Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife wears tight clothes and does not pray

My wife wants to go out and party, but we agreed on an Islamic life

I have been married for almost a year now, me and my wife have agreed that our marriage will be based on the Islamic religion as we are living in a Western country, as time progressed I have found my wife not performing her daily prayers, she is covering up but at times will wear tight clothes, and now she wants to go to a party where other men and women will be present.

I have talked to her and advised her not to go and fear Allah, but she won’t listen, she always says "I know what are my duties as a Muslim woman are."

However she never acts on it or puts her mind and effort into it, this always leads to an argument between us, so I really do not know what to do?

Could some some advise me of what to do according to our religion.

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13 Responses »

  1. Salaam Brother,

    I am sorry that you are heaving to bear this burden and worry. If you click on this link, you will find a fatwa on the topic of a wife who does not pray.

    I would say that if your wife is openly disregarding you and the promises that she has made to you, it may be that she has lost respect for you for some reason and is abandoning her duties as a form of rebellion towards you. I would advise that before you resort to divorce or any extreme measures that you have an open and honest discussion with her about how she feels in regard to Islam and what her intentions are. Off-times, when people are trying to change their lifestyle (such as going from a not-very-religious life to a religious life), it is important to manage that change for them and provide some happiness and love for them and remember to have joy, and conversation in your lives together rather than just sit at home and refuse to interact with the outside world.

    All people need their fair share of laughter, of fun and of happiness - they need to be able to forget for a little while the stresses of things, sit in the sunshine and breathe fresh air. Many people forget this when they decide consciously to live a religious life: feeling that a religious life is a boring, serious contemplation of Allah, when actually there is much joy and happiness in a religious life, and in a married life as well. Many people also stop trying after marriage, feeling like they have completed some goal and not realising that marriage is the beginning not the result of our efforts.

    It could be that your wife is missing the uplifting parts of life and is looking for them outside of the home as she cannot find them in the home and in the rules of marriage and Islam. If you can show her that the Islamic life is just as full of sunshine & laughter then she will not feel that she is missing anything. If you inspire her she will develop towards the Islamic life with a love for it in her heart, rather than being dragged toward it with resentment.

    Many people rely very heavily on rulings to make their marriage work and to create respect and love in the marriage - when actually, a successful relationship needs to be created by the people in it, with solid foundations and love and mercy for each other - without this bond between the two of you, the rulings will only serve to produce disappointment in your hearts, but if you put effort into maintaining peace and joy between you as a couple, you will see a great change in the way you communicate with your wife and the way that she hears what you are saying and responds to you - and the rulings appear automatically between you without the need for implementation.

    I would recommend a day out together, in the park or to a place where there is a beautiful view where you can eat ice cream and make jokes with each other - play a game, and as you are having fun together, you can watch a sunset and have a spiritual conversation about the world, who made it, where is came from - work to make Islam a bond between you rather than a set of rights you have over each other and inshaAllah there will be some improvement in the situation.

    It could be that I am completely wrong, but I would recommend that you try inspiring her before resorting to any extreme measures or giving up.



  2. honestly why did u marry her? if its love then what caused u to love her? honestly shes not worth it and she is wasting ur time and causing u head and heart pain some ppl say most of the good men always get d bad woman and d good woman get d bad man.i say ur not strict enough u need to put some ground rules coz ur wife is behaving like a small child dont wana listen and thinks what shes doing is right dvorce not an option and beating not an option but yes u can send her home to her parents or try to make some time apart 6 months is cool we woman like it the hard way then only will we learn and make heavy dua soon shell realise her wrong and c that u only wanted good for her then shell come running back inshlh thats if she loves and that wud b good but if she doesnt come back that mans she is not taking u serious and shes just a wrongdoer who enjoys sinning and if she bcomes worse in the time of seperation that wud also be good then u can finally dvorce d lady and re marry a pious lady be happy and move on with life i mean its ur life man u cant let her life distroy urs instead it suppose to make u stronger

  3. Salamu Aleikum

    I think that under these circumstances, your wife is transgressing Islamic law and I don't think

    that she behaves like that due to a lack of leisure activities in her life or because she's not having

    any fun in her life. She could as well go to the mosque with you and you could pray Jama'ah. IN

    the UK there are so many separated meetings, organized by Mosques and Muslim communities.

    You could organize a barbecue with Muslim friends and segregated pick-nicks etc. That's much

    fun, me and my husband do it very often and you could play football and volleyball, of course

    segregated. There are so many things we can do as Muslims....... But going out unveiled to mixed

    gatherings is not one of them. Her Imaan is still very weak as she needs to expose in front of others

    to be confirmed.....The fact that she doesn't pray her salah regularly proves that. You should

    keep advising her in a polite way, never act in a harsh way and never speak to her in a harsh voice.

    Be considerate and be her best friend, that's what you can do. If she still doesn't listen to you and

    wants to follow her own non-Islamic lifestyle and keeps arguing resulting from her stubborn attitude,

    then you have the right to separate the beds. It's important that you don't sleep with each other and next to

    each other. That may worsen everything because emotions can deteriorate everything. Then admonish her.

    Don't threaten with divorce, you could consult an Islamic

    marriage counsellor so that a third objective party is involved as well. Admonishing isn't domestic

    violence, in my opinion. It means for example consulting a third party or a tap but that won't save

    the marriage, if it's going to provoke worse reactions; it is not recommended, only if it could keep

    her from disobeying Allah. Very often, it's going to worsen the whole situation.

    So I think you should assess which steps you want to take for nobody knows your wife as well as you

    do. But she needs to understand the significance of following the religious rules, otherwise, you may

    have the right to divorce her as a last resort.

  4. Salaam Brother

    I must say I agree with Leyla on this topic. Perhaps you are being a little "fatherly" with her, rather than speaking to her on the same level, as friends and equals. Nobody enjoys being spoken down to, especially a wife, so stop being a form of moderator of her actions for a while. I don't mean that she should be allowed to "run free" - but stop giving her "disapproving looks", and "superior glances" that might make her rebel more to save face. Make life fun, as Leyla said. I often tell my husband - making a woman laugh is the first step to a warm relationship. Good luck to you - and remember, "You catch more flies with honey, not vinegar".


  5. - So Ali, are you saying that a Kaafir should be treated like a dog?

    - And since when was the solution to something achieved through 'beating'?
    Making someone change their ways through a 'beating' was never suggested or practiced by the Prophet(saw).

    Your opinions are the type that will only fuel anger and hatred towards Islam. If a man is gentle, kind and loving to his wife, it will more likely have a positive outcome - and gentleness was the way of the Prophet(saw).

    SisterZ Editor

  6. Hi. I am having the same problem with my wife. i have tried several methods with her, but she just wont pray. I feel too as she disrespects me so much to the point where she just does whatever she wants, ill regard to how I or our kids feel. Its frustrating when my babies come pray with me, and she is in the kitchen talking on the phone, or watching the young and the restless. only today did I remind her, and like a kid would say she told me she would then went into the bedroom to sleep. She has absolutely no fear and I too am struggling to find a way to get her on track. I have thought of divorce so much lately, but i would never put my kids in that position...they need me.

  7. Wht makes me so angry is,,, i have a husband who is lazy in his prayers, who cant be bothered to teach our child anything good for him,, who cant be bothered to educate himself to benefit me and his child, leaves all the educating and teaching of islamic for me to fulfil, yet when i tell him whats right and wrong, dosnt want to know, ie,, when i watch iqra quran reading attentiviley, he cant wait to just get the news channel on,,,, when i say something islamically he brushes it of,,, all this makes me feel so sad and angry, its not like he is a small child,,, even a small child listens at a point, where my husband just cant be bothered,,, while this makes me so angry and bitter, he thinks its ok to say pathetic sweet nothings at night just to get his pleasure,,,,,,,,,, what are we not humans!!! have we not got a heart, a brain, a fragile body????? how can you possibly switch from the anger he causes all day long, into something like a fresh love in a instance for him,,,, are we remote controls for you men!!!!!!!!!!!!! sometimes i wished we were, then that would have been jolly ok, for you to do what the heck you like, and just press the button for something else! im so confused,,,, i have tried every thing going,,, when i tried the kind sweet act,,, he walked all over me using my kind nature to his advantage, to the fact he would leave me and my son alone for many many many months,,, to see and have a holiday with his family, saying its ok i know you can lookafter yourself,,,, now when i put my foot down, he still dosnet listen,,,,, welll you might be thinking well just leave him, or you may be a bad wife so why dosnt he leave,,, well he niether lets me go, and neither goes himself!!!! please if someone is in same boat help me if you can,,, its been long 9 years of troublesome marriage,, ive changed for the better allhumdilla,,, like learning about islam, parying, teaching my son, and others about islam,, but he seems to not made one bit progress in himself nor in encouraging me and my son. its seems a constant battle,, please help.......i know only allah can help me,,,, but a few suggestions would help also...

    • Shaz, I can hear how upset you are. Please log in and write your question as a separate post so we can advise you properly, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  8. She is doing this well. This is her life. She has the right to live as she wish. If she is wearing tight cloths then there is some one who will give her punishment or he will forgive her. You have no right to forbid her from any thing.

