Islamic marriage advice and family advice

When to stop making same dua over and over?

Heartbroken, broken heart

2 months ago I traveled to my native country because there was a proposal for me, even though the guy and his family only saw me in pictures and on video call the family told my parents that they wanted to go forward and get us married but my mom said we cant make a decision unless we see each other in person but his mother would keep insisting we finalize.

the guy used to call me and was very welcoming and looking foward to meeting me. his family allowed him to talk to me because they had full plans of marriage. He talked to me for 9 months and in the 9 months i fell in love, he was a very simple guy and not very educated unlike my self and he was very successful in his business and was very caring towards me. My family is not that well off because my father has passed away and my mother and i only work so it took us a long time to make enough money to go to pakistan from the U.S but since we made a promise we went.

The day i arrived i called him i told him to meet me at a nearby resturaunt alone so if he liked me he would continue and if he didnt then its ok we would go our seperate ways. The day he was supposed to come and he promised he never came and never called and he told my uncle that his family wouldnt let him go, so my mother called his brother and after a few days he came with his brother and when he came he really liked me and he gave me a phone as a gift so i can call him from that. after they left my mom called his brother and he said u havd to come to lahore now so everything can be finalized about the marriage.

When we went to lahore and his house his family asked us if we can stay with them and we did they really acted like they liked us but the boy was never aroumd and whenever my mom wanted to talk to him he tried to avoid us mean while he was the one who invited us, but his family said he was shy so we ignored his behavior. One day my mom took him to the side and asked and he said i want to marry your daughter because my mom had doubts since he was always avoiding us.

So 2 days passed in his house and the family said we want to do the nikah in the next week since muharram was going to start, but my mom said we cant since my whole family my brother and sister wasnt here wth us so we can only do engagement now and after muharram amd safar we will do nikah, and the family said ok we will go ahead with that plan and our ticket date of gping back was for next week.

we went back to our own city islamabad and then we called them to ask if they were come to see us off at the airport no body would pick up the phone and we kept calling the boy his mother his whole family but no one would pick up so we boarded our planes and came bck to united states.

after a week later his mom called and asked if we arrived safely and my mom said what u people did was not right you should have told us if u didnt want to marry my daughter and all she said was matches are made in heaven what can we do. Basically they betrayed us they made us feel like everything was finalized for after muharram and safar, even the boy called and asked when we went to islamabad and said that didnt my family set up a date and my mom said the elders of your family never would set any date of engagement or nikah they would just beat around the bush whenever we would ask. Even i called him and told him if u didnt like me u should have told me i never forced u to marry me and he didnt give me any answer and just hung up. My thinks its not the boys fault its his familys fault they dont want him to get married yet since hes very successful and his sisters are jealous. When we were there no body told us no everyone acted like this marriage would happen. Since muharam started i know they wouldnt calls until safar ends.

I made lots of dua from the heart since i came back from pakistan, for him to come back and think of what he made me go through, i did namaz tahujjjud, dhikr and quran for god to atleast show me a sign if my dua would ever get accepted i did this all for 2 months and i got no calls from them now that safar has ended today my mom got a few regular foward messages from his older sister, what i want to know is this a sign i should still keep making this dua, i domt mind making this dua i have a lot of will power what, but i want to know if my dua doesnt get accepted its making it hard to move on.

i asked allah for a sign and the very next day when the chelum ended his sister sent many fowarded messages which she never sends not even before and before that none of his family members tried to contact us. Today starts rabi ul awal and now shia families can start to plan marriages but no one still called us, i want to know should i stop making this dua because its holding me back from forgetting him or should i continue with my dua also i am now reading ayat e karima 125,000 times in 40 days and i tend to read it at night and when i go to sleep the next day i wake i have dreams about him breaking my heart is this also a sign from god or is this from shaytan misleading me and not making dua any more.  Please someone help me im heart broken i cry every night and all throughout the day.


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4 Responses »

  1. Sister why are you crying for this guy when him and his family show no interest. They were very rude to mislead you. You don't want to marry this family. They have no respect. You prayed a lot. Nothing is happening, so it's not meant to be. Please next time don't try to consider guy's back home. Most not all, will want to marry you just to come to America. And I hope you don't mind me saying this, since you don't have a dad, they see you as a easy target. Sad but true. Speaking from experience.

  2. Salaam sis I just want to advise you that I understand what you are going through as I have been through something very similiar. Please don't make the mistake I did. He is not the only boy in the world! If he was good for you and Allah destined him for you then no doubt he would have been yours but maybe Allah doesn't want this to happen maybe this isn't meant to be. If they messed you around then what goes around comes around sis don't worry about that let Allah deal with this matter. You have done what you can now please leave this matter with Allah... move on. One door closes and another one opens. InshaAllah I hope this experience makes you stronger

  3. Sister ,

    I will say Allah has saved you .This family looks suspicious .If you had married to him you probably you would have faced lot of issues .

    Forget him .

    Try to get some body from United States only and don't try to look in your home country .90% chance is that you will get only cheaters ,Visa looking men , etc etc in your home country . Have a good life in USA .

    People are happy to have life in USA and you are trying to come back /marry man from such place?

  4. Salam,

    Is this still an issue for you or have you moved on?

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