Wife does not spend her own money.
I need your help please.I am married to my wife since the past three years. We both work and we both have different jobs.I spend all the money in the house like rent, grocery, car, food etc. My wife never spends her money and she never has any money. She is always asking me for money even though she has a good job in Saudi. She always tries to hide her salary from me and even today after three years I do not know her salary.
My question is:
Can i ask her where she spends her money?
Can i refuse to give her money as she is also working and she never spends any money?
I once asked her if she can lend me some money and she said that she does not have any money.
Even after three years of job she does not have any money. That is strange.
Please help me.
kamransoft
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Its the husbands job to provide for his wife and children. Even if your wife is a millionaire, she doesn't have to spend a penny of her own money. You have to provide her with shelter, food, clothing etc..give her money...She doesn't have to give you a penny from her money. She can obviously, if she wants to..
Like myself for incidence, I know my rights as a wife, but I pay for certain bills etc,..buy groceries as well. Its just up to her really...
I think she should tell you how much she earns though...don't understand why she would keep that a secret...some of the things you say sound a bit strange but each to their own I guess...can't really judge.
Good Luck!
Assalam alaikum Brother,
You mentioned that you spend all your money on rent, grocery, car and food. You are, as a husband and the head of the household, expected to spend money on the basics (clothing, food, shelter) for your wife (and children if you have them). You can't refuse to give her money because she has money. I don't think that you can ask her where she spends her money (though I'm not 100%). Having said that, if you are in a real bind and need money from your wife, I think it is reasonable to ask her for help, as long as it is not something that will become part of your routine.
The main issue I see is that you expect your wife to both give you money and spend money on items that may be your responsibility. If you understand what your responsibility is towards your wife, and rather than expect, ask her for support--you may be more successful--again, if you are borrowing money from your wife, make sure that you do not fall into the trap of doing this routinely.
If you are finding it hard to make ends meet, then ensure that you are doing the basics and discuss with your wife what you are capable of affording. She should understand and both of you should perhaps want to discuss a budget--anything that is above and beyond the basic budget that is more of a luxury may be something that both of you might want to consider sharing if you are not able to afford it.
I might be making a general statement, but I think most wives would end up losing respect for their husband if he expected his wife to spend money she earned on him--and the balance in the marriage would be ruined.
I pray that Allah put mercy between you and your wife and that your lives together flourish with love, Ameen.
"I might be making a general statement, but I think most wives would end up losing respect for their husband if he expected his wife to spend money she earned on him–and the balance in the marriage would be ruined"
This happens when there is no love and trust between the husband and wife.
If your husband is financially facing hardships and you are still sticking to " my money is mine and your money is mine too" , then you should probably kiss your marriage goodbye.
I was not talking about times when the husband is facing financial hardships.
I think what she meant is that, Islamically the husband can't expect from his wife to spend her money on him, but he could ask her for support when it is neccessary, and that the wife should be able to understand and help him if she is capable of doing so.
Perhaps, the wife will disrespect the husband, if he expects from her to do what he is supposed to do without her understanding that he really needs support. This has nothing to do with lack of love. If a woman understands that her husband needs help, she will support him if she can. So the matter is about discussing with the wife and letting her know what they are going through realistically.
As a couple, your wife should know the source of your money and what you do with it, and vice versa. But it seems that both of you hide things from each other, which indicates lack of good communication between you and your wife.
No. You cannot refuse to give your wife money as long as you have the money, and looking at her as someone who works and then refusing to provide for her is a sin. You may want to discuss with her to compromise her needs, if you think she experts more than you can provide. In fact, if you do not have any financial problems, you should not request any support from your wife financially, if you understand what honour is to a man. Just be proud being the only Protector and Maintainer of your wife, through what Allah has given you.
Allah (s.w.t) says: "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, as Allah has given some of them an advantage over others, and because they spend out of their wealth (on their women). The good women are obedient (to their husband), guarding what Allah would have them guard... (Quran 4: 34)
It seems like you need to know much about your responsibilities towards your wife. I don't know if you had any counseling about that before marriage, but I'd suggest you do it now or at least read a lot about Husband and wife responsibilities and rights in Islam.
Anyway, you may also want to see these two links below, InshaAllah.
http://www.alahazrat.net/islam/a-husband-duties-towards-his-wife.php
http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=articles&id=135689
Hope this helps, InshaAllah.
That is a great response brother!
All men and women should understand this as this will eliminate alot of problems in marriage.
JazakAllah Brother,
I appreciate the information--finances is such an unromantic topic for couples to discuss, but when it is dealt with properly, the romance would in fact blossom and flourish in the marriage.
Im sorry but you guys seem like you dont know what yourr talking about and you dont give any sources like where did you get this and if this is the ruling on money then i obviously do not want to get married cus these day women make more money than man so she should be able to pay for herself we have to give the women bride money pay for food for shelter.for clothes for furniture for gas for rent and pay the wife and the you expect me to let her keep her own money and becoma a millionare or whatever then im done and will never marry
Assalam alaikum Meh,
I don't know any Muslims women who have become millionaires by putting their money aside--how many do you know?
If you research this topic a little, you can find the Islamic ruling on this and it is well-known what the responsibilities are for a Muslim husband and a Muslim woman.
And if what you say is true, and men and women have no rules on how to spend their money, why would men earn double the inheritance from their parents? Why would Allah refer to men as the protectors and maintainers of women? Why do women receive mahr and a man does not?
I suggest that you reflect on this a little more before you decide you will never marry. Of course marriage is a huge responsibility--and it is important that both Muslim men and women know their roles prior to marriage.
@Meh
I don't know how old you are, but I know my kids behave this way too. The thing you should be concern of is whether, you could provide for your wife financially and emotionally in the normal level--who cares how much money she puts aside or whatever she is going to become with her money, as long as you are playing your role as a mature husband?!
That is exactly what I meant.
I agree husband is supposed to provide finance for entire home and wife can keep her money as her own .
But there is catch ,
If wife too is earning and busy in work life ,definitely she might be missing lot of household activities like spending quality time with kids , keeping Islamic environment in home and educating kids etc etc as she will be quite busy due to work .
I think due to hectic work schedule and tiredness she might deny SEX too in the night .So point is due to job it is difficult for her to fulfils her duties and husband is not getting any money too ..(Please note most of jobs takes lot of time in a day)
From the husband and kids point of view this kind of arrangement is totally useless as neither she can save any money for future or help her home .
So if she misses her duties due to work then she is not fulfilling her responsibilities fully and if husband is not providing financial comfort fully he also not fulfilling it ..So above scenario is biased towards wife .
Meh ,
So you need to be very clear about what you want in marriage life and go ahead .I think you are learning lot of lessons here so get yourself educated and before marriage make it clear to your wife what you want .
If you agree for above scenario it will not benefit you and kids much .
If a wife is too busy cooking, cleaning, making appointments, organizing, taking care of sick kids and being a housewife, she would most likely get tired too. It isn't like being a homemaker is a walk in the park--talk about no time to check out and just "go home." The hours are not 9 to 5 where you can look forward to sitting down and being served. Please, we should have respect for understanding that although homemaking doesn't bring in money to rock the show (as you put it below), if you were pay a professional to do all that work, that would rock your bank account.
As for useless for women to work, I hope such people don't complain when there are female doctors for their wives, daughters and mothers.
Dear Brother and sisters
Although it is true that in Islam a wife does not have to spend her money and it is the husbands responsibility to full fill the basic requirements of the family e.g rent, bills and etc
In this day and age when a husband permits or requires the wife to work is usually based on the fact that his income is not making ends meet. We live in a society where to acquire a house you need to put down deposits and gurantees and than to full fill the mortgage the joint income of the family is taken into consideration so if they have mutually agreed to buying a nice house and to afford it they both have to contribute than the answer to the question changes, similarly if a single income of a husband can only afford to send the children to a school that is not deemed ssuitable by both husband and wife and she is willing to contribute than it is perfectly fine.
In my opinion if a wife does,t play a part in a husbands hardships than there is no need for a relationship to go any further as it is not a true loving relationship.
No man wants to sacrifice his ease of life by sacrificing his cloths being ironed food cooked etc but in this new age financial hardships are the reason for confusions in relationship so mutual agreement is a key for success.
So you either sacrifice and make ends meet as a family on one income where islamicly you providde everything for everyone with no need of contribution likewise no moarning by Mrs about what is the neighbour buying etc
Or work together with mutually agreeing the contributions required to uphold a lifestyle.
Either way transperency is a must in any relationship.
May Allah guide us all rightly.
Jazak Allah Khair
And most likely if a husband doesn't play a part in a wife's hardships, the wife wouldn't feel a need for the relationship to continue if it is not a true loving relationship either.
If a wife agrees to participate in the hardships in the day and age we exist in, as you have mentioned, like contributing to house expenses, children's education, or any other expense that the husband can't afford but she willingly accepts, it would be hoped that a husband will happily help her in ironing, washing clothes and dishes, and sweeping floors and all those things that are household chores that even the Prophet pbuh did in an age long before now.
Yes, I agree there shouldn't be any complaining from the Mrs. about the neighbors and there shouldn't be any compalining from the Mr. about so-and-so's cooking either when both happily, mutally and respectfully agree to compromise for their loving relationship.
True said. I agree.
JZK
Saba ,
It is simple ..Money rocks the show in marriage 🙂
If you have Money you will get the Honey .That is the the world and it will take seconds of time for marriage excitement to come down if after marriage it is found there is no money in the bank .
"It is simple ..Money rocks the show in marriage"
Yes, and with this thinking, it makes sense why the tradition of taking dowry from the girl's family in the Indian Subcontinent still persists.
Orbit around money, your gravity will fail when the money is gone.
Orbit around Allah and His remembrance, and you will never fall.
This is true Saba.
The reality is that in dual earner families -- which is the norm, not the exception -- most couples hire a nanny/cleaning lady or some combination of the two. A lot of working women cook a few meals on the weekends so they only need to heat them up during the week. This way, both husband and wife can concentrate on their marriage, kids, spending time together etc during their non-working hours.
In this way, marriage becomes a true partnership.
Just passing by. I like your logical thinking.
Sister Saba ,
I am not against working women .Also I don't encourage dowry practise .
There are so many people in the world who looks religious ,talk religious but when money matter comes they won't compromise .It is not only from the man side(like dowry) even you will see women seeking divorces due to husband's poor financial conditions .
I agree if you are strong in Deen money factor will not bother much but it is very difficult to find such good people.. Most of the time it is just Fake talk by people that money is nothing for them 🙂
If you see the real word money really rocks the show 🙂
Assalam alaikum Br. Logical,
Money is important, but money alone does not rock the show--take away affection and understanding, and all you have is a bank account to embrace. Frankly, I don't know where you want to go with this.
There is nothing wrong with women working OR not working. Each family is unique and has unique needs. We need women professionals which hopefully is obvious.
The reason I am not a fan of comments against working women is because this isn't a solution for my widowed aunt with only daughters (3 married, one divorced living with her, and 2 unmarried), OR my friend whose husband is ill and can't work...and so many other examples I could think of. My aunt doesn't believe in the dowry practice either, but she has no choice because she lives where it is practiced and if I dare say anything against it, I am told that I don't live in their circumstances and therefore, I don't understand.
And women can't simply start working during a crisis--no one would hire them without experience except for minimum wage jobs and one cannot ever anticipate financial issues in the future. Women and girls who have a special talents, (remember Arfa Karim?), shouldn't be discouraged from pursuing ambitions they are made for. Yes, not every man may want to marry a working woman---but whether he does or not, does not change his Islamic duty towards his family.
Let's not make this issue so black and white when it is full of shades of grey. I respect women who choose not to work--that is noble, difficult and a big sacrifice--and still women who do work, their journey is also noble, difficult and a big sacrifice too.
May Allah guide us all and help us towards the unique solutions best for our families, Ameen.
Waalikum Assalam Saba ,
As i said before i am not against women education ,employment , or any such stuff . I think we need to support the talent in a community irrespective of gender .We have seen so many practising Muslim women as scientist ,doctors ,engineers and they are doing well in their profession ...
All my comments are in a marriage context .Some how I don't agree that marriage is simple ,easy and going to solve all your problems .I have seen and also experienced lot of problems after marriage ..
The way we say Money alone is not the prime factor for happiness so in the same way we can say only good character ,and righteous nature is also not only prime factors for happiness in today's marriages . If the money factor is missing your good nature,character also looks dull to your spouse .that the reality of the world .
Also the brother Meh was so disappointed with the above scenario and decided to not tto get married i have advised him to avoid getting in to similar situation and define clear requirement about what he wants in marriage .But he needs to remember that things will revolve around money after marriage .
I have seen rich husbands affording housewives as wives wont earn that much in their jobs the husbands can provide to them.For struggling husbands the wives go to work to have better life style as single income is not sufficient for good life style .If women don't wan't to spend and nobody knows where the money is going what the purpose of wife going for a job ? who is going to benefit from it .
@logical I strongly agree with you because money is everything these days and I have seen this when it comes to people getting married or due to getting married. No one looks at a person twice regardless of ones qualities they are more interested whats in the bank and what can I gain when I do marry her or him. This is how some people are quite sad I think one being greedy and very needy!
Assalam-u-Alaikum
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Salam brother,
I think your wife understands her rights in regards to finance very well. However you are not clear in it. Nowadays most people follow the western way of 50 50 split in everything. So the wife pays half and husband pays half. They even share out housework. this is all fine as long as they are both happy with it. But islamically the wife does not need to pay a penny.
The husband should spend on the wife according to his means. If your wife is asking you for money which you can't afford then you are allowed to say no and give her less or whatever you can afford.
When I was married my husband at first paid for everything and told me that he will not take a penny from my earnings. Later he expressed that he had financial problems I offered to help out of love. I was earning more then him. I paid half or more of the bills. Within a few years I found that I was paying 100% of the bills! While he paid nothing! Being nice and forfeiting my islamic rights put me in a lot of trouble. After that my husband kept throwing it back in my face if I asked him to pay. He kept saying if I love him then I shoudn't talk about rights and duties. He said It doesn't matter who pays the bill! This is where it got me. I am still paying his debts now after his gone.
