Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my wife committed zina, got pregnant, and had a haram nikkah

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

My name is Nurkey, I'm male and I really need your help to overcome this.

I married my uncle's daughter through a halal nikah witnessed by her father, two other elder uncles, and family. We lived peacefully until I lost my job and then she strongly insisted to visit parents. Her visits usually took almost a month each,  and on the last visit I realized that she was elsewhere with another man. This shocked me after I phoned a number (not hers) that had phoned me earlier and a lady -equally surprised and shocked- answered and asked me three times if it was really true that I was married to her as I claimed. I even had to swear by Allah to prove to her that I was her legal Muslim husband and still in marriage. She disclosed to me how my wife was brought to them by her cousin's brother, and she and him had stated to date, and they told her that my wife is a divorcee, and that she was already pregnant with his child by a month.

By then she was away for two months since leaving our house. They then told her they were planning to get married, SUBHANALLAH! INA LILAHI WA INA ILEYI RAJIUUN. I was totally shocked and even shivered as I felt my body freeze, unable to move. When I finally got her on phone she denied and swore by ALLAH that even the said pregnancy was a lie.  Later on, before her elder sister, she swore and denied it again but refused to go for a test. My uncles then turned against me when I told them, warning me not to defame their daughter and family as they are respected religiously.

Later the woman and her man ran away 1000 kilometers to where her dad had moved. Surprisingly, the dad married my wife to him without my divorce, and then all my uncles teamed up against me and told me to do whatever I want.  This they did despite my cries, pleading and my tears. It was done, as I came to learn, as a way to hide shame and conceal embarrassment by their daughter; but to me it really hurt and depressed me. I even swore to them by ALLAH's 99 names that I never mistreated her or made her sleep hungry even one day and I never did any zina to warrant this, and even our neighbors are witnesses.

Then lastly when no one heeded my cries, I turned to my CREATOR and my ONE TRUE GOD, ALLAH (S.W) and prayed salatul leyl and asked HIM to prove it to all, and to let the said pregnancy stand between us, and if indeed it's halal, to be protected by HIM; but if its haram and through adultery or zina that it be shown out to all.

The alleged husband, when I told him through the phone that I hadn't divorced that woman, said he will "f--k my a--" should I follow them there! Her sisters insulted me with very bad words too, and I really felt hurt and too helpless to do anything. They did this because I'm poor and cannot even afford bus fare to reach them.

The most sad part of all is that after seven months she developed high blood pressure, so high she got hospitalized for a week, and no one bothered to inform me. Later, the baby died in her womb and she was operated on and she also died some days after that operation.  Her uncles and sisters tried to phone me to get her my forgiveness before she was buried but my phone was off that day. Until today, one and a half years later, I'm unable to overcome and even forgive her. I have cut my relationship with the uncles.

So please help me, it has me so depressed and has become an illness in sadness! Surely, do I deserve to pay her mahr? And if so, to whom? My uncles who did the haram second nikah? it's so painful to me. This whole thing has refused to get out of my heart and chest and has grounded me completely,  and I'm unable to be myself or even focus ahead.

Please advise me.

-nuraali


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76 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Yours is a very, very tragic story. I am truly sorry for you and way everything unfolded. What your wife did was horrendous, and it seems to me that Allah dealt with her in the way He saw to be most just. I pray that with time and succor your own heart will be eased from these traumatizing events, and that you will find a pious wife who will comfort your painful memories in shaa Allah.

    I am not sure what you are really asking in regards to the mahr. The mahr should have been given to your wife by you when you initially married her. If you failed to do so at that time, it is a matter between you and Allah because she was entitled to that during her lifetime. There is no one else the mahr can go to except her, so since she is deceased no one else would have a right to it now.

    Even though the events that took place are horrible, the best way to find healing is by moving forward. Granted, you might have to take small, slow steps; but you need to remind yourself that you still have a future with a lot of potential ahead of you that can redeem the ugly past. Focus your sight and mind on what awaits, and make an effort to let go of what's done and cannot be changed.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • @ amy .. the way of doing salam is not "salaamss" Please.. amend yourself. If you cant pronounce complete salam then at least say Assalam o alykum.

      • Salaams,

        I am very capable of pronouncing the full greeting, and use it on many, many occasions. However at this time I have no intentions of changing how I greet others as I work on this website, since our population of readers encompasses both Muslims and non Muslims; or those who know Arabic and those who don't. But thank you anyway.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I am quite confused by your rationale - what does that even mean "..as I work on this website"?

          You working on this website only means you have much higher standard to adhere to than others.

          If something is wrong just accept it and change it for the future OR

          if perhaps me and the bother above are mistaken, please enlighten us how saying "Salaams" is appropriate. I would highly appreciate it.

          regards,
          Saqib

          • Salaams,

            I personally don't think it's wrong to use a variety of greetings. Considering how many there are in the world: Hello, Cheers, Wassup, Assalamu Alaykum, Hey there, and on and on- it seems silly to limit oneself to one greeting and say it is THE only correct one. From what I've learned in Islam, it's not fard to stick to one particular phrase- but we are to greet each other and return greetings.

            There are already enough Muslims in the world running around to non Muslims and newly converted muslims, handing out lists of every little detail of religion that should (not necessarily must) be followed, and furthering the misconception that Islam is more concerned about conformity than reaching people's hearts. I'm not one of them, and in shaa Allah I will never be.

            Trust me when I say there are plenty of things that I do wrong or that are not entirely Islamic, that my use of the greeting "salaams" is rather a trite matter to pick on. What's funny is, I hardly ever see other Muslims telling others to write "in shaa Allah" instead of "Insha'Allah", even though some say the former is more correct. I guess everyone has to choose their battles. Right now my biggest battle is against the wrong ideas my fellow Americans have about Islam, and it isn't won by getting 'stranger' to them.

            -Amy
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Actually, when it comes to the Sunnah, there generally is one way of doing things and there is no reason to argue about it. Abandoning the Sunnah means one is losing out on a great deal of good.

          • Sub7anallah... Guys! Chill. Sister Amy said a lot of good words of wisdom yet you are all stuck up on a method of a greeting? Aoudhubillah... Brothers like you guys can be mistaken for extremists. So yeah chill!!! And Peace!!!

            Sister in Islam 🙂

        • Dear Nurkey, Assalamu alaikum.

          I feel really sorry for the situation you are in. I am aware that I am commenting on this topic after a long time and I am sorry.

          I hope you might have got over this issue by now Insha Allah or you might be slowly forgetting the pasts. May Allah grant you a better life in this dunya and lot of happiness and higher status in paradise. Aameen.

          As far as I understand, the world we live in and the stories we hear about relationships from time to time, you are not alone. You can find a better peace within yourself by just understanding that this is our battle to get past this world, As we know in the older times, Our Prophets, sahabas and even the common men used to struggle and work hard to lead a life, they didnt have the easy life and technology what we have this day. I think the present generation gives a lot ease because of the technology and what not. Maybe this is the equation of Allah, If in someway there is ease, there is hardship in some other way. We all have some stories which are somewhat similar if we are a person who have come across one or two love affairs ( If we are a person who goes to school, or college or Job etc where we interact with opposite sex as a part of job or studies etc, the chances are high that we are prey for these problems, Note that I am not promoting these kind of behaviors here. It is surely a persons deen that help him to stick on to what he believes and fears Allah)

          Insha Allah, everything will be alright.

          (If my brother Nurkey don't mind, I would like to just mention something with sister Amy,

          if at all you are reading it, I request you not to start reading it with any obdession, Insha Allah, I had learned that If we start a communication with Assalamu alaikum and end it Valaikum Salaam, then that communcation is marked as an Ibadah even if it is just wordly matters which are halal. (Unless I am not sure If the person talks haram between the Assalamu alaikum and Valaikum Salam, Allah knows the best).

          I have also learned that saying Assalamu alaikum to opposite sex/ a disbeliever is not appreciated/Haram. Allah knows the best.

          But forget about all the fatwas above, When a muslim suggests something good for you/someone, You/someone should never show obsession, Maybe the way he/she delivered it to you might not be the best way.)

          Thank you all.

          Assalamu alaikum.

      • This is to talibul ulum and saqib,....

        Dear Mawlanas,.....

        First off It is totally bad adab and self serving to come on some one else's post and start lambasting another person about an issue that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. How disrespectful , How rude .

        Number Two,. If Amy wants to only say salaam BEING a woman it is not obligatory for woman to give MEN salams nor non muslims. In fact according to shari'ah woman are not to give salaams to men.

        Number three if you paid any attention to what has been going on,the lady in this case died as well as the baby,.....hope your Ramadan goes well

        SALAMS

        • Assalam alykum...

          Dear all brothers and sisters ...let me just say only few words.....i am sorry if it hurts any one ,please take it in positive way and just think for 2 min......

          Saying SALAM or ASSALAM is correct but greeting by new words by making change in islam words is wrong......Do u know only little word change can make a change in meaning........

          For Example... :- ALLAH(SWT) = means ALLAH(the almighty)

          LA-ALLAHA (SWT) = means NO ALLAH(the almighty)
          nausbillaha.......see brothers and sisters so please dont make any changes in any islamic word.......

      • Salam means peace, as far as I know.

        Often people greet or end with saying Peace or Peace to All or Peace out.

        Let's all find some peace too, in shaa Allah

  2. Salamualaikum

    As far as Mehr is concerned, I think it becomes void if adultery is committed by the wife - however please search for a fatwa on this online and do accordingly.

    As for forgiveness and moving on - the events you have faced must have been very shocking, I cant even imagine, however you did invoke Allah swt and Allah swt responded as He always does.

    However painful the turmoils of this life maybe, are nothing compared to the hardships of the day of judgement and hellfire. If you wish that Allah swt should forgive you on that day when that forgiveness is the ultimate victory and safety, then you should forgive people in this world who have wronged you or tried to wrong you. In this case your wife has passed away - show mercy towards her and clean your heart and Allah swt will shower his mercy on you and give you peace and tranquility aameen.

    I would also suggest you listen or watch a flowing translation / study of Surah Noor (Surah 24). I am sure it will give you much peace. insha Allah

    Regards,
    Saqib

  3. @ Amy - what is wrong is wrong. Accept it and dont dig a deeper hole for yourself.

    You just put every lame greeting in the world alongside our proper islamic greeting as it is mentioned in the Quran.

    As a moderator of this website I do not think you should be allowed to pass on opinions based on your personal whims. Please provide good islamic proof and I will happy accept your argument.

    Can any "mature" editors step in and reflect on this?

    • Salaams,

      I've asked the other editors to weigh in...if they like.

      Look, I'm not arguing to prove something is "right", or to say others should do it, or even to say it's the "most" Islamic thing at all. When it comes to giving advice to others, I try to tell them what I understand to be most correct- not necessarily what I personally do.

      All I'm saying is, even if my greeting is not super-shariah, it's still my choice to greet others how I wish. It's between Allah and I, no one else. I make decisions of how I greet others based on my own personal convictions, not because some obscure person got a burr in their shoe about it and commanded me to do it differently.

      We editors on this site are not Muslim superstars. We are regular people. We have our areas where we compromise (whether others deem this to be respectable or not), where we fall short, where we nafs out. The success in our website has come from us being able to relate to and guide people who are also regular people, who do all those same things.

      Our aim is not to order everyone in ranks based on a tick list of shariah compliance. When people come on here with that as a goal, they are probably going to get the most frustrated about the results.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • "It's between Allah and I, no one else. I make decisions of how I greet others based on my own personal convictions, not because some obscure person got a burr in their shoe about it and commanded me to do it differently."

        No one is denying that, however if every person who was advised said this, there would be no effect to enjoining on what is right(lit. recognized, ma'ruf) and forbidding what is wrong(lit. unrecognized, munkar)

        You should correct your actions if anyone advises you for Allah aza wa jals sake and not stick to your own opinion if it is wrong and say "this is between me and Allah." It's always supposed to be between you and Allah, whether you are right and refuse bad advise or you are wrong and accept the correct advise.

        We are indeed asked about our knowledge and what we did with it.

      • Salaams Amy lol,

        I just want to say thank you for all you do on this website...you rock in my book! I come here every day and I love how thoughtful and kind and giving of a person you are. May your Ramadan be blessed and may Allah reward you for all the good deeds you do.

        Salamms! 😀

    • Assalaamualaikam

      My personal feeling on the matter is that this is a debate for another time. The original poster has asked for help with a distressing issue, and replies should be aimed at assisting that person with their problems.

      There is a time and a place for debates about correct spellings and when people should use different greetings. This is not it.

      If you wish to raise concerns about off-topic issues, you are welcome to contact the editing team if appropriate, or to submit a question yourself.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

      • Salaams,

        Agreed.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • I know for sure Salam is used in Iran and Afghanistan. I personally don't see anything wrong in it. I think it is not worth debating any further. I wonder why people start acting like Bismillah police every time to prove their point.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/As-salamu_alaykum

          Salaams Amy
          May Allah Bless you!

          • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            Enjoining on what is ma'roof and forbidding what is munkar is part of obeying Allah and His Messenger. If we do not do this, it leads to disbelief and punishment forever. It doesn't matter if all the Muslims in the world greet with the incorrect greeting, it is our duty to correct this. All people must follow guidance. We are not only supposed to correct ourselves, but others as well.

            Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, the first deficiency in religion among the children of Israel is that a man would meet another and say to him: Fear Allah and leave what you are doing, for this is not lawful for you. Then he would meet him the next day and find no change in him, but this would not prevent him from eating and drinking with him and sitting in his assemblies. When it came to this, Allah led their hearts into evil on account of their association with others.” Then he recited the verses, “Those who disbelieved among the children of Israel were cursed by the tongue of David and Jesus the son of Mary. That was because they disobeyed and were transgressors. They would not forbid one another from the evil they were doing. Wretched is that what they used to do. You see many of them becoming allies of those who disbelieved. How wretched is that which they have put forth for themselves in that Allah has become angry with them, and in the punishment they will abide eternally. If they had believed in Allah and the Prophet and in what was revealed to him, they would not have taken them as allies, but many of them are defiantly disobedient.” (5:78-81) Then the Prophet said, “By Allah, you must enjoin good and forbid evil and seize the hand of the oppressor and make him follow the truth and restrict him to what is just.”

            Source: Sunan Abu Dawud 4336

            Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Ibn Hajar

            عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ أَوَّلَ مَا دَخَلَ النَّقْصُ عَلَى بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ كَانَ الرَّجُلُ يَلْقَى الرَّجُلَ فَيَقُولُ يَا هَذَا اتَّقِ اللَّهَ وَدَعْ مَا تَصْنَعُ فَإِنَّهُ لَا يَحِلُّ لَكَ ثُمَّ يَلْقَاهُ مِنْ الْغَدِ فَلَا يَمْنَعُهُ ذَلِكَ أَنْ يَكُونَ أَكِيلَهُ وَشَرِيبَهُ وَقَعِيدَهُ فَلَمَّا فَعَلُوا ذَلِكَ ضَرَبَ اللَّهُ قُلُوبَ بَعْضِهِمْ بِبَعْضٍ ثُمَّ قَالَ لُعِنَ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُوا مِنْ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ عَلَى لِسَانِ دَاوُدَ وَعِيسَى ابْنِ مَرْيَمَ إِلَى قَوْلِهِ فَاسِقُونَ ثُمَّ قَالَ كَلَّا وَاللَّهِ لَتَأْمُرُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلَتَنْهَوُنَّ عَنْ الْمُنْكَرِ وَلَتَأْخُذُنَّ عَلَى يَدَيْ الظَّالِمِ وَلَتَأْطُرُنَّهُ عَلَى الْحَقِّ أَطْرًا وَلَتَقْصُرُنَّهُ عَلَى الْحَقِّ قَصْرًا

            4336 سنن أبي داود كِتَاب الْمَلَاحِمِ إن أول ما دخل النقص على بني إسرائيل كان الرجل يلقى الرجل فيقول يا هذا اتق الله

            المحدث ابن حجر العسقلاني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن

            http://www.dailyhadithonline.com/2013/05/20/hadith-on-injustice-you-must-seize-the-hand-of-the-oppressor-and-make-him-follow-justice/

          • Subhanallah! A very important hadith. I am sharing it on facebook.

            Abu Abdul Bari
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

            Even more important is to check out this website. I've never seen anything like it in my life. Brother Abu Amina Elias and his group translate hadith that few people have ever read and hadith that people have always read, add the Arabic to it, cite it and also the scholar who declared it authentic or inauthentic.

            He also has articles which he comprises of with ayat and hadith which are very simple if you think about it but when you step back and consider, you realize it's a great deal of knowledge packed into a short space. This is stuff people in the past must have taken years to learn however, with the internet and other tools Allah has provided these people, they are making it easier for everyone. Extremely easy and extremely concise. Iman is in simplicity no? This deen is ease no?

            I also love that he translates the hadith for free. Imagine the reward he and his helpers will get. Following the footsteps of the Prophet salahualayhiwasalam and the rest of the Messengers and Prophets (AS.) May Allah exalt them to Al-Firdaus, be most pleased with them, and make them nearest to Allah and His Messenger in the akhirah., There is no dua that shouldn't be for them.

            I try to promote his website wherever I go. That and qtafsir.com. Some men and women by the permission of Allah are most beneficial to the people and I hope to be one of them. That is the favor of Allah,he gives to whoever he wills.

            Wa billahi tawfiq. la hawla wa la quwwata illabillah.

            and will Allah is ability. There is no alteration or ability to alterate except with Allah.

    • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      As for greeting non Muslims with Salams, I think there is a difference of opinion on our to interpret the Prophet sallahuaalayhiwasalams command on this.

      However, we aren't supposed to abandon the Sunnah of the Messenger. We already know the proper way to give salams to other Muslims, so why approach bidah? Every bidah is straying and every straying is in the fire.

      Besides, Salams is just as foreign to non-Muslims as Assalamualaikum.

    • Although what is more complete and as per the Sunnah is Assalamu'alaikum, which can be enhanced with Rahmatullah and Barakatuhu, if you have advise from ulama in this matter you could mention that here.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Ok, with permission from the editor I would like to link you to a wonderful site, among the very best in existence bi idhnillah, to this article on giving salams. It primarily covers greetings to non-Muslims. I almost want to put the whole article here but it will take up too much space.

        http://www.faithinallah.org/are-muslims-forbidden-from-greeting-non-muslims-with-peace/

        And here are a load of hadith which for one reason or another, have the peace tag. You'll see what I mean if you click on the link.

        http://www.dailyhadithonline.com/tag/peace-salam/

        As for the brother who posted this Well-here is the thing.

        I think you should forgive.

        I will confess to you personally from my heart, that if any woman betrayed me like this, I would want to make dua that Allah inserts nifaq into her heart until the day she meets Allah so that she is in the lowest depths of the fire forever. I would hate such a woman with that intensity, and if she had a kid, I'd get a dna test, drag her to Saudi and perform the lian. If she admits it, she gets stoned, and if she falsely denies-all the better because she gets the punishment.

        At the very least, I would divorce her.

        However, forgiving is so much better, not just for "her" but for you.

        You just don't know how great the reward is for it. It's so great, Allah doesn't even go into the details. You know how the Prophets (S) always said "I don't ask any reward of you, my reward is only on Allah"-the reward is so unspeakable, all that can be said is "my reward is on Allah."

        Well-that is the same for pardoning and correcting the situation. Pardoning and correcting the situation in this case would be forgiving her and all those relatives who abused you.

        Mu’adh ibn Anas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The best of virtues is that you maintain relations with one who cuts you off, that you give to one who deprives you, and that you pardon one who insults you.”

        Source: Musnad Ahmad 15191

        Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Ibn Al-Wazeer

        عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ مُعَاذِ بْنِ أَنَسٍ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنَّهُ قَالَ أَفْضَلُ الْفَضَائِلِ أَنْ تَصِلَ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ وَتُعْطِيَ مَنْ مَنَعَكَ وَتَصْفَحَ عَمَّنْ شَتَمَكَ

        15191 مسند أحمد مُسْنَدُ الْمَكِّيِّينَ أفضل الفضائل أن تصل من قطعك وتعطي من منعك وتصفح عمن شتمك

        المحدث ابن الوزير اليماني خلاصة حكم المحدث إسناده حسن

        Uqbah ibn Amr reported: I met the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and he said to me, “O Uqbah ibn Amr, maintain relations with those who cut you off, give to those who deprive you, and pardon those who wrong you.” Later, I met the Messenger of Allah and he said to me, “O Uqbah ibn Amr, control your tongue, weep for your sins, and let your house be sufficient.” Later, I met the Messenger of Allah and he said to me, “O Uqbah ibn Amr, shall I teach you some chapters the like of which have not been revealed in the Torah, nor the Psalms, nor the Gospel, nor the Furqan? Do not let a night go by without reciting them: He is Allah the One (112:1), and: I seek refuge in the Lord of the daybreak (113:1), and: I seek refuge in the Lord of the people.” (114:1)

        Source: Musnad Ahmad 16999

        Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Al-Haythami

        عَنْ عُقْبَةَ بْنِ عَامِرٍ قَالَ لَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ صِلْ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ وَأَعْطِ مَنْ حَرَمَكَ وَاعْفُ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ أَتَيْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ أَمْلِكْ لِسَانَكَ وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ قَالَ ثُمَّ لَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ أَلَا أُعَلِّمُكَ سُوَرًا مَا أُنْزِلَتْ فِي التَّوْرَاةِ وَلَا فِي الزَّبُورِ وَلَا فِي الْإِنْجِيلِ وَلَا فِي الْفُرْقَانِ مِثْلُهُنَّ لَا يَأْتِيَنَّ عَلَيْكَ لَيْلَةٌ إِلَّا قَرَأْتَهُنَّ فِيهَا قُلْ هُوَ اللَّهُ أَحَدٌ وَقُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ الْفَلَقِ وَقُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ

        16999 مسند أحمد مُسْنَدُ الشَّامِيِّينَ صل من قطعك وأعط من حرمك واعف عمن ظلمك

        المحدث الهيثمي خلاصة حكم المحدث رجاله ثقات

        Trust me-I used to love vengeance until Allah showed me how generous he is to those who forgive.

        Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to me, “O boy, if you are able every morning and evening to remove any rancor from your heart towards anyone, then do so.” Then he said to me, “O boy, that is my tradition (sunnah) and whoever revives my tradition has loved me, and whoever loves me will be with me in Paradise.”

        Source: Sunan At-Tirmidhi 2678

        Grade: Hasan (fair) according to At-Tirmidhi

        قَالَ أَنَسُ بْنُ مَالِكٍ قَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَا بُنَيَّ إِنْ قَدَرْتَ أَنْ تُصْبِحَ وَتُمْسِيَ لَيْسَ فِي قَلْبِكَ غِشٌّ لِأَحَدٍ فَافْعَلْ ثُمَّ قَالَ لِي يَا بُنَيَّ وَذَلِكَ مِنْ سُنَّتِي وَمَنْ أَحْيَا سُنَّتِي فَقَدْ أَحَبَّنِي وَمَنْ أَحَبَّنِي كَانَ مَعِي فِي الْجَنَّة

        2678 سنن الترمذي كِتَاب الْعِلْمِ من أحيا سنة من سنتي قد أميتت بعدي فإن له من الأجر مثل من عمل بها

        قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ

        This woman betrayed you in life-don't let her drag you down in her death. You do not know if she repented. Even if you forgive her, she may have died on this major sin and so Allah would bring her into the fire. At the very least, you know that she is not the best of Allah's creation. Strive to beat her in the akhirah. You don't need to forgive her for her sake. She doesn't deserve it. You need to forgive for yourself. The disbelievers get the reward for forgiveness in this life, and from that reward is a sense of peace one gets from letting go of a grudge. Allah is too appreciative of his believing slaves. Your full reward is in the akhirah.

        You can get someone better. Move on. Find a new wife. Make dua to Allah for a new, better wife. Even if another wife has not been written for you in this life, you will definitely get a better one in the akhirah inshaa Allah. Do not let your poverty dissuade you. If you and a woman you seek are poor, Allah will enrich you out of his excessive favor. You will have a higher rank than the woman who betrayed you in Jannah and so will your new wife inshaa Allah. Do not despair of Allah's soothing relief. Move on by forgiving and finding another woman.

        I hope this was not too lengthy, however I like to be thorough. My greatest sympathies are with you my brother and with the brothers and sisters who face similar betrayal. Even before this I made Allah for the victims of this act among this ummah. So you were included in my dua before this even happened to you.

        • ASALAMU ALEIKUM....THANKS,N THANK U VERY MUCH BROs N SIS, ..... I'm NURKEY, Surely dis is a very true account of wat happened to me,i nvr added anything or smear anybody,its all true. Since then i hv gone thr so much,n found maself so depressed to da point of being unable to start over,as it has had so much effect that it grounded me! Intact beyond depression to sickness. I reached a point i almost yearned to have death by my side,bt Allah has made me not ask such,.... i hv found myself to want to b alone,which in turn has added to more stress,n i reached a point i cud not want to b talked to esp by close relatives,n even having a sense of fear esp in da night,n being so much suspicious of other pple,evn neighbors, dat i thought see me in da negatives bt only my imaginations. Some pple cud evn say I'm insane,... n dis feeling cud only subside if i pray n read da Quran, n then worse is that i fear anything to do wit marriage, n i see any woman, as not trusted or i da past keep coming n haunting! I hv evn not read your comments until today! n some parts of my story such as her cookedup lies dat i mistreated her, my uncles "do wat u can,n go to hell" answers, n the most hurting of all, her man who said he will f..k ma a..,still bear so much pain, .... if not for Allah i almost planned to personaly look for dat man n kill bt thanks to Allah,i hv restrained. I will try to make good of ur comments,n i thank all of u for assistance, may Allah reward u all, n keep me advised more,as its ur comments i today feel better,n ur prayers n Allah's acceptance dat shal b my medicine to get healed,for u contribute to make me,my faith, iman stronger n brighter

  4. AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,

    I am really very sorry to hear about your story, even though it feels so sad to be in such a situation, but we believe that life is full of sorrows and trials of Allah. However, only a little among people can be patient in handling a situation like yours, most people will be in your shoe and then go astray through that, and some will be in it and then increased in guidance of Allah. May Allah grant you eternal guidance for being very patient over this matter?

    Though as you were oppressed by your wife, you complained to Allah, The Lord of the oppressed and then He heard you, and ruled justice between you and her. As the Prophet (s.a.w.s) was truthful when he said "The prayer of the oppressed is answered, even if he is a sinner as his sinning is only against his own soul"

    Now the two of you are going to stand before Allah and He is going to judge between you for what happened. However, I believe you have such a kind and merciful heart to forgive her before that day comes, perhaps that may ease the anger of Allah on her. Though, her committing Zina is another issue between her and Allah, but she betraying you is something between you and her. You may forgive her and the whole Family as well. Allah (s.w.t) says: "Those of you who have affluence and means should not refuse to give to the relatives, and the needy, and the emigrants for the sake of God. And let them pardon, and let them overlook. Do you not love for God to pardon you? God is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Quran 24 vs 22.

    -----------------------------------------------------------

    As to the giving of the Mahr, It was supposed to be given to a wife, and in a situation where the wife passes away the Mahr becomes part of her properties and will be shared among those who are entitled to inheriting her (Like Mother, Father and Brother/Sisters). However, your situation can be classified as different a different one, since she did not die while fulfilling the conditions of marriage plus she went on to get married to a different person with the help of her guardians. In this situation even if the Mahr was paid already to her must be returned to you. Therefore, you do not have to pay any Mahr as at now, instead you will consider the Marriage as uncompleted and that the Mahr was returned to you due to that. Though some Scholars may say you should pay half of the Mahr to those who inherit her if the marriage was consummated. So try talking to any Local Mufti/Imams and see what they say to you.

