Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Since last 2 years, my wife is not talking to me.

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Since last 2 years,  my wife is not talking to me.  I tried to talk to her by calling her at her place many times but her parents abuse me and thn keep the phone.  I sent her for delivery and since then problems started. Her father abused my mother and insulted my whole family but then too me and my family were ready to forgive them but  they din´t send her and neither did she come back.  

I went to see my son after delivery but her father didn´t allow me to enter her house and insulted me and sent me back. ´She is living her life happily with my son and I am dieing here day by day...

 My parents even require a daughter in law who can take care of them. I am working abroad and they are  alone and my wife at her moms place. Now I want to know since me and my wife both are not talking to each other since last 2 years.   Are we  divorced?

Behind all this problems which I am facing is my mother in law... she is washing my wife´s brain and now my wife hates me then anybody else in this world. We were so happy before.

Please suggest me what I can  do.

wasim


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7 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum Brother Wasim,

    May Allah make these troubled times pass away from you and unite your family to you.

    You should remember Allah much, ask Him for Help, as He is always ready to Help those who call Him in need and remember him in adversity and peace.

    Read the Qur'an a lot. Insha Allah it will help ease your way ahead. Pray 5 times + Tahajjud + invoke Allah by His beautiful names:

    83. And Job, when he cried unto his Lord, (saying): Lo! adversity afflicteth me, and Thou art Most Merciful of all who show mercy.
    84. Then We heard his prayer and removed that adversity from which he suffered, and We gave him his household (that he had lost) and the like thereof along with them, a mercy from Our store, and a remembrance for the worshippers
    ; - Surah Al Anbiyaa.

    41. And make mention (O Muhammad) of Our bondman Job, when he cried unto his Lord (saying): Lo! the devil doth afflict me with distress and torment.
    42. (And it was said unto him): Strike the ground with thy foot. This (spring) is a cool bath and a refreshing drink.
    43. And We bestowed on him (again) his household and therewith the like thereof, a mercy from Us, and a memorial for men of understanding.
    - Surah Saad.

    So turn to Allah seek His help.

    Also, about divorce. How can there be divorce without any annoucement? When Allah has clearly said in the Qur'an divorce must be announced twice and after that if third time happens, the woman becomes unlawful for her husband.

    If there has been no accouncement of divorce, how can you or me or anyone say that you and your wife are divorced?

    Brother, you should get to know a few things now:

    1. Why you married her? To work abroad and leave her with your parents as a care taker? If you wanted a care taker, you could hire one by paying money.
    2. She is your wife, your life partner. She has to spend her time with you, her life with you and not live in separation like this. Did you make her live with you?
    3. Ask your parents in your absence, how was her beahvior, were there any fights? Was she feeling any stress or problems in your absence? How was her conduct when she was at your house in your absence?
    4. While she was pregnant and during her delivery, you should be present with her. Women would want their husbands to be by their side. We have to understand that women are emotional and soft and we have to tread carefully and do what is necessary.

    Brother, what has happened has happened. You should pray to Allah. Find a mediator who could go and talk to them and know from them what needs to be done.

    Remember one thing, if a woman wants to be with a man, she would break all barriers and do it. Your repeated efforts of trying to meet her and the cold response from her family is not a good sign at all.

    I believe the problem is the distance between you both or may be more personal problems. Allah knows.

    You should quickly find some mediators who could get to know for you what is going on their side, what they want and how the problem can be solved.

    Either they have to unite both of you or give you an option of divorce. Hanging on like this in the middle is not good for your, her and your child's dunya and aakhirah.

    Pray to Allah a lot, take appropriate measures and hope for the best results.

    Hope you will find this advice helpful and I hope I could give a satisfactory answer to your question.

    Salaam.

    * * *

    Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.

  2. As salamu alaykum, brother,

    You have an excellent approach given by brother Munib, Masha´Allah, I only can add my prayer for you.

    May Allah(swt) bring Light and Hope to your Heart, ease your pain, heal your wounds, and make a way of gathering your family, if it is meant to be. Ameen.

    Keep strong and listen to Brother Munib advices,insha´Allah, to live between two worlds is like having no life, all of you deserve better, insha´Allah.

    Remember: "Verily! Only in the Zikr of Allah will your heart find peace."
    Quran (Surah 13: Verse 29)

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salamu alaikum brother. . . . . As far as am concerned, my advice to you should be to forget about that lady and move on your life. . . . You have the free oppurtunity to search for another wife that is better than her (religious wise, morally, physically etc). . . . You have been troubling your self because of your wife for the past 2yrs, you have to remain a man and allow that to pass away. . . . They are many in the world and you can only choose the best you want. . . . . . . She and her parents will leave to regrete why have they done this to you

  4. You are wasting your life . Divorce her and move on . There are a lot of women in this world . To make you feel better , they already out number us . I really don't understand . When the other person doesn't care about you , whats the point in trying to mend the relations . Forget her and move very far away and begin a new life . Life is too short to waste on one human being . And for Allah's sake , its been 2 years . It's time to move

    Good luck brother

    • I wish you all the best for your future life . Inshallah you will find your happiness very soon.

    • What is this "them" and "us"? You speak as if women belong to some enemy camp. Don't you understand that we are all human beings with needs and insecurities? And here we are all brothers and sisters, members of one Ummah. There is no "them" and "us".

      Someone named Ray just left a very interesting comment at Zawaj.com, and I will print part of it here:

      "I have seen in some cultures, how males and females are totally separated and forbidden to interact with one another — from as young as possible, you can say from birth.

      What is so obvious is that they don’t understand much about the opposite sex, and from my perspective, the boys, when they grow into teenagers, they see girls as ‘objects’ more than fellow humans, and cannot think of interacting or talking to a female in a normal unbiased way.

      They don’t understand the opposite gender at all – and as a result, they try getting it from all wrong sources – from friends who talk dirty about them, pornography, etc.

      They don’t view them as fellow humans, you can say."

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. One may ask what exactly you're upset about, it's not like she was living with you anyway. The fact that your parents have no one to pick up after them?

    I take it you work overseas and visit your wife once in while. Well why don't you let your wife stay with her parents and visit her there when you are in the country? If you told her or her parents that you are not going to force her to go to your parents house then maybe she'll be more willing to meet with you. I'm sorry the situation has got so bad that the parents are becoming a hindrance to their daughters married life, now you have to climb a mountain of in-law dissaproval to get to your wife.

    I also think it is wrong of your wife to deny her child a loving father. She should realise that no-one can replace you in his life.

    Yes I agree that your parents deserve to be looked after in their old age. But by YOU not your wife. If you're not doing it why should she. While you're not there why not get them a nurse/maid.

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