Allah has given us clear rights and duties. There is wisdom in them. We should uphold are rights in order to protect ourselves. Most men see dollar signs when the find a working wife. They take advantage of the wife's earning and don't care about proving anymore. They become lazy and think " no worries she will pay bills I can just chill'
So it is better for the women to be cautious when helping out financially.
It may be that your wife is a bit worried that you may then make a habit of using her money and forget about your responsibilities. You may become lazy and stop working hard as you will expect your wife to pay.
She is just protecting herself. A man asking his wife for money is not seen as very honourable, especially if you are not struggling to pay the bills. If you are having money problems let her know kindly and wait for her to offer.
I know if I get married again I will strictly uphold my rights in the marriage. I will not be paying the husband a penny! I will expect him to fulfil his responsibilities and pay for me within his means. And if a man is struggling he has more right to ask his father or brothers for help instead of asking a women.
Well said.
I couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes it is difficult for women to even say no to her husband when he asks her for money. And some women may not outwardly or obviously show disrespect to her husband in cases where he routinely takes this right away from her, but she will lose respect for him (at minimum) in her heart.
Unfortunately,your bitter marriage experience has left a mark on your heart and soul and as a result,you wrote such mean spirited sentences.
Allah has given us clear rights and duties. There is wisdom in them. We should uphold are rights in order to protect ourselves. Most men see dollar signs when the find a working wife. They take advantage of the wife's earning and don't care about proving anymore. They become lazy and think " no worries she will pay bills I can just chill'
Most marriages work out just fine. If your ex-husband had this attitude then that doesn't mean every men would be thinking along these lines. Just like I said before, your bitter experience has affected your objectivity and neutrality. It would be better if you can keep your generalizations to yourself.
I know if I get married again I will strictly uphold my rights in the marriage. I will not be paying the husband a penny! I will expect him to fulfil his responsibilities and pay for me within his means. And if a man is struggling he has more right to ask his father or brothers for help instead of asking a women.
Just inform the potential that you hold these views and then allow him to make an informed decision. Nobody likes unfavorable surprises(just in case).
Salaam.Brother, I'm sorry but I just had to ask, what is it with you and 'generalizations'?There are good people and bad people every where, irrespective of gender.Not all men are bullies and not all women are helpless victims, however the truth of the matter is that many societies and cultures, especially in the east are male dominated FOR THE MOST PART, and thus a majority of women ( I repeat, not all) do have to fight against a typical mindset.I am not saying this out of feminism, simply stating a fact.I think Sumaira was simply sharing her own example, to help the OP better understand the other side of the picture, as in the woman's perspective in such a scenario.There was nothing mean spirited in what she wrote, however the same cannot be said of you.
It would be nice if you could perhaps concentrate on giving your advice and perspective to the OP directly, instead of giving your opinion by criticizing other people's comments, or should I say, other women's comments in a pretty rude way.Forgive me if this is not true, but to me it makes you come across as more of a misogynist then the other person as a feminist.
Brother,
Aaaa ha! I should have known you would have come back at me. I am not mean spirited. There is nothing wrong with a wife expecting her husband to financially take care of her! In fact This is obligatory upon the husband. Everyone is entitled to their rights. Allah has given us these rights! not humans! Its not a sin to claim my rights.
It may be that I am a bit bitter after my horrible marriage. However I am not just basing this on my experience only. I have seen many working women taken unfair advantage of in this way. Of I believe that marriage should be based on love and trust and that there are good men around who will not mess about. But its hard to tell who is good and bad. Therefore people need to protect themselves with the rights that Allah has given them. People in my community blame me for my hubby ripping me off financially. They keep saying "why did you give him money", he has no right on your money" you spoilt him by helping him financially". Although I know I did it out of love and trust and now I've lost everything and am financially suffering.
But there are a lot of people who will go astray when someone gives them too much love and attention. Therefore women being emotional are the ideal prey for men to take advantage of. Therefore women need to take precautions so they are safe instead of sorry later.
I see you making comments here and there when you see a women trying to smart up for men and not take abuse. You are the one chanting men's rights. You can't tolerate women taking a stance against abusive men. This is not about men v women. Its about what is islamically correct.
Most muslim men like the idea of a working wife and splitting finances 50/50 like in the west. But they don't split 50/50 all the way through. They don't split 50/50 with cooking or looking after kids. They still expect the wife to do that on top of working and paying the bills! The wife ends up doing everything! Work and housework and kids. While husband only works and comes home and puts his feet up! This is totally unfair to the wife. Where is the love and trust from the man in this? He is taking undue advantage of her good nature.
That's why said I don't want another man to take advantage of me and rip me off as I have kids to feed. I don't care about money. I wouldn't mind living in a cave with a man who loved and cared for me and my kids and who worked hard to provide for us. This shows his love and commitment to me. I would never ask for anything more then he can afford.
I would definitly make sure that the man is commited to fullfilling his responsibilties as a muslim husband before marrying. And I would hope to fullfill mine towards him. Fair?
More and more women are relizing how some men take advantage of women's emotional nature and so they are wiser now and take precautions in marriage. Its better to nip it in the bud. I think this is a good move.
Take care
I am a male living in the UK. Women can be just as bad. Plenty of guys help out in the house as I help out my parents at home and I do cook (not married yet) so your assumption about men is very arrogant. Yes the wife doesn't have to contribute to financial however a man doesn't have to listen to the wife when getting married to a second wife (not saying I want to marry multiple wives).
Just like a lot of women make conditions about no polygamy before marriage, I will make a condition that she must be a working wife (at-least part time) unless she has kids or she is unable to and must contribute financially up to a reasonable amount. I will also promise to help out in housework. I will in return share out the house work, don't need a woman to cook for me either. UK living cost is fairly expensive and I know cases where the husband (my friend) is married to a woman who works and doesn't pay for anything as it is her rights to keep all of her money, yet she forgets about his rights, always talking back to her husband and always asking him to help him in housework more than he does (he does all the cooking by the way and some other work as well). She reminds her about how the prophet used to help his wife Aisha however she keeps forgetting that Aisha also financially provided for Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him).
I dont want to be in his position. a womans responsibility is to guard and take care of her husbands property in absence and in presence of him. If I have no problem contributing to her responsibilities then I would highly prefer her to help me in my responsibilities.
Welcome to 21st century "Muslim feminism " where women use Islam to manipulate and abuse their husbands.
So men can stipulate in the Nikaah documents that his wife will have to work part-time and financially support the family? If so, perhaps you can provide some references?
As for helping in the household, a husband is supposed to do this.
How did Hazrat Aisha financially provide for the Prophet? References????
Sorry that your friend is having problems with his wife--but he shouldn't be telling you about his private matters. It sounds like he is just complaining about her, rather than trying to solve the issue and in turn, you are making a negative opinion about Muslim women. Normally when there is an issue among two people, one should listen to both sides--so if you friend wants help, both sides need to be heard, otherwise it is just backbiting.
