Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What to do after a Negative Istikhara

fortune telling

Salaam,

There is a man that I a really want to marry. We both initially did the Istikhara I did not see anything where as he say something negative. We decided that we should try again as getting married to each other is what we both wanted.

I chose not to do the Istikhara the second time around but he did and again he saw something negative. Now we both really want to get married to each other and make this work. We get along and have so much in common.

There is nothing stopping us from committing to each other other than the Istikhara he has seen on both occasions. What can we do to overcome this? Can this be overcome so we can be married?

Confused_Sister


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14 Responses »

  1. Confused_Sister, Asalaamualaykum,

    The reason why you are so confused is because you do not understand the real concept of Istikhara.

    It is not a magic pill that will 'tell' you what to do. If this was the case, of what use would human logic, reasoning, free will and common sense be? It would be futile. Your understanding of Istikhara is of a non-believer, who goes to a fortune teller to find out his future. This is wrong.

    Istikhara is a dua we make to ask Allah to put blessings in whatever choice we make - the choice of course must be a halaal one and before we make that choice we use our God Given tools of wisdom to make that choice. If you know that the man you want to marry is a drug dealer, is a liar or cannot be bothered to do his Salaah, then why would you be wanting to marry him in the first place, hence why would you be doing Istikhara for this? I am not saying that your 'prospective' falls into any of these catergories, I am merely giving you an example.

    As a Muslimah, hopefully you have chosen your ideal partner through halaal means, he is striving to be a practising Muslim and you both fear Allah. If this is the case and you have decided to proceed with marriage talks with this man, do Istikhara, ask Allah to make it easy for you to achieve if your choice is good for you in this life and the next and if it is bad for you, to then deter you from it.

    Please read this link: http://www.albalagh.net/qa/istikharah_marriage.shtml

    And also read the following article on Istikhara:
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. I want to have istikhara for my sister marriage. the boy is very good at all. my family like him. he also has good job. his family is also very much interested in my sister. but istikhara is not coming out right. I also did it by myself but still i m confused n i cannot decide what to do. we dont want to leave the purposal. what should we do?

    • kiran, do what you feel in your heart is best, and trust Allah to guide you to the right choice.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I want to marry a boy I really like him and we are engaged he is the person I've ever dreamed for and we decided to marry on December this year but my Khala did istikhara 2 times and she said it was negative... what can I do now ???

  3. Salaam,
    A man is friend of mine, very kind and respect to all women.

    • I deleted most of your comment. Please educate yourself about Istikhara by reading the articles on our website (see the links at the top of the page).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Assalamu alakikum.
    I am revert...i married a muslim person.
    We did isthikhara before doing the registration.
    We had few issues in the paper work durin the process.But it was all sorted out and we are married for a year now.

    After all this month he is fighting with me after seeing a video abt isthikhara sign and asking me to leave him bcs he feel that paper work delay was bad sign and he doesnt want to go against allahs will.

    I felt all tat struggle was allah's test.but he is saying its a bad sign i do not want to continue.

    Pls help me what to do with this situation.i certainly do not wana do anytng against or challenge.

  5. Indhumathi Shanmugam: After all this month he is fighting with me after seeing a video abt isthikhara sign and asking me to leave him bcs he feel that paper work delay was bad sign and he doesnt want to go against allahs will......I felt all tat struggle was allah's test.but he is saying its a bad sign i do not want to continue.

    What paper work are you talking about? Does your husband's family know about your marriage? I think your husband is looking for excuses to leave you?

    • No one in his family knws.he is findind reasons to leave me i think.but he is using this isthikahara as a reason to me.

      During our registrartion thy got sign in a wrong page.we hav to go one more time for signature.we got out certificate 10 days latter.

      He is sayin al that was a bad sign allah showed us to stop it.i told him may be it was all a test.he is not listening asking me to prove it.

      • Indhumathi Shanmugam: He is sayin al that was a bad sign allah showed us to stop it.i told him may be it was all a test.he is not listening asking me to prove it.

        You can't force any one to be stay in husband/wife relationship.. Do you both live together or just meet for sex?

        • We dnt live together sir...there is no physical relationship also for the past 6 months.i was pregant he told me to abort and sais we cant kids till his parents agree.

          I did tat also for him.after t he stopped touching me too.

          • Assalamualiekum...

            As you are new to islam..i must advice you to do research on islam. there are many things that we being born as a muslim are still unaware of..which can be very dangerous for us and the future generation..Islam helps us in every step of our lives

            As you state that you had an abortion. Sister, abortion is equal to murder and is a major sin in the eyes of Allah tala. Do repent..Allah is the most forgiving. In Sha Allah you must ask for forgiveness all the time for this.

            Sister you must know that Allah is the best planner and he knows things that we are not aware of. He knows ur future and your past and ur present state...

            i must advise you to see lectures of scholars on youtube regarding your queries.. my personal favourite are Mufti Menk and Nauman Ali..there are many more scholars and they explain it beautifully. I'm sure you will find it interesting and very helpful. In Sha Allah

            you must search for topics like:Allah,marriage, duties towards your spouse, parenting, love..etc
            Allah never tells us to stress or worry about things..he has everything in control.. In Sha Allah all ur problems will be solved by the mercy of Allah and you will realise eventually why everything happened in ur life

            As far as your present situation is concerned you should tell ur husband to tell his parents about the marriage and marry you in the islamic way..

            Assalamualiekum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu.. I hope you get the best in this duniya and hereafter.. 🙂

  6. Asalamu-alaykom,

    Hope you are well.

    I am currently in a situation of wanting to marry someone and spend the rest of my life with.

    We both did istikhara, I got good signs whereas his came out negative. We both are not happy as we want to still be together and get married. And I understand it is wrong to go against a negative outcome and continue with it.
    But I feel like I should do it again as are you not supposed to be in contact with the person, whereas I was, which this is why I feel like I performed it wrong, as this brings your feelings and emotions during performing it and then you bound to have a positive outcome because you do not have a clear mind between you and Allah (S.W.T) for the guidance. Am I right ?

    So is it a good idea for him to do it again and also myself but not to contact him whilst performing istikhara?

    Hope I made sense.
    Jazaka Allah

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