Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should i do to be with my husband?

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

Assalamualikum..My problem I had sex forcibly by a guy 6yrs back and now I got married and my husband asked me y I'm not virgin without thinking anything I told him about my past and we both cried alot and even he said to his family members regarding the matter..Now he doesn't want me and don't want to stay with me as I have done a mistake by saying the truth to him..Did I do any mistake by saying him about my past ??What should I do now he left India even leaving in my mothers house please do help me out of this situation and I want my husband back..Being fair with him was my big mistake??I love my husband a lot n I can't live without him..I'm crying since the day I told him the truth please help me out with this situation what to do..Thank u.

ammu786

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13 Responses »

  1. You did right by telling truth . Your husband is very selfish and stupid man if he cannot accept that forced sex was not your fault . Find a good man who respects you as an individual . You don't want a man who respects only virgins

    • agree with omar.take khula and find a man who will love you and respect u.and tell him all the truth before getting married to him that is the best way.

  2. Aslaam walikum 786 in todays world being honest dosent pay,its rather you keep quite an not talk about your past.why is it if a woman makes mustake fingers are pointed but if a man does it its ok its fine.wanna ask you something 786 if your husband told you after marrying you that he skept with many women will you be angry an will you continue your marriage with him i guess your answer will be yes i will coz we women forgive easilybut a man can do many wrong but us women just except .sorry if i m rude but 786 if your husband truly loves you he will take you back an allah say say what belongs to you will surely come to you,an if he dosent then hes not ment to be with you .so give it some time dont contact him at all if he wants you he will come to you if he dont then hes not ment for you.please dont cry for him coz allah has made pairs for us,dosnt mean if we marry then hes our soulmate.sometimes we marry the wrong people only to meet the right one.so my darling i say be patient if he comes hes yours if he dosent hes not ment to be life goes on.il keep you in my duaas,inshallah may allah guide us all on the right path.lits of love to every women in your situation..sign of yadmin

    • Thank u so much for suggesting me please do keep me in ur duas hope the best to happen....Thank u once again

    • also agree with yasmin give him some time dont contact him and do wazifa of ya wadoodo when doing wazifa imagine your husband to come back and he will inshalah love you and accept and offer prayer and do dua after every prayer inshallah you will get success.if he still not comes to you then be sure he is not your and go for khula and find the man who will accept you with all this.thanks.

  3. I think truth should be told before stepping into the marriage. Once into the marriage, move on with the marriage positively.
    If you cannot, Sorry no luck !!! Try Again
    Simple yet complicated

    • good Muhammad Ali

    • @Muhammad Ali

      In islam it says to conceal your sins. The potential spouse has no right to know about someone's past sin unless if a child is involved ...

      The best thing to do is that if a guy/girl wants a spouse who had no past relationship then he/she should tell the potential spouse that they wish to marry someone with no past relationship. Full stop. and should not ask the potential spouse directly about their past. And once the potential spouse knows that this is important for this person then he/she should kindly reject the proposal in a very tactful way ...

      • @MuhammadAli

        Please ignore my comment as I just realised that in your comment you were not refering to disclosing past sins ...

  4. Sister,

    I would say forget him and move on. If no kids are involved then it's best for you both to start life fresh with other people.

    I made the same mistake and my husband and I have been miserable since. I made a mistake after he cheated many times so i thought id do the right thing and tell him, maybe I would feel less guilty or we can work things out together. I was wrong.
    Even when we are together he's constantly taunting me and calling me names. He never fails to tell me he doesn't and can't ever love me. He even got my 2year old daughter to swear at me.

    My point is, don't expose your sins. Allah knows our sins and he doesn't want us to expose them ourselves. There is authentic guidelines on this but I don't have them to hand. I only found out after I had ruined our lives by exposing my sins to my husband. Had I'd known that we shouldn't expose our sins to others just as we shouldn't expose others sins, we would have been happier.

    If anyone knows of the source I'm talking about please let everyone know.

  5. Dear sister ammu,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Your husband should really understand that you didn't do it by your well. He should really come back.

    Maybe he needs some time to take it all in. Maybe he is still under shock. Give him a month or two. If he doesn't come back then you should involve your adults (your respected parents) from your family to talk to him and the adults from his family ...

    You are in my prayers,

    Love,
    Me.

  6. Assalaamualaykum ammu786,

    I agree with Dr. Muddassir's advice above.

    You ask:

    "Did I do any mistake by saying him about my past?"

    If you are an honest person and he asks you a question based on what he already perceives to be true, then it would be natural for you to answer the way that you did. Please try not to regret that you told him the truth, If he doesn't want to stay with you under these circumstances, then it might be best to try to just accept this and find someone who can accept you for you. Acceptance may take awhile and some pain, but I believe you have it in you to accept and move on if that's what you need to do.

    May Allah ease your situation in the best way for you.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  7. In my opinion the error was not the fact that you told him; the error was the timing. You should have informed him before the marriage. At his marriage he expected a virgin and didn`t get what he expected. Either this caused him annoyance, or his family badmouthed you for it after he told them and caused his heart to turn away from you. It was an error of him telling his family: it was none of their business, you being a virgin or not, this should have remained between the two of you.
    Either way, there is little you can do except hope for the best: that he gets over it and sees your innocence.

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