Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What should I do with a boyfriend who kind of tries to force me convert to islam?

pressure

Hi!

I'm a christian girl and I have been in a relationship with a muslim guy for 2 years now. He has always been so wonderful and caring and we both love each other. But there are couple of things that confuse and make me feel bad.

Before we started dating I asked him is it okay to him be with me because I'm a christian. And I also said to him very clearly that I'm going to be a christian. He said he respects me and he will never force me convert and it is allowed to him marry a christian girl who believes in God as I do. I also told him I don't want to have sex before marriage and he said he thinks like that too. So I trusted him and we started dating.

After more than a half year he started asking for sex and said no. He kept on asking and I told him I don't want to do it because it's a sin and I want to keep my values. He said he will always be with me and he will marry me so sex is okay. Finally he claimed that I don't love him because I don't want to have sex with him and we almost broke up. I couldn't stand the situation anymore and I gave up and lost my virginity to him. Actually it was his first time too. I felt so terrible after that because had lost something I wanted to give to my husband at the wedding night.

After a year the situation changed again and he has started asking me to convert to islam. He has said that I should be a muslim if we are going to marry. I don't understand how it has suddenly become a big problem. It hurts so much because in the beginning he didn't mention anything like that and if he had, I wouldn't have started dating him at the first place because my beliefs are so important to me. I thought he loved and respected me the way I am.

He even went to talk with an Imam who said we can marry. But my boyfriend still wants me to convert before that.

I'm so confused about all this and I feel so disrespected. All I want is to understand why he started suddenly behaving like this. Why did he start dating me at the first place although he knew I want to be a christian? And if I knew something like this will happen I wouldn't have lost my virginity to him. Because I never ever want to have sex with more than one man. But he made me believe he will marry me.

So what should I do? This situation is really killing me...

Crystal

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4 Responses »

  1. Truly sad to hear this and I don't think anyone can pass judgement without knowing the full situation from both sides but hearing your side and your feelings is quite sad but I hope you can bounce back. It sounds like you are heartbroken and sad about what he has done and is keeping doing to you but rather than suffering in silence I think you should have a CALM PEACEFUL discussion about it and bring it to his attention how you feel about these things in the past. Be mindful however bringing up these kind of things are heavy and hard to deal with so please CHOOSE THE BEST TIME and maybe spend a fantastic evening together with lots of laughter and enjoyment and then finally ask to share something very important for you that you are struggling with and want closure for. Maybe he doesn't feel like he is forcing you to Islam. Perhaps we can all sometimes be a bit to encouraging to eachother when we believe strongly in what we believe and we want to share that same love to our close friends and family. As a Muslim I know that God doesn't allow forcing Islam. In fact in the Quran he says "let there be no compulsion in religion, the truth is clear from the falsehood". I hope that you don't give up and if you don't have children together then maybe if things are too much then likely things might get more stressful when deciding what religion to bring children up with. No doubt he will want Muslim children who go mosque and pray 5 times and fast and read quran and you may want children who go church school and learn Bible. Although it's sad that you planned your life to only have sex with 1 person and that makes it hard for you to accept moving on but maybe you have to realise that you are trying your best and maybe things don't always go as you plan. I have 3 children and I am married to a Muslim wife who I don't always agree with in my ideas and heart and so having children means you have to stay put and stay together even if it's difficult. If I didn't have children maybe we would part ways so we would both find someone who is more suitable for our way of life and ideas.

  2. Hello sister!

    It seems as though you have found a boy who is in the transition to becoming a man. First he just wanted your friendship, then your body, and now he is now deeply considering marrying you...after 2 long years! If I am to understand it correctly, the real problem behind the scenes is this: he has thought about telling his parents about you but is scared to do so because you do not meet their ideal image of a perfect Muslim girl...and now he is desperately seeking any way that he can present you to his parents with as little confrontation as possible. Sounds right?

    Well here is the answer to your dilemma:

    1. You sound like a good natured Christian girl, a firm believer in God, and a follower of the Book; therefore all of these things qualify you to marry a Muslim man.

    2. No one can force you to become Muslim against your will. If you do not want to believe in God the same way that Muslims believe then it is your choice, and it says so in the Holy Quran.

    3. Your "boyfriend" is not supposed to even be dating you in Islam, because Islam does not support opposite-sex relationships before marriage.

    4. Your boyfriend needs to man-up and firmly tell his parents that he has his heart set on you only and that he will marry you no matter what. Then he needs to promptly marry you to eradicate the continuation of the sin that he initiated. (Although if you were to properly become a Muslim, all of YOUR past sins would be wiped clean.)

    5. You need to give him an ultimatum. You will leave him by ____ date unless he introduces you to his parents. Be firm. Tell him that if he truly loves you then he will commit to you.

    Trust me, I was in the same type of situation where I needed to give my to-be-husband an ultimatum and it worked. It hurt me as much as it hurt him, because he delayed and delayed out of fear of his parents, which caused me to cut communications with him. My heart was a wreck, and I had my doubts as to whether I had done the right thing to leave the love of my life alone, but in the end it worked and he became a much stronger man for having stood up to his parents. We are happily married for some years now and his parents have come to love me more than their original idealistic girl.

    I believe in you.
    Just reflect on this: if you let a thing go from your hand, and it is destined to be yours, then it will come back to you no matter what.

    Salam sister!
    Shereen

  3. Asalam Alaykum,

    I'm 25 years old Muslim female and I my hands have been asked for marriage , he's as my parents say (as they know him very well him and his family) a practising Muslim with great personality and charactertiscs to which no one in their right mind woulf refuse. So the proposal is very good.

    However, I'm not feeling the marriage I've said no to my parents they've said that I'm crazy for refusing a guy like him and that maybe the shaytan is whispering and making me refuse. The thing is I pray and do lots of dua and I have tried to think positively about this proposal with an open mind and every time I do I just go back to feeling NO i don't want to marry him .. I'm not being stubborn and not trying to disrespect my parents I'm not I'm a very shy Innocent girl who listens to her parents and I've never said no . But I am now . I've refused soo many times but my parents islamically keep giving me advice as parents would do.

    I don't know what to do , I feel suffocated , stressed and I want this all to be over and go back to normal.

    Please help

  4. If you do not like another guy and your family like a guy for you then you should accept If he has good moral.

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