Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why am I so tired of life?

anxiety

Salaam,

My problems are not that great to some of the problems that I have read on this website. The only thing is I am just tired of being me. What I mean to say is I love Allah, Prophet Muhammed (SAW), Quran, Angels, and everyone very much; I try to be a good person and try to all the vital things that are expected from a woman in Islam.

Alhamdulillah, I have everything, a good family, a house to live in and everything and as much I want to thank Allah, it is always less.

But my problem is that I can forgive anybody else as I don't like to hold grudges, and most of the times I don't like to complain as it sounds childish and a ungrateful person, and I try to firmly believe in Allah and I read about how to be close to Allah and what things I need to, but I cannot seem to find the strength in me to forgive myself or whatever I do, anything that includes me I absolutely loathe. I have told so many people about it, tried so many different things but I always end up back to square one.

I know that by posting this, some people will comment that I need to relax, take up a hobby, distract my mind, read Quran, remembers Allah, read durood sharrif, and seek professional help. I have almost tried everything, there other variety of stuff that I have tried but it does not seem to help, but thankfully there are not many people in my life who bring me down or discourage me anyway instead people are always telling me to be positive.

I thought I could believe in myself through the love for Allah, I managed to believe in Allah more but not in myself. I don't find any reason for my existence, I know that Allah creates us for a reason and loves us all very much, I have read certain extracts from the Hadiths and the Quran that proof the very point, I also know that God will not put us through anything that we cannot handle, but I know he gets us through out of it too. But as I said, I just do not find any reason for my being on the planet; I can be positive but only when it has nothing to do with me.

I sometimes think I should distance myself from everyone just because for their benefit, I know my family and friends and Allah love me, but I think that if I did not live their lives would be much better, as nothing I ever do seems to help anyone in any kind of way. I sometimes wish that Allah could grant me a wish or miracle by ending my existence. I know humans are imperfections so we make mistakes, but Allah has given certain ways to rectify and repent those mistakes, I have even tried to change myself for the better. But it does not seem to work. This has always been the problem, I cannot seem to find the source to this problem, I know there are people out there who are in worse situations than me, but still, I know a lot of you will tell me to be patient and trust in Allah, and believe me when I say that is the only thing keeping me alive.

I would kill myself, but it is haram in Islam, and disliked by Allah and knowing that nor can I ever come to harming myself or killing myself (I am not suicidal). I am not depressed or have any disorders; I am thankfully to Allah fine and in good health too. I just cannot begin to comprehend what is wrong with me, and it seems to get worse by the year, I know for a fact that I could do so much if I could let go of this feeling or whatever it is that I am not able to name.

I know very well that I cannot seek professional help, as many times I have tried it does not work out and none of their schemes seem to work out, I also know that only faith in Allah is keeping me alive. But with this feeling, I do not want to seem to do anything, I mean I don't want to go out, as it is only allowed for a Woman to go when it is necessary, I wear the hijab to its appropriate standards (I try to anyway), I read and pray namaaz, and make dua of course. Thankfully, I have not committed a grave mistake that I should be ashamed, like drinking, smoking, etc. I do not what it is. I have no idea if by writing here will give me any help because I do not want seek any professional help because I am not suicidal, I do not abuse anyone or self harm.

I just need motivation I suppose, because I am very tired of life and I often find myself wishing for death (I know it is haram), even I know for a fact that at that time I wish I could of live a little more. I suppose this feeling is because I am scared of everything, and I cannot get myself to do anything that will cause me harm as then I have almost a heart attack, more like a panic attack.  I do listen to nasheeds a lot, find that by crying almost everyday alone in my room helps me, and I know that life is too short for grief and worries. I do not know if I have missed anything that will be suggested by others for me to do, at the current moment I try to gather all this energy for studies, but I do not how long I can keep this up before I start to distance myself from everything.

Please do not take me wrong, I am fit and well, and never would I think to take someone's life, even it is my own I am not that stupid. I suppose I want to just let go of this thinking and fear, but who has control over what they think? Please do give any suggestions if you could help, I would love to read all the comments no matter what it is :).

I hope Allah blesses you all, and gives you the courage and strength to do more good deeds and become a better Muslim every day. I hope Allah illuminates your heart with Allah's Noor and Wisdom so that you may be guided on the right path. I pray from the bottom of my heart that you all will become close to Allah so that you may be one of the people who has the shade of Arsh on the Day of Judgment.

I also pray that whatever problems, tension you have that Allah gives you the strength and knowledge to be patient so that you may never doubt Allah (SWT) and you receive mercy in this world and in the hereafter. I hope and pray that Allah forgives you and makes you one of the people of the Paradise. I hope Allah gives you opportunity that you will meet the Prophet on the Day of Resurrection. I also hope Allah (SWT) makes all of your dreams and ambitions come true and gives you more than you could of ever dreamed for.

I also hope that every Muslim helps their Brothers and Sisters in the time of need and become a united force. There are many things out that I wish for all of you Brothers and Sisters and I try everything in my power to try and make this a constant dua for everyone, not just it being about me. I wish for you to never become like me, I hope Allah is with you and guides with you all the way. I am not perfect but I would never want anything bad for anybody or you. I really hope my dua for you all comes true, it is from the bottom of heart and I mean everyword. May Allah reward you for your good deeds and help them to grow. Love you all. May Allah bless each and everyone and forgive you.

Allah bless everyone, please for the sake of the Prophet, the Angels, the Quran. You are all forgiving and All Merciful

Ameen

P.S. I do realize that you have many questions asked per day. I understand and acknowledge the fact that it will take time and I need to be patient, I will. I completely understand. May Allah reward you for this deed with endless blessings.


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24 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Thank you for taking the time not only to describe what’s bothering you, but also for detailing what you’ve done so far to try to fix it. A lot of times we use unnecessary time trying to offer solutions to problems that have already been tried and haven’t worked. Thank you as well for your well wishes for us.

    If I were to look at your problem from a clinical perspective, here is what I would identify as your symptoms:

    - I am just tired of being me (feeling everything is an effort)
    -I cannot forgive myself (feeling bad about yourself)
    - I don't find any reason for my existence (hopelessness)
    -I should distance myself from everyone (wanting to isolate from others)
    -nothing I do helps anyone (helplessness)
    -I do not want to seem to do anything (loss of interest in activities)
    I just need motivation (low motivation)
    -I am very tired of life I am often wishing for death (thoughts of not wanting to live anymore)
    -crying almost everyday (unexplained, frequent tearfulness)

    Clearly, the characteristics above classically capture the symptoms of clinical depression. When you say, “I am scared of everything, and I cannot get myself to do anything that will cause me harm as then I have almost a heart attack, more like a panic attack”, you are also describing symptoms of a general anxiety disorder and/or panic disorder. I know you feel that you are not depressed because you are not actively suicidal or hurting others, but most professionals will agree that you seem to have what may be a mild case of clinical depression if you have been dealing with this for over 3 months.

    It’s easy to think that we might not be depressed if we are comparing ourselves to others who may have a more pronounced case than ours. It’s easy to believe we are not depressed if we have never tried to slit our wrists or because we are still doing our daily routine. However, there are some people who are not suicidal at all, who have very strong thought processes, and are highly functional…but still quite depressed every day and are experiencing many of the same things you are describing about your own life. That’s the tricky thing about depression- it doesn’t always “show up” the way you most expect.

    The reason for that is because most types of depression are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Now, you don’t necessarily need to have a bad life or have experienced some trauma, or even be related to someone who’s depressed to have a depression imbalance yourself. Your brain is an organ just like your heart, lungs, pancreas, etc. and it can get sick or out of balance just like any other organ of our bodies can. If you had symptoms of diabetes, you wouldn’t hesitate to have an endocrinologist evaluate you, would you? And if you were diagnosed with chronic high blood pressure, you would faithfully take the medications to keep you well, wouldn’t you? Well it’s the same with an imbalance in your brain. If one of your brain chemicals (there are four major ones) is out of balance, not only will you feel badly emotionally and mentally –even physically; you will need proper medical treatment to improve the imbalance and thus the symptoms themselves.

    If you have indeed had your body medically checked for any other causes to what you’ve been experiencing such as hormonal imbalances etc then it’s very likely that your brain is under-functioning and could use some medication to get back to the proper levels. I would strongly suggest that you set up an appointment with a psychiatrist (not a neurologist or psychologist) and have them evaluate you and set you up with a treatment plan. If you are truly dealing with a biologically based disorder, then no amount of counseling will improve your state to the level it needs. Only the proper medication and dosage are going to bring the significant improvements that you are seeking.

    Don’t let the stigma of “being depressed” keep you from seeking the treatment that seems to be needed. No one chooses how or when our bodies get sick, but we are responsible for doing what is needed to help them get well again once we know there’s a problem. Take this opportunity to do this for yourself, and in so doing you will also be taking advantage of the opportunity to live the fuller life that Allah truly created you for.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sister,

      I am thankful for your reponse but I thankfully have no chemical imbalance and nor am I depressed. I just want to believe in myself and find ways in which I want to live life so I may not do wreckless

  2. AA;

    How old r u? are you married? do you have a degree? hold a job?

    You said: "I just need motivation I suppose" So you know what you need, and that's great alhamdolellah. Now look around you and see what can you do? What interest you? I am pretty sure there is a mosque or Muslim center some where where you can volunteer. Seems like you have SO MUCH to give, but by keeping yourself distance from others, the society will not benefit from you. We are Muslims. We are the best thing that happened to this earth. We build where ever we go, we educate, teach, care for, and take care of things. This universe is our responsibility.

    You know your issue, and you know the solution 🙂 You just need to apply your self by sitting goals for your self 🙂

    May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

    AA

    • I am a muslim but how u can say that muslims are the best to happen in this world ? how u can even judge or compare ? every one is human and created by god so how we can say we are best ? I brought up in a muslim family or if I was born to a non muslim family ? then I would never be the best ? we are actually isolating ourselves by saying that we are best we are making boundaries !!! so assuming we are the best is best ever mistake we all muslims are doing

      • Aon Khan, if all else is equal - if two people have equal behavior and good deeds - then the Muslim is indeed better, because the Muslim worships his Creator, and by doing so fulfills the purpose of his creation. The true Muslim is on right guidance, giving thanks every day to Allah, and striving to do good in the world. The true Muslim accepts all human beings of all races, nationalities and tribes as equals. The true Muslim is generous, compassionate, and just, and at the same time strives to improve human knowledge in the world.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Asalaam alaikum,

    While the above advice given is good, there's something significant that I noticed in the second part of your post: you were praying for others. This shows a giving and considerate nature as the Prophet said something to the effect that those who do not worry about the affairs of other Muslims are not believers. So by the Prophet's standard and this is no doubt from Allah (swt), you are a believer. But as you said, you lack motivation. So you need to do something with this information in hand and do something: volunteer.

    Every morally successful person in life volunteers a part of their life to the local community, humanity and the larger global society. Without a doubt, it becomes an obligation on every human being to make this world a better place. How you choose to do this is up to you, but there are so many ways to do it, you do not have a n excuse not to. The most evident of course is through da'wah, but there is also volunteering for a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, food pantries, environmental causes, campus initiatives for Palestine, etc.

    I am a big supporter of Habitat for Humanity, as well. You learn a skill, it puts you out in fresh air, you see your results quickly and you work alongside the to-be homeowner. There are many initiatives for this around the globe, so check it out.

    The biggest point about Islam isn't just gaining knowledge, but about putting it into action. This is not a passive religion, so start living it by pushing it forward in a community social project, if you can. We forget that that was the whole point to the Islamic State.

    Another part of feeling worthy of life is determining exactly, "Who do you want to be?"Not what, but who? Not what your parents or teachers wanted you to be, but what you want!

    You need to develop a trust in yourself that you can decide to be happy or not. And you need to determine how you can think about how you are original from everyone else. If you find yourself struggling with this part, it's because you haven't determined your own identity. God has given you this power to do this and you can do it with His help. Understand that Islam does not constrain you, but liberates you to think this way.

    Muslims who have been at the head of revolutions and changed Islamic thought, were first and foremost, their own best self analyzer. They understood where they wanted to be and how they wanted to shape their lives. You need to do the same by breaking out of your own misconceptions about yourself.

    You also need to understand that you will fail in several points in your life, whether socially, personally and whatever have you. You cannot always win, but you cannot be paralyzed by fear or failure. Don't be afraid to fail. You must be willing to fail in order to achieve success. Once you find the vision of what you want to be, then continue to push yourself in this direction.

    Also, don't just listen to people who give you only positive reinforcement. Sometimes you need a critical assessment to see where your shortcomings are. Yet, don't ever let someone discourage you completely. If someone says you can't do it, be encouraged that it's a challenge to do it! Be that first person who does what everyone else thinks is impossible.

    Then work like hell get to who and where you want to be in your life. When you feel pain, that's when your life counts. Get smarter, work hard and stop being complacent. If you are sleeping 8-9 hours a day, start only sleeping 6. Sleep faster. And then you'll change your actual waking hours to get something done.

    Do you want a suggestion? Learn a new language, become fluent in it and find a job that you can be placed in to use it like a consulate or as a interpreter.

    • Thanks for the reply, I actually was considering this as an option. At the moment it is quite difficult but I hope to do volunteering soon. Also you are right I do not know what I want

      • why u considering to do volunteering soon ? are u out of your mind ? if ur aimless then that doesn't mean u have to spoil your life being a volunteer ! u have the same rights of living a happy life as others ! u are not only here for others ! yourself has its own rights ! in muslims society the depressed hopeless people works for mosque or the Islamic organizations and those scholars or contractors of islam live their live with thug banging 4+ wives and advices u to do volunteering WTF ... its up to u ... its ur life but im here to say that your life has its own rights ... live it happily ... explore the world experience the things ... this is the meaning of life actually to live it somehow happily

        • Aon Khan, if you plan to continue commenting on this website then first of all watch your language, as this is an Islamic site, and secondly check your attitude and learn to be polite. This is not the proper manner of discourse.

          As to your actual comments, volunteering to work in an Islamic center, or in da'wah, or to help the poor, or to do any good activity, is done fee sabeel-illah - in the cause of Allah. It brings barakah, and it strengthens one's character, and it helps society. You are completely wrong that volunteering is for "hopeless" or "depressed" people. Some of the wealthiest people are the most active in raising funds for Islamic schools and charitable causes.

          I don't know what world you are living in where the Imams and scholars are living it up. The Imams I see work very hard on minimal salary, and are just trying to do good and guide people. If there is some corrupt scholar somewhere who is selfish or greedy, then that is his sin, and is between him and Allah. It has nothing to do with our own activities.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Waleykum Asselaam my dear sister,

    You just described the place i left. I mean i actually know what you mean. At least i think.

    You seem to have a very good imaan masha'Allah. But still feeling this restlessness inside.

    You pray, you dont sin, you love islam, you love Allah and the prohpet. Masha'Allah.

    Dear sister, do you love yourself too? You really should. I mean i know whe make mistakes and sin as human beings. So sometimes we really feel ashamed in front of Allah and we should.

    I had this too. I tried to be happy and really like making myself believe i was. But still that empty feeling inside. I do pray to alhamdulillah. I did then. You know what i did. I started to pray from the heart, to make zikr of Allah from my heart. Readig daily base quran from the heart. that was what i was missing.

    You told us that you know that we would say this. Now that this world is temporarly. Also people around you have an influence. You seem like a very good girl, good with family and friends. Think of it, is something inside bothering you? Masha'Allah you have the abilty to forgive and may Allah forgive you and guide you.

    When i watched this, i had to cry it all out. I love Allah so much. I hope you get better my sister. I know it feels bad right know, but this too shall pass. Insha'Allah your heart will find peace.

    I love all of you my brothers and sisters for the sake of Allah swt.

  5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uSpfmZOvQU

    Sorry i meant when i watched this link

    Bless you.

  6. I am posting my comment here, its size is long. Is that the reason its not being posted? Will it be posted later?

    • Abdullah, I did not see any comment written by you. I checked the Spam and Trash folders and it's not there either.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. Assalmu aliakum

    And Allah wants to lighten for you [your difficulties]; and mankind was created weak. (nisa, 28)

    This is also vise versa, women can not live without men.
    It is obvious to anyone who could read and can think, that you are lonely.
    I am being straight with you. Allah azawajal, who created us; knows us better than anyone whom body in existence and he is telling you something about yourself. When you have grown up, your mature, everything becomes reality, you start to notice that something is missing. That's why your lonely and allah specifically tells us we cannot do without men or women. Bottom line blessed sister, if you don't get married your gonna live your whole life like your in square one. The prophet himself was breaking down when his wife died, when he did not have the partner to push; and he is the best human being that ever walked on earth.
    Also, allah created us male and female for reason, but you not getting married, your loosing half of your life, half of islam;
    assalamu aliakum.
    I am more then willing inshallah to help by giving you more advise.

    • mohamed, I have removed your email address. We do not allow the posting of private contact information on this forum.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. I am 15 and studying for O levels..i recently left my old school where i had been for 5 years! I had to leave it for doing O levels.but i was unwilling to do it.Nobody had forced me for doing this.but i felt that if i dont leave it my parents will be sad because they must be having some expectations from me.
    Now i feel like i did wrong.i miss my old friends alot.it has been nearly 2 months but i have not made any new friends yet.its not like i dont try.i am always struggling for making a friend.
    Secondly,i feel that the studies are too hard for me.i cant just study and study.i am depressed and tired of life,i know being a muslim i should not be.
    I have tried everything to kill my depression but nothing works.i am always missing my friends... Help me please... 🙁

    • Dear sister Sara, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to advise you. When you do, tell us more about your situation. Why you had to change schools, how far you are from your old friends, why you're having trouble making new friends, etc.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. assalamualaikum sister..

    u know what u problem is really similar to mine i had wonderful family and i think my life ...it just me have the problem that i don't know n tired of thinking what should i do...sometimes i think there is other people in syria, gaza etc could have or deserve my life and do their best in my life...when i think bout it i know Allah had put our qada n qadar like this. n i cant say it coz it like i said what Allah do is wrong....i ask my brother why allah still make me breath..i tired and scared that i will make a sin..coz i heard Allah will take a good guys and change to bad guys so they keep taubah...so is that mean that i keep doing sins n allah don't want to take me...then my brother said sometimes it is because Allah want to see how can u sabar and until he complete ur rezki he will take u....lets keep struggle even do right know i fell so weak but i just need to relax n read book n motivate me again n again...sometimes i felt bored and tired to do that but i do it again n again n i still dont know when Allah gave me such a miracle....i hope there is Rasulullah that can i go and ask how,what to do n his dua...sometimes i look at people my brother how their fell soo full n keep it up with their life....i dont know what going to happend tommorow but i hope n keep hope that allahwill show me the way.....

  10. Salaam to every musilm

    Alahmidallah to everything in life . I have the same problem of being hopless and lost of interset. As days contiue i always remind my self that we are living and being brought to life for a test and not for being happy and all that. Alahmiallah i am still pushing my self to do the good things to make allah proud and also my parents. Life is not worth to be mad and depressed , just smile and contiue it. I am sorry i was cruel for a bit , but a person can't hold him/her self when seeing people complaining about life and we are not going to stay forever. No matter wht, we are leaving and going to a postion where nobody can run.

  11. Salam Wa Elikum. . Im 15 Nd hamdallah still breathing living the life Allah has gave us ... [email protected] the same time living suffering everyday trying to figure out whts in me that's taking away my life. I have lots of sins tht I have stacked Nd r still stacking on top of eachother on top of what I do which is cutting. I've been cutting for so many yrs to a level where I paused myself cuz m dried out of blood. I also use to take pills frm much anger. I'd get out of control and look for pills thtll help pass me out of life so id overdose as in I committing suicide but instead id only faint or make a scene thtll hurt others.
    So nothing from that helped I decided to pick up a knife aiming to put a end to my life by stabbing and cutting both wrists, Nd I jst ended up in dropping in so many disorders which I blv In it not being a disorder but a shaytan.

  12. Srwb. Sister i was feeling the same. And im still feeling this, the only diffrence is that i have found how to fight this.
    Im lived in Norway, born and raised, before i found islam i never had this problem., i was a populare guy with many friends.
    After i found islam my life perspective changed, i became tired and bored of life, nothing was funny and i didnt experience things as before, i became a thinker, and i feelt worthless, even the way i saw life and people changed,till the point i thought that i was unormal.

    But the thing is sister, nothing is wrong with you, and your not tired, its just. That your heart is changing, because when Allah loves a person he will change the statet of his or hers heart, this is a hard proses because you will change so much, the right wording in islam is that a weil is lifted from your heart, no material gains in life will give you happiness, not even family and kids, because you have realized the truth before seeing it, all of this is from the heart, and it will always be like this, because Allah inshallah loves you, saw said, if the world had any worth with Allah, it would not be given to the infidels.
    So my advice to you, even if im not comibg back to this page probaly.
    Remember that you have more of a obligation in your islam than only regular prayers, tou have to serve the ummah. When you do this inshallah tou willl find the tranqulity that you once lost and peace with your self.
    Srwb. Your brother Abo Osama

    • I really needed this comment. That's exactly what I'm going through and a slight mixture of the original post from the sister. I'm trying to find my way back to life.. if that makes sense. I'm just grateful that Allah SWT has made me remember Him and ask for His advice ...

  13. reading your post was like someone was describing my situation. dont worry you are not alone.i absolutely relate to you.

  14. You just found your purpose in life you helped me and others realize we go through what you going through! Thank you for being bold and showing me im not the only one who feels like you.

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