Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife is involved in haram relationship

Man with guilty woman in the background (cheating)

Cheating wife.

Asalam alekum dear scholar,

I married with girl who was involved in adultery  before marrying me. Before marriage she told me that she was raped by her boyfriend once, and because of that act she wants to get rid of that person and want punish him. She had won my sympathies. With good intentions I tried to rescue her, forgave her and married so that I could get her rid of zina and bad deeds. After marriage I came to know that she lied to me and in fact she had been involved in adultery for two years. I forgave her once again for good reason.

We started to live together with younger brother in one room house. My younger brother remained at home when I used to go out for work. Later on, because of some suspicious behaviour in both of them I started to spy and placed some recording device at home when I go out.. through these recordings it is proved that my wife is involved in adultary, I know its my mistake I should not have left my wife with my brother. I asked my wife several time if there is anything wrong or mistake happened then let me know. I did not let her know about voice recording. She told me if she was involved in adultery then you have right to kill me and I forgive you for that.

I want to ask you what should I do. What options I have according to islam. I could have forgive her but her past remind me that she is not faithful. Above that she is good. Take care of me, love me, we never had any clash or fight. She is also pregnant of three months.

Kindly answer me. Thanks


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7 Responses »

  1. Salaam brother,

    Sorry to hear about your problem. May Allah bless you with a happy marriage.

    The first step I think you should do is to ask your brother to leave the house. Please don't allow your brother to live in your house. Because Islam does not allow a wife to be alone with her brother-in-law.

    Following is an explanation given by a Sheikh.

    There is no harm in you and your wife living in one house with the rest of the family members you mentioned. All that you have to be careful about is that your wife does not go out in front of your brother or be alone with him in the house, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade non-mahrams (unrelated men) to enter upon women. He said: "Beware of entering upon women." One of the Sahaabah said to him, "O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-in-law?" He said: "The brother-in-law is death!" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 9/330).

    Al-Nawawi, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: "What is referred to in the hadeeth is all the husband’s (male) relatives apart from his father and sons. People customarily take the matter of a man being alone with his brother’s wife as being of little consequence; to indicate the seriousness of the matter, it was likened to death. Indeed, one should be more cautious about the brother-in-law than about a stranger. The phrase "the brother-in-law is death" may have a number of meanings:

    That being alone with a brother-in-law may lead to disaster if a sin is committed, or may spell divorce for the woman if her husband cannot contain his jealousy; Or: Beware of being alone with a non-mahram woman – fear this as you fear death.
    All this stems from Islam’s keenness to protect households, to avoid evil and to preserve marriages in the best possible way.

    Taken from:

    May Allah bless your marriage.

  2. First thing you should do is divorce her thats it she is making use of your weakness. That is why islam says do mot introduce your wife ro your friends , brother in law etc who are all non mehram.

    May Allah have mercy upin you Ameen

  3. I think you realise that her most recent act of infidelity with your brother is partly your fault. You should never have allowed your brother to live with her, especially given her past history. Therefore I think you need to take it on the chin and move on from this and forgive her for this particular betrayal. But you do need to tell her you know it happened even if it means telling her you spied on her. Otherwise it will eat you up inside and the anger will manisfest itself in other more unhealthy ways.

    Tell her you know what happened. That you still love her and she is a good wife. But make it clear that this is her last chance. She will not get another chance if she abuses your love and is unfaithful to you again. Be strong and be prepared to follow through.

    You may insist on a DNA test for the child after birth for peace of mind even if you decide to bring the baby up as your own. Bear in mind it could be your brother's child.

    Brother you are a kind, patient and loving man. But Allah swt detests men who allow themselves to be cuckolded and take no measures to protect their marriages from infidelity. She does not respect you as a husband and this needs to change.

    Tell her you love her but you do not love her enough to forgive her if she ever betrays you again. You must be firm and resolute in this. Women want their husbands to be the authority figure because this is the natural God-given way of things.

    If she sees you as a weak man who is blinded by his love for her to keep forgiving, she will begin to see you as pathetic and weak. Don't be pathetic and weak. Be firm, strong and determined.

    May Allah swt reward you for your patience and ease your situation.

    • Only one good option is to divorce her .She has done before ,now and in future too she might do it .Best solution seems to be divorce .

    • "Tell her that she is a good wife, that you love her"???
      How is she a good wife? She has done the worst thing that a wife can do, ZINA! And she has done it before marriage too. She is the worst wife there is. And he is a weak man. It's not good judgement to let his brother live in with his wife. But it's not his fault that she is an adulteres. That's entirely her responsibility (And that of the terrible brother). The only thing he can do now is divorce her. That baby could be his brothers, or even someone else's...

  4. Just divorce her for the good. She was intimate with your brother and you know never know whose baby she is carrying?she is into habit of adultery if not your brother then there are lot of people around too. Maybe next time with your friend or neighbour's. Just move on

  5. Are you 100% sure that she was physically intimate with your brother? Or was it flirty banter between the two that makes you think something else might be going on?
    Are you sure she has done something haram or is it because you are already suspicious of her character that you are making a mountain our of a molehill ?
    Also, if something like this has happened, I hope you understand that it is as much of a fault of your brother as it is of your wife. I hope you blame both for this horrible behavior.

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