what can i do if my in laws do not accept our marriage?
I had a love marriage with my husband without his parents' knowledge. So they did not accept our marriage. They rejected me also because I have kids from my previous marriage.
My husband's family married him to a second woman and they did not inform her about me. Now my husband lies to his parents and tells them that he left me. Because of his parents he is not able to meet me. For one year now I am sitting without my husband.
No one can explain to them anything about Islam because they do not listen. I don't understand what I will do, can you tell me?
6 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
asalamu alaikum,
firstly i would like to aplogise for the pain you been going through. after reading your question i can understand the pain you goin through so i advise you to divorce him and move on. in islam women have rights and if that isnt met then it is permissable to seek divorce. hope everthing works out for you inshallah
ma salama
assalam alaikum..
i dont want to divorce to my husband whatever he gave pain to me that is all because of his perents situation only..\
today also i am far from my husband because of his parents only..
he got other marry because of his parents..
because he is respecting them too muce and i am also respecting them..,
because of in any situation i cant leave him,if i will leave him than he will break..
since months he is not eble to meet his wife because of his parents..
i am suportting him but sometime getting angree on him because why he did not cenvince his parents..
if he will tell ones,like,he wants to leave me than i can decide anything for him..
but always he showed me his love on me,than how can i will decide to divorce him..
even i also dont have problem from his 2nd marry.but sometime feeling juelousy,because i attached too much with my husband thats why.. who knows who will be leave and who will die soon,accept allah i cant believe 100% in any relation,but that is true i am loving,carring,too much to my husband,he share his self with other but i need his true heart only for my life.. body is nothing importent.. am i right? khuda hafiz..
Asslam-o-Alaikum sister,
I have been thinking about your problem for some time.You are not right when you blame your parents in laws for all that has happened to you.To be very realistic sister,you were a divorced woman with kids(of course you are not to be blamed for that).Now to marry such a woman(please dont mind) for a man and to bring such a daughter in law in their family for some parents of a son is a matter of having a big heart (I am sorry if my words offend you but sister unfortunately it is a harsh reality).Now your husband has a good heart but you cannot blame your parents in law if they don't.What you and your husband should have done in the first place was to seek permission from your parents in laws before marriage and shouldn't have married if they were unwilling in order to avoid an outcome such as this.But to tell them to accept it after you two married (if I am correct) was not fair to them.It might have been a shock for them and they reacted to it as most parents would under such a circumstance.
Now to consider what options you have right now.
1-Go to your in laws and tell them to give you your rights.This is going to be a shock for your husband's second wife who does not know about you and is innocent. She and her family will react to it as they have been deceived by your in laws.Then it is most likely (as i can interpret the situation) that your parents in laws will compel your husband to divorce you in order to settle the situation (which in their thoughts has already been settled at the present).
2-Waiting for your husband.Now sister marriage is not only about love.Love cannot feed you and your children or ensure a good future for them.You need to be realistic.If you think that your husband can come back to you and take your and ur children responsibility one day that should not be so far then you can wait.
But do you think it would be fair to leave his second wife and come to you as she must not suffer like you did?She is uninformed of the situation.
3-Or you could divorce your husband if you think that your husband is never going to come out of his parents' influence and convince them for you nor they are going to accept you.Whats the use of hanging on just because he loves you but cannot come to you.This would finish the confusion and pain altogether. You might find some better ways.Allah knows best.Ask for His guidance.
Please sister make a good and wise decision by not blaming anyone,being realistic and of course seeking your and your children's well being.
I am sorry if my words have hurt your feelings but I just wanted to help you the best way I can.Hope I helped.
Allah knows things best.
Asalaamualaikum Sis...sorry for your situation, may Allah help you.
Firstly - you married a man behind his parent's back. What was the sense in that?
And secondly Sis, you said: "My husband"™s family married him to a second woman and they did not inform her about me. "
Was your husband physically forced to marry another woman?
Was/Is your husband unable to speak?
Sis...I think you need to ask your husband if he actually wants to be with you...cos his behaviour is resembling that of a mouse, not a man...
Assallam-o-alaikum sister...
I understand what you feel as we are riding on the same boat...our situations are the same...my husband married me though i am a single parent...and your problem is the same as i am facing now...all i know is that i have loved...without reservation...i have devoted my time with my husband...even i stayed with him in his most difficult time of his life...and when he was on this stage...i stand by him..as i truly love him...we suffered together...but we stayed with each other...
His family doesn't know that he was married already..my family knows and all our friends,,,he said that his mom will not accept marrying with different nationality (i am asian, he is arab)...and he dont want to upset his mom..
presently, he got a nice job now, Alhamdullilah...and his family is forcing him to marry as he will be able to finance and start a family now...as we talked about it, i told him that i am aware of the polygamy issues and i understand about it...it is a wife's JIHAD....but when he told me that if he will marry, he will not be fair to me..as his family and wife-to-be must not know that he married me...it would be disaster for his mom...even if inshaalah i can be a teacher regarding islamic studies, his mom will not accept unless it will be from their side...
i deeply love my husband,,with all the trials we've encountered before....and now i feel it will all go to waste just because oh the tradition they have to stick to...i told him its ok if he will not have enough time with me...even i will not be treated equally...just for him to call me is enough...am i pathetic???
i erupted,,,cried...but at the end of the day...i only have one thing to do...ask ALLAH to give me patience and to understand more,,,by praying and making dua,,,for me to bear all of this...coz i believe that if u will not have justice in this world....Allah will give it to you on the day of judgement....
All i can say is for you to be strong...we may not have everybody...even our family...but always remember ...we have Allah who created everybody who make us nobody....
ma salam
I understand your situation my in laws not very favor of our marriage either. in fact they r causing problems but the thing is i don't blame them. i feel the husband should be a protector for the wife. the world can say or do anythning but if husband is strong and a good man no one can do or say anythning about you. on the other hand, husband also cares for his own family -parents, sisters, brothers and he feels that they care about him alot too. he gets confused between family and wife and don't want to lose anybody so he will do whatever or say whatever to keep both. in this case, you have to love him alot and encourage him to stand up for you and build your relationship strong enough.