Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why culture is eating us, why our parents are not following islam

"]shia sunni unity

As for those who divide their religion and break up Into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: Their affair is with Allah: He will in the end Tell them the truth Of all that they did. [Al-Qur'an 6:159

(Editors Note: Mansoor, I have edited your post as it was extremely long.)



Well  dear name is mansoor **** ******! I am  from ******* india!

I dont know for what we are getting educated islam never teaches us this to be divided into sunni and shia! Islam is perfect and what we have done is we have always embarced islam in every dam good manner! i am soory if i am wrong thats bt creating community cultures creedz and castes, rich or poor complexions and etc!

Well one year ago, I met a girl on social networking and then few days aftr that we started to chat and then it went on and on though then i came to find out that she  was a shia muslim! So i told her ok she is a muslim thats enough for me then finally  az she was just a friend for me at that time!,then aftr many days maybe a month we both started  islamic discussions like what should we do in islam then what i used to do is that i used to tell her that may be i am not a good muslim but you shd go ahead and tell me what shd i do so that i can be a muslim atleast in a possible manner! We used to just chat and discuss islamic  issue and  the main motive of mine was she is shia lets go ahead and be a muslim we shouldnt be a shia and suuni just a muslim that we have to be. shia and sunni is a thing that we have created to divide islam!!

Day by day we  got close to each other and then we started taking over the phone then when i heard her and when we talked  to each other we helped each other! She already had very good islamic knowledge then i told her that we should not be shia suni, lets formalize the thing we will be a muslim and in turn she said this dsnt matter to her she is just a muslim but born in shia family and rest she knws what allah has said! i was very happy with her nature and islamic knowledge and the way we used to discuss everything then within few days i  felt like i falled in love with her!  I proposed her. She said she needz time!

Then finally we agreed to each other then we knew its shia and sunni problem! so we both decided Allah is with us we will not marry anyone excep each other may be no  one would support us but allah knws us! So aftr few months i went back to ***** aftr long vacations! I got my cousins to meet her and they were happy with her.

Finally i met her in kashmir for the first time. I told her dear i swear on allah and prophet that my allah knws i want to marry you and even we love each other this is the time we have to study and then let me complete my graduation and you will complete your studies we will send nikam nama aftr that! i did istikhara and she also did it was good for both of us! then i aftr few days told mom that i love a gal her name is .... and she is shia muslim! finally ice broke!

My mom said she wdnt accept her at all in anyway!no ways! So finally after few months mom agreed and then even my relatives came to knw. The ones who were wise and who know islam in a good manner they support and the ones who didnt i didnt care abt that. Then my mum managed to convince my dad to agree. He agreed and said, he will support me and I should complete my studies.

Well muharam came and she started avoiding me constanly. She started avoidin me like hell! I was frustarted couldnt concenrtate on studies at all!  We had an argument and I also did some mistakes. After a month, she finally told me that her dad said he would kill himself if she chose any guy to marry herself. I told her that dont worry allah is with us. We will not worry we will face your mom dad also  just  relax!

Then she said she is in a fix she cant leave and she cant leave her parents ! and she dsnt want her parents to get hurt! I was crying like hell for 4 months  then i told her one day whats the problem when i said i am with you whay are u creating chaos for urself and me!  Then finally after 5 months she tried every manner to kill me  by avoiding me. Then she didnt talk to me. Finally my mom dad ask why she is not calling them, but then I tell them no she is busy at all!

Then i knw the basic reason is she was brain washed by her freinds that no this wont happen her  family wont agree at all. then i knw she loves me lodz and she had killed  her by doing this she is doing this becz of she thinks that her famliy wint aprove i knw allah is with me and they would approve otherwise my mom dad wdnt  have agrred then! Finally she broke up but I love her. But I know she is scared of family and all that she didnt wanted that my family would face problem when we come there for nikaah proposal! Even i knw when we would come i would go ahead and pleed in front of  her family! that  how much we all love her we would keep her happy and all that... and i knw they would accpt her

Her friend told me that since from avoiding you and now broking up with you she cries all day all night and has lost her health also and she is madd but she did this because she thinks her family would not accept me! But i knw my mom dad would make this happen is this my curse that i am a sunni i hate this shia sunni!

