Does my wife stay with my parents to look after them or stay with me?
I want to tell I am working abroad. My parents are in my home country. I am married 3 years ago. My wife insist to stay with me abroad also I can afford her to be with me. My question is does my wife stay with my parents to look after them or stay with me .
What islam says in this regard?
Muslimman
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Assalamu alaykum brother,
Thank you for putting your trust in us and seeking advice and showing your concern.
You should accept the request of your wife and allow her to live with you. If you can't afford now, Allah will Insha Allah enrich you and you will earn more to bear all expenses.
If you cannot call her where you are, then it is very unfair, because we have both mental (emotional) and physical aspects to marriage. Talking over the phone is not enough and your wife may wish to be with you. It is natural and we should respect it.
Please take steps to bring her closer to you.
Regarding your parents, if you are making arrangments for them in terms of finance and provide with some care taker at home and they do not face any hardship because of you being away, then insha Allah we do not see a serious problem, but better is to keep parents with you, if they are willing to come and reside with the family together as not from a legal but emotional point of view parents have been given a high status by Allah in Islam and we ought to be with them in old age to support them.
23. Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them to attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. - Surah Al Israa.
And at many other places the Qur'an speaks of kindness towards parents and many ahadith also refer to serving parents in old age to be a superior act above others.
I think you are a responsible and concerned son, from your question, one can feel so. I hope you will make appropriate arrangements and do the best for your family.
We pray for Allah to increase your rizq and make you even more better child to your parents and more loving husband towards your wife.
Salaam.
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I'm surprised you even need to ask this!
Why did you get married in the first place, to have a nurse/servant for your parents or to have a wife?
Your wife is married to YOU not your parents. It's not her job to take care of them, its yours. And if you're not doing it why should she?
Assaalaamu alaykum Sister,
Let the questioner be at ease. Else from next time onwards they would feel bad about even asking a question.
Request you to give positive replies in a kind way. Brother at least is honest and open hearted in asking and sharing the confusion in his mind.
No offence. Enjoy your time here and give good advices to brothers and sisters in need.
Salaam.
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You are right, our mission here is to advise people with kindness, so they feel good about the advice they have received, and feel inclined to implement it.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother,
Your wife should stay with you...her husband. End of story.
Salaam
Brother, your parents are mever your wifr's respobsibility. I do not know why some cultures think it this way. I have a friend married to a pakistani guy and she lives with her parents in law who control everything about their marriage life. Her husband gives all the money to his father and the father buys what my friend needs. My friend does not have a say about their family income and planning, everything is Only between her husband and his father. Also, she does not have time fpr herself and her husband as she has tO cook 3 times a day for evertone, including his brothers in law who live in the same hpusehold. And when his brothers in law think differently about her abd her husband, they go directly to their father and complain. They never confrOnt my friend and her husband so it is backbiting. She is so confused as privacy is not respected at all. Why is thst? Is it really a pure culture or islamic as well
Nope. It is purely cultural.
In Islam people live with peace and understanding and mutual consent respecting each other's rights.
Since ages women have been taking up the role of looking after the house and men have take up earning for livelihood.
So, that is the case it lof of houses. Plus, today lot of women work, so family members share responsbilities as well.
In some households the mother in law thinks the girl whom her son has married is their servant. She has to go to work, earn and look after the family as well and do cooking and other work. So it becomes heard for such sisters.
All in all, family should understand that she is human. She may have feelings like they have. She may get tired like they get tired. She may need privacy like they need privacy.
So it is all very mutual. People who fear Allah the most, are likely to get along and have a smooth life. Those who fear less, have chances of creating more troubles for each other.
So it is mututal, We have to understand and cope up with each other. Nothing in this world comes perfect except if Allah wills.
So best is keep sabr, keep praying and keep going on and when you can take up a burden, leave it at that very moment.
Salaam.
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" When you can't take up a burden, leave it at that very moment". Meaning when things go beyond your capacity to handle, then seek a way out of trouble.
Until then try to be patient. It is a matter og great resolution.
Salaam.
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Salaam,
My question is regarding my inlaws. I prefer to maintain my own residence with my husband, because it is difficult to live in a joint family which include both my parents in-law my brother and sister in law and both their kids. I know Islam says to honour parents and my husbands treats them well he even helps them financially. However because the family is so big I don't have much privacy and my parents in law have constant guest which the daughter in laws are expected to serve them all the time. They don't understand that sometimes i wish to go out with my husband they show displeasure when we go out they would rather we stay at home and entertain their guests cook clean etc. My husband is financially successful alhamdulillah and wishes to buy a separate residence for us without the extended family and parents. If this hurts his mother and she does not give him permission to leave but he does anywas will Allah punish him for not obeying his mother. Also if he buys a new brand house and his mother wants one of equal status should he financially be obliged to her.
Thank you very much.
Sana, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor