Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will angels curse me if I refuse my husband oral / anal sex?

I got married recently. My husband takes pleasure in doing oral / anal sex and has told me that it gives him more pleasure than normal sex.

I don't like both these acts and have made it clear to him but still give in to my husband's pressure as he is constantly nagging me to do it. Anyhow, today he asked me to perform oral sex on him which I refused because I was not in the mood.

Now, he is angry with me and not talking to me. I am worried would it cause the angels to curse me as I have refused him intimacy? or does it apply to normal sex only?

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7 Responses »

  1. No sister. In Islam its totally prohibited to have anal sex and I read that Prophet Muhammad saw cursed the person who performs anal sex (authentication don't know) so you are obeying Allah swt command.,regarding oral sex many scholars clearly said its Haram to have a oral sex there is indirectly verses and hadees which prohibits oral sex and you take Name of Allah swt so how could anyone have oral sex.
    So cursing of angels of course it is for normal sex anal is prohibited
    Allah swt knows best

  2. Anal sex is not allowed. Look this person is going overboard...it tells me his Iman is weak because good practice muslima who have taqwa dont do these things.this the truth...there mind are clean ...not perverted.....you have every right to speak and say this is not right...having intercourse the right way which is permitted....but having and using the word sex is like your an animal .You are being treated like a sex object
    .That's not love nor respect....Tell him to stop watching bad stuff on his phone..you can refuse because you are obeying what prophet Muhammad cursed...this not to be taken lightly

  3. Dear Sister: First of all, anal sex is haram. If your husband only enjoys anal sex and oral sex, that is a red flag, a warning. Men who strongly prefer anal sex and oral sex -- and not like having vaginal sex -- may actually be gay. Most heterosexual men enjoy having vaginal sex with a woman and may even have a sense of personal pride that they can satisfy the woman they love this way. This is a part of being a married person. that the person you are married to is sexually satisfied with you.

    The Prophet did not limit religious instruction to ibadah - worship. His Sunnah covers how we should eat, sleep, conduct business as well as how to be intimate with our spouses. He strongly urged men not to be brutes or insensitive to their wives' feelings and sexual preferences. He told men to speak to their wives in a pleasant manner, to even play or flirt with their wives when they wanted to have sex with them and definitely not to approach their wives like animals. As I said, most men want their wives to desire them. And most intelligent adults know that good behavior, conversation and atmosphere can promote those feelings, not bullying them. There are actually differences of opinion whether oral sex is permissible, but the basic understanding is that no one should be forced to perform a sexual act they are not comfortable doing and oral sex is definitely one of them. Forcing your partner to do something sexual can possibly ruin a marriage. Husbands and wives both have to respect their spouse's sexuality, abilities and libido. Your husband, who is behaving like a 6 year old has failed to do this. You have no obligation to have oral sex with him and should not have anal sex with him. By the way, the anus is NOT a sexual organ.

    The reference about a woman refusing her husband sexually and then the angels cursing her is not a black and white matter, meaning there is a lot of conditions to take into consideration. If the wife is not feeling well, is physically exhausted, is menstruating, is fasting for example her health comes first and she has every right to refuse her husband and not be cursed by the angels. If the husband has been unkind, verbally abusive or even the reverse -- giving his wife the silent treatment -- she has every right not to respond to his demands. Quran supercedes Hadith. Quran states that husbands are the protectors of their wives, not sexual bullies. Wives are not machines, Stepford Wives, or sex toys. Any person who read about Women in Islam will always see a reference of how women are respected, that Muslim women should be treated with kindess and regarded as jewels. Forcing a wife to have sex contradicts this concept completely.

    I am not going to be one of those people who tell the hurt and offended wife to pray or be patient with an insensitive, selfish husband. I am going to be very honest and up front with you. Be clear and firm with your husband that he has obligations to you to be kind and loving and bullying you into haram sex is not being kind and loving. Personally, he is a bit of jerk who is probably gay. Sorry, but preferring only oral and anal sex and not wanting vagina sex is what gay men do. I am still trying to figure out how a Muslim man who probably insisted on marrying a virginal woman already knows this preference. What was he doing before he married you?

    • Men who strongly prefer anal sex and oral sex -- and not like having vaginal sex -- may actually be gay.