    • Assalamu alikum,

      I am going through a similar situation. When my wife and I got together, she used to be so happy learning about Islam and doing the prayers and wash constantly. Then after a while she would stop, not even read the Quran yet she would read every other book, not pray or do the wash. She tells me she “feels” That you don’t have to do wash 5 times a day or pray 5 times a day for God to hear her. She does listen to her friends who are opposed of Islam. She likes to wear tight clothing and sometimes just yoga pants and leaves the house and I ask her to wear something she gets mad. Basically it’s like everything about Islam she opposes now. At first I thought she would forget cause she’s pregnant and I have read the Hadith that states

      It was narrated that Anas bin Malik said:
      “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) granted a concession to pregnant women who fear for themselves, allowing them not to fast, and to nursing mothers who fear for their infants.” English reference : Vol. 1, Book 7, Hadith 1668
      Arabic reference : Book 7, Hadith 1737

      But I asked her the other day she she doesn’t and then she told me she just doesn’t and without any excuse. We go out a lot and I don’t love her as much anymore like I used to and I feel she doesn’t love me either and we are just together because we have a child on the way. I have a night time job because that is my way of not sharing a bed with her. So I need someone to help me because if I ask her and be so gentle like a flower she will say I am forcing her and being to pushy and I don’t talk to her like a child at all. I know I have done wrong and I feel that’s why she is not doing the things she’s used to do before. Recently she starts to cuss and hit and threaten to call the police. I just don’t know what tickets do anymore. I know there’s a saying to love the Prophet (SAW) more than anyone which is true but if I ask her to do anything religious she say “why don’t you love me for who I am” which personally I dislike because people use that phrase for anything. She used to smoke and I am proud of her for stopping but then she picked it up when I was in jail. So I feel when I got in trouble she stopped doing and lessening anything Islamic. I read constantly about situations like these and involve just trying everything. I read someone say to let her do her because it’s just her and Allāh and he is perfect in everything and he knows what is in our hearts. I just fear that on the day of judgment, will I be responsible for her iman being weak? How do I ask (and I mean ask not force or tell or suggest-people misuse these persuading terms/change them for their benefit) ask her to pray and do the wash after her pregnancy because I do believe in the Hadith that maybe she’s not doing it because she is pregnant and not on her own wishful thinking even though she verbally told me “she feels she doesn’t no have to pray 5 times and wash 5 times for God’s to hear her” and that “why don’t you love me for who I am.” How? I don’t want our child to be here and she sees the dissension between me and her am thinking she has to choose sides. I don’t think about divorce or finding another wife at all, but she knows my source of happiness is the religion of Islam and everything in it despite people’s opinions here and there? How do I bring her back to a stronger faith because something else happens to me or her?

      • You need to provide more information. Is she a born, non-practicing, ignorant, or revert Muslim. When you first, was she the person you are describing, wearing tight clothes, and not knowing the importance of prayer. After you marry someone you can’t think of changing them. I don’t know your stituation. Sounds like you tried hard and she is not showing any interest and has her own ideology. You will not be responsible for her not obeying her religion. Everyone will take their deeds and action to Allah. You are not responsible for her actions. If you have children then it’s a different story.

  9. Dear Islamic Brother,

    May Allah put his mercy on all of us. It is very easy, sometimes difficult. But you should think positive and also be optimictic, you wife will Insha Allah come to the path of Allah.

    Let me say on event, a person from Malaysia came to Pakistan and spent about 4 months in the path of Allah to learn deen and work of last Prophet Mohammad S.A.W. how to persuade other muslims to obey the commandments of Allah. He then went back to his country/area and ask his wife to wear burqa (Veil - a islamic dressing cover all while go out of the home). She said you do it, I could not. He wrote a letter to Pakistan and seek advise what to do? They said, start doing Hadees Taleem (reading from Hadees book) fazail - e - Aamal and just say nothing to here. A Jamat of women also went there.

    By doing that, his wife started pacticing islam in real manner.

    This is all I can say. Please contact me for more.


    Tariq Jameel

    • Brother Tariq salaam alaykum,

      I don’t mean any disrespect to you brother but why does someone have to travel and leave their family and homes to learn Islam for 1 month 2/3/4 months? As u call this learning in the path of Allaah azawajul? Why can’t this person learn from home or in classes provided by the nearest masjid? Or online internet classes providing the methodology is correct from ahlus sunnah wal jamah ?

      Other Muslims don’t need to be told by Muslims how to obey the commandments of Allaah azawajal they already know to pray 5 salaah and 5 pillars of Islam. Giving dawah based upon the methods u say is not what’s the prophet s.a.W taught his companions this is actually a bidah. True guidance is from the Quran initially and then the authentic hadeeth. This book fazal e amaal is based upon lots of fabrications and shirk. I don’t advise anybody to find guidance through this book. On top of Taleem upon this fabricated book?

      Muslim brothers and sisters educate yourself as with true Islamic fiqh learn from the salaf and off scholars u follow the salaf.

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