Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Why is this my life?

lonely alone depression separation divorce loss

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I have been separated from my family since birth. My parents have done everything they can to separate me from my grandparents, cousins, uncles, etc. I am Iranian and most of my family lives in Iran. I have grown up here in the U.S. and very recently have begun to realize the root of my problems. My parents have cut relations with their families and I am now 21 and a sick, exhasued, and alone. My family is either ill, grown up, or dead.My parents have done nothing to help them and they lie to me and backbite about me.

When I was In Iran, they told my family and friends family everything I told them. Me and my parents argued over the phone and I said a few things. My father decided to tell my friends family behind my back. When I arrived at my fiends house, everyone looked at me as if I was some maniac. I was so ashamed and stunned. I have so many regrets and jealousies. My parents have taken everything away from me: Deen, language, culture, Iran. We never visited my famly and only after fighting with my parents I have gone only three times. My father hasnt seen his family in almost forty years. Now everyone has adapted and grown up without me and I am as if a stranger especially toward my cousins.

I always try to please my parents, I go to school and come home and study. I give them gifts, I talk to them. They just crushed me. All my cousins are lean and well fed and around family and grandparents except me whom my parents have not treated me well so I am very thin and sick. Of all the grandchildren I am the sickest and weakest even my sister was well fed. When I was little I was always getting sick. I once had a seizure and had meningitis which struck my spine and I was close to being paralyzed. I fell from somebodies arms when I was little and have a huge scar on my head. My head always seems to hurt and I have heart murmur. My cousins and sister are tall, well fed, and have almost no health issues. I am extremely jealous and do not know whay I am not like them.

I am also going bald and it is embarrassing. Only these past two months have I begun eating really well and my eye sight began to improve. I have been bored my whole life and since twelve have been addicted to istimna and zina I had no one to tell me it was bad and am now very burned out.I am burned out I have barely seen my homeland.

I have no luck in life. Nothing goes as planned. I have very bad luck. This year, I went to Iran and somehow my cousin joined the millitary, my grandparent couldn't walk, and when we were about to go a road trip, my grandfather's head hit the door and almost died. The nurse said that if it hit further down he would have died. My uncle was moving and I had a miserable time in Iran. Everyone around me believes my parents and blame me for my problems. I am so hurt inside.

When I talk to people or friends and family they do not understand what I am going through. They think I am ungrateful.I have such pressure. My parents show off how little money they make when they are rich and make excellent money. Both are engineers and work in big companies. My dad lies and complains how little money he earns when clearly he makes a lot. He complains to me how I should work and drive to school. They won't even take me to school without problems. I am convinced my parents hate me and are planning to send me of little by little.

My dad has not seen or helped his family so they are not so well off. Then he complains how he's poor and has no money. My cousins are tired of Iran and are just jealous I am in America. I can't even talk to them without getting heart broken. They are really hurtful to me. Everyone has been hurtful to me. These stupid parents play a film out of me. They are nice to everyone except me. They are so tricky that most people, not even my sister, realize how they have hurt me. They put fire in my heart and there is no one to help or defend me against them in America. My own sister supports them and has no feelings toward me. My paretns and sister even find it difficult to take me to school.They are not even willing to do that they say I need to drive.

Now my family is being given money so they think that my dad is an angel. All my parents intentions have twists in them. They blacken everything in my life before I get to experience it. In the end, I am alone, sick, and everyone thinks I am crazy. Even my own sister wont believe me.

Cutting relations is one of the worst sin's and my parents have done this without regret for forty years. I believe some family died of regret for them not even calling them.

I try to do go and have good intentions always. I give money to power and try to read and want to help muslims. My grandfater is originally from Iraq and I am heartbroken at what has happened to Iraq. I wish to help my people and hate what has happened to Iraq.

My silly mother still thinks with the hope of Allah and still does these things. This is such extreme pain and Its obvious I am not being feed. I have Everyone I see around me and in college has family and friends.I want to ask, why has this befallen me? Why are my parents like this?

I have prayed sooo much and my luck has unchanged.Why am I the only one in my family like this? I am burned out, think, and have much regret. I wanted to grow with someone or some Uncle or in Iran where I could learn Islam. I am tired of the U.S; the way people dress and act - it's as if I've been posined. I am extrmeley ashamed of being here as a Muslim but I can't leave.

My plan is to finish my bachelors and join the Iranian Millitary. Is this a good plan and will it succede? I wish to free myself from America.

Why is this happening what is the point no one else is like me in the family and I'm just suffering from my parents sins? What is the outcome? Also, are there other sites I can use to send this information? If you more info please tell me. Thank you

I have much to say and seek help. Please be kind. I was hurt on other boards. I really need help.


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5 Responses »

  1. i dont think joining iranian army is good idea for you
    if you want to learn Islam go to anywhere but not IRAN please (muslim country )

  2. List 3 changes in your life that can make you a happy person.
    What is keeping you from getting a driver's license?

    Since twelve you have been addicted to istimna and zina.
    Istimna (Maturbation) is considered normal and almost all young men do it. Do you think Istimna is Zina?

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    You wrote:

    I always try to please my parents

    I would suggest that the solution to your problem lies by changing that statement to:

    I always try to please Allah SWT

    Now, don't get me wrong, the rights of your parents will always remain great and no one can say that they are not important. But if you focus on pleasing your parents, for the SAKE of ALLAH swt, then you will be doing the same thing, but with a different intention. That intention will give you peace of mind, be a remedy for your soul and you will begin to feel better inn shaa Allah.

    Yes you have a lot of problems, but don't expect others to understand them especially when it comes from conflict arising from your parents in a particularly dysfunctional family.

    Spend your time remembering Allah.
    Have expectations only from Allah, no one else.
    Approach the difficult/challenging moments in your life by doing things for the sake of Allah.

    May Allah ease your difficulties and make you conquer your obstacles, Ameen.

  4. I was once sickly like you but now I'm so healthy that I haven't been sick for months. I never ate much and my parents were never overly concerned with my health. My father is unemployed and my mother has psychological problems. So how did I turn my life around? I once heard my father telling my mom that I lacked confidence compared to a child who had stayed for a day at our house. It was then that I resolved to gain as much confidence as I could. The way I went about it was to learn as thoroughly as I could areas of interest in subjects like science, english, and Islam. I rose in the ranks up to a point where I could argue with my father as equals. This was not all: my father used to talk at lengths about my ineptitude with my uncles and other relatives but now respects my confidence. You have to learn to take care of yourself. If you need to get somewhere by car you need to learn to drive. If you want your health to improve, you need to eat and not blame your mother for not being worried. If you think you haven't seen enough of your relatives, you can recover those years once you are independent and have money for yourself. If you think your father has not helped your relatives enough, you can help them when you are older.
    Iran is a shia country and since this website has mostly sunnis, you can't hope to get any encouragement to join its army. I'm a shia but I don't know much about Iran unfotunately.

    • Salaam
      I think that u lack a lot of confidence in urself and u need to be more positive in life, learn to smile and be happy, maybe ur parents do love u but are a but fed up with the sulking and feeling sorry for yourself, maybe ur parents have a very good reason for cutting ties with their family maybe they feel love for their family more than you but feel helpless and as for money u can have the best job in the world and still struggle, financially it is very difficult, money comes in and goes out just as quick. Even if ur family is treating u badly u need to look after your life and pick yourself up because your parents will not be around forever and you will be left with yourself so either be happy it carry in being sad.

      Take care


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