Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is Allah going to forgive me and will I ever be happy?

As-Salamu Alaykum

My story is very complicated. When I was in high school I was dating this guy. I really liked him and I thought I would get married to him but nothing worked out. I moved on with my life and I started practicing about my deen and day by day I was becoming more religious. Later in my life there was this guy who came in my life. I was not serious from the start but later on I really fell in love with him. He was very outgoing person. He used to go to clubs, smokes, go out with girls and etc. He used to tell me everything about his past.

I talked to him on the phone every day I used to tell him about the Islam how it is haram to go to clubs, go out with girls and etc. He always listened to me so he stopped everything that was haram. We used to talk and talk about everything. I used teach him about Islam and tell him to pray on time. Later on in his life he started to pray, read Quran and do good stuff. I was so deep in love him that I couldn't be away from him. We never meet we only talked through the phone. It was Ramadan he would fast everyday and go for tarawi. Before he wouldn't go to masjid or fast in the month of Ramadan. I really loved him a lot because he listens to me and did everything Islamic way.

My family didn't know that I had someone in my life who I talk to almost every day. Later on my family found out about this guy who I talk to. He was becoming a really good person. Whenever I used to tell him that I want to meet him he always told me when the right time comes. It was the last day of Ramadan when I requested him that I wanted to see him because I thought my family never let me talk to him. My parents are against me. I really don't know what I should do because I really love him a lot and I cry about this every day and night. My mom said she will never forgive me for what I did.

My family curses me every day. I lost the trust, respect and etc. They don't like me anymore. My mom curses my future husband, my future child, my future, my akirat and etc. She always pray for me not to be happy. I love my family a lot I never wanted to hurt them. They are my life and I wish that my mom forgives me. I was going through very bad situation at home. I decided to leave the house. I went with the guy that I love.

I didn't go back home. My family curses me every second and minute that I am living. I gave them very hard time that I want to be able to forget. We moved to another state and we live in the same place. Its almost a week that I am living with him. We are planning to get married. When we lived together we did stuff that we shouldn’t have done. I am really regretful for what I did. I am trying to ask for forgiveness but I feel ashamed for what I did. I am changing a lot I used to be really good girl doing everything the right way but everything changed in my life.

I don't know what I should do. I don't know if Allah is going to forgive me or not. I am cursed by my family. I fell in huge sin and I need help. I don't know how to ask forgiveness from Allah. I feel like I put my family down and I didn't respect Allah. I am going to get married next week and my family will not be there for me.

I don’t know according to Islam that if I can get married without my parents. I really want to do the nikah so I don’t want to get involved in other sins. Can someone reply me back I really need help I don’t know what I should do? My mom curses my marriage I don’t know if I going to be happy. I really want to become a good person. I want to be Islamic and repent for what I did. I want to ask forgiveness from Allah. But every time I remember my mom I feel like killing myself because I feel like I give them too much pain. I am not myself anymore. I feel like I am becoming a bad person but he is becoming a good person. Now he tells me to pray and do stuff that is good. I don’t know why I have this change in myself. Please help me.


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7 Responses »

  1. I am no expert but all I can say to you is Allah is extremely merciful and forgiving. You should always always ask for his forgiveness even if you think you don't deserve it and/or He won't ever forgive you. To commit a sin is one thing but to commit a sin and then not pray because you think you're not a good enough muslim is a worse sin. You should never avoid prayer, it is is Allah's hands to forgive you and accept your prayers whether you think you deserve it on not, you should always continue to pray and seek His forgiveness.
    As for your nikaah, if you two really love each other and you are both muslims, then I don't see a reason for not getting married. In Fact, you should've gotten married earlier before commiting any major sins. i know you're family is against it, which I can't seem to imagine why, except maybe because they thought that he was not a good person? Whatever the case, your family is hurt from your actions, but if you do get married to this guy and lead a halal life, maybe your family will come around once they see how happy you are and what a good muslim your husband is. I can't imagine your parents cursing you, I'm sure they've said it out loud, but there is no way they mean it form their hearts. Your family still loves you and wants the best for you, but they're just expressing their anger by not talkiing to you/cursing you. That doesn't mean they actually mean those things they are saying.
    Allah swt knows best.
    Hope I helped

  2. Dear sister

    Never despair of Allah's mercy, repent and ask for forgiveness for the hurt you have caused knowingly and unknowingly.

    Allah is merciful and kind, never give up hope. Give sadaqah in abundance as Allah is more merciful to the one who gives charity.

  3. Editors - Has this been posted urgently or was this initially written some time back for the site and only recently published? I just wanted to know if its been posted on time, before she marries him, in order to know what to tell her.

    • It was submitted on September 21 and just published. We have policies about when to move a post to the front of the queue, and this one did not seem to warrant it.

      Wael Editor

      • This question suppose to be posted before she get married for her to receive the right advice before getting married.. But anyhow, sister, we dont no whether you are already married or not.. In either ways you can have a valid marriage without the presence of your parents., a close relation to you can serve as your wali or at least a good pious muslim brother can take the position since for a nikkah to be valid, there must be a wali which are normally your parents.. This is as far as your marriage is concerned. As regards your parents, i have not seen a concrete reason in your post as to why they are coursing, insulting and abusing you in such a manner, maybe you havent told us what u ve done to them to deserve such courses.. But what ever be the case Allah has ordered you to be kind and dutiful to your parents, you should always be obedient to them (except if they want you to disobey Allah, then in this case you must not obey them).. They may also want you to go against your wish, you might choose not to obey them if your wish is not against Allah's wish and you should also make them understand and reason with you in a very humble and polite way... You owe them the love and respect they deserve,.. My beleive is that apart from Allah and his massanger (SAW), there is no one that loves you and want the best for you like you biological mother and father... They might be strict with you, but within their hearths they always think they are doing the best for you.. there thinking might be wrong in ur sight and there strictness may appear to you as though they hate you (as you interprete it.), but your parent would always want the best for you... You should ask Allah for forgiveness for He is indeed oft-forgiven, most mercifull.

      • *Sigh*...okay. Nevermind.

  4. Salaam dear muslimgirl89,
    Nor you, nor I and nor anyone can change the recorded past. What's done is done. But please dear sister do not dispair. Big or small everyone commits sin but when we do commit sin we should try to be amongst the best of sinners and that is immediately turning to Allah and ask for forgiviness sincerely and never go back to that sin.

    Please sister spare few moment of your time and listen carefully to Yasir Qadir's lecture on "Oh Allah please forgive me"
    Here is the link:

    Please do not give up hope on Allah (swt)'s mercy. He loves those who asks forgivness.

    May Allah (swt) makes your situation easy for you.


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