I am nt  here to accuse her i just want thats she should nt ruin her life she loves me and i am facing every problem and i wd  get her. I have tried  lodz i cant see her like this at all! i knw i wont marry anyone except her that i have alreday swared of  allah i will fight till the end by my hope is when she is with me i can make us win and cant  let these comunity followers win! Oh my dears i just want to save her i love her and MY ALLAh knows this! I dnt want her to be unhappy i dnt care about my self! i cant live without her! Now itz upto you  to suggest to that gal what should she do with me az i knw allah helps those who beleive in him! and who beg to him,  so do i.


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6 Responses »

  1. Dear Ubaid, Asalaamualaykum,

    There are many divisions amongst Muslims and this can be frustrating. You are right, we should not be dividing and discriminating, but it happens. This is life. I am sorry for the way you are suffering due to Shia/Sunni divisions. But, I find your attitude and mental state of mind somewhat unstable.

    You said: "I dnt want her to be unhappy i dnt care about my self! i cant live without her!" But the truth is that you can live without her, are you not breathing as you read this? Brother, lets not over dramatise your situation. If you adopt a healthier approach, you may find more strength to deal with the situation.

    Straighten yourself out and approach her parents without begging. Approach them with humbleness and dignity. If you approaching her father will cause her more harm, then leave her alone.

    If her father is adamant in rejecting you, it may be because his Shia beliefs do not tie in with Sunni beliefs. Some branches of the Shia belief are very extreme and take one out of the fold of Islam, so you may want to bear this in mind and be sure that anyone you consider for marriage does not hold such beliefs.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. @Ubaid!
    I am into the similar situation.I am from Pakistan.First my familly have hasitation.then My family disapproved the shia boy...we really had very good time...
    although my story is bit different from you...Now they boy is aksing to leave my home and parents......
    I have lost my health my piece of mind,my thinking power......
    i can imagine how the girl wud be suffering....The boy is asking to decide into two days or a week to leave home...he is saying i wud pick u up etc.....
    i know my parents r wrong but even then it is a vey bold step for girl to leave home....
    i personaly believe that shia are muslims...but belive me i found them very rigid in some of their stances (religious).....his family has also the same strong stance...

    • Mehwish,

      You said it is a very bold step for a girl to leave home. I do not think it is bold, I think its absolutely wrong, cowardly and foolish. If your parents are mistreating you, beating you, or forcing to you marry against your wishes, then I can understand leaving home. But not under the circumstances you have described. If your parents have a problem with you marrying a Shia boy, they may be justified. Some Shia followers believe things which take them out of Islam, this is serious.

      If the boy you like is a true Muslim and is of good character and can support you (and you need to research all of this), then your parents have no Islamic reason to reject his proposal. Try to convince your parents to permit you to marry him through the Quran/Sunnah, through your family, or an Imam. Even if you marry your choice and your parents are unhappy, you have an absolute obligation to keep on trying with them. I know that striking a balance between culturally stubborn parents and our Islamic rights is very difficult, but its the only acceptable way.

      At the same time, I suggest you question the character and suitability of this boy for marriage if he is asking you elope. Eloping is wrong. It is not the Islamic way.

      SisterZ Editor

  3. I feel sad for al all of you! Marriage should be between 2 people and Allah! I understand the pull of tradition and culture! What good is tradition and culture when it causes so much pain? Do these parents that Allah is satisfied by all this pain and suffering? I think not!

  4. @sister Z
    Yes you are right...I had been through very abnormal family mother sacrificed her whole life for me and my sisters and brothers. And cope up with many odd and difficult times in our upbringing and now we all siblings are very well educated.
    The guy I m discussing is good enough. I had no doubt on his feelings but I found him changing his statement. I m Muslim as I believe in allah,quran and finality of prophet but my family is ahmedi. Due to that boy I read books of ahmedi and shia. Then after I studies I really don’t want to be ahmedi.Also do not want to be shia.But I have no problem being with shia…..
    But then things suddenly changed, he asked me to leave my family within two days. He also said that if you will leave them after my given time limit then you will not change for deen but you will change for materialism.
    And in end he asked me what your final decions ?I said I cannot leave my family at this stage as I m dependent and a female. However when I will independent then all will be ok.then every thing ended up as my family and his family forced both of us to leave each other. His family doubt on my intentions for religion etc….
    My mother is serious heart patient and since the time she came to know that I don’t want to be ahmedi she have health issue. Now I m very much depressed and in pain. I have a very lovely family but I m not happy. I really want to be escaped but where I don’t know………

  5. marriage is between both of you and Allah the parents side is not surppose to be toohawful i dont know why this situation occurs like this, but i pray that Allah wud help u sort this out.

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