than i can understand your dilemma in telling them. What is so repulsive about thsi woman that you hate her? you were equally involved so this child is your responsibility as well. Were you both in a serious relationship witht eh intention of marriage but then things went sour or was this just a uni/college without -any-commitment dating? You have got to take responsibility somewhere, no point marrying her to ruin all three lives, yours hers and the childs but then you should just come clean otherwise you will live in fear and stress that your secret can come out anytime. So what if your family disown you, you have to be ready for this if you are not prepared to marry her and since she has chosent to contact you witht he information it is unlikely she will stay quiet for the rest of her life. Are you dating someone else now? Have some courage to make a decision one way or the other, have a talk with her maybe you both will be able to come to some sort of solution? if she wants to keep the baby she must, anyway abortion is a sin in islam so you must take you rtime, relax and then decide what to do. You have to take some responsibility for your actions, you know this is always a possibilty whenever you get involved in physical relationships. The best solution would always be to get married but if that is impossible then tell her and accept what has happened and come clean. If you really are responsible then you have to take responsiblity one way or the other, don't run away from it, it must be hard for her aswell...hope this helps..

  2. You are a muslim? YOU can not leave your child when you did this to her you should think ? And why she wanna trap you? why ur family will not support you? I thought only in other religions happening this but i can see some people spoiling our religion.. be a man and stand for that child she is not the bad i think u trap her on this... and Nothing it's impossible get married to her before many people knows talk to ur farther he will help u ...
    thanks Allah help you

  3. You are a muslim man it doesnt matter about your age you have to contribute in this childs life,then child has the right to have you in there life.I know you have put your self in this postion but now you have to deal with the situation.I know it might seem people are trying to upset you but this is the fact you have to stand up and be a father to your child.

  4. hi its a tough situation, what i would do if i hate her so much is that get custody from court when child is born so you can see the child and take her or him out, etc, spend as much time as you can.do your bit as a father. this secret is best if its kept away from your family. it will cause too much heart breaking process. perhaps one day when you marry someone you can then tell your parents. at this time they will be happy you have done something about it as you will be married with a child.
    besides this is there any other option?

    • You are encouraging this brother to lie and to continue hating this woman for no good reason, who he was quite willing to have a sexual relationship for months on end, he didn't hate her then did he? On the contrary, he is the one who is shirking his duties and acting like a coward and a user. I find your attitude disgusting and an insult to women. What would the Prophet P.B.U.H. say? Advising him to wrench the child away from its mother is disgusting too. If he doesn't have the courage and the decency to marry this woman, he is not a fit father in the first place. Why have sex with a woman if you don't want to marry her or have children? Grow up little boys.

  5. If u got her pregnant, well it's zina so hope u know that. As for ur situation i dun see a prob of the sikh girl wanting to have ur child n making u responsible for it. It takes 2 hands to clap and she didn't get preg unless both of u were irresponsible and had zero regards for religious values. So be a man n suck in ur mistakes. Take responsiblility for ur own child. If religion prevents u from marrying her (which is want u dun want happening) then u are still legally bound to care for the child, financially n socially. I despise men u impregnant women and then take no responsibility for their sexual acts, and try to pretend as tho they did nothing wrong. Men like u should very well be live a condemned life.

  6. Assalamualaikum brother,
    you can always find out thru dna if the baby yours. And when you do, take responsibility. You did something wrong. Dont deny a child the right to parentage. If you choose to walk away(even after knowing the truth), you will regret it later and it might be too late.
    Hope this helps

  7. asalamualaikum brother,
    There are ways to know if the baby is yours. And when you found out the truth, take responsibility. Accept her. There are ppl who are young, married with kids and still in school. Its Allah you should be afraid of. Try reasoning with ur parents and im sure they will be proud that you willing to admit the wrong that you had done and take action.

  8. SalaamuAlaikum..... you had liked this girl for 1 year and 2 months...you must have thought her attractive and likeable...you took advantage of a moment of weakness on both your parts and forgot that as a Muslim ,that girl's honour was your responsibility to protect...you're now responsible for the sanctity of both their lives or the destruction of both their lives.
    Please seek the advise of a respected and knowledgeable Sheikh because since the moment of conception...which is directly Allah's decision...this matter is not your parent's decision .....but yours...and your responsibility to Allah.
    Please do not be a coward and destroy three lives and more...for she has a family too....You'll suffer forever if you do this INJUSTICE...AllahHaafiz

  9. if u aww this child or not ye tum se betar koi nai janta so if u did it then u have to accept it

  10. I think u are looking for excuses to cop out of ur responsibility. Obviously you had feelings for this girl and now you are talking about her as "this Sikh girl" i think that is so unfair of you to do that to her. She was fine for you to bang and now that it is ur turn to take on your responsibility you are playing the victim here. You should have thought about ur islamic beliefs before you slept with her, so it's ok for you to bang a sikh girl but not ok to stand up to ur responsibilities, wow i feel sorry for her and for your unborn child:(

