Will traditional parents allow this?
I come from a very traditional family as in we are against love marriages, girls can't work (but can be educated), aren't allowed to party, etc. However, being born and raised a westerner I have had many cultural clashes and one of them is obviously being in love. I'm a 21 year old college student and I have a boyfriend of a year and a half and my parents have no idea about it. (I know very bad of me). Even if they found out I was talking to a male things wouldn't end up good, that's how conservative we are.
My boyfriend is also a Pakistani Muslim born and raised in the west. His family is very liberal to the point that they even allow inter-racial marriage. His parents love me SO very much and accept our relationship. His parents want us to get married but I am afraid of how my parents will react. My parents won't at all mind that I got a proposal but what they will mind is that this guy (my boyfriend) doesn't have a stable career and blah blah blah. My boyfriend's parents understand this issue so that's why we were thinking about an the option for waiting until graduation to send the proposal.
The problem is he doesn't graduate until another 2 years inshAllah and my parents are feeling the pressure to get me married off since all my female cousins are already married or engaged. My older sister was married when she was my age and obviously had an arranged marriage. I fear that I might get married soon and very unexpectedly. My boyfriend and his parents want to talk to my parents (this summer) about getting us engaged and then marrying after graduation or whenever Allah wills. I am still afraid of this because of not knowing my parents reaction.
What if my parents tell his parents "we can find a more stable guy/you aren't good enough?" That will totally crush not only me but my boyfriend as well. We've been together for the long time and have maintained a steady, healthy relationship. My boyfriend tells me that since last Ramadan he has been praying every Friday during Jumma for us to get married.
The only plus sides I can see for my parents that will say yes to him is because he is from a VERY wealthy family, but I'm not sure if that can cut it. My boyfriend's mom tells me that I should be able to talk to my parents about marrying my boyfriend but break the news with ease. The problem with that is that I am too embarrassed to do this and afraid.
Do you think we will be able to marry? How would a typical pakistani parent react to this proposal? What are duaas for marrying a person you are in love with? Thoughts about losing him has been making me depressed.
Also before answering please keep in mind that my question DOES NOT ASK if having a boyfriend or girlfriend is haram. Please do not waste your time or mine because it's very clear that I am in a relationship with someone and we're both pretty serious about it. I KNOW that pre-marital relationships are haram, not allowed, or whatever. I've read a TON of questions and answers on here and I am fully aware.
~ sad soul
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Wsalaam,
Sister, you state very clearly that you are aware that your relationship is haram and want advice on approaching your parents about your boyfriend. This would not really constitute an Islamic Answer or Islamic advice which is what this website is about!
Speak to your mother directly and be honest rather then live a lie. There is no way of hiding your relationship without lying to your parents.
Regarding duas to get married to someone? I don't think such a specific dua exists! There are numerous duas asking for Allahs help and you yourself can ask Allah for what you want. However, anything we ask for Allah must be halal!
You seemed very dismissive about your haram relationship. Zina is very serious sin and not something to be easily dismissed. Try and bring this relationship to an end and either get married or go your separate ways. Whatever you decide, repent for your actions!
Wsalaam
She did not say that she committed zina.
sorry I know this is really disrespectful changing the topic but I need emergency help I was in a relationship with a guy and stuff I no its haram im not here to hear about that but I just need help his mum just passed away and I don't know how to support him is there any duas I can give for him to pray because hes someone who would go out to do suicide as hes done it before.
I think you have posted your question. Please wait until it is published. However, there is no good in doing haram. If you know it is haraam, and still want to do it, how could you expect Allah's Help? Please fear Allah and make sure you work for your Aakhirah. Thank you.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
no I didn't post about this as it just happened two days ago the other post is about something else and its been there for weeks, all im asking for is a dua not a lecture I do feel bad and stuff we did have time off but when someone has a special person in their life passing away especially their mum they need u more than u think and all I asked was for a dua to give them I didn't ask for the other stuff .
Assalaamualaikam
I'm very sorry to hear that your friend has lost his mum. Now more than ever, he will need to connect with his faith, so encourage him to spend time with his family and to go to masjid. If you have concerns that he may try to harm himself, inform someone who can help - a relative, a doctor, a teacher...
At times of loss, people can be vulnerable to losing sight of their faith and the right way to act, so avoid inappropriate actions, encourage him to find support in halal ways. Observing Islamic boundaries doesn't mean being cruel or rude - it helps guide appropriate and healthy behaviour.
Your question will be posted in turn and people can give advice then, inshaAllah. In the meantime, let's keep this on topic for the original poster.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
thank you so much for your helpful advice zazakallah kher , im sorry I interrupted just wanted emergency help il make sure it wount happen again. but once again thank you.
Assalaamualaikam
I'm not a scholar, nor am I from a Pakistani culture, but I'll try to give my opinion.
1. Pre-marital relationships aren't permitted in Islam, for many reasons. Many people feel it's OK to get to know someone through a series of chaperoned meetings, to assess compatibility and if they want to get married - but this isn't the same as dating. We're repeatedly warned away from zina and from coming near to zina.
2. If you are considering marriage to this boy, you need to seriously think about a number of things other than emotional attachment. Think about his deen and his character - I don't know him or his family, so can't tell you what the answers are, but ask yourself: does he have a strong faith in Islam? Does he live by the guidance given to us by Allah? Does he act with integrity and fairness to others? Is this a man I can rely on to be a husband, father and family head?
Also, think about compatibility of life choices. Do the two of you have values, goals and practical matters in common? Will he need to relocate after graduation - if so, are you happy with this? Will you be able to establish a stable home together over time?
3. If this boy wants to marry you, he and his family should approach yours with a proposal. Your parents can then consider this, looking at his deen and character, and inshaAllah can decide if they approve of you marrying him.
4. You mention a concern about being married off soon and unexpectedly. Islamically, your permission is needed for marriage, and forced marriage is not permitted. Therefore, if your parents try to push you to marry, you are within your rights to say no.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor