Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife and daughter living in the same home with male in-laws?

Happy relatives and in-laws

Relatives and in-laws.

Salam brothers and sisters I would like to specifically know the Quran laws and the sunnah about how to live after marriage.

Coming from a Pakistani culture joint family, everyone living in one home is common. I wanted to know is it an Islamic way to live?

I know a son has the duty to take care of his parents, which I 100% agree with. what I mean is when the guy has a brother and everyone lives in the same house? your husband's brother is non-mehram and its difficult to maintain parda when your with everyone all the time. plus is the father in law non-mehram?

I realise I ask a lot of questions here but the thing is I really don't want to make any mistakes, and inshallah live an islamic life! ameen!

How about when you have a daughter must she keep parda from her male cousins? what are the rules for mehram non-mehram? and is it allowed to live in a house with a nonmehram for example your brother in law lives in the same house or your cousin lives in one house.

also say if you are living in one home all together and you don't like one member of the family? what is the best way to resolve the issues? say if there is double standards and your sister-in-law gets treated better?


Allah Hafiz

- brokenbrain

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7 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum,

    In Surah an Noor, there is an Aayah (31) in which, Allah lists the Mahrams for a woman. The Aayah is:

    And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like palms of hands or one eye or both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer dress like veil, gloves, head-cover, apron, etc.), and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful.

    So, according to this Aayah, your father in law is your Mahram.
    Yes, the brothers in law are non Mahram, and among the greatest fitan. Because Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:

    “Beware of entering upon women.“
    One of the Sahaabah said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-in-law?“

    He said: “The brother-in-law is death!“

    [Bukhaaree, Fath al-Baari, 9/330]

    Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam also said:

    “No man sits alone with a (non-mahram) woman, but the Shaytaan is the third among them” (Tirmidhee 1171)


    “…no man should enter upon a woman unless she has a mahram with her.“ [Bukhaaree 1729]

    Therefore, it is recommended that you stay separately, and this is a practice in many Islamic countries. When a man gets married, he gets a separate good for himself and his wife.
    Otherwise, the Ulama agree that you can stay in one home, but make sure the limits of the above hadith are not crossed and that the brother in law does not enter upon you when you are alone.

    Regarding daughters, yes the cousins are non Mahram, but if you are staying in one home, then modest clothing to cover their 'Awrah (for a woman, 'Awrah is the entire body, except the face and the hands) should do, insha Allah, and instruct them not to interact umm much with the make cousins and tell them why. Teach them these things in their childhood, so that they become used to practicing it, when they grow up.

    Regarding the last issue, if you have issues with any person in your home, the best way to deal with it is patience and love or just a smile. Insha Allah, this will do wonders.

    May Allah enable us to follow the correct teachings of His Book and may He make us follow in the footsteps of His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam


    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • jazakallah brother

      i found this increadibly helpful.

      could you translate fitan? i dont understand what it means.

      so if i marry i should ask and make sure if the brother in law is in the same home to have pardah and make sure he does not enter my room or is alone with me!

      and if i ahve daughters make sure they lower there gaze and do not socialise unislamically with there cousins!

      one thing is i was saying to my parents that i do not want to live in a joint family and alot of feedback i was getting was that im a bad person. the thing is i dont have any issues taking care of my mother and father in laws. im just concerned about the nonmehrams in the home.

      Allah Hafiz

  2. brokenbrain, I just wanted to insert a reminder that we have a limit of 4 published posts per person per year (wow, that's almost a tongue twister). You've already gone over that limit, so we will not publish any more posts from you this year. Sorry, it's just that we receive many questions, and we have to distribute our resources equally to all.

    Wael Editor

  3. keep ur daughter away from other man in ur family and ask them to do pardha

    and keep eye on ur girls where their go what they do

    ur little negligence make a big crime between ur daughter and other man

    like zina illegal sex

    so keep ur girl in control and monitor them at nite and day

    ans ask all other man not to entire ur girls room and ur room with out permission

  4. Hi i m confused is father in law for a lady is he mehram they can live at same house in absent of husband

  5. Very informative discussion
    I want to add one more thing here that daughter in law is not obliged to take care of her mother and father in law.she must take care of her parents as she will remain her parent's daughter even after marriage that's ybin Islam women don't adopt their husband's name

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