my wife’s affair before marriage.
I g0t married 3 months ago, but a few days before I realized that my wife had an affair with a boy before marriage. When I asked her she admitted that she had an affair with him, and even accepted that they crossed the limits. But she also promised and gave me an oath that she will never repeat such mistakes in her future life. Other than that, she is very caring and loving with me now.
Please guide me, I am too confused on this issue.
-emaan 1990
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AsSalaamu Alaikum,
First of all, congratulation for your new marriage, MashaAllah... Barakallahu laka wa baaraka ‘alaika wa jama’a bainakuma fi khair!!!
I really don't know what exactly you are confused about. However, since you are married already, the most important thing is to leave the past in the past, and then help each other at this moment, and create a good future for yourselves with the help of Allah (swt). So for now, just try to trust each other and move forward Bi-idhnillah.
May Allah (swt) help both of you, and may He unite you with a great affection and trust. Ameen!
My wife confess to me that she cheated on me with my best friend before I get married to her,just bcos I stay in another state then! The same guy best me on my wedding day! She confess to me after married. we have 8 month old baby girl now! Begging me it was a mistake, that my friend spoil me then! Begging me for forgivenes!!! Am so sad, burning in my heart everyday! Can any one advice me pls!!! Am so hurt and ashamed
Ridwan, what your wife did is terrible. I can't imagine the mental anguish your are going through. If you think you are capable of forgiving your wife and proceeding without rancor and hate, then do so. If not, divorce her.
You might consider separating for a few months without divorce. Let your wife go back to her parents. Give it time, and see how you feel later.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asak ,
Dont think about past and don't ask her any past questions ..Life after marriage matters the most ..So have a good life with your wife .
Allah hafiz
From one Brother ..
Salam brother,
Did you actually specify before marriage to your wife that you wanted someone who has never had relationships? You need to make it crystal clear to potential marriage partners what you want BEFORE marrying . Nevertheless you should not be pondering over it now as any sins she has commited are between her and Allah.
She is an honest person and has opened up about her past to you but she does not have to. She has every right to remain silent. But she didn't, because she cares about you and wanted to be honest from the beginning. She is a sincere person Masha Allah. You have also said that she loves you and cares for you. Then you should also treat her with love and compassion.
Brother my husband was a chaste person before marriage but after I married him he began to commit major sins. So I would rather marry someone who has had relations before marriage and repented then to marry a chaste person who will cheat on me after marriage!
Forget about the past its a blur! Live in the present and plan for your future. Your wife loves you NOW! And that's what matters. Yesterday is history so leave it behind. Concentrate on today and enjoy your marriage now. Nobody will have a perfect spouse in life, because this is not heaven. Only in heaven everything is perfect.
So say Alhamdullilah that you have a lovely wife who is honest and open and cares for you.
May Allah bless your marriage.
Salaams,
If you knew about this situation a few days before your wedding and you still decided to marry her, I think you owe it to her to give her the benefit of the doubt and treat it as something that's over and done with. Any misgivings you had should've been addressed when you found out, and if you felt that the marriage was too risky you should've called it off at that time.
Now that you're married, let her past be in the past and forgive her if you feel she wronged you in any way. Give her a chance to prove to you who she really is now.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu 'Alaikum
May Allah bless you in your marriage, put immense love between you and your partner and through the both of you create a pious progeny.
Mashallah the brothers and sisters before have mentioned some beautiful points to reflect over. Remember that every saint has a past and every sinful person has a future. Her disclosing her previous affair to only shows how much she trusts you and how much love she has for because it isn't an easy matter to disclose one's sins to another person. Now you should intern have some trust in her as well that she won't return to such a sin again and help her in doing so. By you being a good husband and showing love to her, confiding in her and giving her due rights she won't think of anyone else besides you. On the other hand if you start doubting her and drifting away from then she would want some one to show love to her and give her attention which might, May Allah protect the both of you, lead to something unlawful.
Allah mentions in the Quran:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ
O you who believe! Avoid much suspicions, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49:12)
Such baseless suspicion will only cause harm rather you should help each other in establishing the commands of Allah and in creating a healthy Islamic environment at home.
Maa shaa Allah, very good advice.
I really appreciated the following line: