Why I can’t be pure towards Allah?
I am a 25 years old girl, educated and doing a good job. Since childhood I had sexual desires and attraction towards men. But never in my life I initiated anything. I am also not very pretty so whenever I had a temptation from male side I thot it's true love as I am not appealing otherwise.
When I was studying in uni my class fellow approached me, made a relation, and after a couple of months left me in darkness. It was my first interaction in life so i was all lost depressed and with great difficulty I completed my studies with that same person present in that class. I had sms and call conversation with him, never met him or any other kind of thing.
At that I used to think I can never be deceived again. I didn't know worse is to happen yet. I had a student whom I used to teach in my house. He is 6 years younger than me. I taught him for round three years with large interval of breaks. He used to say me elder sis etc. Later he developed feelings for me somehow and revealed me that. I was shocked and didn't encourage him at all. But with his constant efforts he won the game. Though he was so younger, he developed physical relation with me. He used to hug me, kiss me, lie with me cuddling etc. I said so many times that it's not right and wanted to quit but the thought haunted me that this will mean going to a third man in life. I was hell sincere with this person. But as always, he betrayed saying it's not possible.
I know if today i regret my bad deeds it's only because he has left me. I have realized there is no pure love than the love with Allah. I am guilty for whatever happened but I still feel he is the most comfortable person I can ever live with. I begged him to be back but he is no more in love with me. And i know its only because he has lost his interest. I am ashamed as why I still want him back.
I really want to marry him. Can i make dua for this? As I will be unable to tell truth to my future husband. Why is it this way, that even after reading all this about the sin of being close i still want him. Why this worldly desire is more effective than the fear of qyamat.
And apart from all this he is leaving for hajj this yeas. Has God forgiven him? Will he not get punishment for what he did to me? Is betraying a girl a sin or not? I am feeling so degraded that a person 6 years younger than me fooled me and I still want to see him as my husband. Please help me. I want to go back to Allah then I think maybe if I repent Allah gives me back that guy. So my heart is still not pure. Why? Why... m very depressed plz help me
- paaris
13 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Very simple. Look outside the bubble that you are in, turn to Allah and make prayer. duaa to guide you and find you the right person for you. Don't just make duaa to be with someone specific because you think you know what is best for you but Allah knows what and who is best for you. Allah might give you that person if you ask but maybe it is not to your benefit. Ask Allah to give you the right person who is destined to be with you. Avoid what is not meant to be.
Allah loves those who struggle then repent to him. Those who have an inner conflict then chose the right path by good over evil. Allah will be closer to you than you think sister.
I am a guy and I was in your situation and I wanted people who deceived me but finally when I asked Allah to find the right person, by Allah within months my destiny showed up in my life unexpectedly and things went fast to marrage without one obstacle.
May Allah give you the same guidance he gave me and even better.
Thanks,
Rami
dear sis,
i used to think the same..... but these incidences although very heart breaking...... have only brought you close to Allah...... so take this oppurtunity to learn how close He is to you. as human we are very weak. we only tend to look for Allah when we are at our lowest. but this is the best time as well , as one can totally empty the heart in front of Allah and fill in with His love.
as far as punishment or forgiveness for the people who decieve is concerned...... all these people have deceived pure , honest emotions ..... so they will be answerable for that. Allah is all just. He knows our pain and how awful we feel when we have been made a fool and on top disobeyed Allah. just ask for His mercy.
you seem to be a very nice and innocent girl girl, dont waste yourself thinking what has happened ,just learn the lesson. one think they are wiser than before but can trip again if put in a similar situation. iam 10yrs older than you. still get fooled by people. the best way to protect yourself is not to deviate from the laws that Allah has made to protect girls like us.
one thing i want you to keep very clear in your mind....... Allah has made you' VERY PRETTY'. those who think you are not ....are only insulting something that Allah created. DID THEY MAKE THEIR OWN FACES OR COLOUR?
i may be wrong .... but i think you are from an asian back groud. with colour not as white as miss snow white ..... and a face which doesnot match a face that they saw in a film! asian community is very racist. they say they are looking for a good , educated girl but they are actually looking for a white , pretty face preferably 19yr old.
remember ! Allah created you in the best of form... so love yourself..... through your eyes.... not through others eyes. a man who is geniunely interested in you will aprroach you for marriage and will not waste your time like others have. have fath in Allah ...... these incidences in your life happened for a reason .... to teach you how to deal with opposite gender. take the leson , know your mistakes and move on. if you stand still ...its like quick sand , it will engulf you ..... so dont look back , just walk forward on the path of Allah.
