Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What is love?

Asalam alykum,

I would like to hear from other sisters and brothers. What is their experience/beliefs about being  in " love"?


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16 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum,

    I have already deleted one comment, so if you are cynical about love, please keep your negativity to yourself.

    We must distinguish between love, and the Western concept of "being in love".

    "Being in love", especially when it's someone you have only seen and don't actually know, is an artificial things. It's a physical attraction, and nothing more. A desire to be physically close to the other person, touch them, hold them, etc. It's an exciting and powerful feeling, but it's not genuine love and you cannot build a relationship on it.

    Genuine love is something different. It's when you truly care about another person. You want only good for her. Whatever her goals and dreams are, you want to see her achieve them. When she is absent you miss her. When she's in difficulty you worry about her. When she is happy, you are happy. When she makes a mistake, you assume the best and you are patient. When she does good for you, you are grateful. You put her needs above your own and strive to build a good future for the both of you.

    This kind of unselfish love only works when both partners express it. It's work.

    Marriage is not a box full of goodies where, upon getting married, you open it and find it full. Rather, marriage is an empty box. When you get married you must pour the love, joy and excitement into it. You must also pour effort, patience and compassion into the box.

    Then why bother? Because when both partners do so, the love and effort mix and make something beautiful that shelters and enriches both people.

    This is not a fairy tale. This kind of love exists and is experienced by millions of people every day. This is what the Prophet Muhammad (sws) had with Khadija (ra). But you don't have to be a Prophet to experience it. You only have to be willing to do the work.

    Wael Editor

  2. There's no such thing as love.
    If there was ppl wudnt hurt one another so much,
    Love is for some of those that are fortunate, and those that aren't it doesn't
    Mean a thing.
    If there really is love then there wudnt be so many distinctions amongst ppl in our own religion and ethnicities.
    Ppl often take this word for granted. But, I dnt think love/true love exists for some of us.
    If you've got it, consider yourself lucky cause some ppl may never know what it is.

    • "If there was love then ppl wudnt hurt one another so much"

      Not true. That's like saying, "If there was wealth then there wouldn't be poverty." Some people are wealthy and some are not. In the case of love, however, anyone can have it. It's a matter of both partners opening their hearts and being kind, unselfish and caring with each other.

      Wael Editor

    • People take advantage of many good things in this world: love, health, relationship, money, looks, respect, technology, career, political positions, friendship, time, and so forth and so forth. Just because some people take advantage of something and don't value does not make it cease to exist.

      If no one is good and all people hurt each other, then that includes you, me, everyone and doesn't exclude anyone--which is an inflammably unfair statement.

      Our experiences do not make things exist or cease to exist--rather they are lessons to realize the ultimate Truth.

  3. I will tell you this,'s a beautiful feeling...

    I have been with my husband for over 4 years...every time I am about to meet him after us being away from each other, my heart still beats like its about to pop out of my chest..I get a sick feeling in my stomach from the excitement...I still feel numb and tingly from his touch. He takes my breath away when I see him again. I would do anything for him. I love his flaws...even the things which I wild normally not like in a person...but when he does it,...I love it! My life revolves around him and I'm not even ashamed to admit that:)
    I'm Blessed. My husband is my biggest blessing and the best gift that god had given me.
    That's love. To me anyway:)

    • RM, watch the bad language, as I had to edit your comment.

      Your feelings for your husband are lovely. I only want to point out that your life should not revolve around him; rather, both your lives should revolve around Allah. After all, the life of this world is temporary. One day you will die, or your husband will die. It might happen 50 years from now, or it might happen tomorrow. Only Allah knows.

      But Allah is Eternal. Our worship of Him and gratitude to Him should be primary in our lives.

      Wael Editor

      • wael: I was very careful with what I said...I didn't think there was anything inappropriate in my response but it's fine. You know better I guess.

    • Lucky you. I am curious for how much time out of 4 years have you lived separately.

  4. Salam,

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
    Don't hate what you don't know.

  5. I guess you want to know about love between man and woman, based on this speculation I am not discussing other types of love.

    From my point of view, the real love between a man and a woman develop after marriage. In fact, luckiest couple is those who have increased love for each other not money or wealth.

    Perhaps, before marriage a man and a woman often fall in love, but it has no basis and Satan involved in between them and deceive them. If they fail to establish marriage it can ruin both of their life. If they can marry and become husband and wife well and good but I have significantly observed that love marriage often do not brings happiness.

  6. I think the person interested in this question should refer back to the comments of this post:

  7. Wael: I also said that the love for God and the love for your partner are two different things.

    and I don't put my husband before Allah..My life might revolve around him...but I know I will (We will) be meeting HIM very soon..and I do live my life trying to please husband and I both do.

    Please don't judge.

  8. As-salamu Alaykum,

    Recently I read a Mark Twain quote that I thought was quite beautiful:

    Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

    I think what most people call love is often very superficial. In my view, love is something that grows after you have experienced hardships and trials with a spouse over a long period. It is easy to be "in love" when things are easy, but the real test is what you do when things are difficult. If you still feel good about your spouse after withstanding life's various challenges, then you are probably in love. Love is a long journey filled with many twists and turns and it rarely (if ever) resembles what we see portrayed in the movies. Be wary of something called "love" when it takes place outside the confines of marriage. That type of love is not what it seems and can make one do extremely foolish things. If you are already married, evidence of your spouse's love can be found in unexpected places. Cultivate this love and do not let it grow stagnant, but don't let it consume you either. Do not base your sense of happiness and self-worth on how your spouse makes you feel from day to day. If your heart doesn't skip a beat each time you see your spouse, that's okay, too, and doesn't mean that you have fallen out of love. In short, be practical. Love should bring a sense of stability and comfort to your life and not wreak havoc.

  9. I don't believe in love anymore or allowing myself to get close to people for love.
    Love is for those that are married and are fortunate they have it all including children to love them back
    Love for unmarried people is never possible to be loved
    People take life for granted and in this world there is not such thing as love, otherwise we would not have so many people hurting one another.

    • Samina: Love is for those that are married and are fortunate they have it all including children to love them back

      It just seems that way. Grass is greener on the other side. Married people think singles have more freedom.

      A whole lot of people married people get divorced, many stay married for sake of kids.

      OP: Love with a lover is intense and much different feelings that love with a mother or father or kids. It is more like an illusion when a person of opposite sex seems extra-ordinary without any short comings. Intensity of love decreases when lovers get married. Some time they get divorced after short time.

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