Sislam,
You are incorrect in much of what you say. First of all polygamy is an option but not required, hence there is nothing wrong in a woman stating her desire that she not be a co-wife. A husband is required to financially take care if and maintain his wife, daughters and sisters, and mother if she is a widow. That requirement is not dependent on whether or not you are sharing in housework -- you should be helping your wife in maintaining the home/household.
Marriage is about reciprocity, subject to the financial obligations which lie on the husband only. Women have a duty to maintain their husband's property? Where on earth did you learn that? If you as a man are unable to guard your property than frankly you should not own it.
Aaaa,
Women use Islam to recognize their worth and value. Females were buried alive because they were born female. They were considered property and not allowed to own property. Women were forced into marriages they didn't want to be in. Prostitution was (and is still) normal. The list goes on and on. Islam was only religion to come along and save women from these disparities in treatment.
It is too bad that some men today would still like to live in a time before the 21st Century and when a woman does have an opinion and voices it, they only want to silence her - and thrust upon on the false claim that she is a feminist when she only just wants to be a being with rights. Women's Islamic rights are not abusive to men.
"And if a man is struggling he has more right to ask his father or brothers for help instead of asking a women". There is no way I would get near a woman like this. Just cause you find 1 bad man in your life doesn't mean all men are like that and there are plenty of selfish woman like that. Imagine you had a son who was poor and his wife said this to him, how would you feel. Even if a woman just like you were the last woman on earth I still wouldn't think about marrying heartless woman like you (NO OFFENCE). If I had a wife and she told me what you just said, I would be able to look and see her in nothing but disgust. Just imagine if a man tries to be a good husband and one day requests for money because of financial struggle and the woman says something like that.
Salam brother Sislam,
I am offended by what you said. My response was to the op to explain to him the reasons why most women may be cautious with their money and try to uphold their right. I gave him my experience to give him an insight into a what could happen and what is happening around us.
I did not say All MEN are like that! I said some. There are good and bad people everywhere. There are good husbands who will take care of their wives and love them and provide for them. There are wives who love their husbands and will do anything for them. I was one of them. I spent my whole married life looking after my husband and his family phisically, financially and emotionally. I spent every penny on my husband to the point that I neglected my children and my parents! How dare you say you are disgusted by women like me! Who gave everything for her husband and in the end only got abused by him.
You don't know me or my life or what kind of marriage I had. You pick up one thing I said about finances and put a label on me! That is very unfair and rude!
I agree there are women who are selfish. I have same female relatives who keep taking and taking and giving nothing back. Marriage is about give and take from both spouces. Not just one spouce. They should both help each other out in every aspect of life. Both spouses should be happy to help each other out, its not a compulsion.
I was bitten once so thats why I feel really scared and would not want someone to abuse me again, emotionally or financially. Imagine neglecting your kids all day to work and earn money for 10 years and all that is just flushed down the loo! By the one you loved! I am now emotionally and phisically drained by my marriage where I played the dad(breadwinner) and mum(cooking, cleaning, looking after children) for 10 years!
I don't want to neglect my kids again for another man. Also it will not be the step dads responsiblity to pay for my kids. So I will have to pay for my kids and save money for their education welfare etc. it is not selfish of me to expect my husband to provide for me while I cook and clean for him.
There are women who will be happy to split finances. You just have to talk to them before marriage and agree on how you want to live your married life. And marry the girl who is compatible with your way of thinking. Nobody is forcing you to do something you don't want to. So please do not judge other people.
Assalaamualaikam
Br Sislam, please don't resort to insulting people with comments such as "heartless". If someone says something with which you disagree, you're very welcome to discuss the matter with them, but there's no need for insults.
And adding "No offence" to an insulting comment doesn't make it not insulting.
Sister Sumaira makes many valuable contributions to this site, and has not appeared heartless in the least - the way her post came across to me was that she was providing an example of reasons why women may be cautious about some financial matters, and emphasising the importance of people being aware of their rights in Islam.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Salam sister Midnightmoon,
Thank you for your support. I don't understand why some people seem to take every problem as a men v women competition. Some take general comments very personally. We are all brothers and sisters to one another. We are one ummah. We must understand and support one another not compete against one another for our rights.
Good for you!
That’s all well and good. But, if the man is taking care of everything, like he should be. Why do woman even need to work? Why can’t the woman stay home and look after her husband and his house. I believe any full time work will most definitely make a woman lack some responsibilities, if nothing else emotionally she will be tired. That’s why in Islamic sharia its preferred for both men and woman to agree on this before marriage. Because a full time work demands from the wife does change the dynamics and it’s within the husbands right to request compensation (if he wants) for the full time hours she been away.
Also, depending on the type of work a woman is doing but most jobs require free mixing especially here in the West, why should a Muslim woman expect her rights in full from the man but still not guard her self from free mixing which is haram.
In such relationship where love and family is involved it’s always best to show care and support from both sides, and money is only a tool to make us survive and not happiness.
"Also, depending on the type of work a woman is doing but most jobs require free mixing especially here in the West, why should a Muslim woman expect her rights in full from the man but still not guard her self from free mixing which is haram."
Maybe you should not work as well. Free mixing is haraam for both men and women.
Just to add something for my brothers,
If you believe that your wife's respect and love is conditional to your ability to provide a certain lifestyle and you believe that your wife belongs to the category of women who chant "my rights , my rights"on everything,then it is the time for you to make sure you demand your rights as well. Make sure you are well aware of your rights as a husband. Women might try to manipulate you but you must shield yourself from any of their attacks by knowing and understanding your rights as well.
Yes,
Same goes for the wife, the mother and father, the children, the friend, the neighbour, the orphan, the common person..... Everyone has rights upon another!
Assalam alaikum brother,
It appears that have had a sour experience that has left you to make such emotionally-charged general statements against women. You took it upon yourself to respond to ONLY the females here and completely ignored the brother's response to the OP which did not differ in essence from any other advice on the page.
Your comment to men in general portrays men as those who unconditionally love and are easily manipulated by women who seek only financial aid.
Husbands and wives shouldn't be using their rights as weapons against each other, but rather happy to fulfill them for one another. Men should understand this really well. Women should understand this really well too. When this starts happening, no one will have to "kiss [their] marriage good-bye."
Salaam brother.In response to question number one, I think yes you can and should, sit her down and have a frank, candid discussion about this issue with her.Tell her politely that you do not expect her to spend all her money on you, or take over the role of bread winner in the family, or give you all her money but since marriage is a partnership, it would mutually benefit both of you and your family , and relieve the burden on you if she were to show more responsibility towards her monetary affairs, since she is earning herself.A mature, kind yet firm attitude towards this topic would be the best way to handle this, since it would reassure your wife that you do not mean to take advantage of her, and I am sure she would be more forth coming.The solution to question two really depends on what her answer to question one is.If she is spending all her money and yours on extravagant flippancy that you or she does not need, then a firm reprimand is in order.If she is saving up all her money, say ,for a rainy day, for you and your children, then that is understandable, however it would be better for both husband and wife to have a clear understanding with each other about how much the other earns and what the other is expected to do with that money.
