Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife listens to her parents instead of me and also hides things from me; what should I do?

 

problems in relationships

Relationship difficulties.

Assalam O Alaikum,

My wife have been married twice before me and she is older than me.

I just always find that she listens to her family and try to make my relationship with my family severe.

She also kind of have a lot going on in her life which is not at her favor but with what her family wants.

Hence also we not living in the same country at the moment?

I feel like she lies and doesn't tell me everything if its somethings I don't like. What you suggest me to do?

Judgement Day.


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4 Responses »

  1. Brother Judgement Day

    It is hard to tell from the few details you have given, but your marriage sounds difficult.

    I suggest you do what you can to be together. Can you get a job in her country? Can she move to your country? A long distance relationship is difficult enough, but it sounds like there are other issues in your marriage as well.

    If you could provide a few more details it might help people understand more and provide better advice.

    From what you have said, I would recommend the following:

    1. Offer dua persistently and regularly to Allah for guidance in this area. But do not limit it only to His actions. Do your part and try to see if you can get to the bottom of your concerns.

    2. Try to spend as much time together as possible. You may just be unsure of things because you are living apart.

    3. Honor your parents and her parents, and do not make her family or your family an issue, as that would make things harder. Bend over backwards (meaning try very hard) to understand her family and their concerns. Have your family bend over backwards to accomodate and understand her.

    Please do not assume or even consider that she is lying. Unless you know for sure, it is useless to accuse and could make matters worse. It is not the way of a Muslim to accuse or assume the worst in someone.

    AmericanMuslim
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor.

  2. Salamualaikum,

    Brother, it seems that the distance has caused these problems in your relationship. Whether she was married twice before you or not, she is now your wife. Whether she is older or younger than you, she is the one you married, and you have an obligation towards her. Maybe because of the age factor, you are having some differences, but this should not happen. When you have chosen to marry you should try and keep your relationship strong.

    Still, there's some ambiguity in your post. I am not clear about what is wrong with her life. There is a possibility that it is having an effect on your relationship. And I'm also not clear how she tries to make your relation with your family severe. If you give some more detail, it will help us have a better understanding insha Allah.

    You said you live in different countries. You should probably consider living together and understanding each other better, so that you do not have misunderstandings about each other. Because most problems between couples come from the root cause known as "misunderstanding". You should probably check with it and seriously consider understanding the needs of your wife and patiently dealing or compromising with the differences between yourself and her. Insha Allah, you'll find that Allah fills your life with love and peace. And both of you keep remembering Allah through the 5 daily prayers and the Sunan, and the supplications from the Quran and the Sunnah.

    Insha Allah, you'll find the Help of Allah, always near

    Wassalamualaikum
    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salaam Brother,
    I understand how you feel because she is your wife and she should be loyal to you 100%.
    All i can say is,before a girl is married she is to obey her parents first and foremost,BUT after marriage her husband takes priority above everything else ( except Allah ).She is to obey you above everyone else this includes her parents as well.
    Now as per your problem you have to talk to her OPENLY about this because if she continues to involve her parents in everything and hides things from you then your marriage will never workout.She has to be sincere with you.In order for this marriage to work out for both your and her sake.I understand that you are trying to make your marriage work thats why you are here.
    So these are your your options she is eighter with you or with her parets,if she chooses to be with her parents then let her go to her parents,believe me you dont need her she will just make your life miserable.
    Better to find someone who will dedicate herself whole heartedly to you and you alone.
    Discuss this with her and then whatever she says according to that take action DO NOT waste your love and time on someone like her.This is a tough decision but the choice is hers she can choose whatever she wants and then you can take the appropriate action.

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