Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why do my proposals never work, why is Allah doing this to me?

Salaam brothers & sisters,

I was that girl, whose boyfriend was spits on her face & now he is happy in his life. I am human being, I felt so bad at that time, he did with me. After that never called him, now, one year have completed alhamdolillah. After that two brothers like me & i did istikhaara  so that was tough. Nobody understand that dream, i wrote that dream this site also but now one brother engaged to another girl & i asked to second brother, he always confused me, he never say directly anything. He always says to me you should get married  soon.

I asked him do you want to marry me "indirectly," so he said "you should get married as soon as possible." One man did very bad thing with me. I gave 8 years of my life he forced me to do something wrong with him & i really tried to convence him it's haraam & I am muslim girl, I'll not do. After that he spits on my face, that incident happened 1 year ago but  I am in pain. Anytime that incident come  infront of my eyes, I cry why this happened with me & now another guy say no(indirectly).

I am not a bad girl, I am very beautiful girl alhamdolillah, I perform 5 times namaaz but I am hopeless & my parents are unable to find a right match for me. I am worry, I have got so many rishtas alhamdolilah(so many people come at my home for marrige purpose even they say she is really beautiful) but why they are not finding a guy for me because of Allah don't want, when He wants?

Why ALLAH doing all this thing with me? Plz brother & sister tell me what I should do. I am hopeless, I need help, plz Allah help me.

~ Nisha

Tagged as: , ,

12 Responses »

  1. Salamu'alaikum sister Nisha,

    The question why Allah Is Doing all this with you opens the gate to a serious flaw in 'Aqeedah. The 'Aqeedha is that Allah never oppresses anybody to the least and He Never tests anyone beyond what they can bear.

    You speak about a boyfriend, I believe that you know it is Haraam to have a boyfriend. So I will not repeat that. The people who say you are beautiful but do not wish to marry you are people who do not deserve you.

    Certainly, not getting a proper response to proposals is a test which is difficult, but the difficulty of tests depend upon the level of your faith. Stronger the faith, difficult is the test. So if you are being tested, show patience and earn the reward of The Lord.

    There is a right time for everything to happen and you never know if you will live for the next minute. So do not worry and have patience. Allah Has His Plans and Sees if people still trust in Him or they turn away and question Him - "why?"

    This life is nothing but a test and you will be Judged by Allah in the Hereafter.

    Sister, whenever someone sees you in the presence of a Mahram, be confident and do not fear. Do Istikhaarah whenever possible in order seek Allah's Help. Keep your trust in Allah and never keep the fact in your mind that no proposal has worked.

    Hope for the best and hope that Allah Will make it happen when it is the right time for you and for the man.

    Everything happens for a reason, so if no proposal has worked till now, there is a reason for it. Perhaps your man is yet to propose. Hope for the best from Allah, sister.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    I am not a bad girl, I am very beautiful girl alhamdolillah, I perform 5 times namaaz but I am hopeless & my parents are unable to find a right match for me. I am worry, I have got so many rishtas alhamdolilah(so many people come at my home for marrige purpose even they say she is really beautiful) but why they are not finding a guy for me because of Allah don't want, when He wants?
    The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) narrated,

    "Allah says, 'I am to my servant as he expects of Me, I am with him when he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in his heart, I remember him to Myself, and if he remembers me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly better than his...and if he comes to me walking, I rush to him at [great] speed.'"

    The Qur’an also relates Prophet Ibrahim’s (as) supplication to Allah, which highlights His mercy upon humanity:
    “He Who created me and guides me, Who gives me food and drink. When I am ill, He heals me. He will cause my death and then give me life.” (Suratash-Shu‘ara’, 78-82)
    2:257. Allâh is the Walî (Protector or Guardian) of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into light. But as for those who disbelieve, their Auliyâ (supporters and helpers) are Tâghût [false deities and false leaders, etc.], they bring them out from light into darkness. Those are the dwellers of the Fire, and they will abide therein forever.
    Al-Tirmidhi HadithHadith 2482 Narrated by AbuHurayrah (May Allah be pleased with him)
    Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) used to say, " O Allah, grant me benefit in what Thou hast taught me, teach me what will benefit me, and increase my knowledge. Praise be to Allah in all circumstances. I seek refuge in Allah from the state of those who go to Hell."
    The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said,

    "If Allah loves a person He calls Gabriel saying, "I (Allah) love so and so, O Gabriel love him, Gabriel will love him and make an announcement amongst the people of Heaven, "Allah loves so and so, therefore, you should love him also." And so the people of Heaven will also love him, and the person is granted the pleasure of the people on earth."

