Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why is my husband keeping me secret from his family?

secrets, hidden past,

I got married 6 months ago in a mosque. We didnt know each other when we got married but we were willing to give it ago for the love of Allah.  I'm white & a revert. We are now facing problems.. His keeping me a secret from his family, I'm not sure why. I want to live a normal simple life with him i.e live with him & have a family with him & be involved with his family. But he has told me I am not worthy to meet his family because I am rude & disrespectful which I'm not..

I'm just getting upset that he wont fulfil his Islamic duties towards me & I get upset then he thinks thats me being rude. I love him a lot and really want things to work out but I feel stuck because I want him to be a husband but he isn't doing that & said he never will.

I'm really confused & don't know whats the best thing to do?? How do I make him realise that he needs to fulfil his islamic duties & that marriage is very important?

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10 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum,

    If he said he never will fulfill his Islamic obligations to you and so far he has not, then how exactly will you convince him?

    Drastic times call for drastic measures. Find his family and surprise them. At this point, what is there to lose?

    When a man tells you you are not worthy of his family, I can't imagine a worse thing to say to a woman. A wife should be the pride and joy of a husband, someone who he wants his mom to approve of, his father to hit him on the shoulder and say "well done!" and who he finds absolute comfort with away from the turmoil of this world. A wife who is compassionate, loving and kind, and that woman should be worthy of more than all the treasures on this Earth, because a successful marriage with her is half his deen.

    It's time to call him up on the nikkah, the promise he made to you and the duty he owes to Allah (swt). He is obligated to take care of you, provide a good life for you and love you as part of his jihad in the cause of Allah (swt). You are his wife and he must fulfill his rights to you.

    A wife should never be a secret, but instead should enjoy an open declaration of his love.

  2. Assalaamu'alaikum

    By whom is whose dominion our souls are, prof x said the truth...its up to u now sister...its seem difficult but courage my dear...bring forward the rules of Islam to him.

    Take Care n i make Dua that u get the real status of a Wife n have a Happy marriage life

    Ma'assalaama

  3. 1.a marriage should be publicised it is Unislamic to keep a marriage a secret .As a wife you should be honoured and respected!
    2. has your husband got registered yet? If not you must as you will not be recognised legally as his spouse?
    3.you will also not be entitled to any legal rights as a spouse if you are not registered I suggest you get yourself registered
    4.ask him that you want your marriage to be publicised as marriages in islam must be publicised.
    IT SEEMS LIKE YOUR HUSBAND ISN'T BEING VERY HONEST WITH YOU AND THAT IS UNFAIR!

  4. AA;

    Welcome to Islam sister. 🙂

    Execuse me asking: but what did you mean by: We didnt know each other when we got married but we were willing to give it ago for the love of Allah. ?

    He is wrong with what he is doing! As mentioned before, marriage should be publicized, you two should live as a family!! There are many flags that make me feel he is taking advantage of you:
    1) If you are not worthy, why did he marry you?
    2) If you still did not register your marriage, then maybe he just want to have sex with you in an "Islamic" way without the intention of actually having a family.
    3) It does not even seem like he is even trying.

    I do not want to be harsh or judgmental, but you should go to the mosque where you guys got married and talk to the Imam who did the paper work. Let him know that this marriage is not going as a Muslim marriage should been. But PLEASE, don't let that affect your feelings toward Islam! This is but a mistake by that individual and it is not how things should be. Are you in the US? What city?

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.

    AA

    • he is most likely using you for sex he has probably done that to so many other sisters and they probably got hurt!

      • "he is most likely using you for sex he has probably done that to so many other sisters and they probably got hurt!"

        "Oh you who believe, avoid too much suspition, for verily, some suspition is a grave evil "
        Qur'ān surah hujarat

        On the authority of Abu Hurairah, the prophet[saww] "Beware of suspition"

        "Do not be suspicious, for suspicion is the height of falsehood" [Bukhari]

      • The type of suspitions you' make are out of order sister.

        • we all make suspitions to try and figure out what could be going on before we find out the truth its normal! It doesn't mean that he is I said he might be, i mean he is keeping her secret anyone would suspect him!

  5. My husband is keeping me a secret also. Please contact me. I will feeluch better to talk to soeone else who is going through what I am. Email me *****.

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