Why won't she tell you what her salary is and where she spends her money? Sounds very fishy to me
Well when I married about 2 years ago I was advised by husband that he was in a lot of financial problems and he wasn't able to afford wedding or mahr i didn't care and loved him anyways and said that this wasn't important to me
After our marriage I had noticed that he was putting me in lot of pressure to be at work as we couldn't live otherwise I was working getting paid and all my salary would go to all the bills and I never see a penny from him
I used to also get some pressure from my other saying that I wasn't supporting her and she is jobless and my father died she was heart broken that I wasn't supporting her I used to advise my husband and he would always control this and say when we are rich we can support her
I started to loose any confidence in him and refused to put myself down to ask him to spend on me so I would work
After 2 years I became really drained and didn't see the point of being married to someone I loved and he was meant to Habe loved me back
We went to away recently and I visited his sisters and she advised that he was engaged twice and both ladies took all his money
He never mentioned this bit I feel that his anger towards them is relaying to me and am loosing hope everyday
I knew he was in debt but to this day I only see my money coming out and not his and made me realize that I actually don't have a need to be married is this wrong to think ?
Cookie, if your husband is working then I suggest you make an arrangement whereby you and him contribute equal amounts to the household each month. So, for example, you each contribute $1,000, and from that pooled money all the household expenses will be paid, and whatever is left will be saved. Meanwhile, whatever you personally have left beyond the $1,000, you can use for your own purposes or save for your own future.
If you need further advice, please log in and submit your question as a separate post, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
What about in this situation...
[Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]
Assalam-u-Alaikum
1. Brother don't listen to these people you can refuse to give your wife money as long as she have money, just cover basics only and any thing beyond that you can say no.
2. People misunderstood Islam, Islam is religion of fairness. No one supposed to be rich on shoulders of another human being not the husband or the wife. You can ask your wife to stop working and if she refuse then that is consider disobedience in Islam and it's grounds for divorce, now let her pay her own bills.
Salaams,
If a man divorces a wife because she refuses to stop working 'at his command' (issued just because he wants her to stop having her own money, or to feel justified in why he must maintain her), then she's better off without him. That's a man who clearly doesn't see value in his wife as much as his dollars and authority.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Amy that's is typical women perspective, crying wolf has no place in Islam or solving this problem. Islam doesn't allow any women to work outside her home, even go outside, haji without her husband permission. You have to fellow Islam religion 100% and the Quran teachings, pick and choose is not allowed in Islam period.
Assalaamualaikam
Please don't post sexist comments such as "typical woman perspective". They just lead to people ignoring the rest of what's been posted.
On this site, certain standards of behaviour are expected. Insulting approximately half the world's population doesn't really fit into what we'd consider to be acceptable.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Yes exactly, brother Ahmed, don't be rude!
You are right brother we should follow islam 100% so don't you think in islam we should not be harsh to people?
By the way islam dose allow women to work don't forget our prophet first wife was a businesswomen!!!
Excellent point!
I wouldn't be the least bit surprised in the event that you are married and had a daughter and couldn't find a female doctor for your wife OR if you couldn't find a female tutor for your daughter that you would be the first to pipe up and complain about it.
But no worries, if you live where there are non-Muslim women working in those fields, we can always apply a double-standard.
Typical.
Also, please feel to respond and even try to explain why men are eligible for double inheritance to that of women if a man is NOT financially responsible for his wife and family. And please do not go overboard with a topic on lavish lifestyles.
Assalam alaikum,
I would like to share the following based on your general statement "don't listen to these people" as I take it very seriously when I feel that someone is accusing me of misleading, or misguiding in the way of the Deen.
I re-read what I wrote above and tried to search for what may be misleading or unfair. In what I wrote, I emphasized that as a husband and the head of the household, expected to spend money on the basics (clothing, food, shelter) for your wife (and children if you have them). You can't refuse to give her money because she has money. (copied and pasted from a while back and from above). I also re-read other people's advice, some of whom are not female and therefore we couldn't flagrantly dismiss their opinions as typical female and didn't find anyone suggesting that the husband should have to be unreasonably spending on his wife, but rather within in means.
Please read the following:
http://islamqa.info/en/4037
The questioner is a woman asking about how she should spend her earned money--and four opinions are given, with the majority being the last one on the page. Briefly, some of it is below:
I think it is a very serious issue to suggest that the brother consider divorcing his wife and before you go there, we can agree that certainly there is a communication gap, but none of us should be suggesting divorce on this issue alone.
As for women working, I would like to also share only a very small part of Islamic history.
I had never heard of Rufaidah's role in Islamic history during childhood, much like other women role models from the time of the Prophet SAWS, but we can see that women didn't just sit around the house, never leaving it and this is evidenced by:
and also by this:
Having said all of this, I believe it is strange that the wife is not sharing this information and perhaps without demanding, the husband can ask his wife so that she is making decisions that are best -- but if his intention is to have that money for himself, he should think wisely. As I already stated, there is nothing wrong with seeking help from one's wife or the wife offering financial help to her husband as long as it does not become routine and an expectation.
I do understand why a woman may not want to share this information with a husband, especially those from particular cultures, because there are cultural practices where men and their families have extremely high financial expectations from both the wife and her family (especially her brothers and father).
I would conclude that the OP needs to improve communication with his wife, need not spend on lavish items on his wife, but most definitely provide the basics for her (and children if such is the case) within his means, and not seek to terminate his wife's employment solely for the purpose of controlling her and thus feeling superior over her.
And Allah knows best. May Allah give us all guidance, Ameen.
Amy you value a person when you get the same value in return, nowadays life is very hard and if their is no partnership between husband and wife the home will sink. Please Let's stop lying to other people because of our egocentric or self center suggestions will mislead others in un-Islamic doing.
Salaams,
What about my reply was self centered? I was simply stating that it isn't becoming of a husband to divorce his wife whimsically, which is what this looks like to me. "Oh, you don't want to quit your job just because I say so? Ok, I divorce you". How is that following the example of the Prophet SAWS? He wasn't hung up on his authority, neither did he go around wielding it in a threatening way.
I do believe any man who cares more about his control over his wife than her interests and pursuits is in the wrong. Marriage is not a power play, and too many men treat it that way. Men who go into marriage thinking about obedience, permissions and rights over duties, sacrifice and care are coming in through the wrong gate from the start.
Maybe this sister is being unreasonable by being secretive or dishonest (or perhaps she just values privacy more than most would find comfortable in a marriage), but her husband coming at her with his "boss" pants on is not going to be a fitting longterm solution. It's only going to create a greater rift between them.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
kamransoft, As-salamu alaykum,
I admit that I have not read all the other comments. But I'll add my own two cents.
Your obligation as a husband in Islam is to provide your wife with food, shelter and necessities. Since she has a job and earns a good salary, let her spend her own money on anything beyond these necessities. So, for example, if she wants to buy extra clothing, jewelry, take a trip, go out to dinner, etc, let her spend her own money, as these are not necessities.
If she objects to this and claims that she has no money, then ask her to prove it. Let her show you her income statements and expenses.