  11. brother...Allah forgives all sins...repent to him...As Allah says in surat Al zumar

    قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ [٣٩:٥٣

    Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [39:53]

  12. WELL i just say explain her too deep about islam and try hard to convert her and save her from hell fire and explain her meaning of life and who creat this universe,mankind,creatures and civilizations in huge universe and first of all you was muslim how you can involve in adultry its great sin in your faith and if she love you and like both each other convert her and marry her and dont leave her alone on sinfull life because she is mom of your kid its great if you marry her and save her from non abramic faith,

    would you like mom of your kid suffer on day of justic in fire and she need your help not anger and non sence try to explain in beautifull way to you dad and hug him as sons want some money from fathers first they come near sit down and talk very sweet words then ask about money as we did before smile,i hope you understand and ALLAHA ALMIGHTY help you best way,

    good luck with new muslim wife,

  13. Salam brother,
    I apologize in advance if my response may seem as harsh and blunt but it makes my blood boil when both guys and girls walk out when it's time to commit or suffer the consequences of their actions (and the harm they have caused others). I know the situation you are facing is extremely difficult and you are only 21 but you need to man up and face the consequence of your action. What makes you hate this person much now? I imagine that at one point you must have really liked her as you got her impregnated. The issue is not of liking or disliking her, the issue is your future child. You just cant drop him/her like a dime because you didnt want it to happen now. You know that when one has sex there is always a minute chance of pregnancy, even if you use all pre-cautions. You just cant walk out now and refuse responsibility. Islamically and from a humane perspective that is WRONG. I know you are afraid that your family will disown you and I am sure they will be very angry with you but you have to get your family involved ASAP. If you are find it difficult to do, try getting an elder you are comfortable with (maybe a cousin or an imaam in your local community) to discuss this issue with your family with gentleness. Bear in mind, this will come as a huge shock for them so their anger and reaction will be justified. Be patient, ask Allah SBT for his mercy and start thinking of ways that you can get your family's support. The last thing you want to do is loose your loved ones. You can do this by being gentle and kind when breaking the news and being patient when they react. They might threaten to disown you but you must let them know that you are regretful for what has happened but you cannot back of from this responsibility now. If you do, then brother you will be doing a great deal of injustice to this person and your future baby.

  14. well i'm sikh (Indian) myself, and my bf is a muslim (Pakistani), and we both are deeply in love with each other, i will suggest you one thing, make the girl convert from sikhism to muslim, its not hard as you think, at the end of the day she has your baby, and if she wants to keep the baby she can by law, you should support her, because u both made a equal biggest mistake before marriage, you should of thought about it yourself when you had sex with her, she wouldn't want to trap, if u don't want to marry her then you don't have to, but u can't stop her from keeping the baby, its her life, she maybe loves you so much, and you hate her after staying with her a year, that tells me you got what you wanted from her (sex), well make your own decision be a man, if you are 21 its okay to get married, think about that baby, its a gift from Allah, accept it and in my point of view you should marry her and talk to her things that you hate about her so that she can take it into account and improve herself. Now its you choice what you want to do next, its ur life, Hope you make the right choice.

  15. I'm in a similar situation except in reverse. I'm Sikh and my girlfriends Muslim (Iranian). We've been dating for 10 months and she told me she is 2 weeks pregnant. I'm 19 and she is 20. I have no idea what to do. I'm panicking. How do I handle the situation. I know Muslims are against abortion. I don't know what to say to her or my family. Her family doesn't know either. We're both in university and I can't handle this right now. Do I get her to get an abortion? Do I let her have the baby and help raise it? Please reply back guys

    Khush

    • Khush - and to the girl involved:

      You have done something extremely wrong, not just by the Muslim faith but also by the Sikh faith. You are both concerned about the relious opinion on abortion, but where was your concern on the relationship you were in?

      - Abortion in Islam is haraam(forbidden), with the exception of for the mother who's life is at risk or the woman has been raped (although there are conditions here too). In other cases, if a child is aborted before 120 days, it is haraam. If a child is aborted after 120 days, it is not only haraam but also murder, because the soul is blown into the child after 120 days. But please also consult with a qualified Imam and whatever you decided to do, do it now.

      - It is also haraam forbidden for Muslim to indulge in intimate relations outside of marriage. It is also forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry anyone but a Muslim man. So Khush, if you are serious about this girl, I urge you to stop messing around with this 'dating' attitude. Look into Islam and if you are willing to accept it, do so and then speak to this girl and her family about marrying her. Otherwise leave her alone and let her get on with her life.

      To the girl: Sister, you are a Muslim woman. But it seems that you have wandered on to the wrong tracks. Please stop what you are doing, it is not right for a Muslim woman to behave this way. Whatever you decide now, turn you path and start behaving like a dignified Muslim woman. Allah promises to forgive every sin if we just sincerely repent. You can improve yourself insha'Allah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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