Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What is the rationale behind this hadith?

sunnah hadith


One of my friends was recently told about an incident in the life of Prophet (pbuh) by his father following a dispute. He was told that once, a man came to the Prophet (pbuh). The man was very upset and the Prophet (pbuh) inquired him about his trouble. The man said that he was upset because of his son. The son was disobedient and for this reason he wanted to expel him from his property (or something to that effect). A while later, the son came in the presence of the Prophet (pbuh) and he asked the son if what his father had told him was true. The son acknowledged that it was. The Prophet (pbuh) then held the son by his collar and told him that for his disobedience, if the father even killed him, there would be no blame on the father. (I do not remember the very specifics of this incident as told by my friend's father and if I have misquoted anything about the Prophet (pbuh), then it is not deliberate).

I would like to ask if such a hadith exists, and if someone can explain the rationale behind this hadith. My friend has been continually reproached by his father for disobeying him, although he tells me that he does not do try to do anything disrespectful. His father is strict, and he sometimes fails to live up to his expectations. He desperately needs advice on this topic because if this hadith is indeed true, then he is in deep trouble, religiously and morally.

Jazakallah for you time.

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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    We are not hadith scholars by any means. I tried to find the hadith in question that you were referring to, but I could not find an exact match:

    One day a man came to Umar ibn al-Khattab to complain of a disobedient son. So Umar had brought the boy to him and he blamed him for his disobedience. Then the boy addressed Umar by saying "O Commander of the faithful: Are there no rights for a boy against his father?". Umar said "Yes". Then the boy said "What are these rights O Commander of the Faithful?" Umar said, "To choose a good mother for him, to select a good name to him and to teach him the Quran" Then the boy said: "O Commander of the faithful; my father has not accomplished any of these rights. As for my mother, she was a black slave for a Magian; As for my name, he has named me Jual (beetle); and he has not taught me even one letter from the Quran". Then Umar turned round to the man and said "You came to me complaining disobedience on the part of your son, whereas you have not given him his rights. So you have made mistakes against him before he has made mistakes against you".

    'When Suhayl (the Meccan representative and the treaty's compiler) saw Abu Jandal he got up and hit him in the face and took hold of his collar, saying, 'Muhammad, the agreement between us was concluded before this man came to you.' He replied, 'you are right.' He began to pull him roughly by his collar and to drag him away to return him to Quraysh, while Abu Jandal shrieked at the top of his voice, 'Am I to be returned to the polytheists that they may entice me from my religion O Muslims?' and that increased the people's dejection'"

    It could be that what you heard was a mixup of these two hadith and perhaps others, or it could be that I just didn't find the correct one. I suggest that you keep researching this issue, but until you actually find the hadith you are speaking of, treat it with a grain of salt.

    -Amy Editor

  2. muneebzk, I have never heard of the hadith you described. It could be dangerous as it might be taken as a justification for so-called "honor killings". In Islam no one can take it into his own hands to kill anyone. So let's be very careful about quoting anything from the Messenger of Allah (sws) unless we know it is authentic.

    Wael Editor

  3. Next time, when a person claims anything about islam or the prophet muhammad SAW, ask him to show the reference from the koran or hadith.. They might just fabricate lies and attribute it to muhammad SAW. . Ask your friend (or his father) to give you the reference in the books of the hadith to justify what he said.... Even in the sharia, the punishment for the disobedient children is not death.. In the koran, Allah has ordained muslims to be kind and dutiful to there parents.. Now if you adhere to this commandment, then Allah is gonna reward you with paradise for obeying His laws, but if you refuse to adhere to the ordainment, then you are disobeying God and as a result sinning, then Allah is gonna punish you (in the hereafter) for that sin (except if you repent and seek Allah and your parents forgiveness) ... But as far as i know, Allah and/or His massanger muhammad has not prescribe any punishment (in the sharia) for anyone who disobey his parents.... But rather such disobedient person would be judged according to his/her worldly action in the hereafter and no one would be wronged...

  4. Ask him to give the reference..

  5. AsSalamo Alaikum WaRahmatullahe WaBarakatuhu,
    Dear brothers and sisters,
    I am not a scholar of Hadith and Quran. AlHamDuLillah I have listened to both Hadith e Mubarika during Jumma Salat Khutba. These two Ahadith are from two different occasions. The one involving Umar ibne Khitab Radi Allahu Anhu happened during time of his khilafat. While the one regarding Abu Jundal RadiAllahu Anhu was at the time of Sulah-e-Hudaibia, SubHanAllah.
    I will encourage all my brothers and sisters to do more research in sha Allah. I use for question and answers regarding Islam and watch Peace TV for authentic Narration of Hadith and Tafseer of Qur’an, AlHamDuLillah.
    Wallaah Aalim.
    May Allah SWT Forgive me for any mistakes un intentionally made during the post above and may Allah SWT show us the right path, Aaameen

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