Wife Denied for Sex
Wife Denies Sex
Hello Sir,
I am MashAllah 27 year old married man, having Alhamdulliah 2 daughters. And about 5 years my marriage life is on the way.
Reason for here writting like this is to have a question from you, like I have desired normally like other man to have halal sex with wife. For this I awaits ar night my wife gets free from all the stuff like clothes press, giving to food to daughters and waits until my daughters gets asleep. I ask my wife for sex but she denies or act like she dont have any intentions related to sex. Making excuses or feel sleepy.
I know after marriage we passed good moments alot, but now she is like not having much desire related to have sex. I further stay awake better she changed her mood but then she gone to sleep leave me like this. I feel so disturb and like now it feels too awful to ask her its like begging for a satisfaction.
I also start matsuburate for self satisfaction after being married. When she know about this we had a big fight at those nights. But matsuburate is not the key source of satisfaction. Although after knowing all the situation she still behave like an odd women and doesn't take serious about this matter. She thinks I cant do anything but she don't know I just care about the family If I messed up then I have to take serious action.
But before that suggest me possible halal way other then 2nd marriage. What can I do to free up my self with such concequences.
Shoaib Ali Siddiqui
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Hire someone or take the kids to their grandmas or aunties to take care of them for 1 day or 2. Take your wife somewhere romantic buy her a beautiful dress and spend time with her. Let her know how much you appreciate everything she does for the family but that you feel left out. Leave it at that don't express any anger and dont beg. Act! Romantic night out fun laugh, come home or hotel where ever and dont ask act. Of course in a romantic and sensual way with love. Then as a life style talk to her about spending more time with her and do. She must feel exhausted with everything, so listen to her conversations and help out. Women like to feel valued and listened to. Best of luck and god bless your marriage.
^^^ PERFECT REPLY ^^^
Lack of sex means lack Of emotional connection. Emotional connection is when you understand when she is sad, happy, depressed worried tired. Etc. And she knows that about you. If you both ignoring eachother feelings then the sex won't be great. Try building on that however although Islamically your wide should not refuse your bed as it is haram you can also advise her about her obligations and rights to you but in a nice way and bring up the subject in a CALM AND PEACEFUL way. Don't say why are you not wanting sex bit instead say sometimes I feel like you dont enjoy our love making, is there anything bothering you, I wish I can help you feel more comfortable and then just listen to her feelings for a few minutes and try and CONNECT.
First of all, I am sorry if my direct approach offends you, but believe me brother I am trying to help you.
DO you take care of your wife? Make her feel loved? Care for her and try to establish a loving relationship with her? Talk abd laugh with her, flirt with her, help out with her work and responsibilities? Is sex the only thing in your mind when you both are alone or do you go on dates alone? Even watch movies or play games in your room by yourself?
If all day you are busy and dont even get time to talk to her or help her, then when you approach her at night for sex, she will ofcourse feel used and offended. She will feel like sex is the only thing she is good for. And I am telling you brother, a wife would hate that feeling. Also if she is tired and overworked, sex would be last thing on her mind.
And,I am sure that is not the case, but just to talk about any possible issues that a woman can have that stops her wanting to have sex with her husband(i am a wife). Is your hygiene good? Do you put on perfume, wash your privates, brush your teeth etc before approaching her?
Also, during sex, do you take care of her? Try to please her? Have foreplay and sensual connection? Do you make sex worth it for her to want it?
Try to help her more around the house and with your children. No woman will have the desire to be intimate after a hard day of cleaning her house and pressing your clothes.
One day, tell her not to cook and that you'll bring dinner from outside so she can relax. Ask her to wear a nice dress and make up so you can have a relaxing dinner.
Or when you come back from work, tell her you'll babysit while she takes a relaxing bath before dinner.
Or when you see her working when you're home, offer to help. Offer to clean the bathroom while she cooks dinner. Offer to take her out to buy a new dress.
Sometime men don't realize this, but women really respect men who help at home and help with the kids. Men who try to pamper their wives by buying dinner so she doesn't have to cook, who babysit, who change diapers, who will put a load of laundry, who will wash the dishes after dinner.
Also listen to her and ask her how her day is, try to connect emotionally before doing anything physically. Send her nice text and email while you're at work. ask if she needs anything.
Why is your wife doing all the work with your house and daughters while you just sit there and demand sex from her once she's finished her tasks? She's probably denying you sex, because you're not doing anything to make her excited about having sex with you.
Women tend to become more affectionate when they see their husbands helping them out and actually putting some effort into getting them in the mood for sex. Help her feed your daughters and tuck them into bed, do the dishes after dinner, or even help her cook the dinner. Give her 20 minutes to herself to just clear her mind, have a shower, read her book, call a friend, or whatnot. And then try to be a little bit romantic. Tell her she's beautiful, touch her, kiss her, buy her little thoughtful presents, pay attention to her likes and dislikes, listen to her worries...do something to make her feel like she's not just your bloody housemaid and babysitter!
Honestly, nothing repels a women from sex more than some lewd idiot of a husband that just want to get it in and out - and feels entitled to it.
Salaam.. .My bro you are not the only one...usually women after children are not so inclined to have I intercourse,unlike men...The question is if she prays 5 TIMES A DAY AND remember Allah much .Then it is normal because her iman is high and sex is not a clean thing only to procreate.I remember a big alim said not too much jiggy jiggy when I just got married.Its because you will loose the light on your face...So I spend more time in a amals SUCH as tasbih Quran hadith..Avoid t.v except if you like sports n news..but don't spend to much time in entertainment it will destroy your heart..heres the key ..love Allah and Allah will subject everyone to love you by Allah permission..If then you feel down the road that you need it ...then a 2nd wife is optional but you have to treat both fair and take care of there needs...My question is ?Is it really worth it life is too short .How will you be ready for the grave and it's questioning?
Raul,
You seem to think that sex is a dirty thing which should only be tolerated for the purposes of having children. This is not the Islamic view. The Prophet saws taught us that a man will be rewarded for enjoying intimacy with his wife. Allah swt make would not reward us for an unclean act.
Sex brings couples closer and keeps the fun alive in a marriage. Couples are meant to enjoy sex as much as needed. These comments are unhelpful and not based on the teachings of the Prophet saws, who himself had relations with his wives. Surely his iman is of the highest degree of any human being?
i would add that..
you intent should be to have a blissful and happy marriage not to seek sexual satisfaction though that is one of the means of this bliss.
1) make the intent to have a amazing marriage.
2) ask Allah for help
3) start talking to her, maybe say "i have noticed you do not want to have intimacy with me lately, what is the matter"
4 ) having another wife would feel like a deep betrayl to her, how about you tell her how the lack of intimacy is affecting you WITHOUT blaming or shaming her. that way, if you do take on another wife she understand you did your best in seeking connection with her first. also what if the second wife at some point does the same thing?
better to learn to deal with this now than later.
take a marriage communication course online.
Those of you saying help her with house hold chores, "I mean really"! Its not like the wife's building the Egyptian pyramids from dawn to dusk, its only dishes and dinner and I should know as I've raised 4 children single handedly whilst working. Reality is shes just so not into you anymore (excuse the pun). With time her feelings may change back to warmth, but then again they might not.
Strange question to you, but why don't you just ask her why she's being cold towards you, you might have just forgotten her birthday lol !