    ---------------------------------------------

    As to saying "Salaam" there is no problem with that, especially if you are talking in public where there are both Muslims and none Muslims. Even in Jannah we say "Salaam" while greeting …Allah (s.w.t) says: "Their call (the people of Jannah) therein is, “Glory be to You, our God.” And their greeting therein is, “SALAAM.” And the last of their call is, “Praise be to God, Lord of the Worlds.” Quran 10 vs 10.
    Hope this help Insha'Allah

    • AsSalaam Alaikum,

      This is one of those stories which is both shocking and heart breaking, and one in which I would normally have abstained from commenting, as the subject matter is beyond my own ability to be helpful. I do however appreciate Brother Issah's comments and find them complete and undiscriminating in compassion. I hope, Brother Nurkey, you will derive help from them. Brother Issah shared a Quranic verse 24:22:

      "Those of you who have affluence and means should not refuse to give to the relatives, and the needy, and the emigrants for the sake of God. And let them pardon, and let them overlook. Do you not love for God to pardon you? God is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

      It seems to me that because of your material poverty you suffered your wife's impatience ("We lived peacefully until I lost my job") and because of your material poverty (and their fear of shame) you suffered negligence and ridicule from her uncles and sisters. It was a time when your family would have done well to have patience, pardon, and overlook. That was their trial and test. Now the woman has lost her life, and child, and the family has lost their daughter, niece and sister. And all this, still, before the Day of Judgment.

      The irony and truth of this situation is, it is you who are the affluent one, and even as they ridiculed you in your poverty, you were the affluent one. Only Allah knows what your pardoning and overlooking could do for you and them in this life and the next.

    • wa alaykumusalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      I would like to see the ruling one how to deal with the mahr in this situation. From what I know correctly, the mahr can be taken back if the wife commits zina. This is to the best of my knowledge. If we could get a fatwa on this matter from the Ulama, that would be great.

      "O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good."

      http://quran.com/4/19

  5. I think comment should be delete if its not related to the poster problem.....

  6. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with amy saying ( salaams) So what must people say that all the time!!! And we are here to give someone advice he is asking for.

  7. Salam

    Nurkey this is our own created world full of pains. If the husband is loyal,the wife would betray & if the wife is loyal the husband would...In ur case u r the victim, in my case I am the victim....May Allah guide all of us in the true path..

    I think since ur wife is dead for the last 1 & half yrs. its better u forgive her...Allah loves one who forgives..

    I am also deceived by my husband, we were together just for 2 weeks after nikah & the rest 1 month he always argued with me unnecessarily..just to move from me & continue his old habit of watching nude videos, nude pictures of others girls over the internet , he even chats with them, contacts them....I have seen my husband used to give them his office phone no....I am very much hurt, so now I left him & staying with my parents since last 7 months.

    May Allah help me as well as u also to find a faithful spouse...ameen

  8. Even though saying the complete salaam is best just as completing everything is the best, but again we cannot say to someone who says the shot salaam that the person is wrong. The Angels said the shot Salaam to Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) and he responded the same short Salaam to them.

    Allah says:

    Has the story of Abraham’s honorable guests (Angles) reached you? When they entered upon him, they said, “Peace (Salaam).” He said, “Peace (Salaam), strangers.” Quran 51:24- 25

    Actually I did not see in the above verse where the Angels said the full Salaam like, "Peace be upon you" and where Prophet Ibrahim responded by saying "Peace be upon on you"

    They both said: "Peace (Salaam)"

    http://clearquran.com/quran-chapter-051.html

  9. Salaams,

    Sorry brother, somehow it wound up in the spam folder. I rescued it.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. Assalamualeikum to the brother that wrote this,

    Im very sorry to hear about you tragic story. I actually wrote my issue here as well but after hearing about others you start to feel that your life isnt as bad. I pray Allah gives you sabar and happiness inshAllah for all that you have gone through.

    First and foremost, I am not familiar how the mehar proceedings work so its best to go with someone knowledgable at the masjid, like an Alim or Shaikh they would be the best to advise you.

    As far as whats happened to you, yes thats very tragic and hurtful. I too have suffered a lot as I went thru a bad divorce and it left me pretty traumatized. It sounds like your depressed as well, and Im sure anyone would be in your situation. I would definitely try to get some sort of counseling or therapy in addition to asking Allah (SWT) for help for He is the only one that we can probably turn too.

    Its best to talk to those that can be supportive to u during this time. Plz feel free to msg me if u ever want to do so.

    tc and may Allah make things easy for you, those in distress, and give us all happiness Ameen

  11. Wa AlaikumusSalaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu

    You are %100 right my dear Brother (may Allah be pleased with you and us all), when we take the word into the Arabic pronunciation, the Angels said "Salaaman" and Prophet Ibrahim Alayhisalam said: "Salaamun". Therefore it is "Salaam + un" which is = "Salaamun". And you and I know very well that in Arabic you can say only "Salaam" without adding the "un" if any word did not follow it (in the same sentence). So Prophet Ibrahim Alayhisalam added the "un" because he followed it with a word (He said, Salaamun, strangers). So in the end, both "Salaam" and Salaamun" are just the same thing in meaning. And as you have said above, it's even the best greeting by Prophet Ibrahim Alayhisalam to the Angels, in respond to their greetings. So you actually agree with me that saying "Salaam" or "Salaamun" is the short way of saying "the complete salaam", and that there is nothing wrong with it (and this is what the argument is all about).

    And actually, "Salaams" is the short way of saying "Many Salaam" (in English conversation).

    Just as in one of your above comments you mentioned the "Messengers and Prophets" and then you said ("AS") in short, instead of completing the salaam by saying "Alayhimsalam", and again in another comment above, you mentioned the Prophets and then you said ("S") in short. This is even worse than someone saying "Salaams". However, this is just something common, and we all understood what you meant by ("AS") and ("S"). As I can really understand easily that, this is not the way you will say it verbally.

    But the thing is why should we point two fingers at someone, while the other three fingers are pointing at us?!

    To my respected Editors – May Allah be pleased with you all, for your good services for the Ummat- , I am very sorry for responding to this topic, even though it does not solve the problem for the original poster. And I hope by now, the original poster has already found answers to his questions Insha'Allah.

    Ramadan Mubaarak and Eid Mubaarak in advance!!!

    • Also, no fingers are pointing at me. Fear Allah.

      I'd like for this comment to be admitted soon. I do not like accusations.

      • I am putting some people on this page on notice (Talibul uloom, Saqib, Mahmud and whoever else): I know there are some Muslims who love to get on the internet and debate heatedly and endlessly about minor points of fiqh.

        This website is the wrong place for that. People come here for sincere advice, not to have their questions taken hostage by nit-pickers who love to find fault. This mile-long debate about how to greet people is completely irrelevant to the post.

        I'm about an inch away from deleting all these comments and banning some people altogether. If you doubt me, try me.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Brother Wael,

          Assalamualaikum. A sincere advice from a brother - no pun intended: Understand the intent behind the issue. I will not benefit nor loose out if amy and everyone else keeps using whatever they want to use as a greeting. However I felt that it is possible something has been missed here and theres nothing wrong in making minor ammends daily in our life to progress towards ehsaan. insha Allah.

          I believe you should take a closer look at the sequence of the posts. The matter at hand was addressed first, i didnt notice how and what amy said however a brother tried to direct at a simple issue which could be fixed with no argument unless the purpose is to defend egos - yes you are a moderator hence heed the positive and dont join the rat race of threats for simply pointing out something that can, in the future lead to a lot of fitnah. May Allah swt protect us.

          I did not carry on arguing about it as you can see from the posts - some are actually aimed at enticing argument however this is the play of Shaitaan. May Allah swt protect me and the ummah from the waswasa.
          Jazak Allah Khair.

          • Saqib, consider yourself banned.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • this is so embarrassing! the poster wanted some adivce aboout his life and yet here are some petty men quarreling over something so stupid, like seriously? :O (this does not include brother wael, he should have left brother saqib banned)

        • Ok, understood.

  12. o my what a ugly story i feel pity for your wife she followed the footsteps of shaytaan got pnished and buried ALLAH KNOWS BEST....may Allah save me from dying like that i wish he guides me instead AMEEN.

  13. @honeyyya

    How abt we try to better Muslim and not rub it in?
    We shud try to comfort this brother rather than throwing in his face that he has an ugly story.
    Of course we shud worry abt ourselves, but Islam teaches us to help our brothers and sisters in need & to be there for them in times of difficulty, instead of being selfish! Shame on u

  14. Salam,
    This sent tears to my eyes, you are such a great man.. you could have said so much as you deserve to be angry but you kept turning to Allah and his guidance. Mashallah!!!!!!!! I will keep you in my prayers!
    Unfortunately, what's been done has been done and we cannot undo it, we can only learn from our mistakes. Everything happens by Allah's will. I know you must be upset with your Uncles but they have lost as well and Allah knows what they are going through themselves. But on your end brother, find it in your heart to forgive her. This is not something you can forget, but when you forgive, your pain will subside and you will feel much better. You deserve a lot better and Allah will grant you the life you deserve!

  15. Dear Brother Nurkey,

    I am sorry to hear your story but i really think that Forgive And Forget is the best medicine to cure your heart. I know it is not easy to do this but have to rememver even Allah The Most Merciful is also Most Forgiving. We are human and His servant, surely could not be more than Him. I pray to Allah that you can do this and your life will be better in future, Inshaallah.

  16. Salaam Brother,

    What you must do is to find solidarity and strength in Allah. As tragic as your story is, and I give you my deepest sympathy, you must say Alhamdullilah for this test. Allah must love you dearly for such a great test SubhanAllah. Remember Allah tests those He loves and tests you to your capabilities. As you say you are depressed, you clearly have enough strength to stay sane MashaAllah.

    Instead of sulking at what has happened, I feel as though you have been saved from this marriage. You are not the loser, wallahi I do not see you as being the loser and I am sure a lot of people who come across your story will not see you as a loser. From what you are saying, it seems like our Lord has saved you not just from the marriage but also a family, may Allah guide then In Shaa Allah (and everyone who has been missguided). You have been shown how she and her family are when you were at your lowest. You may not see this now, but you have been blessed as to me you are a very rich man as all the bad have been removed from your life SubhanAllah and your test is a great one. May Allah guide us all In shaa Allah.

  17. Salam Bro,

    as I heard your story, I should tell you, that you don't need to forgive your (ex,dead) Wife. What she did is unbelievebal, I would not even talk with their relatives...She didn't love you or Allah, she was playing you a game.
    I am sorry, after I heard this story, I made a kind of decision, that I will probably not marry someone.
    All I hear from people is, that if you do zina (while you are married/ Zina could be chatting to, looking other people, showing your bodys awrah or beauty to other people) to conceal your sin. Or if you did Zina, you should hide it from your future partner and so on. But this is what I think:

    THIS IS NOT A FATWA (READ IT ON YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY)

    If someone comes to near of Zina, he broke the rights of his partner. He should not conceal this sin to everybody, BUT to the husband or the wife he or she is living with and of course the cheater should tell him everything and ask the partner for Forgiveness. Because in the hereafter people will know all things. All people who wronged you (even secretly like cheated on, lied to you, hided one important thing, backbited on you in bad way) will have to give their Good Deeds to you in the Hereafter and they will take your sins.

    But if this people search forgiveness, then they should repend to God and ask the partner for forgiveness for the wrongdoing they did. They must do both, even if it means, that they will divorce, because no one has the right to cheat on his partner. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON.

    Zina, if one of both is married, is not only a thing between the sinner and God, it's also the wrongdoing to the partner you are married with and the partner of the person she or he is married with.
    If my wife would cheat on me and would not tell me, then I would take my Hassanat on Hereafter, because she had the desicion to divorce, but she broke my RIGHTS. I am the only one, who is allowed to see her naked and touch her, kiss her, talk with her, to see her beauty and like for my wife (or wifes, if I am married with 4 women) and if someone steals my RIGHT (also my wife and her lover), then I will take my revenge (Hassanat) on Hereafter. If someone would do rightous repetance, then they would ask their partner for forgiveness and do everything to get the forgiveness from the partner.

    How great it would be, if I kill someone, sleep with someone elses wife, set a bomb and because they don't know who I am, they dont get their rights. Repentance from God is important ---I won't say anything else, but you must ask the people you did wrong for Forgiveness and get it. And yes, NO ONE MUST FORGIVE YOU. If you do tawbah, then their are four steps:

    1) Leaving the sin (externally)
    2) Feeling remorse over having committed the sin (internal)
    3) Resolve never to return to the sin (internal)
    4) If it relates to the rights of another person, then to return the rights of property one wrongly took.

    And yes: Zina while married releates to someones rights and yes it will cause serious problems. But what will you do. It's better you get punched out and give all your money to seek forgiveness, then you give your Hassant in the other world to this guy, because you will need all your Hassant.

    One Tip: If you don't like your partner, then divorce...

  18. Salam,

    I forgot to say, that I hope that God will take very up in the hereafter, because no one would withstand this.

  19. Salam Brother,

    stay strong and pray to God and find a pious wife.

