Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I was away for five years working, and my wife committed zina

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.

I was woking in Bahrain for five years. I left my wife and my two children for the five years that I stayed there .

Now  this month  I came back and I met my wife. She asked me to forgive her and said she was sleeping with another man for more than one time.

My question is how can I live with her after this story???

Please answer me.

- Anwar

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24 Responses »

  1. Assalamu Aleikum va rahmatullah brother,

    I'm not a scholar and can only reply using the knowledge I have as a basis. Of course your wife committed

    zina and it is not permissible to do that. However, she didn't have access to a husband during your

    absence(logically). Islamic law often stresses the importance of the male desire, but neglects that

    women have desires as well( not Islamic law, but often Muslims or the Shariah) . It wasn't ok to leave her

    alone for that long , leaving her without access to a husband. She, in return, could have talked about the

    frustration , demanded that you return or file for divorce. As far as I'm informed, a couple should get

    intimate at least once a week, Thursday night( as Friday is the"week-end" in Muslim countries) is

    reserved for this. 5 years is a little long. Did you visit her during that time? I don't understand why you

    didn't take her with yourself. In that correlation, I'd like to cite my favourite hadith(Sahih) which is:

    If a husband and his wife aren't next to each other for one night, the angels will curse both of them. It's a

    very powerful hadith, but if we follow it, our lives will become paradise on earth.

    I would suggest you:

    1) Either forgive her, abiding by the principle of mawada and rahma in a marriage, although this would be

    an overdose of rahma:) stay with her and make sure you never leaver her alone for a longer period of time

    2) Invite her to a candle-light dinner and talk about it in a romantic atmosphere. Ask her if this marriage is

    important to her and she loves this other guy

    3) I can really understand the pain you are going through as she has violated your trust. I could understand

    that you can't forgive her out of love, because you're afraid it may happen again. The more we love

    someone, the more are they able to hurt us.

    Dear brother, this is a decision you have to take alone. I don't know how much you love her, how much she

    hurt you; I, personally, wouldn't trust a man who would do that to me ever again. You know yourself

    how close she is to you, and if you can fix it or not. The sources I mentioned above aren't a justification for

    her behaviour, rather a possible explanation. In Islam, women have( should have) the right to file for divorce

    should the husband neglect them in this area for a longer period of time( a couple of months). There

    is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour, we have a mouth we can talk with.

    Insha allah you will make the right decision

    Chin up, chest out


    • My thoughts nearly exactly!

    • The best option is to divorce her for zina. If she did it once, then she will do it again. It is a psychological fact that once they develop a taste for other men, it will remain and the temptation will drive them to it again and again.

      Main points:

      1.) .Imagine your pain now... then imagine it if you stay in a relation where she does it again and again...
      2.) As far as breaking your home, it is already broken... but in the end the decision is yours, pray about it and take the best course as laid out to you by Allah SWA, not people on the internet...

  2. i think she has realized her mistake. She is honest and loves you forgive her. ....

    Reason is that if she didnt tell you ? There is no way you can know.....

    She is afraid of allah thats why she clarified better realize it that u are also responsible for this not only she

  3. Salams Amelia,

    I, personally, only know one case of stoning( because you mentioned the comment of our

    holy prophet Jesus) at the time of Prophet Muhammad(pbuh). The person had committed

    homosexual acts, and insisted on being stoned although Allah would have granted forgiveness.

    He even chose the method of how he wanted to be executed. The concept of seeking for-

    giveness, tawbah and mercy exists in Islam as well. He could forgive his wife and "conceal

    her mistake", if his love suffices.

  4. Brother, the Quran is Explicit on Adultery, there is NO EXCUSE for committing it, it if she has committed adultery, and if she confessed like you said and its certain then brother divorce her if Allah wills. In an Islamic country the punishement would be Stonning, thats how grievious this sin is.


    • Is that for Muslim men aswell? Just curious...
      In the Qu'ran it is clearly stated if you have something inside better to be honest and she has done the right thing to tell her husband surely.

      Ayesha Jaan

    • Are you crazy Zaki??? Just you wait until you put a foot wrong and need the forgiveness of Allah. What kind of mean and wreckless advice is this? Do you know how abhorent divorce is? Forgive her dear brother and Allah will love you even more. She didn't have to tell you her mistake, but chose to do so because of her sincerity. We are only human. I am not justifying what she did but BELIEVE ME if you forgive her its a big blessing on you from our Lord.

  5. Bismihi Ta’ala

    A salaam mu alaikum wa rahmatulla

    Dear Brother in Islam it comes with great amount of surprise to me that a man can leave his wife for 5 years and go to another country to go and work. It is almost like asking a person to pray for you that you don’t get wet while working in the rain, by right I feel that you should have taken your wife with you so that your imaan and hers could be safeguarded

    Now that the damaged has already taken place I personally feel that by divorcing your wife it’s not solving any problem at all infect it might just make the problem even bigger ,if it comes to a time of divorcing your wife do you think that she will be able to support herself will she go to her Dads place? if she is not working then she will have to find a job and then she will have to mix with other men and what would happen if she has a desire to be with a men and she is not married the act of zina will take place again Allah forbid . In the interim that you are not married then how will you be able to control your desires because when a men or a woman that is not married finds it even more difficult for them to look after their gaze and casting of a lustful gaze is zina of the eyes

    My suggestion is that you and your wife should shed tears of remorse and ask Allah for forgiveness as Allah dearly loves to forgive those that ask for forgiveness and ask your wife never to come close to zina ever and to you my dear brother don’t leave your wife alone again for such a long time .We all know that we live in a very vicious society and to save guard one’s self we should not do such things that make us gullible. Forgive each other then try and work on your marriage start by implementing the sunnats of our beloved Nabi S.A.W. in our lives because success lies only in the obeying Allah in the way shown to us by Nabi S.A.W

    Before I end this I would just like to add a story that comes to mind

    There once lived a woman she was a prostitute and one day she came across a dog that seemed to be very thirsty so she took of her shoe and lowered it into the well and gave that dog some water to drink after she passed away some one saw her in a dream and asked her how did Allah deal with her she said Allah forgave me for showing kindness to the dog subhaanallah
    So Allah is just looking for an excuse to forgive us so long as we ask for sincere forgiveness and feel disgraceful of our sins we should never lose hope in Allah and I feel that we as Muslims should also look for an excuse to forgive one another. I wish you luck and hope that all works out for you and your wife

    Please note the story above is not a green card to one that wants to commit zina and then thinking that by giving a thirsty dog some water to drink the person will be forgiven it is mainly stated to teach us of the mercy of Allah

    and Allah knows best
    forgive me if i wrote anything that offended you

    I pray to Allah to guide me, you and the entire ummah to the straight path

    And may Allah ease the pain and suffering of mankind around the globe and especially the Muslim ummah

    Was-Salaamu alaikum wa-Rahmatullahi wa-Barakaatuhu

  6. After few months of my marriage, my wife revealed her past on me, and i shattered down with that, it has been half a year now since i know about her past. I love her the most and now i just try to be with her, i have no respect and love for her but i pretend to have that and i will have to pretend this my whole life. A punishment from Allah but I don't know for what sins?? so I take this as His test...
    i am still with her because i don't have any other option, divorcing her is not the solution since as per her she has repented from her past sins. i am in my early 30s and have no kids
    so brother my advise to you if your wife has told you about what she did then you should forgive her for your kids

    • hi just read your reply just like to say and i hope you dont mind what would you have done if it was the oppersit way round put yourself in her shoes and think what would she had done if you had told her about your past. would she have still loved you cared for you ??? that was her past you are her present and future , forget the past and move on from it x sorry hope i didnt say any thing wrong in anyway or offend you

  7. The question is have you been faithful to her also? How can a guy live 5 years apart without sex, fantasizing, lusting, looking at other women?

    Yes, she should have not cheated. But denying your wife sex for 5 years is also inexcusable.

    You should forgive your wife and move on.

  8. Also stoning is barbaric and ridiculous. People are not perfect. All people make mistaknes.

    To those who support stoning, you are crazy and out of touch with modern civilization.

    • Israr, do you know the conditions for stoning? In the absence of a confession there must be four witnesses who saw the actual act of intercourse. Which means that it must have been an act of open lewdness and utter moral depravity. A civilized society must send a clear signal that such acts will not be tolerated. In Islam, that clear signal is stoning. An extreme response for an extreme evil.

      Wael Editor

  9. As-salamu alaykum,

    Others have asked why you left your wife alone for five years, and whether you were faithful yourself. These are good questions. A woman needs the physical presence and comfort of her husband.

    I'll assume you were indeed faithful.

    Though I agree that leaving your wife alone for such a long time was not a good idea, I consider adultery to be the worst possible betrayal. I could not and would not forgive a woman who betrayed me in this way. I would divorce her.

    If you are able to find it in your heart to forgive her sincerely and truly, then more power to you. But I think most men would never be able to live happily with a woman after such an act.

    Wael Editor

  10. I have a problem to decide about my wife. I had a weakness to womens body but never slept with anyone. Sevral time my wife noticed about my weakness with womens. But she knowa that I nevr slept. Hence she was taking drugs with half of her aged boy by locking room for 2 month. And doing phone sex. My boy saw her kissing and on the lap of that 19yrs old bustard Shifath Shabbib a student of BIT Dhaka, Uttara. Hence that time she told by promising on me, my li'l daughter and her dead mother that she hasnt done any physical relation. Hence now she dont wanted to discuss when I asked why dont u touch Quran and Kabah Stone and reveal truth. But she shouts and threatens me to leave. But some time it seems she lies and smtime it seems she is telling truth. I dont know what they had done inside the room. But I will never forgive her if she had slept. Otherwise I will will forigve her sins. I cant divorce her beacuse I luv her a lot and she extreme beautiful. But also cant keep like this. Preently she is under mental treatment. FOr her I left all of my family members. Cause every one boycott me as i had kept a women who may sleep with a boy when I was in my work and brinigng money for them. My family cant take this suffering of mine. I m daily suffering becuse of suspicious relation between shifath and my wife. Hence both r not acknowledging about their physical relation. Her sisters r very much characterlesss. Also My wife had proposed and talk to difernt ppl for sex but couldnt do. May Allah release me from such pain.

  11. Miq: I had a weakness to womens body but never slept with anyone. Sevral time my wife noticed about my weakness with womens.... Also My wife had proposed and talk to difernt ppl for sex but couldnt do. ........

    What exactly this weakness to a woman's body makes you do? How do you know your wife has proposed sex to different people but she did not do it?

  12. divorce her.
    you will make her life and your life hell by staying with her.

    if you can be strong enough and bear this, then by all means, there is great reward in forgiving, but again, we are only human, if you cannot, you wont be blamed for leaving her.

    same goes for men, if men have been unfaithful, then women should have the option of leaving them as well.
    this is a betrayal that is of the highest level (in human relationships) and is upto each individual as to how he/she deals with it.

    Allah knows best and may HE guide us all.

  13. I cannot understand how a married man can leave his wife to work in a another country for 5 yrs.They both have sexual desires.How could he live during those years without sex.It is all the mans mistake he denied his wife sex for 5 years.He should have taken her with him.
    Remember she is first woman than mother and wife.She also had desires too.Which was the husbands duty to fullfill.
    I do not support her but 80 percent it is the husbands fault

    • Salam Haider,

      The logic you're using is flawed. The Quran says that one should divorce if they cannot keep within the limits of Allah. If she had to do zina then divorce first then marry the new guy, not do zina and stay married. The other part of this is that the woman was not married before, that doesn't mean she should just do zina until she gets married. If she had self control not to do it back then then why now? Getting married does not take away self control.

      The real problem is that she didn't want to divorce, her needs were not met and she ended up with the new guy was asking.

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