Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will my aborted baby lead me to Hell?

Aborting a child is not only socially or morally wrong but also haram in Islam unless practised for right reasonsI am a 22 year old man. My biggest regret in life is when I was 14 or 15 i had sexual relationship with some close relative for which it is forbidden in Islam to even marry. I dont intend to disclose that relative. But I had sex with her some 7 0r 8 years ago.

That relative told me that she got pregnant. To be honest at that age I didnt even know the fluid that comes out of me was the reason that got her pregnant. I was that immature, young and senseless. That relative was visiting our house and had to stay with us for a few months. I was hoping that whatever she thinks doesnt turn out to be true. Or otherwise I would have to face dire consequences from my family and so will she have to. I might even be disowned. I was horrified of the islamic ruling of 100 lashes for fornication.

After staying severl months with us that relative went back to her home. Many months later I met her at a gathering and she secretly told me that she had aborted. I was so fearful and so much depressed that I didnt even believe that. At that age I had read somewhere abortion is a crime and its a murder but it was such a depressing thing for me i chose to forget whatever had happened. Deep down I was struggling with myself everyday of the heinous crimes i had done.

Its been 8 years almost now and now I have admitted what i did. I feel so sick and so bad and inside it tears me apart. I am repenting and I have come back to praying regularly. I am trying hard to establish relationship with Allah. But I may never be forgiven. Its not just zina in my case. That baby was aborted and for which I will be responsible. I dont even know if the baby was aborted after 4 months or not. I just remember she stayed with us for quite some months even after we had sex.

In the worst case which is quite possible and that relative aborted after 4 months, I might be responsible for the murder even though I had no confirmation she was pregnant nor did I approve or disapprove abortion at that time. I didnt even have knowledge about abortion Islamic ruling of 4 months after which its a heinous sin. I never thought of myself as a murderer.

How can I live with that burden? I never even thought of hurting anyone ever and now I am a murderer? I have repented sincerely and have not committed zina after that. And now that I have admitted I feel more strongly about not even going close to it. Will I be ever forgiven? Somebody please answer me.

Its a topic I cant even discuss with anyone. I am depressed to death that I cant even share things with my mother who I share everything. Please help. Is there a chance of forgiveness? I am ready to do everything. Just tell me what to do that Allah forgives and on Day of Qayamat that unborn baby doesnt lead me to hell. I dont wanna go to hell. Please somebody help

crying4life


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24 Responses »

  1. better talk to ulema
    dont tell your problems to others
    others are foolish people with little knowledge of islam and love of world

  2. Asalaam O'Alaikum brother,

    I'm sorry about the situation you're struggling with.

    Maybe you should schedule a few days for Umrah. You should make lots of dua and ask for forgiveness. It will help you bring yourself to ease and feel a little better.

    Keep repenting.

    Do things to bring yourself closer to Allah. Give lots of charity and be kind to others. Help whoever you can.

    Try to focus on increasing your good deeds and to please Allah and at the same time keep repenting.

    As Broken_Soul has mentioned, try your very best to fast on Mondays and Thursday's.

    Allah is the one to forgive whoever He wills and He is the most merciful.

  3. Brother, I feel that what's truly killing you is the fact you have no closure. You have repeated how this relative only told you that she "thinks" she's pregnant. Then few months later she decided to tell you she had an abortion. I don't think it was mature of her to put you through that. It takes two to do what you did and it sounds like she wanted to mentally torture you and lay all the guilt on you, despite the fact you were very young and at a seemingly innocent age. Allah is watching and will not only question you, but will question her on the Day of Judgement. If she is older than you then she should have all the guilt for she should have known better in that situation, however I shouldn't be saying that because then that would make me judgemental May Allah forgive me. However if she was a similar age then you are equally to blame.

    You need to let this go, you have genuinely repented, and it's good if you keep repenting. My brother fasts every Monday and Thursday for no reason except to please Allah. Mind you, he's unmarried and over 30 so it might be that he's praying for a spouse.

    You shouldn't be reluctant to fast and you don't need to explain yourself to your family. You can say I'm fasting to please Allah, and that's it. Your sins are between you and Allah.
    It sounds like you're not married yet, so for the sake of your future wife you must forget this happened and move on, you don't need to be revealing this to her because again, our sins are only for Allah to know about. Don't let it show that you are drowning in your fear and guilt of this incident. Leave the past in the past.