  3. Salaams Nisha

    Say ulhumdiAllah you did not commit any haraam sins Allah saved you. Never ever do haraam for any guys they are not to be trusted no matter how nice they seem guys like the ones you met were not even serous about marriage let alone about your respect so count yourself lucky never ever be alone with any guy from now on.

    Moving onto your rishta it is happening for a reason from Allah, Allah has given us all a test, a journey of reassurance of being patience and that you must realise you too have to learn from your mistakes, Allah is not going to give just like that you have to ask Allah and InshAllah it will happen. Proposals come and go just make sure you don't make wrong choices. Always trust your parents and put faith in Allah has Allah is the one who writes for all of us. Also if something is not right speak up do not suffer in silent it is your right in Islam to be treated equally. May Allah always protect you and makes your imaan even stronger, please do not worry it will happen for the better InshAllah.

  4. Salam,

    Mashallah, u were strong enough to refrain yourself from committing sin. Have paitence. Pray and fast with maximum devotion. In Sha Allah you will find your perfect partner soon. Ameen.

  5. assalamu alaikum sister,
    Masa allah that you did not go against the command of Allah even when there was such a sick person forcing you to. All thanks to Allah (swt) that He granted you strong iman and filled your heart with fear of Allah's punishment.

    Sister please be proud of yourself and throw away all the sick and disgusting memories of some man. It was a hard test of your iman and inshallah you have passed. I can say there are not a lot of woman who could have done what you did in that situation, feel proud and thank the Almighty Allah for such a beautiful blessing. Think about the life of our prophet (pbuh) and all the sahabis. Think about the life of the grandsons of our beloved prophet (pbuh), Hasan (RA) and Hussain (RA), how much did they endured and still never for once fell weak in their imaan. If you think and realize those nightmarish pain all the best of the human kind have endured, your problems will become very small. Have faith in Allah and depend on Him alone, He will inshallah ease all your pain away. I will pray for you sister.

  6. Salaam sister,

    May Allah (swt) make it easy for you. What the brother tried to do is disgusting. May Allah (swt) protect you from peole with bad intentions.

    It is a difficult situation when proposals do not work, and I do sympathise. It's very hard to look past it and see clearly as to why it didnt work. You ask why? How? How can this brother/sister who is pious, kind, down to earth and all of the things I want be wrong for me!? The most difficult thing is we naturally have this idea that if someone has deen and character and there is attraction and chemistry and you get along you should marry them.
    Life does not go by the letter, that is something that I have learnt recently too. Two people may have similar ideas about Islam and life, and be of good character and may even like one another but that does not necessarily mean they will be good as husband and wife. It is a difficult test, when you find someone like that but ultimately Allah (swt) knows what is best for us and we need to accept His will, even if it means a bit of short term pain. InshaAllah in the end it will be long term gain!

    What I am trying to say is it doesn't matter if a person is beautiful or deen conscious or has amazing qualities. There are plenty of beautiful unmarried older women and men and plenty of married less attractive men and women. Ultimately you will find your spouse when Allah wills, not before and not after.
    And why would Allah do this to you? To protect you sister. He loves you. I know it still is upsetting but try to remind yourself of this when you feel upset. We only see the surface of things, and not the hypothetical.

    My advice to you: don't sit around waiting for proposals to materialise or waiting for a spouse. Get out there, fulfil your dreams, become active in the community and work on getting closer to Allah and making yourself a better person. Our eman can always be improved so work on it. Don't waste your single life pining for a spouse. This is golden time, utilise it! While still considering options that come up.
    I remember when I was learning to drive when I was 17. It took me ages and ages - over a year. Everyone seemed to be passing their test and all the 'cool' bunch were coming to school in their car. It used to really upset me and I used to think "I'll never pass."I failed a few times which made it worse.

    But all of those negative feelings I had didnt stop me feeling ecstatic and so happy when I did pass! And do you know what I thought? "Why did I waste my time worrying so much about passing?" It was a waste of time and energy and I got there in the end, Alhumdulilah. So InshaAllah it will be the same with when one gets the spouse. Your time will come InshaAllah just relax a bit. That is what I tell myself anyway. I know plenty of people who married late and had to go through several dissappointments before finding the right one. Some went through many!

    But each one is a learning experience. Provided you keep things within Islamic boundaries. Some things I have found that are really important are do istikhaarah early on and sincerely and ask Allah to give you a clear answer and the conviction to follow the answer. Read the above links on Istikhaarah. And trust your heart and your own feelings. This is a mistake sisters often make, and am sorry for generalisation. We think that bad dreams/feelings may be due to fears/stress. I think deep down we know the answer. No one can truly tell you the answer to the Istikhaarah - it lies within your own heart. So trust yourself. This does not necessarily mean that one bad dream/feeling may be negative but if it persists then it may be. You may also feel sudden feelings of discomfort around the person which come out of nowhere - there are lots of different things which may suggest - but most importantly is what you feel and how you feel. The longer you ignore your istikhaarah the more difficult it is when you/other person breaks off the phase. Dont be afraid to act on it if it feels wrong.

    Also avoid expectations or getting emotionally involved in any way. And never make assumptions about a person, good or bad. Including yourself. You will learn a lot about yourself along the way.
    Also be aware that Allah knows whats best for you much more than you can.

    And I believe one can find their spouse when they find Allah and work on themselves and when they are happy with themselves. If they have too many underlying insecurities which may be bad for marriage, it may be that Allah witholds it for your own protection. Or each proposal which doesnt work is a means of character-building. Also things come your way when you are not looking but are willing to consider. Seriously! They just fall into your lap out of nowhere!

    Ask Allah sincerely to give you a spouse who will grow with you in love and deen. Ask Him to purify you of your defects and strengthen your strengths. Ask Him to give you beauty in your heart and character and give you a spouse who is best for you. I make this dua for myself and for all those who are seeking to find a loving spouse. It is a difficult journey to begin, riddled with excitement and dissappointment but InshaAllah it will be worth it in the end!

    And I'd rather be single for some time and move closer to Allah and grow as a person before finding a right spouse than rush marriage with someone wrong and spend years in miserable marriage due to bad choices, wouldn't you?

    Sara Editor

  7. asalam o alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barkatahu.. u luk to b v gud gul nisha ..ALLAH wants to give u better so he is making u wait.. just have patience and trust on ALLAH .. leave it to him ..

  8. JazakallahuKhairan,Brothers & sisters
    i"am too confused i did n"t find a right answer ? i"am in tension write now'should i call to my x-bf & say whatever i want' i"am not feeling well,i don"t want to continue that relationship but i want to show my frustration otherwise that incident always "ll bother me, how he did that thing with me because he is a man only for that, will he never feel guilty?& second thing about that two brothers what i should do?third one' last night i saw one dream that very danger(now,a days i"am learning car driving)
    i was out of my house & i opend back sit car door or so some one through some kind of sand,dry mud ,i don"t know what was that but something dry & that"s not a humen-being we can say jinn,or other air or something & i opend my eyes& i was shivering i read so many duas,ayatal -kursi but i did n"t understand y he through some kind of sand on my face it"s too danger plz anyone tell what does it mean?

  9. plz ans of my question? i"am waiting for 2 to 3 days.

    • Salaams,

      Your question has been answered. Read Sister Sara's response again for it was very good advice. Please don't waste time trying to over analyse dreams. Instead analyse real life and see things for what they are.

      You should be glad you didn't physically sin with your ex-boyfriend. Forget him! He's just a ten a penny slimeball who wanted to steal your innocence and then move on to the next girl no doubt.

      If you want to give your self a chance of a good life, then work on improving yourself and then you will deserve a good man to be your husband.

Leave a Response