when i was as young as you , i had a lot of appearance issues.... its very funny world.
when i was back home ,i was considered very ugly.... now i have moved to western country , evryone around me wants to have a tan as strong as mine :D.... i used to think my figure is ugly..... now girls around me say you are so smart ,they are all very young but they want to be like me when they are as old as iam. i think the biggest change only came when i started to love myself, appreciate God for making me a complete human being and then thanking Him for bringing me closse to Him through such incidences as you are going through...... the only thing iam certain of is that Allah surely love me .... no matter what. and that makes me love myself sooo much.
if you feel really low with all these thoughts then say 2 rakats of prayers and talk to Allah with an open heart..... He will embrace you..... thats His promise....... ONLY PROMISE THAT IS RELIABLE.
Truth is most singles will indulge in some kind of sexual activity if they get an opportunity and there is no fear of getting caught. Your feelings for sex are normal. Unfortunately you met 2 men who used you. Many men will lie and tell girls they love them, when they just want some physical relationship. People who are bad still remain bad when they go for Hajj.sexual
You can always make yourself look prettier. Many times it is just hair style, the way one dresses can make a big difference in how one looks.
A whole lot of Muslims talk about Allah and religion, but their actions don't reflect any fear of Allah or Islam.
"Truth is most singles will indulge in some kind of sexual activity if they get an opportunity and there is no fear of getting caught."
I don't agree. I know many young Muslims who are conscious of Allah in their actions and would never commit zinaa. By implying that everyone does it you normalize it and make it acceptable, which it is not.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamualaikam
If in your first statement you're referring to single practising Muslims, then I'll have to disagree with you there. I know many single Muslimahs (some of whom also have single brothers, although I don't know them, obviously) who hold to Islamic principles in their actions and would not consider zina to be a remotely acceptable course of action.
If you are thinking of the single people who go to bars and go clubbing, then yes, many of them will engage in pre-marital sex, but I doubt that they would consider themselves to be practising Muslims. If we follow Islam, we should aim to always be mindful of Allah's guidance and to follow Islamic principles in our lives.
Regarding trying to look prettier, it's important that we sisters remember the guidance given to us that we should not be aiming to define ourselves by our physical appearance. We should aim to dress modestly and appropriately, rather than trying to beautify ourselves for every other person in the room - Allah created us all as we are, as sisters in Islam, and we are all beautiful in our own ways; we don't need to conform to whatever the latest "men's mag" says women should look like. It's far more important for a woman to build her confidence in herself - in her intelligence, piety, achievements, personality... We need to move away from the idea that we need to gain validation from men finding us "pretty", and instead focus on pleasing Allah.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Assalamo Alikum I don't agree that all singles will indulge with sexual relations if the opportunity arises I'm going to be 24 this January and the thought of Haram relationship horrifies me.
It is normal to feel what you do because we have been created with the tendency and capacity to love and the desire to receive it. Perhaps love is the strongest of all human emotions and therefore the very epitome of this worldly existence. But if nothing else death will always bring an end to every joy. To those who say one can make his heaven on earth, death is ample evidence to the contrary.
The other night I completed a game called Assassin's Creed Revelations. It was about the life of a man called Ezio who lived centuries ago. In the first game you see his birth and early life and the eventful life that he led. Finally you see him as an old man nearing his end. I'd just like to talk a bit about it because I believe that although just a computer game character, there is a lot we can learn from him.
In the case of Ezio, he lived a remarkable life. And as he said, 'a painful one'. In his old age he had grown wise and sentimental. And ironically enough it was in his old age that he fell in love and married (a much younger woman called sofia). Although happy with his new life as a husband and father, Ezio realised that his health was failing him and that his end was imminent. He died on a park bench with his wife and daughter in view. How tragic! How ironic that his time of happiness should come during the latter part of his life and end so prematurely.
Here is Ezio's death memoir addressed to his betrothed wife Sofia.
'When i was a young man i had liberty but i did not see it,
i had time but i did not know it
And i had love but i did not feel it
Many decades would pass before i understood the meaning of all three
And now in the twilight of my life this understanding has passed into contentment
Love, liberty and time once so disposable are the fuels that drive me forward with love most especially mio caro (my darling) for you, our children, our brothers and sisters and for the vast and wonderful world that gave us life and keeps us guessing
endless affection mio sofia (my sofia)
forever yours
ezio auditore
How poignant
Ezio's tale resonated deeply with me and has taught me many lessons about reality.
