Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What is my mistake?

Disappearing love, vanishing love

I am 24 years old & by birth a non muslim but had relation with muslim boy for over 5&1/2 years.we have to been planning to get married after my convertion.i believe in allah for this 5&1/2 year l live to be an muslim girl. I know that both parents not accept it easly.But i think that his parents will support more than mine. But i tried alot.

He told me to take a loan an join for msc then your parents not do your marrige now we get 2 year time. I obeyed him. And completed my msc to get rank. He promised to marry me.

I did thinks with him because he told me we will make everything halal after getting married.i gave him everything. But am still vergine.

but few months before his parents know about this then they changed him& he now married another girl and started to live a good life.He forgot everything. He will hiding from me &his friends.Allah also supported & save him.

I prayed alot but allah didnt hear that. Because am born to to be a nonmuslim girl. If its my mistake. I believing & pray alot to allah but he need only who born to be a muslim. I told his parents that i believe allah & i like to live become a muslim girl pls give me a chance to become a good muslim girl. But they are not accept . Allah also not taken my dua & prays. Support only him.

He dropped me in a second at last he told " what i did i will not gave you a child so what happen with us forget that & live with another boy.my mother not accepting you i cant disobey them. " i know that mother is a great gift of allah. Allah told that dont make to sad your mother. If your mother cryed &sad about you that is not good to you. Allah will punish for that. I think allah told mother mean all the girl. But he is not think about me. Allah mention only about mother. Not girl. I can also give to birth for a child. Then i will become a mother. Why he will not think about that.

he did mistake. Cheated me use me at last hide from me. Why allah will not punishing him.He use me & thrown me . if it is a good thing. I am so broken hearted & feel betrayed because he used so much. I have been crying & praying to allah. I begged to every one pls help me to become a muslim girl but nobody helped me.

At last i commited suicide i know that it is harram in islam. But i dont have any athor option. But am still alive that time my father called his family & then father said about suicide but they said that our boy is chaged if you cant change your girl why should gave  birth to her. If am not to be born a muslim how that is my mistake.How i will cheat another boy. I still vergine.but he touch my body with promise. At last l lost everything.He get a good life. Who did the mistake. What should i do.why allah support cheaters.& punished me. Why allah gave this type punishment with me.  Pls give the answer .

Aysha Hidayath

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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam u alykum wa rahmatullah,

    Very sad to read your story and hear how you've been treated. Truly it was not just, fair or reasonable for him to treat you like that.

    May Allah taAla ease your pain and grant you with a pious spouse who will love you and care for you and treat you how you deserve, in sha Allah.

    As humans, we err, we make mistakes. But Allah is Perfect and Allah is Just and Fair. So please don't feel that you are being wronged. Indeed after hardship comes ease.
    It may seem like the man is reaping rewards and you are being punished. But Allah punishes, rewards and forgives whom He wills. As humans, we can not comprehend His Wisdom.

    Just repent for whatever you have done and do dua that Allah guides you and continues to blossom the love of Islam you have.

    Don't dwell too much on his life, this will not let you move on. You live your life, and do dua to Allah for yourself and him.

    May Allah make you stronger after this heartbreak, my dear Sister.

  2. Salam sister..i will be straight to the point.. .I didn't read all of story because...this is all wrong ...A person who is a truemuslin will not do anything that goes against the COMMANDMENTS of Allah through the example of our prophet MUHAMMAD PEACE BE UPON HIM! Adultery and loans is haram...Everything is a curse in this world except three persons a Alim (Scholor)old man that remebers Allah much that tears flow and a student who is always seeking knowledge.You see life is a test .everyone will be tested up to there death..so my advice is that Allah opened your eyes and saved you..You must learn from a true SCHOLOR and build up your Iman and perfect it....knowledge is a essential. We must learn the basics first..I should mention that attending any other mosque or SCHOLOR who is not a Sunni Muslim and doesn't follow 1 of the 4 major schools of thought have strayed from the path of rightousnes..At the same time being honest and continuing your worldly education is a serious matter because it will get tough out there..you will need a degree in a field that is in demand and that the money will be a source of BLESSINGS for you to help others and travel to learn and understand your purpose in life

  3. So, you are asking us what your mistake is...so I'm going to be brutally honest and tell you so that you can, inshallah, reflect on yourself and make a change in your life for the better.

    1. You're too naive and gullible for your own good.
    Sister, never ever believe people by their words and promises. Especially people that have something to gain from you. Words are empty until they are backed up by actions, so you must never give a man anything - whether it being your heart, feelings, money, sex, etc. - until he has proven his character to you and taken the plonge to marry you. You have absolutely no obligation towards a man you are not married to, so it was a very bad idea of you to "obey" this guy that has broken your heart. In the future, never ever take commands from men, and don't ever take loans on their behalf. It's not very smart to do.

    2. You pity yourself too much and view yourself as a victim.
    It sounds to me like you feel way too sorry for yourself as a human being. For one, when you view yourself as a victim, you're bound to be an unhappy and miserable human being. Because you have this constant feeling that everyone is against you and everyone is putting their precious time and energy into hurting you on purpose. It's like any little thing is an excuse for you to feel sorry for yourself. You feel sorry for yourself for not being born into a Muslim family. You feel sorry for yourself for not having your prayers answered. You feel sorry for yourself that you made some bad choices and now suffer the consequences. You feel sorry for yourself because some loser decided to marry someone else. This is just life, Sister. You have to stop having this victim mentality for experiencing the realities of life. You're not a victim. It's not the end of the world that you weren't born into a Muslim family. You can always convert to Islam. It's not the end of the world that you didn't get to marry the man you wanted. In fact, the man you want sounds like a real loser to me, and someone I personally wouldn't want to marry if he was the last man on Earth. There are literally millions of other men you can marry instead of this douchebag. Stop giving this guy more of your time, tears and attention, he's not worth it.

    3. You take no responsibility at all for your own choices, but blame Allah for them instead.
    In Islam, we believe that human beings have free will. This means you are responsible for yourself and that you make your own choices.
    You have made some naive and bad choices and decided to blame Allah for them, instead of accepting that you, yourself, made the bad choices in the first place. If I steal a car, would it be fair of me to blame you for it? No, right? In the same way, it's unfair of you to get involved with a trashy man and then blame Allah for it.

    4. You demand something specific in return for your prayers - which tells me you have totally misunderstood what prayer is all about.
    In Islam, we don't really pray for specific things as such, and then expect Allah to give us exactly what we want. Allah is not Santa Claus, you know. Instead, Muslims usually pray for guidance. We pray for being given what's best for us. We pray for what we need rather than what we think we want in the here and now. Allah didn't answer your prayers, because what you want isn't what's best for you in the long run. Maybe by not giving you this man as a husband, Allah has spared you from a lifetime of a horrible and abusive marriage. Maybe Allah has saved you from oppression. You don't know. All you can do is to trust that there is a reason why Allah has not let you marry this man...

    5. You invested yourself in a bad guy.
    As I mentioned earlier, you sadly invested your heart, feelings, time and money in the wrong man. You weren't a good judge of character, and you wasted your time. It happens to a lot of people, but please don't dwell in it. Accept you made a horrible mistake and try to learn from it. Try to move on. The next time a man shows interest in you, don't allow yourself to let him treat you like a wife when you're not. Don't tolerate that a man you're not married to ask you to give him money. Don't accept promises if they are not backed up by actions.

    Those are your mistakes, Sister.

  4. Salam,
    I cant tell you anything smart, but my heart goes for you 🙁
    Try to build up your life! You lost him because Allah has someone much more better for you!

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