Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Whispers from Shaitaan or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I cant seem to master my thoughts

Assalamualaikum

I am working in a engineering college as a lecturer, and I am married. I am being affected by Waasaawis(whispers from shaitan). This problem is there with me right from my 12th standred (From Last 13 years). While doing Wadhu and Offering namaz irrelevant evil thoughts come to my mind due to which I am feeling problems while doing Wadhu and Namaz. While offering namaz I suddenly forget how many rakat of namaz I have offered and confusion starts. The most horrible problem is that always sexual thoughts and pictures come to my mind related to my wife due which a type of dought starts coming to my mind ralated to my wife and due to which i will get frustrated and start quarreling with my wife and even with my parents, afterwords i start feeling that i did a wrong thing and start asking sorry to my wife and parents. Even while doing any work such as reading Quran, books, while wearing clothes, opening or closing a box sexual thoughts and pictures come my mind and this happens every day, every moment, due to which I perform repetitive work means I will wear cloths again and again, close and open box, books, Quran Multiple number times.

I am taking treatment from Doctor and he says that i am suffering for OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and i am taking medicines also but they are not so effective. So I request you to give Islamic solution to these problems and even i want to know whether such thoughts have effect on my personal life and make harm to me. Whether such sexual and negative thoughts destroy my life in this world and after death. Please give solution this problem at the earliest.

Nyamatulla P Patel
India

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16 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaykum,

    Yes, it's definitely OCD and your fascination may be triggered through sexual thoughts. The reason you may not be responding to the medication is because you may require another dosage or another drug. Certain inner biological workings depend on the individual, so please consult your doctor and tell him/her flat out that the meds are not working for you.

    However, has your doctor also asked you to change your workload and schedule? Often the stress of these activities (becoming a lecturer is very time consuming) can contribute to your problems of concentration and OCD fascination. One of the causes of OCD is an over active mind, thus you begin to doubt everything and that itself becomes a focus of your OCD, hence the repetitive nature of your actions. You need to give your mind a rest.

    Concerning your prayers: carry a small click counter with you and place it around your neck on a chain or place it on your prayer mat. This way you can 'click' it for every sajood and ruku. It enables you to keep count and you can start doing similar things in your life with practical steps.
    http://www.amazon.com/GOGO-Counter-Handheld-Clicker-Counters/dp/B001UDW68U

    You can place your Qur'an in a book box or place a bookmark on top of it. This way you can know, "okay, that is done, now I must leave it." Ask your wife to help you with your clothes by removing the previous day's outfit and placing it in a separate closet. Actually, if she could help you start labeling your outfits per day, then this would also help you keep track of what to wear and what not to wear. She could clean your closet out for example, leave five outfits in there for the business week, so that you can effortlessly go in, get your clothes and stop worrying about it. A lot of OCD is environmental, so you need to adapt your surroundings to this condition for the time being. However, eventually by introducing more clothes in steadily, this would wean you off of having to rely on other. It's important not to become too dependent, but you seem to be a ways off from that step from now. You need to wrest back control of your life.

    Regarding your sexual thoughts, you need to get at the base of them. Of course, it's part of your OCD, but usually there is another trigger. It may be trust issues, sexual intimacy issues or whatever between your wife and yourself. Are you using porn, masturbating or are women at school setting you off? Eliminate the two formers and minimize exposure to the latter. I would advise you to sit with your wife, explain what is happening to you with your thoughts and ask her for her help.

    How so? Ask her and yourself: has your work schedule affected the frequency, intensity and enjoyment of your intimacy with your wife?

    Whenever you are getting these thoughts at home, cuddling with her would actually be a great cure as to build up the natural bonding biological reactions inside of you by having skin contact with her. I would recommend a lot of hugging, caressing and kissing daily sessions between you two. It's recommended, since it builds up oxycotin releases in your brain making the relationship stronger and I think it would begin to eliminate your fears. You may also experiment with the two of you sleeping unclothed and close to each other, if you do not do so already. What this exercise attempts to do is to draw you into a steady bonding practice that you find physical, emotional and neurological comfort and break your OCD fears and misleading sexual thoughts.

    For more bonding, I definitely recommend Karezza, as well. http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/what_is_karezza
    This will allow you to relax and just "be" for awhile and your wife would enjoy it.

    Have you experienced a death in the family, a change of employment, or any other situation in your life when this condition occurred and/or became more prominent? This may play a factor, also.

    What can you do when you are working? Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap yourself when your thoughts deviate into sexual ones. This is a "wake up" to stop what you are doing, clear your mind, breathe deeply for a minute and readjust your focus.

    To be honest, all the indicators are there that you have a classic OCD case. I would also keep in mind the fact that you may have to switch your employment goals, if you do not improve your condition. It seems that maybe lecturing is not for you and that you may need a practical application in engineering instead, aka engineering field work. Many people think lecturing is easy and comes naturally, but the stress can be quite burdensome. Perhaps switching to another sector would be prudent from say electrical engineering to civil or mechanical. In an extreme case, you may need to leave engineering altogether.

    Please respond and let us know how you are coping.

  2. askum,
    iam married for ten long years i have two kids n i had never had any mental illness off late sibnce two years i have been facing OCD like very bad thoughts abusive thoughts on realigious people n thoughts that are shirk n forbidden i hear voices all the time n its been so hard all time while iam at work while iam giving bath to my kids while iam offering prayers any thing i do its so bad that in my sleep i have been getting these thot s n once i think i was blaberring in my sleep abt those thoughts .....i repeatdely i get thought while taking bath n using wash room iam very tired very tired i cry endlessly for hours n hours n ask for forgiveness i repeatedly recite astaghfar n kalima . to make sure than i have not lost my imaan n not uttered sentences i always feel that all these thoughts are coming out of my mouth n cnt concentrate on anything even when iam with my husband trying to get close i cnt bcoz of these thoughts plz help me iam in deep trouble .

    • Asiya, Walaykumsalaam,

      - Recite this dua before entering the bathroom:

      "[بِسْمِ اللهِ] اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْخُبُْثِ وَالْخَبَائِثِ".
      '[Bismillaahi] Allaahumma 'innee 'a'oothu bika minal-khubthi walkhabaa'ith.'
      'In the Name of Allah. O Allah, I seek protection in You from the male and female unclean spirits.'

      (Reference: Al-Bukhari 1/45, Muslim 1/283. The addition of Bismillah at its beginning was reported by Said bin Mansur. See Fathul-Bari 1/244)

      - And upon leaving the bathroom, say:
      'Gufraanak', meaning: 'I ask You (Allah) for forgiveness'.

      Taken from: http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/Fortress/006.html

      If you have any further questions, please log in and submit as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-when-unwanted-thoughts-take-over/what-are-the-signs-and-symptoms-of-ocd.shtml

        OCD comes about through an anxiety disorder in many patients and I think this may be the case in you or leading you there. Essentially what happens is that a person begins to have so much stress and worries (anxiety) that they focus on those stress and worries instead of eliminating them, and this becomes a vicious circle. Because that focus of anxiety is such an impediment it develops into an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Yet, there are different types of OCD and you need to see a therapist to be diagnosed as such. It could be that you may be suffering from medications, life changes causing stress, rising stress levels that you are no longer able to cope with, and this can develop as you age and/or accept a change of role in your life.

        You seem to be a very busy young mom and which mom isn't? The problem is that you are multi-tasking too many things at once, with work, the kids, home responsibilities and marriage. When does your brain get a chance to stop? I know that women pride them self in this ability, but neuroscience is seeing trends that this may becoming an impediment in our day and age, especially as we are inundated with the world 24/7. It's often explained by an adage, "a mile wide, but an inch deep." Think of a thin sheet of ice on a river and you'll realize that just by applying the slightest amount of pressure, it'll completely shatter and you'll drown.

        What it seems like in your case is that you're spreading yourself too thin and taking on too much. Most adults can do this for awhile, but sooner or later, something has got to give. Our brains cannot keep this pace up forever and by multi-tasking too much causing your brain to constantly switch roles and in fact sides, from left to right. Thus, your stress levels rise and you are becoming susceptible to all sorts of random and harmful thoughts. You are essentially on overload and you need to give up something or you will continue to breakdown.

        No doubt this is where we become weak and like the story of Job (as), this is where Shaytan comes to us to spread bad ideas and thoughts. Remember his story of having everything, but surrendering and never forsaking Allah (swt), as you read my advice below.

        Assess your life and get control of it. See a doctor, follow their advice and sit down with your husband and discuss what is going on exactly. The doctor may prescribe meds, but pay attention to what I am going to say: meds are a temporary band aid to a gashing wound. They will get you through for a little bit, but they will NOT solve anything long term. You must change your life and the lower the stress of it.

        I imagine that you will have to either quit your job or take a part-time one with lesser hours, but more importantly lesser responsibility. This may require a life change as far as living expenses, but you have to determine that your health and your role in your family is more important than money. You may just need to change fields and find something more comforting rather than hectic. However, if you have good insurance and benefits, you may be able to take a leave of absence if you are diagnosed with a medical condition. Either way, consider this one of the more necessary decisions you will have to make.

        If you cannot do this, you may think of hiring a nanny to help with your children or perhaps asking your mother, mother-in-law, sister or another female to help you. Perhaps a younger cousin who is childless or a newlywed that wants to see what running a family is supposed to be about. Someone reliable, but if need be, it could be two different people on alternating weeks or something of that nature.

        If you can afford to leave your job and get help with your kids, I would recommend you do both till the summer, at least, if not permanently. Your mind and your body need to decompress, get some time to relax and rewire yourself. It will feel a bit strange the fist month or so, but if you take up yoga, start a garden or perhaps volunteer part time in a relaxing setting, then this would keep you happy. Note that I didn't say "busy." Being a busy body is what you must avoid. Instead, you need to focus on being happy.

        I have posted extensively on various subjects on how to do this and I will post those links here. You may think, what does anger management advice or newlywed advice have to do with me? But pay attention to how much environmental change there is in what I advise. All of it is meant for the same thing: to reform how we live and how our live more positively rather than negatively.

        In some cases, people have been known to move into a smaller more affordable home to make the changes they need or move a bit farther away form all the hustle and bustle. You should consider this for your family, as well. I also want to say that many women let their children's activities become their burdens. Extracurricular activities are fine as long as they are not overtaking family time, and no, being on every little league team is not healthy.

        Please read through these posts and find a different way to live.

        http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-can-i-deal-with-my-rising-anger-levels/comment-page-1/#comment-48232
        http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/wife-curses-and-bites/comment-page-1/#comment-46360

  3. I’m posting this link as it might help the sufferers and their family members understand OCD better, in sha’ Allah.
    http://islamandpsychology.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/journey-into-ocd-mind.html

  4. As-salam-alaikum

    I am raised in a family wherein i didn't get any formal islamic teaching of our deen. there has been no islamic atmosphere neither at home nor around. being ignorant, i have not been practicing and made some grave mistake. this has happend during my teenage when i due to my self interest tried to study our deen through internet, bad evil thoughts about our religion and even about God bothered me a lot. they went away when i stopped learning. now after almost 10 years later, when again i am trying to practice my deen by being regular in my saleh and doing dhikr, such evil thoughts have started coming again. i have had a troubled life and i am a hyper sensitive by nature. i have urination problem too and though i am trying to do my best to offer all my saleh regularly, doing dhikr but such evil thoughts are still there. i am in guilty of my grave mistake and for not practicing but now i want to but why i am getting such evil thoughts or whispers or ideas , i dont know. what to fight back against such negativity. please help me.

    i also want to know that can we make niyat for wudu in westernized toilet (wherein wash basin and toilet seats are nearby with no partition) saying within, if not aloud?

    if i am unwell or busy in work (for example office) then can i just offer only Fard saleh and not full prayer? what is the ruling on offering saleh when you are ill or too tired or too busy?

    please help me. thank you. jazakallahu khairan

    • Assalam O Alaikum Sister,
      Link below deals with the problem in great detail; that many face including you.
      Disturbed by Waswaas (Whispers From the Shaytaan) and Evil Thoughts

      http://islamqa.com/en/ref/25778

      I can't access "youtube" as it's banned in the country where I am right now but if you type;

      How to do Wudu in Office where western types of toilet in YouTube

      You will see Dr Zakir Naik giving the solution in this little video (under 2 minutes).

      Similarly, you can search other problems that are troubling you online.
      Hope this helps iA.

      Muhammad1982,
      IslamicAnswers.com, Editor.

      • Dear Brother

        thank you for your kind response.

        I am yet to hear on...

        • Please stop hijacking other people's posts with your questions. That's why you're on moderated status. If you have a question, submit it as a post and wait your turn. If this behavior continues I'll have to ban you.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Brother Wael,

            ‘hijacking’ was a quite a heavy word. It really hurt me.

            I am new to this site and I wasn't aware that asking randamonly can mean hijacking. I had no intenion of ‘hijacking’ anything by any mean.

            The wait on questions is quite long, almost two months and I have some particular issues which are eating me & causing hurdles in my getting on right path & my concern were similar to posts put up by others and when I happened to see some people asking randamonly on other’s post and they got replies as well, that’s what made me to to get guidance being in dire need as waiting is too long. I had thought that if i get answers then, i would delete my posts in wait, so others in need /in wait can ask. Perhaps you might not understand the sufferings one has. Anyways, I cant take such thing, therefore there would be no more ‘hijacking’ .

  5. As salaam,

    My 9 year old son seems to have changed overnight. He complains of these intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature. He says it is a constant in his mind, even when he manages to sleep, they are intruding. He has stopped eating, he cries day in and day out, can't go to school, as he sees and feels things he should about fellow students. The guilt is consuming him and he thinks its all his fault. He is so so distraught. This is making him sick. Nauseous all the time. Vommitting from anxiety in the middle of the night. I took him to a clinical psychologist for a session and have another booked for a week from today. In the meanwhile he is suffering greatly and I feel helpless. Im so scared for him, I just want him to be healthy and happy again. Please, please somebody say something to tell me this isn't going to be a part of his life forever.

    • As-salamu Alaykum,

      Good for you for recognizing the signs of OCD and taking your son for immediate treatment. The following website has a lot of excellent support and information:

      http://www.ocduk.org/

      There are also several excellent books you can read about the topic.

      Someone close to me has been struggling with OCD for the last several years, but it is now (mostly) under control with medication. It is definitely possible for someone to overcome the worst of it. Keep the lines of communication open with your son, and also educate yourself about the proper way to deal with someone with OCD. One of the strange hallmarks of this condition is that the person often becomes worse the more you reassure him that everything is okay. This is counterintuitive because you certainly want to reassure your son, but it is far more effective to learn the various techniques for allowing him to reason his own self out of an episode. I will tell you, though, that nothing but medication has worked for the person I know, and I don't know if these medications are used for young children. It may take time for your son to get better, but have faith that it will happen, Insha'Allah. The fact that he has a caring parent to help him along already puts him one step ahead of others who suffer with this condition. Be a constant advocate for your son, and do not give up. If a particular treatment is not working, speak up and insist on trying something else.

  6. Dear Brother,
    Please follow the given link below. I strongly believe this will cure you 100% because i was suffering from this stupid thing(OCD, though there is no such disease in human body) for 16 years and now I am superb! after watching this video. I pray for you. Allah will definitely help you.
    http://youtu.be/D9FPidUVS9E

  7. Aslaamualaikum !! i m 17 years old and i started praying 5 times namaaz Allahamduah.. !! i was misguided and brought on the right path by one of my friend who use to force me to offer namaaz and ask Allah SWT for help and forgiveness!! i started praying Shukar Allahamdulillah but i dont know what goes wrong with me sone negetive thought comes in my mind that why we are pray !! is there really someone out there i know that shaiytaan misguide me and that time i start recuting astigfirullah but i want help my brother and sister how will i come out from this its killing me from inside that what a wrong thing i m doing these thing and thought shouldnt even come in my mind but still they does what should i do please help me ! jazakAllah khair

    • I have been suffering from shaitaini wasawasay. From allost 3 years, sporadically. I have these unstoppable thoughts that I'd dare not utter. This time, I have these severe thoughts where I start thinking about all the sins I commit, daily or sometimes. We're all sinners, right? I keep thinking about these and feel guilt about it and that If I didn't stop doing that particular sin, my other good deeds will not be accepted and prayers won't be answered. I used to pray 5 times and recite Quran after every salah. Ever since I have started having these thoughts, I have been only focusing on that sin and how I should stop it. I've not done that, but I get angry and I do all these other things but its only about that. I spend less time with my family and in everything I do. I supplicate and think why can't l leave that one sin. Like the way I dress. or watching tv or music. Other things I keep doing. Is this my nafs or shaitan? Does shaitan tells us not to do sin? Am I not a good muslim? A sinner who cant stop sinning? Please help me I can't get over it. Please please reply

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