Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will marriage with a younger man work in Islam?

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Marriage age differences in U.S. couples

Assalam Alaikum,

Firstly, I have been on this site before and have received some great advice - so this why I am here again.

I would like some advice as to whether my relationship with a much younger man is allowed, in Islam, and whether it would work for us!! To be honest, I have never met anybody like him!!

As you will no doubt notice, I have had relationships before - but, have not been desirable, nonetheless.
This relationship is so different to others in lot of ways.

I would much appreciate advice on the following:
I am Australian and converted to Islam nearly 12 month ago. I am also a 58 year old lady - there-in may lie the problem. The younger man I wish to marry just turned 30.

He is so intelligent, and respects me very much. He also does not approve of Skype, so we mostly chat on Facebook - privately. Not that we are hiding anything - we just like to chat between ourselves - mostly about his family and his next work project and just talk, in general.

He is also a Political Analyst, and also does Graphic Design for a living - creating some of the most beautiful designs for homes, I have ever seen!! Does all the work himself and often works 18 hour days, which does cause me worry sometimes, as I do care about his health, working such long hours, as he does work Freelance.

I had cause for concern recently, as I had not heard from him for around 5 days. When he did contact me, he said he had been in hospital, unconscious, as he had suffered a Quasi stroke, due to the paint he was using. He speaks several languages - unfortunately, Italian, isn't one of them!! His grandmother found him on the floor.

He wants to be a Professor of Political Science, also. He recently did a lecture in Beirut for a University and was very well received by all who attended.

Here is the problem: We both wish to marry in Jordan - where he currently lives, as a Bedouin (his whole family are Bedouin, although he was born in Azerbaijan and raised in Jordan, all his life) - during the Summer months, and at his own home, during Winter, due to the extreme cold.

I have to wait for the sale of a property here, then travel to Jordan, to marry. He knows that could be a little while before my family home - not the one I live in - is auctioned. He is prepared to wait.

He also wishes to move here, to Australia, and live a very simple life. Nothing fancy. I agree with this. I've also told him that I would like to pay for his Partner Visa, which is what he would need to travel back here with me. It would be my gift, to him. He has said, he would prefer to pay for that himself, when the time came. He has never asked me to pay for any of this - he likes to 'pay his own way,' so to speak.

I would much prefer to live in Jordan, so he can continue his work, and I would love to support him, there, rather than him move to a country he doesn't know, and there are no guarantees he could continue his work here. He does not wish to live in Jordan.

I really don't know what solution there is to this.

Can anybody advise me whether the relationship will work and how can I convince him to stay in Jordan, where he has plenty of work?!!

We get along so well and agree on the majority of things we discuss. I have told him it is my 'place' to go where he wants to live - not the other way around!!

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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9 Responses »

  1. Congratulations on accepting Islam! I worry about the basis of this relationship and fear that your online relationship may not translate to an in person relationship. Your age is not a factor in a facebook relationship, it would be a little over a skype relationship, and I would expect it to be a much bigger deal in person. I don't know how crazy he is about you but that's my main concern.

    Lastly, once the honey moon period ends he's going to realize he married someone 28 years older than him. All this is ok if that's what you want and don't mind the possible outcome of him leaving. I would prefer if that outcome is coming anyway, it might as well happen in Australia as opposed to it happening while you're in Jordan. In any case, good luck to you, I hope things work out for you.

  2. Salam
    Please check him out is he genuine. He might be a con man and made things up so that he can have move to Australia. Life is full of con men and women who tell you one thing and are totally different.
    I would suggest for you to pay a couple of visits where he currently lives and works, check out of all is what his saying then slowly take next steps.
    Best of luck and please be very careful.

    • Huge Age gap . There can be issues later .
      There are many young boys fantasizing older attractive women but just for SEX and pleasure . Porn has further added such fantasies in young men's minds .

  3. OP: He also wishes to move here, to Australia, and live a very simple life..................I would much prefer to live in Jordan, so he can continue his work, and I would love to support him, there, rather than him move to a country he doesn't know, and there are no guarantees he could continue his work here. He does not wish to live in Jordan.

    So he wants to marry a 28 years older woman to get into Australia.

  4. Age has nothing to do with it.My wife is 11 yrs younger.I know some people who have alot older wives and thats fine.The big question is do the both have solid foundation in deen.Other then this marriages dont last because of the age gap because indifference thinking and other shaitanic whispers. understand!

