Wife Cheated…
Cheating wife.
We are happily married since 4 years and have 2 daughter by the grace of almighty. My wife hides to me that she loves her cousin for 5 years before marriage. Because of parents compulsion, she refused him and married me. She was loyal and good women until the things went wrong in my life. Last year i went to another country for job. He contacted her through whatsapp after 4 years. He brain washed her slowly by started talking friendly and then proposed. Soon after 4 months she was addicted to talk and chat with him and she decided to leave me with risk and to marry him. When i came for vacation, i suspected her and got evidences that she is in affair with him.
Only her and my parents knows this and everyone advised her and since 2 months she dont have mobile and no contact with him.
We did umrah together and she realised her fault and want to live with me. She is repeatedly asking forgiveness to almighty and to us.
Until now no physical contacts was made between them. I can say Alhamdulillah for this...
Because of my daughters, i didnt have a thought of Divorce her... but also my mind is in dilemma. I cannot live without her. However every now and then, her cheating incident comes to my mind and making me restless and with agony. 60 days went on, still I lost appetite and a good sleep. I am continuously praying to almighty for my recovery from these worries.
I am not able to digest this issue.
Brother and sisters please advice me what i have to do...
bismillah86
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AoA brother
Satan is whispering to you. Move along if everything got alright don't think about it now if everything is alright.
The Almighty in His infinite Mercy brought you back in the nick of time before your family could have been destroyed forever. Trust in Him. He will bring you through it. We all make mistakes. Your wife has realized and repented. Infact, she continues to repent. Remember she was baited when she was lonely and vulnerable. Anybody can be led astray in such a scenario. Nobody is perfect.
Continue to pray for ease and contentment.
ALLAH SWT forgives us all the time, so why can’t we do that too hoping for Allah’s blessings for our deed. Maybe Allah will bless you so much for covering your wife's mistake that you would have never imagined. The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward. Inshallah.
Thanks a lot my dear brother. Your wise word at the right time made a good relief and thinkable impact within me.
You yourself know what to do .you can think about taking second wife as that may cool down your inner tension of being cheated once ...
And who will guarantee that second wife will never fall prey to any such bait??? Its not about second third or fourth wife its about a Test by which Allah tested you and your family.... show some mercy and you will move.on..... may Allah return your inner peace....
It was not a test but Sin . Extramarital n haraam relationship is Sin n not Test .
True extramarital relations are a sin. The OP is not asking us to label his wife's actions. He is asking for and willing to extend compassion.
If he is unable to forgive then better to divorce than living whole life with hate.
To forgive or not depends on him. We can support him through our words for it.
as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,
Just a quick reminder that taking a second wife is almost never a solution to any problem; rather on the other hand, it's possibly introducing a bigger problem in the home and the life of an existing family.
If a person is unable to handle one wife, how in the world can he manage two, let alone the costs, housing and dealings with new in-laws, fairness of dividing time, etc?
Another point, in the west at least, I don't think there is hardly any woman who would ever agree to be in polygamous marriage - that is, if the husband does the honourable task of revealing this to both women.
And I'd like to stress especially with brothers, the true sunnah with regards to taking a second wife is that it's like a charity, i.e. helping a woman who is otherwise unable to get married - older divorced and widowed women, and women who have health related issues, etc.
Remember, all the wives of rasulAllah sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam were either divorced, or widowed multiple times, except Aisha (radhiAllahu anha). And the reasons behind those marriages were sometimes, if not in all cases, due to increasing the ties of kinship and bringing society and tribes / factions together.
As for my advice to brother "bismillah86": -
realise that alhamdulillah, Allah has saved you and your wife, and saved your marriage - so both of you should constantly thank Allah foremost. And alhamdulillah your wife has realised her mistake and appears to have sincerely repented, so look at the good of her and why you married her.
No doubt, it is the shaytaans whispers which are now trying to rule you over, and tempt you towards divorce. Be careful, because satan will use countless tricks, for example, compare your wife to other women, and tempt you towards others who will appear perfect. But have sabr, and constantly try to remember Allah and make duaa for sabr and to increase the bonds of love between you both.
Whenever any negative thought about your wife comes to your mind, seek refuge in Allah from shaytaan the rajeem, then try to ignore it and look at the beautiful qualities of your wife. For example, her inner beauty, making meals for you, taking care of you and preparing things how you like, taking care of your kids, etc. There are many women who won't be able to do, or won't have many of the qualities your wife has.
Secondly, listen to Islamic talks, both of you together, or if you begin to watch it, then perhaps your wife will also become interested. And help your wife to attend the masjid and various gatherings with other Muslimahs who would help her, and perhaps she can help them.
So inshAllah, if she makes friends with good practising Muslimahs, then their goodness will rub off on her also, just like her good traits onto them. But if she makes friends with bad women, or women who take part in lots of gossip, then she will sadly also inherit similar traits.
And I also advise you to help her in the home and taking care of children, because this is also from the sunnah - i.e. after work, the husband makes himself available to his wife and children and taking care of the home.
