Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What is happening to my mom? Did I sin by leaving my abusive father?

Hello, I don't really know how to do this but I am currently 18 years old and I moved out of my father's house when I was 14 years of age. Am I wrong for doing that? Another question I have is about my mother.

Here's the thing as a child my father would abuse my mother and he continued to do that until she went insane. He once slit her head open by smacking her with a rock, and we would sometimes hear her scream in her room for help but the doors would be locked. I think the reason he did that was because his parents and siblings would always tell him she wasn't good enough and so they would sometimes hit her too, and the messed up thing is her family would not bother helping her. She was taken away from us when we were young and the last time I saw her she was starved and she tried to convince us that Islam was not real and "there is no Allah" since we cannot see him. I remember walking in to a room with my older brother after hearing my mom scream and finding her brother reciting Qur'an whilst holding her down. I also found a text message once that was sent to my dad saying something about "ruqyah" and back then I did not know was protection against black magic and jinn. Additionally, when my mom lived with us I would have experiences with seeing shadows and people, as well as hearing things. I always assumed my mom was insane and it was all just my imagination but now I'm starting to think it's more than that. Is it possible my mom was possessed? And if so could she have gotten possessed because of the abuse?

Now after my mom left, my dad got married to another woman who wasn't very nice. That's when my dad started getting abusive towards me, he would say things like "go kill yourself", "things would be better if you didn't exist", "you're just like your mother", "how can your friends stand you". He would even run after me and scream "cry" over and over again in my ear until I collapsed. Sometimes he wouldn't let me eat, I didn't have a blanket and I would freeze at night, I wasn't allowed to leave the house and I was basically not allowed to do anything or have any contact with anyone. It would get to the point were he would grab me by the hair and smack me in the face, he would step over my foot and squish my toes, he would slap me in the same spot repeatedly until my skin bled. And his excuse for doing that was because I was not getting good grades.

If my father's abuse wasn't enough to deal with, his brothers and sisters would hit us too. One of his siblings would punch us in the face, curse at us and hit us all the time because he hated our mom. Another one would even lock my brother and I in a room and proceed to throw chairs at us, spit in our faces, kick us, and pull me by the so hard that a piece of my scalp would get ripped off. One kicked my brother with heels and left a huge mark on his stomach. My stepmom would call us filthy pigs and take pictures of us that she would send to her friends. Even though my dad spoiled her I would still hear her fake cry to her friends and tell then how much of a bad husband he was, and when I would tell my father about what she would say he would slap me. My grandpa would walk in to my room at night, pee on the floor and walk out. My dad watched all this happen and kept his mouth shut.

I wanted to die so bad, I cried walking up because I realized I was still alive. I started smoking at the age of 12 because it was an easy way of killing myself without commiting suicide. I would punch walls, I would try to peel my skin off, bash my head against a wall, just anything that would kill me. I lost interest in friends and school and I started getting bullied and called a crybaby which only made things worse.

I ended up losing it at the age of 14 and calling the police once after I locked myself in the washroom one day because I heard my father's footsteps coming up the stairs and knew he was going to beat me. The police came afterwards and took me away but my brother refused to leave. I stayed in some kind of shelter until they found me a place to stay. I also started seeing a therapist back then and was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder due to the abuse. I have not talked to my family since and I'm not planning to.

Did I commit a sin by leaving the house at such a young age? It's not like I wanted to, and I understand people have gone through worse situations and no matter what, your parents always come first. I was so afraid it would get so bad he'd kill me or even I would kill myself and I just wanted to feel happy and safe for once in my life. Am I a bad person?

saphire angelo


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5 Responses »

  1. Absolutely not, you are not a bad person. You are brave and found a way out from that kind of environment. You did not do any thing wrong. Just focuse on your life and try to become a good person. Google some famous people and read their bibliographies then you will realize that how those people coup their difficulties and made their way out. Never give up and one day you will be happy to see your accomplishments. Guaranteed

  2. Dear brave young lady

    Your story made me cry, your father & his family are sick people.you are better off without them.
    Pray for your mother and if she is alive do something for her.

    One day when you are strong and independent, forgive your family for the sake of Allah, and move on.

    Make a life for yourself.May Allah give you courage with Emaan.Continue with your salaH.

    May Allah guide you and all of us to the right path.

  3. You are a remarkable young woman. If you lived near me, I would ask if I could be something like a foster mother to you. Take you shopping. Help you when you have to study for exams. Surprise you with a dress or grocery treats. Cook your favorite dish when you have a bad day at work or school. That is what moms do. I do not know where you are from, but it would not matter to me or my family. How I wish you had better people in your life. But you should never ever doubt yourself. Allah did not put any of us here to be miserable, to suffer and to be in fear of our own family members. Sadly, in this world, there are some people who will make every effort to justify their worst behavior. You are brave and need applause and kindness extended to you as you have gone through a horrible experience. May Allah reward you over and over with better people in your life to help you find happiness.

  4. I am not a Muslim but I felt compelled to reply to you.
    I was severely abused as a child by my mother. I had my ribs broken, my front teeth knocked out ect. At 12 years old I ran away from home and lived on the street. I abused substances and attempted suicide. It took many years for me to overcome my past.

    You can also. You need to be surrounded by good, loving caring people to encourage you. Maybe a local mosque could put you in touch with some people to help you.

    I want you to know that you did the right thing leaving. Had you stayed you may have been seriously injured and even more psychologically damaged. You need to take care of you and do what is right for you and you are not responsible for your fathers behaviour. I don't believe your Mother was crazy or possessed. She was a victim of your fathers abuse. As for her saying "Allah does not exist" sometimes when you are being abused so badly and you pray every day for it to stop but your prayers are never answered you lose faith. Have compassion for her. I hope you, your mother and your brother find peace.

  5. You are not bad person and did right thing leave house your mother had broblems so she said about ALLAH and lost faith she had not patience so she said but you should have faith and patient and do not say bad things about ALLAH may be it is test from ALLAH and HE test those He loves if your mothr alive dnd you know where is she live ,connect with her and help her you are in good position but she was not in the past mently and physically and lost faith and trust on ALLAH so help her to gain her lost faith it is your responsibility or use ither resources for complete het faith .Pray for me

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