Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Who can give a woman in marriage?

Love, marriage and virginity

As Salaam Alaikum,

Is it possible for a woman to nominate someone else to give her out in marriage because she thinks her parent may not accept the proposed man? What kind of man is qualified for this job? Can she nominate someone her would be husband introduce to her? or can her would be husband find someone else to do this on her behalf? All her parents and relatives are alive but may not want to be party to the marriage for religion and other covert reasons.

Thank you.


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1 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    For a muslim woman, her father typically serves as her wali for marriage. If he is not muslim, then any muslim male relative like a brother, uncle or grandfather, or even adult son can take the place of a wali if he is muslim.

    I understand that some women do not have any muslim male relatives to serve this purpose. In that case, they can choose another male they trust to be their wali. Many choose the imam who will be conducting the marriage for that role. Others choose a muslim male associate they knew or played an integral role in their life. Or, if you feel more comfortable going with someone your fiancé suggests, there is nothing I can see wrong with that.

    However, there are a couple things I would caution you about. If you choose a wali who is not related to you because you have no male muslim relatives, then you have to understand he is still non mahrem to you and you are still under all the adabs of dealing with non mahrem. This means you shouldn't meet with your wali privately. Any interactions should be brief and strictly business. Honestly, when it comes to simply getting married, there isn't a whole lot you need to coordinate with him. Just give him your permission to act on your behalf to marry the man in question. That's basically it.

    The second caution is about your family. Though they are not muslim, and though you technically have the right to involve others in your marriage, it is wiser to involve your family as much as you can and try to secure their blessing. It's one thing to get married and leave your family completely in the dark, and it's another thing to do the best you can to get them on board but they refuse or make the issues from their side and leave you to what's best in your own judgment.

    One final thing: if a woman has married before, she doesn't need a wali for a second marriage. She can represent herself.

    -Amy Editor

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