Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Wife like me but doesn’t love me…

Cold heart, emotionless, cold husband, husband doesnt care

I’m 28 years old. 2 months before my marriage finished, my wife 23 years old. She is  my relative only means my uncle's daughter (cousin), 2 years before she don't like to marry me (she said She don't want to marry any person from our relations). 1 year before she accepted to marry me and I also asked her directly “this decision is very important to your life... So don't listen any other person, be careful with your decision because you said 1 year you don’t like to marry me but now you accepting" she told me "I  did mistake I should accept that time so I things many times and finally I did this decision" so she like to marry me.

She is leaving in another country I’m leaving in another country. After marriage we stayed together only 20 days. After marriage she said she like me as a good person because she know me very well from child but she doesn't love me means she like me as a cousin not husband she want some time to change feel love with me.  I asked many time to her what is the reason always she answering “I don’t know, I need some time to change” I’m also trying to go which country she leaving but she want me to come after 1 year. As per her we will talk by phone everyday so I will change may be I feel love with you.

So till now we are talking by phone every day and I never ask her about changes inshallah after two months we are going to meet together that time if she started to love and accept as a husband I’m happy if still she want some time....

What I do... In my side I planned if she wants still time I will tell her you don’t try to change any more means don’t try to love me....  finish it everything from today you and me no more husband & wife.. (asthafirullah)  It’s very hard to me because I trusted her fully but when she is telling me still she is not accepting me as a husband... I hurt deeply.... So kindly advise me what I need to do... If she wants still more times….


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4 Responses »

  1. move on. you said she initially didn't want to marry u, and it only lasted 20days? u should know a person before u marry them.

  2. Bismillah e Rahaman n Raheem

    Dear Brother,

    AssalamoAlaikum,Pls give her time as much as she want,you both are lucky guys bcz u got married within your close family,there is nothing more beautiful than this in the world as you share the love of your ancesters,pls don't think about separation ITS TOO EARLY TO THINK that".As you said its only 20 days u have been together so it takes time to get used to each other .Your wife lookslike true eastern women filled with lot of Haya and respect .She accepted to marry you and now she is adjusting herself with you and you also should give her time.

    Elder Islamic Scholars say "it takes about 6months for a husband and wife to understand eachother".In this period you try to live together as much as possible,share and spend most of your time together.
    Read good books and share knowledge and topics of interests of daily life,Islamic history,general knowledge etc.

    Get to know each other slowly and if something feels different try to change gradually,not all at once.

    You have to go a long way together.Insha Allah after sometime you both will start enjoying your relationship when you both get to know how to please each other which things please her,which things please her (if it is not very much against Sharia) do that.Which things annoy her try to avoid that and same like tell your likings and dislikings as well so she will also take care of that.

    I give you an example,when ever we start a new job in a Company/College/Uni/ we met a lot of new peoples,colleagues,coworkers who share job with us.At first they looks strangers but after passing some months and sharing time and views we become friends and some very close friends even start sharing family matters with each other ,this is all due to being together ,same is the case with new couples.Even you know eachother familywise but as you said you live in different countries so it definitly require sometime to become very well familiar wth each other.

    Read this book yourself and gift it to her as well,you both will feel the difference:

    May God Almighty make your relationship longlasting and forever.

  3. Assalamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu! All praise is due to Allah, lord of the Worlds.

    I think I have the perfect answer for you. : )

    Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Woman was created from a rib, She will not be straight according to your way. If you want to enjoy her, you will have to enjoy her with her crookedness. If you try to straighten her, you will break her, and breaking her means divorcing her."

  4. As Salam Alaikum,

    Brother, I totally agree with Ibn Sabeel and Yusuf. I too got married but we were not cousin. We were also lived together for 20 days and I had to come to my home country. But the biggest mistake I made I was not patience with her, I pushed her to the wall that she could not take it anymore. We ended up in divorce in 3 months and please bro do not think about divorce. It takes time to build relationship so please have patience with her, listen to her, and also give her space and you enjoy your life with friends as well. Give her time by herself so she will have time to adjust. Arrange marriage takes time but look everything positively. She is sharing and being honest with you with her feelings.

    Please do not make the mistake I made.

    May Allah (swt) bless your marriage.

    Allah hafiz.

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