Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do when I have strong feelings for a person who doesn’t even know me?

teenage teacher student


My issue is such that I am interested in a boy who studies in the same class as me but I do not know him at all. His name, background, nothing. I've liked people before too but never was a part of any relationships and just ignored my liking. But this time, I can't help but feel a strong connection with this person. I never notice guys in my class but one day he came late and he had to sit beside me as that was the only seat left in class. His notes were not completed so I offered him my notes to copy, like you would to help out any of your classmates but after that I started noticing him. And the only reason my interest grew and is still present is because of his love for God. I live in an Islamic country but Namaaz is still uncommon and irregular here among youth.  I've seen that after every class he goes and offers his prayer swiftly and on time. And that makes me admire him a lot. His manners and quiet attitude too. I genuinely want to get to know this person when keeping marriage in the back of my mind.

This is the first time I've ever thought this seriously about anyone. It makes me scared considering I'm only 20 years old but I can't help but think that if I miss out on the opportunity to get to know him, I might regret it. I'm a confident girl and I can get myself to go and talk to him too. But his love for God stops me. As well as my own too. I don't want him in indulging in any sin and neither do I want that for myself. This situation makes me confused because in what other way should I deal with this situation if not by directly talking? I can't even ask anybody else for his names because nobody really knows him except his own guy friends.  I thought of doing an isthikhira over if I should pursuing him or not pursuing him would be the better option but I don't know if it is appropriate for this.


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3 Responses »

  1. as-salaam-u-alaykum,

    You should raise that you would like to know him for marriage purposes or ask if he is interested. Then of course perform Istikhara'. If he is interested then he'll contact your family via his parents. I wouldn't suggest getting into a haram relationship.


  2. Assalamualaikum.

    Sister it's nice to know that you have atleast fallen for something which really is admirable. I too am a girl hence i would like to suggest you few things.
    First of all don't try to hurry, be calm. Don't think you would lose him. Allah swt has paired everybody with some or the other person. If he really is written for your future, never in a million years he could be of someone else.

    I like it that you don't want yourself to get engaged in some sort of sin. Like a thief always robs at a place where there is something valueable, likewise shaitaan too troubles only those who really have iman! So you again need to be very careful that you don't take any step hurrily.

    Firstly, if you really want to marry him try to collect some information about him like how hazrat Khadeejah radiallahu anha did When she wanted to marry our beloved prophet(peace be upon him)

    Once you feel everything is fine, then go ahead and talk to him and be confident! 🙂

    Jazaak allah.
    From India.

  3. Salaam sister. As a man I think you should get to know him, because I have met many "religious" people but they are fake, vile and have ugly hearts. So get to know him, but don't let your guard down until you can be sure of who he is.

    And if he is as cool as he sounds, let him or your parents know that you want to marry him. So neither of you indulge in sin.

    If you don't mind could you update us with what happens in the future?

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