Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why do guys make fun of a girl who loves them truly?

Heartbroken, broken heartI really liked a guy, I wanted to marry him. I never got a chance to interact much with him but my intentions were always good. I wanted to have a halal relationship with him but even before i could approach him, his best friend proposed me and i said no because I was already in love with this guy.

I wanted to tell him but the guy who sent the proposal and his friends made so much of fun of me because I was in love with his best friend.  Those guys went around telling everyone in college that im after him (I just liked him but never spoke to him). I went into depression, everyday and night I used to sit and cry. I wanted to die, I never liked any guy so much the way i liked him but i ended up making a fool out of myself.

I never spoke to him but his friends spread rumors that im having an affair with him 🙁 🙁 so i decided i would get over him. It was very difficult for me to forget and I realized I was unable to get over him. I did istikharah, he came in my dream twice after that. No matter where i go i see him. The more i run away from him, the more i get to see him.

I changed my route to college so that i dont see him, but my destiny!  The more i see him the more i feel like crying 🙁  I have become so depressed people come and ask me whats wrong, but that guy doesnt even bother. Even he is well aware of the rumors still he keeps quite. Its just me who keeps telling everyone theres nothing between us.

I never spoke to him then they say why doesnt he clear the issue. He knows everything what his friends did. But still he keeps quiet, those guys played with my emotions, now im completely broken. I just lost interest in my life, everyday someone or the other comes and tells me about him and I just cant forget him.

Please tell, why doesn't Allah teach them a lesson

- zaracullen

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling depressed and hurt. I know that this is difficult for you and you may feel like it's the worse thing that could happen to you. The good thing is that you will get over this and you will learn from this experience. It may not feel like that now but it will pass.

    The first thing you need to know is that young men, in particular college age boys are very immature. On the exterior they may show confidence and maturity, but on the inside some of them are still little boys. Young women are much more mature in the same age range. When young men are around their friends the maturity level of most of them takes a nose dive and it gets worse.

    Here is a bit of practical advice, you never should have told the boy that you didn't want to marry him because you were in love with his best friend. You could have told him no but not because of his best friend. I am almost positive that after you told him no, the first thing he did was tell his friends and make fun of you. He is making fun of you because his pride is hurt. So he is making himself feel better by hurting you. Rejection is not easy but a mature person would have moved on. His friend is not saying anything in defense of you because they are best friends. Remember I talked about the maturity level of some boys?

    Please, I don't want you to get the impression that all young men are like that. There are some very mature boys out there and one day Allah(swt) will present him to you in a halal way. Stay patient.

    Please sister, don't let this situation get you down. Don't worry about when the boys will be punished. Life goes. You need to concentrate on your studies. I'm sure you have some good friends to confide in also.

    Ask Allah(swt) for guidance and you will be just fine.

    Your Brother in Islam

    Abdul Wali Editor

  2. Zaracullen,

    Let me tell you something. I love a man and was supposed to get married. I waited through Ramadan for him. Now he avoids my calls and wont talk with me. I am older then you and so is he. I don't know why he wont talk with me. But that is life. I am devastated. My point is. The friend asked you. You said no. He was hurt. You told him why so you could be honest and maybe so the guy you like would know how you feel and ask for you. I have a question. Did the guy you like say anything bad about you? You said all his friends did. But I didn't see about him. What abdul said about college boys is true. They are not mature. It is there nature.

    Do not give up hope on yourself or the guy you like unless he has been cruel to you. Do you feel you did anything wrong? I read what you wrote and saw nothing bad about you. You have no reason to hide or change routes. I would like for you to walk the same route that you usually do and hold your head up high. Feel good about yourself. This one lesson you must learn now. You can control you. You can control how you react to such hurtful things. You can not control other people ever. You did nothing wrong you have nothing to hide or feel shamed about. So what if they make fun of you. You like the guy. There is nothing wrong with that or your honesty about it, You are true to yourself and other people.

    If the guy has done nothing wrong to you then do not worry about it. If he has done wrong to you then would you want to be with a person who would do that to you? Just start going about your business like normal. I want you to tell yourself when you are in a difficult place "I am a good person. I have done nothing wrong. I have every right to be treated with respect." Never doubt that and hold your head up high every time you feel vulnerable. If you want to talk with him then do it. They already made fun of you for it. What do you have to lose? Make sure you do everything Halal though. Stop defending yourself. If someone says something just be honest and brief about it. Plus you should be aware the guy might not have said anything out of shyness. Guys get shy too.