  20. Yup really sorry to hear this, wish Allah make everything good for you insha Allah

  21. Brother, Salaam walaikum, and I hope this response finds you well. I am very disturbed to read this story. I have, however, found a very strong sense of justice through Allah from your experience. It is very difficult to know what is the correct thing to do when your feelings are so involved, and very difficult to get a clear answer. I also hope that this does not harm you in any way, because I do not want you to feel more pain. However, as a reader of this experience of yours, with hopefully an unbiased opinion, Allah has resolved all matters for you. SubhanAllah, He answered your cry for help and made everything just, in my opinion. I do not believe, in my opinion that you owe her Mahr, but I am no scholar. However, from a worldly perspective you have the option of doing so just to keep things moving for yourself and her family. With her family involved it may be better to pay it to get rid of an ongoing headache. Allah sees all. You are the better judge of the Mahr situation than me.

    As far as what the outcome was with this, Allah truly showed you justice before your eyes. I know this can be a difficult thing to understand as she is your wife, but maybe Allah was showing her mercy as well. If she had to continue this haram relationship throughout her life, it may have been worse for her as her bad deeds could be increasing with time ? Until she came back to you and you would have another child that is not yours ? Wallahi I feel a lot of justice from reading this life experience of yours. InshaAllah, I hope that you can reflect on this experience and truly understand how infinitely we should trust Allah, and InshaAllah upon reflection this will also increase your Iman. Those wounds are deep, and I can understand if you do not want to consider marriage for some years. But brother, Allah was truly just in this. That is what I believe. May Allah guide you further InshaAllah, and heal your pain. Jazak Allah Khair

  22. Selamun Aleykum.

    Here are several answers for your questions.

    1- The right of mehir was belong to your ex wife not his father or uncle or another one. Therefore give it as sadaka to poor needy one and donate its ecr to your wifes soul

    2- Your story is epic one. And it teachs a lot of valuable lessons to us. Don't worry.

    3- About your wife and what she did (zina, lies and other)... A person with believer heart can't do those things. I have really big doubts about your wife's iman.
    And can clearly say a thing. Even you forgive her I can't say the same thing for Allah. Because Allah says "even you pray for them 70 times I won't forgive them (about munafiguns)

    • We should not question/doubt the level of iman of someone because it may be that we jeopardize our own--it is not beneficial to discuss, but can be detrimental to us.

      Imam Malik said, “If I have 99 reasons to believe a person is a kafir and one to believe he is not, I’ll prefer the latter.”

      What the brother is going through/has gone through is horrible and and our prayers are with him. We can learn from his wife who is now deceased that while we are still alive and breathing, we can ask Allah's forgiveness for any and all of our sins before it is too late.

      Al-Quran [2:284]

      To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth. Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it. Then He will forgive whom He wills and punish whom He wills, and Allah is over all things competent.

      • Salaamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah
        I think all who comment on the ills of the sister in question need to fear Allah in passing verdict. The ruling for being guilty of zina is 4 witnesses who see penetration. Not pregnancy (for it could have been the husbands) not DNA, not the neighbors saying what a fine man the brother is. 4 WITNESSES !!

        To say that the sister is like this or that with Allah is speaking without knowledge. Fear Allah that you speak about him without knowledge ! To take the word of an unknown without investigation and convict someone is less than 'just'.
        "O you who believe, when a faasiq comes to you with news, verify it..." Hujuraat

        It would be better to console the brother for his situation of being depressed for what ever reason as there are Islamic remedies for depression. Returning to Allah with a sincere repentance, ruqyah, increased acts of worship and dhikr.

        I hope that helps.

        you brother most in need of forgiveness
        Bilaal

      • "We should not question/doubt the level of iman of someone because it may be that we jeopardize our own--"

        Who ever thought this to you is wrong. Of course I will evaluate people, but judging is not my job that is his (Allah's)...

        Gravity is rule of Allah isn't it. And if see -something glass-, dropping you would say "it will broke" because of the rule of Allah "gravity"

        as 20 years of Quran Reader I know ethical rules of Allah. And when I see a person against them I can easly say "it will be broken" as I presume when I see dropping glass.
        if you understand irony that means there is no problem.

        • Read this one more time.

          Al-Quran [2:283]
          To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth. Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it. Then He will forgive whom He wills and punish whom He wills, and Allah is over all things competent.

          I am not challenging your 20 years of experience--I would rather NOT challenge Allah swt's INFINITE experience which is beyond our mental capacity.

          • and you also realise that
            I didn't JUDGE or VERDICT about the situation. I just INFORMED what probably is going to be in Judgment day.
            How I inform about future?

            Let say you have a friend for 20 years can you know him? Probably yes.

            With his words in Quran and his acts I observed for 20 years. I really can easly presume what is going to be in a situation like this in front of Allah in judgment day.

  23. Asalaamalaikum brother,

    May I ask if you have performed Hajj? From what I observed from my parents, the done thing is to forgive everyone, even your enemies and also ask for forgiveness before embarking on this beautiful mission. My parents have been through a lot of turmoil over the years, but before they went on Hajj they forgave certain people from the bottom of their hearts. As you know it is like being reborn, so forgive and cleanse your heart and soul from everything that was bad.

    I don't know what to advice on the mahr, but I do hope that you consider forgiving your late wife and just pray for her whilst in the grave, and just pray that peace enters your heart and that you move on swiftly from this experience. Allah loves those that forgive, and it seems that this is part of your test in this life. InshAllah I pray you heal from this and find a loving, pious spouse who will treat you so much better, Ameen.

  24. Salam alikom Nurkey,

    My name is Anita and i live in holland . I converted 3 years ago against the wish of my family and without being raised up like this . At internet i typed the word zina becouse i felt much pain afther discovver that a lot of muslimmales try to do zina instead of hala marriedge and came at your artikel .It brought me already so much pain that they dit nice to me and asked for zina ...(they think blond woman raised up in west is easy ... ) How painfull and humuliated it was for you ..that you had to go trough this situation than .... you where married and trusted her and your family .......... . How are you doing now ? I will do dua for you and hope Allah will give you reward for the pain and suffer that you have in the patients to carry this .

    sorry for my puzzleenglish
    With friendly greets

    • Thanks sis Anita,i can feel ur concern, n how much u felt hurt for me. Thank u n still say more dua n prayer for me. May Allah also b by ur side sis,n may Almighty pardon u n erase all ur sins n give u a place in da beautiful garden of paradise Jannatul Firdos, Amiin

  25. Feeling really sorry May Allah bless you.

  26. Asalamu Aleikum, Thanks ma Muslim bros n sis, for all the concerns,for ur good will comments which r like food to my soul,n very very encouraging n healing by God's grace,n also for all ur prayers for me which i feel r already mostly accepted by Allah SWT,as HE, Allah has made me get to dis point today, n restrained my anger,n urge to do bad under revenge,n still making progress in healing... All that i say Thanks to Allah da One True Creator, da Most Just,Da Powerful,Da Helper....... keep praying for me my Muslim brethrens,n more advise i beg u.

  27. Asalamu Aleilum, ... bros n sis in Islam, I'm NURKEY,n its me who posted my tribulations for advice, n i want to make everyone read, understand n learn,while also i seek advice on how to heal,n kindly also seek duas n prayers of Muslims to help me. Da issue of paying mahr also is stated for advice. I also today want to clear some doubts for those maybe who doubt this story like bro Bilal who commented. This story is a true account n I swear by Allah. Yes, this woman now deceased, was married legally to me in Islamic law, n as daughter of my uncle i respected her n her parents. Into a year n a half we had not gotten any kid yet, n twice she had visited parents staying two weeks at first n a month later n i had no doubts. Then dat last time, came to me as miracle.She was away for a month n half to visit her dad who was sick,n i confirmed on da day she travelld dat she arrived safe n talked evn to ailing dad. So it was dat she cheated dad to hv travelled back n went elsewhere after some days i learnt later.I know many cant blieve this...... i had prayed salatul isha, in my hse, n still on da mat reading quran, i phoned her,...she picked phone n thinking she had cut it off on me she continued chatting wit some women, i evn learnt their names,n i continued listening to them for close to 15m. Wat a miracle frm Allah,... i learnt of her affair wit a man, evn his name,n evn a lodging hse,they were to meet,SubhanaAllah! I just calmed myself prayed two rakats then called her.I think i upset her as i asked directly if i married a prostitute,n told her I'll b waiting for her n dat man,who i mentioned by name at da lodge, ..... terrified she cut off my call n switched off.... after stating she doesn't wat I'm talking abt. After dat i now in doubt,n wanting to investigate calls a no. she had several days earlier called me wit.A Muslim sis,asked who it is n i introduced myself as da woman's husband, she was terribly shocked n asked me several times only to disconnect n call me later to ask if i was realy her husband, current or former.... i had to swear in Allah to her... drama continues when she confesses to me dat a cousin bro of her husband brought da woman home introduced her to them as divorcee, n his date n to get married soon. She said they evn stated dat she was a month pregnant then, n were to go meet her dad to arrange nikah,n dat Guy was rich. She was so plain n Frank. Da name of da man same as i first heard on her phone. I requestd her to b shahid n she agreed. Her husband next day called me n was surprised as she,n evn told me my woman was devil.......... then called several relatives, her two elder sisters, gave them lady's phone no,n they talked to her n husband n confirmed, same to her dad n two uncles.Wen they finally got her on phone they convinced to go to them, n did n denied everything swearing by Allah,....... she lied abt me n my mum mistreating her n they all turned against me,n i asked to travel there n took a whole one week coz i had to beg for fare. Meanwhile, pregnacy was discovered, a plan quickly hatched n hr n da man married off n sent to. another town 1000km away,n me was told to go to hell,n. her man on phone said he wil f..k ma a.. if i dare go there.Hence ma turning to Allah n praying da pregnant to stand btw us as proof to whole world. Wat a miracle by Allah SWT. bros n sis?

    • SubhanAllah brother Nurkey Ali, may Allah continue to bless and reward you for your beautiful heart and patience, and may He bless you in exchange, a wife/wives better than your lost wife: muslims, believers, obedient, penitent, devout, fasting, previously married and virgins.

      "Perhaps, if (you do not refrain from that, and then) he divorces you (all), his Lord will give him in exchange wives better than you: muslims, believers, obedient, penitent, devout, fasting or emigrants (for Allah's sake), previously married and virgins."
      (Quran 66: 5)

      -----------------------------------------------

      I hope you have forgiven her, and have prayed to Allah to have mercy on her, in her grave till Akhirah, inshaAllah. This could be hard, but the reward is very huge, inshaAllah. If you forgive her, and pay her mahr when you have money, you can keep her in your heart, as your first wife in Dunya, and when Allah forgives her, you can also be with her in Jannah, together with any new/second wife you may have from Dunya, where she will thank you a lot, inshaAllah...

      I sense that your heart is beautiful, and that you still love/loved her, even after everything, because you said:

      "The most sad part of all is that after seven months she developed high blood pressure, so high she got hospitalized for a week, and no one bothered to inform me"

      In fact, I really feel sorry for her, because by now she has definitly realized her mistakes, and could wish to correct them and be with you with loyalty, but it's too late for her, unless you help her, or Allah helps her in someway.


      Please reflect on the below Ayah:

      "Those who give in prosperity and adversity, and those who restrain anger, and those who forgive people. God loves the doers of good."
      (Quran 3: 134)

      • Thanks bro,Issa, .... wit Allah's help i shal endure,n finaly overcome,InshaAllah, n I'll try ma best to use n follow ur n other bros n sis advice n strengthen by iman n faith to b stronger in ALLAH SWT, ..... currently I'm so down even to consider another marriage bt InshaAllah,it shal b as ALLAH wills.

        • Ok, Brother Nurkey Ali. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala continue to soften your heart, throughout the healing period. Ameen!

  28. Dear brother I know what you are going through. All these people asking you to forgive her don't know your helpless situation where every thing was stacked against you. They dont knowhow your heart burst inside you and your sweater in its own juice. Women these days do as they please at their slightest discomfort or for money or for zina and I find their families always support them. At the end of the day it was haneous act. If I was you I would get married and just try to forget this and leave it to Allah all mighty. And i pray you get a good wife. If you do forgive you are a great man indeed - but for me I would not and could not. Because for me only an accident or the spur of the moment mistake I can understand.

  29. thats very sad 🙁 May Allah give you patience and bless you ahppiness and peace. about mahr it not more obligatory to you to give as your wife is no more. mehr is for the use of wife not the family you see! 🙂
    please try to move on, forgive her and try to live life on daily basis.
    try to find a good woman as your wife.

  30. @i want jannah, thanks for comment,....at least u understand wat this issue has brought to me. Surely i can say even a thousand times that ' i hv forgiven her' .... bt still da pains of wat she did to me,cannot b erased n continues to haunt me,n every time it comes to me in its phases,i find myself cursing her,n wishing she b punished by Allah,n to make it evn more worse r her parents (my uncles,aunts,n their cousins) who r not in anyway remorseful n hv tended to exhibit much arrogance,n continue to taunt n insult me,including even da man who had an haram nikah wit her,n who had earlier threatened to f... ma ...,when i spoke to him b4 her death. Surely i feel desperate n devastated, by this feelings,n i blv ALLAH SWT shal get me answers InshaAllah.

  31. Wow what a story! Am so sorry for you brother. U know what? Allah is with the patient own and that's you! Allah will give you a girl double her! A really really hope you get married but a good advice from me" Don't marry from family" marry someone who loves you care's for you until end of days.. no matter we're she from, May Allah bless you and take away the pain you have and bring you love and light again in your heart.....

  32. Dude it over now. You have nothing to do with this. It is between her and Allah. Of course if she is Muslim hope good for her. Allah may punish or forgive.
    Remember also because your nikkah is still tied to her... in herafter if she comes of he'll and Allah forgives her.. you could be together

    • {Remember also because your nikkah is still tied to her... in herafter if she comes of he'll and Allah forgives her.. you could be together}

      Any reference/proof for your comment ?

  33. Sorry for this brother's tests of Life. But it is a candle in front of the sun if i was to publish my story in audio video pictures and so much more . Allah gives you peace in your Heart Just seek it. And do not forgive that evil woman. Let her burn in Hell. Amen !

  34. I am really touched and feelin everything u just said .

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