Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Whenever we have an argument he talks about leaving me

muslim woman holding onto quran

Assalamu Alaikum!

My marriage is arranged marriage. My husband gets angry very quickly and most often do not understand what I am trying to say. Whenever he gets angry he says he does not want to live with me, he wants to leave me and get divorced. Within 8 months of marriage he has said it more than 20 times that he will leave me. I wonder whether I still have a solid marriage. Can anyone please answer. what can I do to make things better?

Please pray for me.


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8 Responses »

  1. Asalamaliekoum
    Don't worry. Your marriage will be fine. Trust Allah and do your best to keep your marriage intact. It is all about faith.
    Just check whether there has been spell of magic on your husband because it is usually the case of happy married couples in muslim communities.
    Give sadaqa every Thursday.
    Thank you

  2. Salam Marzia,

    Ur husband sounds like me. Ur story sound like mine. I was/am an angry person who keep getting angry at small things and in the end we fell apart in just 3 months our marriage was over. And I pray to Alla (swt) that it does not happen to you or any one in this world because its so painful.

    Here are the reasons your husband might be acting this way because I acted way because of these reasons.

    1. He does not feel appreciated by you, (so say things like you are so nice and flatter him)
    2. He still have feelings or he is comparing you to his ex gf/wife. (he wants you to treat him like his ex gf treat him)
    3. You and him did not had successful 1st night or proper love making.
    4. He is insecure about himself (may be because you are better looking than him and he thinks if he does not control you, you will go for another guy.
    5. He might just have an anger issue or depression (do not tell him straight face that he has that problem, but make him realize somehow that he has to see the doc for this)
    6 He wants to hear I love you more often, he wants you to care, nurture (take care as a baby), worry for him, pay attention to him.

    Men also need love and caring, they want also want to hear that their wife belongs to him only. I might have left some points but those are the pain points. In the beginning of arrange marriage this is norm because it takes time for both of them to settle in.

    Good thing is you are willing to work it out, every relationship can become strong as long as both of them willing to work it out.

    May Allah help you and please please pray/dua for me that wife and I reconcile our marriage.

    You can also read my story to understand more.

    Allah hafiz.

    • mohamad, the fact that you are willing to admit your anger problem is a huge step. I strongly suggest that you begin seeing an anger management therapist on a weekly basis. You can learn to overcome many of those issues you mentioned. Who knows, maybe you could even repair or remake your relationship, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

    • Assalam Aleykoum Brother,

      Your description fits my story as well. My ex husband was similar to the OP's and/or should I say, similar to you in terms of getting angry and threatening me with divorce.

      After a year of marriage which only lasted a year because I held on with much Sabr, it finally ended. And as I look back now I think I would have continued holding on and giving him excuses after another had he not finally uttered the word 'Talaq', which came after so many utterances of "it's over", "leave if you are not happy" etc... And oh! the big blow was "I dont have passion for you or this marriage."

      The worst part is that until today, he was never clear with the reason WHY he divorced me. When I asked him one time he said "it will be haram for me to say anything against you as I find no fault from you".

      Allah SWT gave the men the responsibility of Talaq because men are considered mild tempered, more logical and emotionally strong compared to women.

      I am sorry that you had to go through divorce but it is also good that you learnt your weaknesses and hopefully have growm from it.

      And SubhanaAllah the reasons you gave are the exact same reasons that my ex was experiencing. Apart from the 1st and the 6th, all else fits the description.

      As for the OP, I hope and pray that you can salvage your marriage and gain something positive from other's inputs biidhnillah.



  3. Thank You Wael,

    Yes, I am working on it. But I think I will have to forget her. I do not see any sign her trying to reach me at all. It is almost like she never wanted to be part of me. But I have faith in Allah (swt). Insha Allah her heart will change soon and she will understand her faults as well. I have not tried to contact her for last 3 months.

    All I know is I too her to mecca to do Umrah right after marriage with a full faith, believing that we will together forever. There has not been day that I have not prayed for her to come back.

    Anyway Marzia, please update us on your situation. Let us know if you need any help even if we have to talk to your husband, we will. But I really do not want anyone to go through what I am going through.

    Again everyone, Please I am requesting everyone to pray/dua for her and her parents to reconciliation about our marriage.

    Allah Hafiz.

  4. It also depends on the age/maturity.

    My husband is 23 and I'm almost to 25. In the very beginning of our marriage, he would say something along the same lines. His language was also very foul and abusive/threatening when he's angry. But over time, he's starting to become softer. I strongly believe it's because of these three reasons.

    1. I started praying ayatul kursi after every salah. So much power and benefit in this dua. It's a dua for protection against harm (also my husband taught this ayat to me so it also gives him benefit).
    2. I told him how his cursing and abusive language made me feel.
    3. If he didn't stop then I would have to be strong and distance myself from him. To give us both space from each other.

    my husband and I are still newlyweds and it's taking real patience and effort to get used to each other. Some people cope with arranged marriage differently, where it doesn't "feel like" marriage. So I say just give him more time and be affectionate toward him often. Be cute and silly with him. I think my husband and I are realizing marriage isn't just another job. It's supposed to be shade from Allah, too. A place we can relax.

  5. Salam sister...This often to common in the muslim community. .SHAITAN is the 3rd party in marriages..When it comes to muslum ..his job is to destroy you and your offspring...keep you away from the righteous path....This fact..You both need to discuss like mature adults..ABOUT YOUR FAITH ISLAM..HOPEFULLY YOU ARE BOTH SUNNI MUSLIMS..Anger is from a few good reasons....The most common and big one is interest from mortgages loans credit cards funds..these are dangerous and Allah has openly declared war on those who deal with interest!NEXT EATING TOO MUCH MEAT ...THERE SHOULD BE BALANCE.IF THERE'S NO BALANCE OR CONSISTENCY IN AMMALS ..QURAN TALEEM FAMILY MASHURRAH THEN IT'S EASY TO GET MAD BECAUSE THE BODY HAS NO PEACE.YOU CAN EASY SNAP ...

  6. Asalaam O'Alaikum sister,

    I advise you to pray for him and yourself as much as you can. Don't lose hope InshAllah Allah will help you. I was married myself to a man who thought there was no other way to solve a problem except divorce. He would always bring it up and tell me that he will/can leave me if he wants over the smallest arguments. And that is what he did.

    I pray to Allah this never happens to you, no one deserves this kind of treatment. May Allah have mercy on us all Ameen.

    Stay strong sister, and whatever happens will happen for the best InshAllah. I dont want to give you false hope by telling you that your marriage will be fine because that's what I was told and I was devastated and broken after learning that my ex-husband has decided to divorce me. I wasn't mentally prepared for that.

    So please I'm advising you to prepare yourself for anything because I don't want you to go through the same pain I had to go through.

    Try your best to keep him happy and content with you. InshAllah a good path will open up for you.

    Salaam O'Alaikum.

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