So many people go through divorce after envisioning a life of bliss with their spouse at the time of marriage. Some experience treachery and betrayal in a marriage leaving them forlorn and heartbroken, in most cases these people grow cynical and are unable to trust so easily again. Others may be fortunate enough to spend a lifetime with their partner and grow old together, but even then death takes one of them leaving the other behind to reminisce in loneliness.
The truth is that life is a disapointment and certainly is no utopia. These emotions of love and affection cannot ever truly be realised (quite the way we desire) in this life. Betrayal, infidelity, self esteem issues and ultimately death see to that.
There are two blessings of Allah concerning which most people are at a loss, health and time. Take a look at Ezio's letter again. He had strength and time when he was young but as an old man, having found true love, he could not enjoy his happiness without his former strength..
I believe the wisest decision is to love the creator and appreciate the simple blessings in life. Live your days of youth as wisely as you can. Love is in reality elusive and illusory.
And certainly I believe this desire of companionship entrenched deep within all of us, can be fulfilled but... after death, not before.
you write so well. you seem to be a very nice man.
may Allah increase your emaan, fill your heart with His love , and make you content with what He has decreed for you.
ameen
Thank you. I don't know about 'nice man'
Thank you for the du'a.. and the kind comments.
have a look at this talk. specially between 40.00hrs- 50.00hrs........ so profound.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xPI2wIjzov8
I also went through something similar when I was at uni. I am only 2years older than you and I have always had self esteem issues as well. When I was at uni I had no intention of dating anyone. I was only focused on my work. In my 2nd year at uni I met a girl, I initially tried to avoid her as much as i could because I wasn't comfortable being around her. Eventually she started chatting to me and it was amazing how quickly I developed feelings for her despite not wanting to. Nothing came of it though..i didn't tell her that I liked her. But my feelings for her lasted for some time and the depression that ensued was intense. So I empathise with you and applaud you for at least completing your studies. I was too distraught to be able to go on.
Since then I have realised that people such as ourselves, who may not be very confident about ourselves can easily fall prey to this sort of thing. We lack confidence in ourselves and so the first person who gives us attention and affection we grow very attached to very quickly. Its a psychological condition as much as an emotional one. You mentioned that this has now happened to you twice? In my opinion this is why.
Eventually Allah did rid that girl from my heart and mind and I thank Allah that I have recovered completely. So there is always hope. I must admit I also prayed that I would marry her like you are doing for this boy. I did not ever find anyone else and I have remained single. But i am content alhamdulilah.
We need to be cautious of people who can manipulate our emotions so easily. What you are going through is probably more common than you think. I know it must be really hard because you actually had a relationship..mine never did materialise.it was more of an infatuation on my part..i had become besotted with her because i enjoyed talking to her so much.
Since then I have realised the wisdom in Allah's teachings. Some may say Islam is unnecessarily stringent but it precisely because of these hurts that Allah has legislated what He has.
Salam 3alaykum sister,
I see that the other sisters above have written excellent advice for you. I just wanted to add something. About your comment " I really want to marry him. Can I Mae duaa for this? "
Instead of making duaa to Allah to marry him, make duaa for Allah to give you a righteousness husband and someone who will bring you khair. Make duaa for Allah to give you a husband who will take you to Jannah in shaa Allah.
Also sister, this world is a test! Allah swt said "Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested." (29:2). Allah tests the people he loves, however Allah does not place a burden on a soul greater than it can bear. This world is full of luxurious things that we all desire! And of course it will be hard to over come your desires, but it's not impossible. Be patient and Allah will reward you with great things in shaa Allah.
Wake up during the last two-thirds of the night, repent and make duaa to your Creator. Read Quran everyday. This will increase your eiman in shaa Allah.
May Allah guide us and forgive us.
Allah has hidden your sins and you should hide them too and seek forgives from him and him alone. Allah says in the quran that he forgives all sins as long as you beg forgiveness sincerely and do not commit the sin again. Going to haj does not mean that Allah has forgiven the sins. The quran does not say that.
Seek forgives from Allah and ask Allah for the BEST spouse. You cannot force someone to love you and you cannot build a relationship like that. May be Allah has someone better for you. Marriage is more than sexual relationship. It is the most beautiful relationship Allah has made between a man and women. There is love respect and trust in a marriage. And Allah puts love in the heart of the man and the women. So seek Allahs help make dua in Tahajud and be patient and stay away from sins. And read this dua after each salah
When in distress - La illaha illa anta subhaanaka inni kuntu minz zalimin
And
Allahumma la shla illa ma ja’altahu shla, wa’anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sshla
O Allah there is no ease except in that which you have made easy, and you make the difficulty if you wish easy
May Allah make it easy for you.