There is something beautiful you mentioned, and I would like to stress this also...
"I cannot live without her."
SubhanAllah, us men were created weak and need our wife more than we realise - and sadly we only realise the blessing after it has departed.
So if you think divorce is a solution, try it: try to live without your wife and children, try to live alone for a few days, let alone a month and perhaps then you'll realise how much you miss her and all her good qualities.
Last but not least, as others have also pointed out, frequently listen to the Qur'aan in the home, especially surah baqarah. And reflect on your own shortcomings also: I'm sure there are many mistakes and sins you have also committed in your life?
Take care,
and may Allah al-musta'aan help us all, and make our spouse and children the comfort of our eyes, ameen ya-rabb!
was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,
Peace.
It is difficult to find inner beauty from wife who has cheated and slept with man other than husband .
Peace be with you,
SubhanAllah, dear brother/sister, that's going too far, and could be classed as a heinous slander against your Muslim sister; as you'll read in the post...
"Until now no physical contacts was made between them. I can say Alhamdulillah for this..."
And it appears, his wife has since sincerely repented to Allah since husband/wife performed Umrah together.
"We did umrah together and she realised her fault and want to live with me. She is repeatedly asking forgiveness to almighty and to us."
MashAllah, that's a great sign, and the correct way of a Muslim - to realise our fault, and sincerely turn back to Allah and those who you hurt for forgiveness.
A reminder for myself and all true believers: -
Allahumma salli wa sallim 'ala nabbiyana Muhammad, wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma'een
"Oh Allah, send your peace and blessings on our leader Muhammad, and on his family and all his companions."
was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah.
The OP itself talking about his wife cheated him and not us .
Dear Mr. Ibn Mohammed,
May Allah blesses you and your family with infinite mercy and benefits. I had never seen such a wonderful response to my problem. your reply with selective and perfect Quran phrases which matches my problem exactly.
The 2 Quran verses you had mentioned is exactly what i need at the right time.
If i have an opportunity to succeed in this world satisfying Allah (SWT), may Allah will provide rewards multiple times than what i deserved.
Allahu Akbar....!!!
I am brain washed sometimes by shaitan especially in these times, Please ask dua for me.
Also you had mentioned that i was also made mistakes. yes you are right. I will also repent sincerely.
I will never divorce my wife Insha Allah. I already forgiven here long back. she also felt guilty that she never expect that i may forgiven her. My forgiven changed her a lot.
Maasha allah she is reciting Quran nowadays regularly.
Insha Allah, you please ask dua for me and my wife to be forgiven by Allah and Insha Allah i hope Allah that he will not let me alone. May Allah bless my married life in the remaining days i live in this world.
With tears and thankfulness,
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Did she sleep with him or just a chat level affair ?Either way you have big heart .May Allah help you .
Hmm. .Interesting...If your wife can do that ...This is a sign of danger because her foundation is not solId or concrete...It is sad to see that this is the norm of the day .that spouses are flirting fooling around and cheating.....But it's OK you did Umrah and Allah knows best..and she ackowledges he mistake.My friend this is your test.....SHAITAN will use this all the time so you can fight with her and eventually divorce her..This is the ultimate goal of SHAITAN. ..In order to overcome this is simple...Keep this in mind there is no other way ....First of all Pray at the house of Allah this is the best place on earth.....There you become the friend of Allah and the angels are familiar with you. .Next quran must be morning and evening ...min. SHAITAN keeps far away so recite quran so your home becomes alive..and a beacon of light...Do zikr learn to keep focus and consious of Allah...The problem with the muslims in general is that they are turning to duniya for answers to life stress and success...etc...I will sum this up so understand....Success in this world and in the hereafter is only Obeying Allah's commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH. THIS IS THE ANSWER.....BUT IF WE ARE MIXING WITH DUNIYA AND DEEN IT CAN NEVER WORK BECAUSE ARE FAITH IS PURE AND CLEAN FREE FROM CORRUPTION. MY FRIEND MIX WITH THE PIOUS.NEXT ASK QUESTIONS REGARDING DEENI KNOWLEDGE IT ONLY MAKE YOU BETTER IN EVERYWAY...IN THIS SHORT LIFE WE ARE ALL TESTED AND ALLAH LOVES HIS SLAVE WHEN HE REMEMBERS HIM AT THAT TIME.....THE PROPHET GAVE 2 ADVICES TO ADHERE 1 REMAIN SILENT. TALK ONLY IF IT BE GOOD 2ND PROTECT YOUR PRIVATE PARTS....THESE ARE THINGS THAT PEOPLe will end up in Hell so be wise.
I recommend forgiving her and her parents for this. She and this guy were in love before and with whatever wisdom her parents prevented the marriage. Whatever he's going through he probably missed her and then decided that he would contact her. As always people think it's ok to just be friendly to the ones they loved but it never remains friendly. So both of them started out thinking it would be ok but after a while old feelings of love came back.