    I know it will be really difficult given how you still see this relative at family gatherings but you need to find a way to be strong and face her without it affecting you. Perhaps you could go for counselling to help you with ways to deal with the gatherings. I mean she'll attend your wedding one day right? I hope you can overcome that before she can mentally torture you again.

    May Allah guide you to a better and stress free life.

    • Broken Soul, good comment.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Whats really killing me is Only the fact that "will Allah forgive me"?I pray In sha Allah that He will.Like I said I dont want to blame her and I am praying that Allah forgives her too.No she didnot torture me or threaten me.She only told me that she had abortion.She might have done that out of desperation, but I dont think her intent was to torture me.Because since then she never discussed.
      If it was for some closure I wouldn't have been posting here.The reason was only to know do I stand a chance for forgiveness.

      • Honestly, we are taught that Allah is Most Beneficial, Most Merciful. Allah forgives, but it is up to the individual on how much to repent. You said that it is not possible to fast 60 consecutive days, get an Imaam's opinion and see if you can split the fasts, 2, 3, or 5 days a week whatever you can manage. You're old enough would your parents allow you to travel? Is there somewhere you can stay for a couple of months and you can use that time to repent through fasting?

        One of the best ways (if we can afford it) is to go on Hajj, I am told that after performing Hajj you return reborn and with a clean slate, In Shaa Allah. If Hajj is not affordable you could try going on Umrah instead and at least gain some peace in your heart, and pray for Allah to release the worry you have of going to Hell. If that is not affordable perhaps you could try to do good deeds alongside of what you're already doing. Get involved with charity, if you can afford it give as much Sadqa as possible. Just carry on to please Allah for the sake of pleasing Allah not just because you want to repent.

        I didn't mean to cause offence when I said your relative was torturing you. I meant to say that she only said that she may be pregnant and did not say that she was 100% sure. Hence your worry of having an aborted child to begin with. I'm saying instead of making you worry she should have been positive of her pregnancy and then told you. You didn't have proof of her test or consulting a doctor, or even when she went to have the abortion. I'm only saying it was unfair on you to go through that.

  4. What do you think ..you know the answer.......We are here to procreate and try to bring good pious muslim children in this world....A first everybody is born Muslim. ..It is there parents that make him a different belief other then Islam.....The people today should all be respected by the muslims regardless of beliefs because we are Allah's family in away and the people that came after Muhammad PBUH. .....The evil ones want to reduce population and control even killing us with all kinds of harmful chemicals in food air water......and then people with twisted minds who have noon idea of what the world is about They want to have fun committing haram and then do abortion....Know this for my spouse is a scholor....for every semen that is ejaculated every child that was aborted will be a witness and against you or them on the day of judgement! !!! Beware and repent and become good pray Salah be an example for others read quran daily for devils keep away....the light burns them weakens and can destroy them......attend musjid help others listen to lectures...live a life that will give you Barakah peace tranquility joy and strong humble character...this is some of the great benifits of the quran. .....So why gain the curse and wrath of Allah surely you and the people of the world can never succeed in both of the worlds

  5. Does your relative forced you to have sex ? How old was she and how she was related ..i think now all of her kids might be haraam for you to marry .please check this point also from authentic sources n imaam .

    • Are u being for real ? I hate when people ask questions like that. Why do u care ? His only asking for advice not for u to know A to Z about it

  6. Assalaamualaikam

    Firstly, you are not responsible for this abortion. You didn't know it was happening, you didn't agree to it, you didn't want it. We are all responsible for our own actions, not for things which happen without our knowledge and which we could not prevent.

    It is important for you to repent for the transgressions you have made - premarital sex, sex with a person whom you are not permitted to marry. Alhamdulillah you seem to have realised these things were wrong and to have already turned back to Allah in repentance.

    When we think about the sins we have committed and the mistakes we have made, it can be easy for us to start thinking that we are doomed to Hell, that our own sins are too great for Allah to forgive. But this is not the case - in fact, this is another trick of shaytan to pull us further from Allah. There are many verses in the Qur'an which clearly state that, no matter how great our sins may be, they will be forgiven so long as we seek Allah's forgiveness. Allah is Most Merciful - we need to remember this and trust in Him that He will be merciful to us when we seek His forgiveness for our sins.

    You might also find it helpful to read the articles about Tawbah and Repentance which are available on this website.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • I want to clarify this.A few days or weekks after that Zina,that relative told me that she "thinks" she is pregnant.I was not sure about it and I thought this cant be possible and told her that its just her fear.And she expressed a lot of fear that it might be the case.I am my worst critic here because Allah already knows everything.I might have uttered this "If that is the case only abortion can get us out of this situation."She said "I dont know how that will be possible in the first place".She never consulted any doctor while she stayed with us.And from what I remember she did stay a few months possibly 3 more months after that evil act.I was still praying its nothing serious.Finally she left back to where she came from.6 months passed, 7 months passed and 9 months passed and I had no news of it.I was relieved she wasnt pregnant.Because if she had been, all our relatives would know about it and the news would come to our house that this has happened.And from what I know about my family this wouldnt have been a thing to be dealt lightly.
      Like I said I was told a few years later that she aborted it.But I had no confirmation in the first place of her pregnancy.I didn't even know the abortion was happening.I did not approve nor disapprove.
      But in my heart I was the beneficiary of that abortion.Because since she aborted that meant I got saved from the humiliation I may have brought to family.
      In my heart I feel great regret that I was the one who made her pregnant.How can I hide on the Day of Judgement from the questioning of that baby.And I also want to ask Allah to forgive that relative too because if she hadnt aborted,I cant imagine what she might have to undergo in terms of shame and humiliation.
      I feel so regret for it that I havent maintained contact with that relative.Even now if theres a gathering I almost avoid her.Its been 8 years now and I have never done Zina again.I cant even go back to ask her because the idea of touching that topic disgraces me now.I just want Allah to forgive me for my trangression and give me one more chance to start things over.

    • I have researched that the Islamic ruling for abortion after 4 months is 5 camels worth of blood money to the immediate relatives of the child along with 60 days of consecutive fasts.I really do not know how I or her will abide by this.I am still a student and she does not do a job.And how can we give the blood money to whom.Even 60 days of consecutive fast doesnt seem possible.If for instance I do the fasts naturally people at my home will be curious about the reason for my fasting.And above all how should I even approach her in order to tell her that we have to do this and that for our crimes.

      • Is she your cousin ? Better you don't contact her now as you might get bad thoughts

        • No not cousin

          • Was this case of incest by your older relative woman? Then such pregnancy will be complex and not sure abt rulings .

          • I don't see that it matters. The baby was aborted in any case (without his knowledge) and the sex occurred at an age when he was young, innocent and obviously vulnerable to the attentions of an older woman. Perhaps some very religious or conscientious youths of that age would be able to resist such attentions, but very few, I think. The worst he is guilty of is zinaa; but he has made his tawbah to Allah, and is now an adult with better judgment, Insha'Allah.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. I posted this post about 20 days ago.At that time it was not posted on this website and I was asked to wait for some days by the admin of the page.Several days later I realised I should not be posting this as its another huge sin to disclose your sins.I told the admin in a comment to please delete this post.However it is posted now.I request the admin now to kindly take this post down before more people comment or read it.Thankyou

    • I'm sorry, we cannot delete it. There is no sin against you in posting this. First of all, your posting is anonymous. We do not know your identity. Secondly, asking for guidance and help is not the same as revealing your sins. And you do need advice and help.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Salam.

    My brother, what you have gone through is rough and you need to speak to a scholar in your area to sort this out. I've heard that if a sin is committed out of ignorance of a ruling, then it is forgivable and from what you have written, you were ignorant of the rulings of Islam. However, do not take my word and go to a local imam or scholar to get an appropriate response. Continue to make dua and ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness.

    Salam.

  9. asslamoalikum
    as u having regret for wht u done just keep asking forgivness Allah subhan tala may forgave all of us show us right path amin
    i think help orphan kids give charity to kids that might can help u.helping orphan kids can help u mentlly relex and u can get reward from Allah subhan tala

  10. its nothing you can do about it now, you feel sorry about it and you have repented from your heart. If you haven't shared with your family yet, than its okay. It has been 8 years no need to open the pandora box, you will just create more problems for yourself.

    contact a mufti and ask him what is the religious rulings for this sin.

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