Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why do women cheat??

prayer dua marriage

I am a very loyal and protective person and also I am a virgin person. Never done any bad thing Alhamdulillah.

But I saw many men who are so much loyal but their wife cheated even though they satisfy their women with everything but women cheated.

Now the problem is I realize that there is no such thing as love. I have fear that after marriage my wife will also do the same thing as other women did. It is eating me inside I have been thinking this all the time.


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16 Responses »

  1. Brother,
    Allah made good men for good women and khabees women for khabees men. No need to worry. If you are pious you will definitely get a pious woman for you InshAllah.

  2. Brother,

    Youd be suprised how often "good women" feel the same. They often wonder why bad grls get good guys... It never makes sense to me and seems so unfair...

  3. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    Cheating is something that happens in both sexes. The motivations vary, the reasons vary, but be assured there are plenty of men and women who don't have it in themselves to be unfaithful out there.

    I don't think it does you any good to assume something like this would happen to you. You don't know the future, and you can't presume the one you marry will have bad intentions. That would be wrong of you to invite suspicion onto your future spouse just because you've seen it exists in the world in general.

    On the same note, you really don't know what fully happened in other marriages. Not that such behavior is excusable, but problems of that severity are usually more complex than one spouse "doing everything right" and the other is just an evil cheater. You're young, you're inexperienced, and you're drawing conclusions about a lot of things prematurely.

    Another thing I would caution you about is thinking that you "have never done any bad thing". None of us are perfect. It's easy to think we are better than others because we haven't fallen into the same temptations they have. When you marry someone, you're going to see faults in them. They will see your faults as well. You will have to work through these issues, and it will only become more difficult if your expectations are out of touch with reality (about yourself, or her).

    I suggest you take some time and sit with some elderly couples who have remained married for many years. Ask them what was challenging, ask them what it was really like. Ask them how they learned to solve problems, and what they did that they felt made the marriage last. Ask them what they did right, and wrong. What would they have done differently?

    Marriage is something that you grow into together with your spouse, and one marriage with one person isn't the same as with another. You're going to learn a lot of things about it as you go, and many things can change over years together as well. Where you started won't be where you are in a decade or longer. Be open to the process, and be open to the fact that you will make your share of mistakes and so will she. A good spouse will work just as hard as you will to make a meaningful life together, and will be willing to work on themselves to become a better person and spouse. This is a lifelong process, and we die trying (married or single). Create reasonable expectations, be generous and fair, and always always always put Allah first. That's my best advice on the fly.

    -Amy Editor

  4. OP: But I saw many men who are so much loyal but their wife cheated even though they satisfy their women with everything but women cheated.

    How many women are you talking about? How do you know all those men are/were loyal? In my opinion these things happen behind close doors and most of the time no one finds out. How do you know they satisfied their women with EVERYTHING.

  5. Get a girl from a good parents with good family values, good education and good nature . marriage is for whole life and you must teach your companion about religion , at the same time you have too take care of her so that she loves you a lot.

  6. Marriage is like a gambling .At some stage you need to get married .
    Play it safe , Take a risk and then see what happens . If there are no kids in marriage it is easy to break if things goes wrong ..

    Trust Allah and also do some ground work before marriage .It is luck based . Search for religious girls but no guaranty ..we have seen cases in this forum where religious ,pious girls have committed zina and later after personal set back they repented .And after repentance they are supposed to be present as pious,chaste women for the marriage even thought they might have slept with men before marriage ..So its all luck based what you get ..

  7. Salam,

    Dont compare you or your wife to other people. Suspicions and distrust will break a marraige just as fast as cheating. Just be positive, do good to your wife and community, and pray to Allah swt. This is all you can really do.

  8. I wish you every luck in overcoming your negative feelings towards women and their loyalty/chastity. I hope you find a good, honest wife who wishes to live with you in faith and fulfill your deen. I wish you a happy marriage in accordance with sunnah.

    I do appreciate that you lift the problem with cheating women. Many times we hear that cheating, wanting multiple partners, is something natural to man, unnatural to woman. I believe that is wrong. I believe that giving in to base emotions is in all humans, but with the help of our faith we can overcome such primary instincts.

    • Islam allowed Polygamy because a man can lead life with two women at the same time but a women can't lead a life with two men at the same time for a long time .
      When she is cheating with a man it is for the particular period and either she will come out of marriage or go back to marriage but anyway she will be with one man ..

      The sister above here seems to be influenced by feminist groups who are putting thoughts about polyandry ..

      • Assalaamu Alaykum,

        Polygamy and cheating have nothing to do with one another. Yes, polygamy is an option for men, but even in spite of that many men have illicit and adulterous relationships. The availability of polygamy doesn't prevent infidelity, for those men who are inclined to do that sin.