They did all of this online and online love looks way better than real life love. Online you don't interact with the person as you would in daily life so you don't work on the same problems so an online relationship always seems better. I've known of a relationship where the wife left the husband and her kids, married the guy online and the honeymoon period lasted 2 years. After that she realized it would've been better to stay with her old husband but by then it was too late as he had already remarried and the damage was done to that relationship. All she could say was that love is like a drug. She lost her old life because of the online relationship and getting forgiveness from her husband after that would be very very difficult.
So the good news is that you were able to stop this process for your wife now. The only thing left is your forgiveness and that's based on understanding that what she felt for that other guy is not based on reality. It's based on an unreal online relationship which is not a real relationship. I recommend running your family as before, realize these guys will exist and explain to your wife as well that your relationship with her is real where as the other one is in fantasy. She will not know the reality of another relationship unless she's in it past the honeymoon phase.
Assalamualaikum Brother,
Reading your story I realized how similar it is to mine. We were happily married (or I thought so) for 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter. But what I didn't know was that she was forced into marriage with me and she used to love a guy for 6 years before marriage.
Soon after marriage I went to another country and in that time she contacted him and they started the affair. When I came back i found out the affair through Whatsapp, when I confronted her she said she still loves her previous boyfriend. Now she wants to divorce me and go and marry that guy. Although I love her very much and have told her that I'll forgive her if she wants to stay with me. She has decided to leave me for her lover.
So I guess you're in a better situation than I am. I have to separate from my wife and daughter and start a new life.
This technology in today's times have destroyed many families. There is so much good through whatsapp but there is bad as well. And the bad is so bad that it is allowing muslim men and women to commit adultery and cheating and zina after marriage.
May Allah grant the Muslim men and women the ability to avoid zina.
Dear brother, as per my views if she think and relaized she did mistkes and apologized for her sin. I think as per Allah we should give her chance and u ahoukd always think she committed her mistakes and if u will be in same suitation u cant come out of it.. Think about ur daughters. Am in same situation of urs. But my wife ati think ahe didn't did any sin as she slept as well. Stillbam in hope one day she wil realized wht she lost on life.. And even that day i am ready to accept her... U r luckly ans should be thankfull to allah and try to fall in love wth her and love ur family. U have been to worst face but Almighty gives u back happiness u should thankfull to his glory.
Salam,
Do you have any proof that Allah does not like those who forgive in this case? From what I've read so far Allah asks us to forgive the faults of others.
Salam,
I think I found the hadith you are referring to:
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http://sunnah.com/urn/1077390
"The Messenger of Allah said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the cuckold. And there are three who will not enter Paradise: The one who disobeys his parents, the drunkard, and the one who reminds people of what he has given them."'
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I don't know the context of what was said before this hadith but it doesn't make sense. The one who is cheated on is a victim and not a criminal. It would be like punishing those who are stolen from for losing what they didn't want to lose.
Thanks for pointing it out, does this hadith make sense to you?
It's not referring to one who is cheated on. The word in Arabic (that is being translated as cuckold) is dayyuth. It refers to a man who willingly lets his wife sleep with other men, whether he prostitutes her, swaps wives with other men, or simply shares her. Again, it does NOT refer to someone who is an unwilling victim of adultery. So it is not relevant to this post.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
You coward if you still lives with your wife despite she sleeping with other man .Allah doesn't like your type of people
"friend" - I put it in quotes because you are no friend at all - this is a disgusting, false and cruel comment. I know exactly who you are mr. illogical, aka Logical, Anon, Cool, Golden Hand, Golden, Repulse, TRT, Critic, Solid, C, Star...
You are a destructive and negative influence. I am banning you forthwith.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Mr. Wael(Admin),
Assalamu Alaikkum...
Hope you are with good health...
I humbly request you to delete this post as my problem is resolved since long ago.. Alhamdulillah... Some persons comments are putting me into deep depression as their replies are aggressive, evil and senseless.
I cannot able to delete this post as there is no option for it (May be i dont know how to do it). I kindly beg you to remove this post from this site itself as i dont want my resolved personal problem to be visible to all.
May Almighty ALLAH's Blessings will be upon you all time....
Jazakallah Khair....
As-salamu alaykum brother. I'm happy to hear that your situation was resolved. I hope it was resolved in a good way, Insha'Allah. I apologize for that one person who was unkind in his comments. Please don't let it bother you. There will always be people like that in this world.
I cannot delete the post, but I can close it to further comments if you like.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Mr. Wael,
Assalamu Alaikkum...!!!
Thank you very much for your kind response.
Please close adding further comments and replies to this mail...
I am very much thankful to "Mr. ibnMuhammad", whose comments in this post with Quran verse examples made me to move towards good side....
Also , if i humbly request you to delete the comments made that wrong person with wrong attitude...
Jazakallah Khair...
I think people form different opinions based on their experiences or observation .anyway congratulation you have solved your issues ..now why to read this post again n again?better unsubscribe from this .