Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do!!


Asalamualykum, I am 17 years old and me and this guy who is 28 really love each other deeply. He lives in Washington and I live in Missouri, I know you might think maybe he is catfishing me but no we FaceTime alllll the time he has spoken to my father and mother and spoken to his parents that he is interested to marry him. And he is related some how on my mom side which is how we met through family. Now I'm starting my senior year of high school next year and he is graduating his college next month. And we really don't want to have to wait for 2019 to get married but that is when i finish my high school. So he thinks it will be a good idea for us to get married this summer and I can move with him and finish my high school over there. Our parents are really happy for us and support us they just don't know how soon we want to get married. I'm am not worried about my education he wants me to go to college and finish my high school and get my degrees he is all for my education. I am just worried a bit because everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest and I'm wondering if it will be harder because I am in high school. He is everything I ever wanted in man he has shown me many ways that he loves me and will take care of me, we never get into fights because when we got into a disagreement he shows that understands what I feel was wrong and he will work it out with me instead of just yelling and being rude. I truly love him and I know he truly loves me I am just a bit concerned on how I will get married this summer and finish my highschool there.


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3 Responses »

  1. Maryam,

    God is great and has provided us ways to make sure we dont get hurt as such ensure that you follow Gods rules so that you wont get hurt or abused. It is not allowed for you to be alone together also it is not allowed to speak freely with eachother without a mahram being present. Your father should be involved every step of the way if you want to ensure that you will not get hurt and abused, this is because men know men and women know women. Please ensure that you dont do anything behind your parents behind their back to please this man. think about pleasing Allah first. dont forget that all women want love and attention and all men want is sex. there are countless men who want to marry a young girl and have sex but not ready to commit to what comes after that, this is why mahram is important to screen the men by your dad and he will understand their intentions and know if they are good for you in the long term or not. If he runs away after you have a child together than what happens, how will you cope with a 7 yr old boy looking for his dad! I dont want to be negative but seriously the way you have explained things shows you may be to comfortable with him and your father sounds like he is not involved enough.

  2. Salam,

    I echo what bro Michael has said above.

    You should limit your interactions with this brother until marriage- if that is what you want.
    It seems that you are ready and happy for marriage to him - and a bonus is that both your families are happy too, alhamdoulilah.

    A good sign is that he wants to marry you. An indication that he wants to make your relationship halal. Also, an indication that he is taking your relationship seriously and that you're not just a fling for him.

    If you feel like you are ready, then you should speak to your parents and get things going- but listen to what they will say with sincerity and consideration.

    Personally, I would say 17 is a little young and maybe finish your high school education before getting married. But will you be able to keep away from this brother and cut all contact until then?
    Be honest with yourself.

    Your sis in Islam x

  3. Assalaamualaikum

    Firstly, I'd encourage you to be completely open with your parents about your thoughts about marriage. Regardless of whether you love each other, this man is not your husband at this moment in time - it's essential that you and he observe appropriate Islamic limits in your interactions. Your parents need to be involved in any discussions you two are having about marriage and the future, and you should not be communicating privately with him.

    I would honestly be hesitant to switch schools at this stage in your education. Changing schools requires a lot of adjustment, the subjects you're studying might not be available at whatever school you end up at, the curriculum might be very different... I know people who have switched schools during their final couple of years, and every one of them has said that it was hard and that they think it negatively affected their grades. If you're wanting to go on to college, it's really important to get the best grades you can in the subjects that are the best fit for you.

    If it is legal for you to marry at your current age, and your parents are in agreement, then a compromise might be to have your nikah now, but leave moving in together until one or both of you has finished this stage of your studies. That way, the two of you will be halal for each other and can spend time together, until you're in a position to live together.

    Midnightmoon editor

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