The fact that she refuses to discuss details of her income and furthermore claims that she has no money, is worrisome. Where is the money going? Who is she giving it to? I would be concerned about this. It could be quite innocent - for example maybe she's helping her parents and siblings. Or there could be something more sinister going on. I won't speculate on that, but I believe that honesty is vital within a relationship.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam-u-Alaikum
When I stated that "typical woman perspective" I might women and men think differently do you all agree. Hamza please quote me correctly and understand the whole paragraph before commenting I said "with permission". The expenditure should be within the means of the husband. He should not be asked to spend what he cannot afford. To provide appropriate housing within the means of the husband.
The wife’s duties to her husband are as follows:
First Duty: Obedience. A wife should be as obedient as she can to her husband. This preserves the family and protects it from collapsing. This is part of Islam’s organizing of the family structure. The Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked: ‘Which women are the best?’ he answered: “The one who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he asks something of her, and is not disobedient in herself or her money in what he hates.” [Musnad Ahmad]
One should note that a wife’s obedience to her husband falls into one of four categories:
1- To ask her to do something this is commanded by Islam, such as the five prayers. Here the wife must obey her husband, and she would be considered sinful from two perspectives if she fails to obey.
2- To ask her to do something which is beneficial to him, or to refrain from doing something which is harmful to him, such as things which have to do with his food or clothes. She should obey him here unless there is a valid excuse not to.
3- To ask her to do something which falls into her personal affairs, such as asking her to give him money or forbidding her from speaking to a friend for no good reason. Here she can obey him if she wants but she does not have to. She should consider the benefit and harm of such obedience.
4- To order her to disobey Allah’s commands, and here she must disobey her husband.
Second duty: Not to leave the house unless the husband permits it. She should also never sleep outside the house unless she has permission.
Third duty: To refrain from fasting voluntarily unless she has permission. Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast while her husband is present unless he permits it, nor is it permissible for her to allow anyone into the house unless he permits it.”
Fourth duty: Not to let anyone into the house unless he permits it. This is also derived from the above-mentioned hadîth.
Fifth duty: To guard his property. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “The best women who have ridden camels are those of Quraysh. They are the most tender to a young child and guard what their husbands own.” [Sahîh al-Bukharî]
Sixth duty: To serve and run the house in a reasonable fashion. This does not mean physical work on the part of the woman if a woman of her standing does not generally engage in physical work. It also does not mean physical work if her health does not permit it.
In my opinion I think you should ask your wife about where she spends her income. No harm in asking and if she feel awkward or don't bother to answer you then I strongly suggest you speak to her parents and have some advice.
Assalam-u-Alaikum
Lets analyze the 3 category further.
To ask her to do something which falls into her personal affairs, such as asking her to give him money or forbidding her from speaking to a friend for no good reason. Here she can obey him if she wants but she does not have to. She should consider the benefit and harm of such obedience.
"Here she can obey him if she wants but she does not have to." In this line it's in with the wife right to refuse, if she want's to: but on next line "She should consider the benefit and harm of such obedience." its sending a massage to the wife to consider carefully and understand that her decision and action can produce or lead to harm in the relationship or the family structure. so this right is left entirely to the wife and the wife shouldn't take this right lightly. I will reiterate again First Duty: Obedience.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked: ‘Which women are the best?’ he answered: “The one who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he asks something of her, and is not disobedient in herself or her money in what he hates.”
Harping on obedience to avoid speaking of the husband's financial responsibility (which happens to be the topic) is a good strategy to make your point of obedience of a wife. How about a detailed answer of HOW they should divide their finances depending on how much he has available in terms of house-hold expenses, food, children (i.e. the basics) etc...And please do not focus on exceptional cases, because clearly that is not what will define the regular practice.
Assalam-u-Alaikum
Saba the topic was "Wife does not spend her own money." not about husband's financial responsibility. Every one stated that men is responsible and should provide appropriate housing within the means of the husband. But the question becomes what is the Islamic position on this topic; when men ask his wife for help with financial means to run their legitimate affairs. This is what our Prophet (peace be upon him) Said;
The Prophet (peace be upon him) was asked: ‘Which women are the best?’ he answered: “The one who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he asks something of her, and is not disobedient in herself or her money in what he hates.”
So Saba do agree with our Prophet (peace be upon him)? or are you not "100%" for sure as always.
You wrote:
In case you missed it in the post:
Thank you for the personal attack. I will let you ponder more about whether I agree with the Prophet pbuh since I know the answer already and this is another good strategy on your part to avoid the questions asked.
And in case you do respond, please include an answer to:
Which men are best?
But since you didn't have anything substantial to say, and clearly you don't disagree with any of my points, I believe the OP has his answer. Good day.
Assalam-u-Alaikum
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said about the one who takes what is not his through clever speech has only been given a piece of the fire. Greater (An-Nifaaq Al-Akbar): To present an outward appearance of belief in Allah, his Angels, his books, his messengers, the last day, etc. while concealing within that which negates all or some of that. This is the hypocrisy which the Prophet (peace be upon him) confronted during his life and the ones who Allah said in the Qur’an that they are in "the lowest depth of hell-fire".
The husband’s duties to his wife are as follows:
First Duty: To financially support his wife. This is a financial right, and includes: food, drink, clothing, and other basic needs. To provide appropriate housing within the means of the husband, any thing beyond his means is not a right.
Allah says: “Someone who is well off should spend from his fortune, and whoever is poor should spend from what Allah gives him.”
Islamic Law does not define this expenditure monetarily, but left it to the customary practices of society.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) says: “Fear Allah when it comes to women, for they are helpers you took in faithfulness to Allah. You also find it permissible to enjoy their femininity lawfully with Allah’s word. You owe it to them to spend money on them for their food and clothes in kindness.” [Sahîh Muslim]
The expenditure should be within the means of the husband. He should not be asked to spend what he cannot afford.
Second Duty: To provide appropriate housing within the means of the husband. The wife has a right to her own home wherein she can feel comfortable. Allah says, regarding a newly divorced woman: “House them as you house yourselves as is available.” If this is for the divorced woman, then the wife who is under the marriage contract is worthier.
Third Duty: Assisting them in their quest for salvation by teaching them their religion and reprimanding them for disobeying Allah.
Allah says: “O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire which is fuelled by men and stones.”
Fourth Duty: To pay a dower. This is a right which precedes the contract. It is a symbol of honoring the woman and it is not permissible to neglect it until after the contract.
I rest my case "whether you Agree" with Prophet (peace be upon him), as a Muslim is not whether you agree or not [as a Muslim you must] so I will quit agreement with you period.
Brother Ahmed ,I took adice like yours 5 yrs back and helped out my husband when he was in financial trouble and the reason for that was he was little lazy.
Now looking back in five yrs as he saw my money coming he got more relaxed and has not made a single penny. 5 yrs of sincere work has paid this way that he now expect me and threatens me to pay for not only basics but luxury too otherwise the marriage will break.
My advice after my experience to women is that financially suppoting husbands can be diastorus to your health and marraige in future,no wonder Allah has set rules as mentioned in Quran as he knows the best,Allah is the greatest.