        A lot of people who commit adultery don't go out looking for it. They may have been just too weak in a situation that made itself available. That weakness could've been because of issues that were going on unresolved in the marriage, unmet needs, lack of emotional support or connection, poor treatment by the spouse, on and on.

        The same type of dynamic can also lead to one becoming alcoholic. Or a drug user. Or leaving their islam.

        People do wrong things for a lot of complex reasons. It's rarely as simple as "He/she wanted to do something bad, so they went out and did it". Think of your own lives, and the worst things you've done or do now. Is it because you really want to do it? Or because you feel you can't help it while the sin is too available and tempting to do?

        Consider also the fact that many sincere people have done great sins, repented, and never had a problem with them again.

        I think we should try to get away from over-simplifying the issue of sinfulness. It's not only "bad people sin, and good people don't". Good people sin. Sometimes seriously. Because we all sin, don't we? I've done things that some of you would never do. Some of you do things I would never do. So what? Who is better? You? Me? Isn't the real issue who overcomes their sins, by Allah's leave? With His help? In shaa Allah we can all eventually say that He helped us toward that success on the day we are judged- not by one another, but by Him alone.

        -Amy Editor

      • If you condone men cheating, you indirectly condone women cheating because that would be who they are cheating with. If you condone men cheating, but not women, you are suggesting that men cheat with other men. None of this makes sense. Your comment seems to hint that men are inclined towards cheating because of their polygamous nature--but again, if we allow this, we indirectly condone cheating for both genders. It is a dangerous and hypocritical argument to make.

        Cheating is wrong, regardless of the gender. Period.

        Comments like yours is one of the reasons why polygamy is shunned. Associating polygamy with cheating only destroys its image. The Prophets (peace be upon them) and the Sahabas who practiced polygamy did so openly and did not run around secretively marrying. There are no examples of revered Muslim men starting affairs and then justifying it by saying that polygamy is allowed for men,

        Finally, if a man marries 4 women and all of those marriages began with affairs, chances are, he will not stop there. For such a person, 4 is just a number. Multiple marriages for men does NOT translate into "Men are allowed to cheat and women can't." Seems you are influenced by chauvinistic indoctrination.

        • Where in my comments i have justified cheating ? As talking to non mehrem will be haraam so no question of starting an affair by married man .. There is no concept of secret marriage ..If some body want to go for second wife he should declare it open ..

          Above sister's comments was kind of women too can have multiple partners like the men can ..I was talking about in long run how they will sustain ??
          A man can sustain long term relation ship with more than one women but How woman will manage it ? Having short term affairs with other men doesn't prove that women are biologically fit to handle polyandry ...that was my point ...

          There are long list of biological and physiological reasons as why women can't have multiple husbands for long run ...But i think it is out of this topic to discuss all those ...

  9. Assalam alaikum,

    In order for a woman to cheat, she would have to do so with a man and vice versa. It isn't a one way street.

    Your conclusion about women, therefore, is only looking at half the picture.

    More or less, I concur with Sr. Amy and Sr. Sahaddita.

    May Allah swt ease your difficulties, help you in finding the right spouse for you, Ameen.

    • My opion is its really scary outside there. Too much games played, too much drama, too much insecure men and woman in this world. Loads of damage men and woman out there being hurt or have fears. The infinity circle of life. What comes around goes around... If you lucky as men or woman, and god give you a good husband or wife with loyalness and godfearing then you blessed. But be very carefull who you Love.. Always prepare for the worst. Make a plan b , save money for emergency. Dont have babies if you aint sure your woman or man is trustworthy. Take time and test men and woman out. Before giving your hart or time to them. World and people has changed Big time. Only give 100% your love to Allah, and keep your hart save from woman or men. Threat del good like yourself but never ever give your full hand to them. Everbody is responsable for them self. Try and work on your marriage but keep in mind dont rely on people. We are eachoter rest and peace for man and woman. But beware everything can change like a snap of your finger. Most important thing is your intentions. If try your best then thats whatbmatter. But never ever give your life to a woman or men. Everything is a test in live and who you can Love more or trust then allah only. Plan b girls and boyz. So when something happends you are ready for it.

  10. Brother

    Insh'Allah, finding a good wife will show you the true and chaste heart of a muslimah and the beauty of marriage. I will say duaa that you will again trust and be trusted back.

  11. Please,

    Nobody said anybody can cheat - man or woman! We know we must all be chaste and keep from zina.

    All that was said was that we all have the bad tendency to do what is bad for us and sin We hear that being tempted by zina is in man's nature. Sadly, it is also in woman's nature.

    We must not fool ourselves and believe any of us are above temptation!

    And this has nothing to do with polygamy

    But through our faith we can be helped in overcoming our tendency to sin, Insh'Allah.

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