      That's a ridiculous, false and non-scientifically proven statement. It's one thing to be personally against homosexuality, it's another thing to spread blatant lies about human sexuality to promote your own agenda, opinions and beliefs. It's not right. How dare you accuse someone else's husband of being a homosexual? That's a very serious allegation, Ma'am. One you do not make lightly - it could actually destroy someone's marriage. Unnecessarily.

      A man is NOT homosexual just because he might enjoy penetrating his WIFE (a WOMAN) anally. there is a vast difference between desiring a woman's behind and a man's - just because you like the behind of one gender, doesn't mean you like the behind of your own gender, too. Some men grow breasts as well, due to hormone imbalances...does that mean men that love women's breasts also desire man boobies? No, because there is a difference between seeing boobs on a woman and on a man.

      When it comes down to it, people have different fetishes, and a person cannot necessarily help it if they are attracted to women's behind. In fact, there are very logical reasons as to why a HETEROSEXUAL man might be attracted to a woman's behind. Men love curves, and they love looking at them. It's not abnormal, is it? Women's curves are not exclusively focused on their breasts, but their entire shape; So their waist, hips, thighs and behind...

      Whether or not you religiously agree with anal sex, it's not helping anyone to deny the fact that some people are into it. And how do you deal with that when that person is your spouse? It's NOT helpful to give people the idea that their spouse is abnormal, a sinner or a closeted homosexual for enjoying anal sex- that's just making matters worse. My suggestion is that OP and her husband have an open and candid conversation about anal sex, and, together, look into what their options are. There are surely a solution that will satisfy both the husband's needs and make the wife comfortable. I would love to give suggestions, but this place is probably too conservative for actual and practical detailed suggestions. I'll just say that the internet is your friend, and you can find a lot of iuseful nformation on it :).

      • Lindita ,

        I think still you can give your suggestion as it is just another knowledge .
        I think what you meant is desiring /playing with woman's behind is normal but not the actual penetration .I think fetish about big behind is not uncommon if i understand you correctly .
        I want to know Do women enjoy this(from behind) or its painful for them (consensual)? I know we should not do but just for my knowledge .
        I don't want to search in the net about playing with women's behind as it will open some dirty sites .

  4. as-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah,

    SubhanAllah, it's very sad to read your question dear sister.

    Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala and His Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam are not shy to tell us about any aspects of our religion...
    and thus, Allah subhanahu wa-ta'ala tells the believers in the Qur'aan...

    Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious offspring) before you for your ownselves. And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad SAW).

    [Qur'aan, al-Baqarah, 223]

    Secondly, anal sex is considered a major sin in Islam, so much so that the person who does so is not considered a Muslim...

    The Prophet sallallau 'alayhi wassallam said:
    "The one who has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad."
    [ Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1/135]

    In another sahih (authentic) hadith:
    "He has nothing to do with has been revealed to the Messenger" (sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam)
    [Reported in Sunan abi Dawud, 3904]

    And our Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wassallam also mentioned...
    "Cursed is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum"
    [Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh al-Jaami', 5865]

    Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated:
    The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
    "Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in her anus."
    [Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 3/529; narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 1165]

    With regards to oral sex, there is a difference of opinion on this, but some good shuyookh have mentioned that it is like imitating the unbelievers - and people have started doing this due to sickness that they see on TV and Internet.

    Regardless, your husband should take your feelings into consideration, and he shouldn't be selfish.

    Take care - fi-amanAllah,
    was-salaamu 'alaikum wa-rahmatullah.

  5. Dear Rose,

    Well said, well said. I wish more Muslim thinks and talks like you. I agree totally what you said. It is not black and white about refusing to have sex with your husband. Sex is a mutual act and that involves emotion and respect. Imagine a man just think having sex is his right and does not care about his wife's feeling or health status. Even worse, some Muslim men will justify the reason that men should have 4 wives to rotate and entertain him when one is not "obey" or respond to his sexual demand. Sister, know your right. No anal sex, if you feel oral sex is not for you, tell him. Be honest with how you feel. It also takes time for you and him to find out the best for both of you. It is give and take. If he is forcing himself, it is called inconsiderate and selfishness. Don't just dwell on to one of the saying. A kind and gentle husband should know how to please the woman and vice versa.

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