Assalam-u-Alaikum
(Correction)
I rest my case "whether you Agree" with Prophet (peace be upon him), as a Muslim is not whether you agree or not [as a Muslim you must] so I will quit argue with you period.
You are a little child. You need to grow up.
Salaam,
Wa alaykum as-salam. Please register and submit your question as a separate post and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Absolute nonsense . why wouldnt a good wife want to help her husband? You get women here saying its Islamic duty for a husband to pay for everything even if his wife is a millionaire then right at the end of the post say " good luck" which is a statement of shirk! Luck doesn't cause things ....only Allah causes things to happen!! .
this shows no understanding of Islam!!. It is not Islamic duty for a man to be in financial hardship while his wife has designer handbags!!
You are very stupid people who just like the Christians like to pick and choose verses out of their context to suit their own desires !!
If both wife and husband work ..you both contribute! If the husband is struggling why wouldn't a dutyful wife not help? .a wife like this should be got rid of and divorced !!
Assalaamu Alaykum,
It's my understanding that one's obligations are one's obligations no matter what. If someone is lacking the means to fulfill an obligation, it doesn't necessarily mean they are exempted, it means they should do the best they can. Women have the right to maintenance even if they are wealthy. Khadija was wealthy, but Prophet Muhammad SAWS still maintained her despite that. Men are obligated to do that much no matter how much personal wealth their wife has, at least as best they can.
But what you are bringing up is relevant, because it deals with taqwa. Women and men with taqwa don't just stick to the letter of the law, they go beyond. They have humility and act charitably and responsibly. Women with taqwa who have money when their spouses lack it (or even if they don't!) will still desire to contribute to making things easier on them both, naturally. And men who are poor and have taqwa will bust themselves doing anything they can to provide even the basics for their women, even if it doesn't amount to much. They won't say, "Oh, well I don't have much, I don't have to maintain you and you should look after yourself".
The responses on this and many posts reveal that there are some people who just want to stick to what's legalistic, and some who would combine it with a higher intention. But never, never is sharia written off completely.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Well said Amy. I agree with evrything you just said.
Nice to hear the term Taqwa here but unfortunately difficult to find people with taqwa .Because of this reason marriage looks like Money Buisness ..If you have money then i am yours else i have right to take divorce .
If you have money you will get honey 🙂
Assalam alaikum,
Women here are not saying that a man must exhibit financial hardship while his wife has designer handbags. I would literally challenge you if you could find ten such couples. I would be surprised if you could find even one. YET, it isn't at all difficult to find many women who are the breadwinners of their families for which financial responsibility has become an expectation from them with no respect as a side. In fact, many families who marry their daughter are expected to pick up the tab financially and provide ridiculous gold (usually 24 karat) gifts for every female relative of the bridegroom--and even after marriage, some even send their daughter-in-law back home to the mother for the birth of the child and to avoid having to pay for any medical expenses. This is practiced much much more than your example of rich women exploiting their poor husbands.
I think you have taken wayyyy out of context what has been written or suggested. And if a husband is struggling, one would imagine that a wife with money would help him but that he wouldn't take advantage of the situation and become completely reliable on her.
Finally, you may know about verses and taking them out of context, but perhaps also review those verses that speak to us about not calling others names like stupid or insulting people of different Faiths.
The idea is that a husband or a father would be responsible for their families financially for their basic needs. That that responsibility is not upon the womenfolk. It doesn't mean that a man has to provide extraordinary care for his wife to have a lavish lifestyle.
Absolute nonsense . why wouldnt a good wife want to help her husband? You get women here saying its Islamic duty for a husband to pay for everything even if his wife is a millionaire then right at the end of the post say " good luck" which is a statement of shirk! Luck doesn't cause things ....only Allah causes things to happen!! .
this shows no understanding of Islam!!. It is not Islamic duty for a man to be in financial hardship while his wife has designer handbags!!
You are very stupid people who just like the Christians like to pick and choose verses out of their context to suit their own desires !!
If both wife and husband work ..you both contribute! If the husband is struggling why wouldn't a dutyful wife not help? .a wife like this should be got rid of and divorced !!
Salam all,
If a woman has the desire to be ambitious and work and gain knowledge in life (such as completing a degree in Masters) does the husband have a right to stop her from that? What if he fears that she will not be able to full-fill her duties at home or be a good "house-wife?" what if the woman doesn't want to solely be a house-wife?
What if she feels confident that she can keep a balance between her house and her work life/ education/ career?
Kindly guide me.
Salaam sis, to the best of my knowledge it's not wrong for a woman to study, in fact it's encouraged in Islam. I personally don't think your husband has a right to stop you, especially as it will be beneficial to both you and your children. Furthermore, you may be able to get a good job and support your husband financially too, therefore easing his burden and God forbid if anything was to happen to him you could stand on your own two feet. But ultimately this is something you both need to sit down and discuss. Make sure your both happy about it, and it won't effect the upbringing of children and your marriage. Also, you can maybe discuss sharing household chores - the prophet pbuh used to do his own chores. Hope this helps.
Yes but if you wife works and don't contribute. Then don't forget she is a women. It is her duty to look after the house ie cook clean and maintain the house. So I say to my wife I can pay all bills rent food etc and you can cook everyday for me clean the whole house or we go halves on rent and bills and we both cook and clean which is fair. At least your giving them a choice.
A woman's duty is not to cook and clean for her husband. If you look at the hadiths and practices of the Prophet, you will not find anywhere that cooking and housework are mentioned as part of the obligations or duties of the wife. The Prophet himself helped his wives with housework and provided servants for them who helped cook and clean. On the other hand, it is the husband's duty and responsibility to provide financially for his wife and his home, as mentioned in the Quran. So these responsibilities cannot be divided as you have mentioned here, at least not Islamically. A wife can choose to perform house chores out of love for her husband or consideration for him if he can't afford to hire someone to do these things, but that is a choice she makes freely, not as a trade off for her husband performing his most basic duties as a man in Islam.
Well said. I wish more men would understand this concept.
Lol ...I can understand ..but if i cook nobody will eat it ...my wife won't it too ..
That's complete BS. You are not some helpless lazy high maintenance child who is depending on her husband for everything. A real Muslim man would not marry someone so weak and dependent.
It is a woman's duty to obey her husband just as it is the husbands duty to provide for his wife. So if the husband works all day to provide for his wife and tells her to keep the house and cook then that is what she should be doing.
If a woman is arrogant and does not want to obey her husband, then that is equivalent to a husband who refuses to provide for his wife.
In the case mentioned the husband and wife have agreed to share the house work and cooking, and hence it is fair and reasonable they would share in the responsibility of providing for the family.
It would be a very unfair situation to expect the man to provide as well as clean the house and cook.
You can ask but it totally depends on her whether to answer or not, but what you can do is , if you are the only one who's spending the income for everyday need then you have the right to ask her to stop working , and this she cannot refuse, it is mandatory for a wife to obey her husband in any circumstances except he is pushing you in sinful acts.
No , you cannot refuse to give her your money as long as reasonable.