  5. Dear Sister,

    The age is no factor, you should meet with him and see that all this what he tells you is true! Selling your home etc is a huge step and if things don't work out, what will happen to your home, why cant you Skype since the fact that you cant see him everyday, what is he hiding.... I am afraid that there are too many con people out their and I wouldn't want to see you get caught up in this. Be careful he seems to know exactly what you like to hear... and obviously you are attracted to his intelligence, somehow I get the idea he is feeding you exactly all these things, I'm sorry to say but it does not sound right at all, what will you do with the money after the sale of your home? I honestly think this man is a con! He either wants to get into your country or he wants the money from your home, please go and do some investigation on this man, he may have clear intentions but rather be certain that he actually does exist and that he telling you the truth, don't be afraid to investigate him because at the end of the day this is your life.
    Good luck!

  6. I really don't believe he is genuin! Before u marry him or do anything major, have a Skype convo and also try and meet up in real life! Or speak to some family member over me this sounds like a big fat con

  7. Dear Sister,
    I think it is important for a new Muslim to spend their first years in the religion getting to know Islam and the Muslim community well before committing to marriage. The best way to do this is often to start local by making friends with other women. Eventually, these women may help you get married to a Muslim who is already living in Australia, someone who is familiar with your culture and is hopefully a trustworthy individual known to the local community.

    The fact is that people can be very charming, and you should be wary of allowing a stranger's charm to blind you to the reality of the situation. The reality is that the age difference between you is not one that is normal or accepted in Jordanian culture. Beyond this, it is a known fact that men in Jordan often forge relationships with foreign women over the Internet in the hopes of leaving the country. Sometimes this even happens with the knowledge and consent of a man's wife, mother, and other relatives. I have personally lived in Jordan and seen people talking about such arrangements quite openly. As much as I like Jordan and the people in Jordan (it is, generally speaking, a very charming and friendly culture), some people do not necessarily see a big problem using others to get ahead in life. They might even deceive themselves into thinking that these arrangements do not harm anyone. A marriage like this might not even necessarily be "fake," but I don't know how fulfilling you would find it once the initial excitement wore off. Presumably, a man of this age would want children, too, so it doesn't really make sense for him to choose a woman old enough to be his mother to marry. The fact that he is avoiding Skype may also point to him not wanting anyone in his home to see who he is talking to. Again, this could even be a wife (this would not surprise me at all).

    Of course, even worse things could also be going on, and you could easily be scammed, defrauded, kidnapped, raped, robbed of your organs, or killed.

    Why even put yourself in such a position?

    This world is not so safe that we can just trust any person who shows us some kindness and attention on the Internet. If you are keeping up with the news these days, you can certainly see how dangerous it is to offer a total stranger your blind trust.

    Think logically about the whole scenario, and do not be so eager to marry. Marriage is an important part of a Muslim's life, but not to the extent that one should risk his or her well-being, and I would offer you the same advice even if you happened to be younger or a born Muslim. In your shoes, I would immediately break off this relation and stop chatting with men on-line. Take time to grow in faith and befriend other women. It's really important for you to have good knowledge of the religion in order to make good judgments about marriage and other issues that will affect you for the rest of your life.

  8. whalesong, let me tell you something, this is the true story and it belongs to you, about one week ago me and my classmate was sitting , having conversation during this conversation he told me about the story of his friend, how he became rich, he trapped a woman like you she was 50 and the man was 30 years old pakistani. he trapped her on skype and facebook. he used to say you are my life and i m your life etc etc so the woman asked him to marry her but the man has no source to go Australia she sent him sponsors and then they got married after 6 months he got nationality of Australia. now he was all the time thinking how to get rid of her, his main intention was to get money. one day when her family members sisters and brothers, their wives etc went on the wedding after the wedding they stayed at the house of the woman, they put all the jewelry diamond necklace bracelets earrings in a bag and he was observing everything at 3:am when the family slept he took the bag, took important things , went to the airport, took the emergency ticket and never looked back. he came to Pakistan and now he is rich, he has got Prado . do you know what he says. he says that the old woman was very much sincere but when i used to think about money i could not resist. he also says that he will marry the girls of age 16 and have fun. you know he use the words old woman etc and he says that the old woman would have got new boyfriend as she is already second hand.

    so please be aware i m not saying that he cant marry an older woman but he has his eyes on your money what would you do if he does the same to you would you be able to return the jewelry of the members of the family . please investigate the person in a serious manner dont be blind coz he is a muslim.

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