    Being honest and saying how you feel is never making a fool out of yourself. It is being true to yourself. You feel foolish only because you allow them to make you feel that way. If you never spoke your true feeling then you would feel regret. I make a fool out of myself all the time by saying how I feel. But it leaves me with nothing to regret in my life.

    You teach them the lesson by getting up in the morning and going out into the world and living your life. Next time they do bad, look in their direction and smile thinking about how it is not true and you are a good girl. You have to know it in your life and feel it in your being. If people come to you and ask why the guy doesn't say something tell them to ask him themselves. You don't know.

  3. asalmalaikum zara
    i can understand your situation...i would dont marry the one whom you love,marry the who loves far as that married man is concerned,how can you be sure he would be loyal to you after marriage?a man who couldnt be loyal to his wife and children(the most precious relationship on earth) how could he be loyal to you..what if he starts seeing other women after marrying you....he is just attracted to you because you are young and beautiful..he is just using you..when he fonds another attractive women he wil go after her..and he wants to have a baby with you before marriage is ridiculous...he just wants a physical relationship with you and he is playing with your emotions....ZARA you are emotional,and such men just play with your emotions ..Im serious I have personally come across such are a nice girl,why do u want to be a second women in anyones can never be happy zara is very humiliating for a women to see her husband dating another women and so for her children..they will curse you like anything...and you can never be happy...the other guy who likes you i think you should marry him...starting seeing him the way you see that married man..develop an emotional bond with sure you will fall in love with him..dont ruined your life after that married man..he will be never loyal to you..he is just faking it..he just wants to use you zara....ignore him..pray to allah to guide you..and obey your parents...MAY ALLAH GUIDE YOU AND HELP U IN DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN RIGHT AND WRONG ..AMEEN!!!

  4. Dear Zaracullen.


    i agree with Roux,

    love yourself, dont feel depressed you were just bieng honest about your feelings. this episode has actually done good , it has conveyed your feelings to the person you liked. nowit is upto him if he wants to respond. to be honest he must have felt very flattered that he is liked by a girl.

    having said that , most boys at this age just want a feather in their hat and boast that they are very popular among girls and that they have secret admirers. you must not let yourself be a victim of this anymore. divert your attention to studies and prayers. ask Allah to make you strong. dont let yourself into any haram. if you feel too bothered by his presence avoid all situations which are agrivating your emotions. keep one thing in mind this time WILL PASS AWAY and you will walk with your head held high. i must stress again dont indulge in any haram even if this boy who you like approaches you ,big sins start with small steps. the most important thing is that when you stand for prayer in front of Allah you are proud of yourself that you havent done any haram.may Allah be with you.

    your sister


  5. Salaams,

    For the original poster- zaracullen: you say the one you are in love with, you never really spent any time with or interacted with him much. After the proposal/teasing incident, you have barely any contact with him at all. Is this correct?

    If you cared that much for someone that you didn't know well, that's a crush. Nothing wrong with a crush. But if you care about your crush enough to be serious and marry them (I would assume this based on you rejecting the proposal of another), then maybe it would be in your best interest to find a chaperone and take the initiative to spend some decent quality time truly getting to know Mr. Crush? This will benefit you in two ways, for one it will give you the opportunity to explain your side of the story and rumors, if it is necessary. If you have a chaperone you trust, they can help clarify what you are saying if you find yourself stumbling over words, and make sure that you two can both move forward getting to know one another without that incident being a hinderance..

    Secondly, it will let you get to know someone and see if you are truly compatible and confirm that you want to be paired with this person in marriage. You need to know they would feel the same about you as well! In all your post, nothing is mentioned of how you even think he sees you or feels about you? Sometimes Allah will teach lessons to others without us, and sometimes Allah wants us to make choices to help our own situations (ever heard the adage: God helps those who help themselves? sometimes this is true!). There is no harm in defining what you hope things will lead to with this young man and trying to push things in the direction of your heart's desires. If Allah doesn't will it, you won't succeed; but you'll never know if you don't try. If he is as shy as you, you may have to end up being the one proposing to him eventually lol. After all, it's a noble thing, even Khadijah proposed to our beloved Prophet Muhammad (saws).

    Consider your options girl, there are always alternatives to just taking the taunt!

    And Allah always knows best.

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