Brother Imran Assalaamualaikum,
"if you are the only one who's spending the income for everyday need then you have the right to ask her to stop working , and this she cannot refuse, it is mandatory for a wife to obey her husband in any circumstances except he is pushing you in sinful acts."
Can you justify your above comments in the light of Quran and Hadith?
Looking forward to hear from you.
Jazak Allah Khair
But dont do that, because if she is doing a job and has saved up a lot, she would not listen to you, instead she will leave you because she knows you stopped her earning money because you are a jealous fool.
What is the point of staying in Marriage if finances are separate because couple has different financial goals?
If the wife loves her money more than her husband than that is fine, she can keep it. But she should be ok if husband wants to downsize and move to a not so good neighborhood if HE came under financial pressure and wants to get rid of loans. She should be ok if husband cannot afford for the family to eat outside and in house eating beans as compared to meat. Tough financial situations calls for tough choices.
But if wife is cooperating then don't be stingy and spend right amount from the wealth which Allah has given to guys.
Ps: Hazrat Hadija supported Prophet SAW at the time of migration.
A.aleykum i am married and after two months of married my husband travelled to saudi for work.I am now staying with my parents.Every end month my husband sends me money for my basic needs but its too little.As you know staying with my parents i have to contribute in paying some bills but thats not enough.....so how can i tell my husband to give me more...
Faiza, just ask him. List your expenses and show him what your needs are, and how much more you require. You might also consider getting a job, even just part time, so that you can earn your own income.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
W. Salam,
i would say, try to adjust in whatever he sends you. May be he do not make enough money. May be he is also paying off his parents debts.
You job is to ask Money from Allah and be patient. Sacrifice your needs for the sake of Allah and your husband. It is easier to ask than to give.
Tell him that if he does not send you more money, you will find yourself a new husband. Because im sure he has already found a new wife for himself in Saudi arabia
women need to work too to live an ideal life . men are not require to pay for extras in a marriage besides food and shelter and clothes. if thats all a women has in her name then she is pretty poor in terms of assets and what if the husband picks up and leaves for a second wife and kicks her out on the street just because he can? there are hundreds of homeless divorced women in the west because muslim men just decided to kick out one wife for another. its easy to divorce in islam. so a women needs to have her money for herself in this case and if the husband dies and leaves her nothing. theirs no insurance in islam that the women will be ok after he leaves.
also, a woman can't work and raise kids. she has to have a savings for when she takes years of her life off work to raise his kids.
its not a simple black and white issue of her having a stockpile of money. its about her own security in case the worst happens and it does happen a lot here in the west with muslim men who abandon their wives quite easily.
we need to wake up and quit living in a vaccuum. see the reality of womens lives before you just talk to benefit yourself
salaam alaykum
Salam Maryam,
Much of what you're saying isn't actually true.
Salam Maryam,
Much of what you're saying isn't actually true.
1) In the west if you get a divorce a woman can ask for half of the assets. This is outside of any Mehr she obtained at the start of the marriage. In addition to that she can ask for regular payments as well.
2) The maintenance of women is not restricted to food, shelter, and clothing in Islam. If she goes to the doctor you're going to have to pay for it. There's a lot that can be lumped into maintenance as a guy has to watch for her mental health too. You can't lock your wife in a room with food and clothing and consider your job done. Here's the official verse:
https://quran.com/4/34
Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.
3) It is not easy to divorce women. Once you pronounce divorce you still have to live and provide for them till their term ends. If they are pregnant, then you're still there for the the whole pregnancy. If you gave them anything as a gift you cannot take it back.
https://quran.com/65
And those who no longer expect menstruation among your women - if you doubt, then their period is three months, and [also for] those who have not menstruated. And for those who are pregnant, their term is until they give birth. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him of his matter ease.
O Prophet, when you [Muslims] divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their [husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah . And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allah will bring about after that a [different] matter.
4) There is insurance in Islam for divorced women:
http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=2&verse=241
Yusuf Ali: For divorced women Maintenance (should be provided) on a reasonable (scale). This is a duty on the righteous.
5) Allah says that Allah will provide for those that are divorced:
https://quran.com/65
And when they have [nearly] fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for [the acceptance of] Allah . That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah - He will make for him a way out
And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah - then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.
The whole idea of women making a living isn’t even considered in islam as it has only been possible after industrial revolution that white collar jobs has given them opportunity to contribute to the workforce.
Before that women were usually responsible for domestic labour and in return they would get maintenance but since women now are also following their careers and are financially strong and are letting go off their obligations towards the household men have the right to follow the same footsteps.As can be seen in nikah misyar.
Mujtaba, your theory is flawed. Consider Khadijah (RA), one of the most successful businesswoman in Arabia. The wife of Abdullah ibn Masud was the main breadwinner of her family, making handicrafts by her own hand and selling her goods in the marketplace.
Women in the time of the Prophet (sws) were engaged in trade and managed businesses. Some worked in agriculture, writing or weaving. Some like Nusayba bint Ka'ab fought on the battlefield alongside the Prophet (sws). Rufayda bint Sa'ad served as a nurse on the battlefields.
Or many famous female scholars in Islamic history, going all the way back to Aisha bint Abu Bakr (RA), Hafsa bint Umar (RA) and continuing with many others. Umm Sa'd Jamilah bint As'ad Ansariyyah used to teach some of the sahabah. It is said that Ibn Hajar studied from 53 women; As-Sakhawi had ijazas from 68 women and As-Suyuti studied from 33 women, a quarter of his shuyukh.
The world's first university, University of al-Qarawiyyin,was founded by Fatima al-Fihri.
Shifaa bint Abdullah and Samra’ bint Nuhayk were appointed by Umar ibn al-Khattab (RA) to be policewomen of the marketplace in Madinah.
And of course in modern times there are many well known female entrepreneurs and business executives.
So do not use the changing times to excuse corrupt institutions like zawaj misyar, which is inevitably destructive to the women and children involved. The men use it to play and satisfy their needs, and when the woman bears a child they abandon her. This is why some Islamic scholars (such as Ibn Uthaimeen and Yusuf Al-Qaradawi) have said that while misyar may technically fulfill the requirements of nikah, it is fundamentally immoral. While others, such as Al-Albani, forbade it.
Also consider that misyar often does not meet the requirements of marriage. 'Abd al-'Azeez Aal al-Shaykh was asked:
"There is a lot of talk about misyaar marriage being haraam or halaal. We would like a definitive statement about this matter from you, with a description of its conditions and obligations, if it is permissible."
He replied:
"The conditions of marriage are that the two partners should be identified and give their consent, and there should be a wali (guardian) and two witnesses. If the conditions are met and the marriage is announced, and they do not agree to conceal it, either the husband, the wife or their guardians, and he offered a waleemah or wedding feast, then this marriage is valid, and you can call it whatever you want after that."
But most misyar marriages do not meet these requirements. They do not make it public and do not have a waleemah, because the men in particular do not want everyone to know about it. They want to avoid their Islamic obligations toward the woman and any future children.
Personally I am 100% against zawaj misyar. I think it should be banned and made illegal in every country.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor