Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do women mean nothing in Islam?

Crying Muslim Woman

It is said that men have a degree of superiority over women.

It is also said Prophet A.S. said that 'if it were right for one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands because of the great rights that they have over them.'

Also, men get 2 wives and 72 hoors in jannat, where as it does not state exactly what women receive.

So what exactly is the role of women ? do we just disappear from our family/ husbands life after death and suppose to not have any feelings for them anymore? are we only here as a test for men and we mean nothing ?

Women in islam have to cover up and keep themselves for their spouse, but whats the point when its going to be worthless after we die? We, women only get our husbands for this lifetime, but the 72 hoor get our husband for eternity?

After learning this I have become very lost. I dont know what to think or how to live life anymore. If everything I have worked for and done for my husband is meaningless and they are just going to end up with 72 far more beautiful hoors, than whats the point of me? why am i here? i dont want to lose my husband? if everyone is supposed to get whatever they desire in jannah than why cant i desire my husband to be with me and only me? some people have told me that my feelings will change after I die, but why should they ? I dont want them to... do I not have a choice? is this all fake and worth nothing in the end? are a women's feelings not considered in islam? i have become very lost. my self esteem has become very low and i feel like giving up trying to make myself beautiful for my husband, i mean whats the point ? as long as he gets into jannah he will get 72 far more beautiful hoor than I will ever be. being this lost hurts, islam means everything to me and now i have so many unanswered questions .....


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22 Responses »

  1. Every soul has the same value to God.

    In fact, all the holographic body of man and woman look same!

    But our biological body or our worldly body have the variety.

    It seems to me that you biased by some fabricated hadiths. Please read the Quran to know your purpose. A man in imperfect without a woman.

    You mentioned about after life rewards, you never know who will be rewarded or enter into the heaven. But you can speculate your position after reading Quran. Because Allah mentioned some criteria and signs of rewarded people.

    Your perceptions and perspectives all are from the view point of worldly life, but sister I would recommend you to focus on towards the holographic life. read more in my blog:

    Allah will reward you whatever you want in the heaven.

  2. Salaams,

    I think you have gotten a lot of misinformation. For one, there is questionable authenticity when it comes to the hadith that talks about the 72 hoors. For two, a lot of scholars say that the hoor are not strictly female, but that women may also be entitle to male hoor if they attain jannah. For three, the reward of 'hoor' is often described as being for 'the successful' or the 'believing', not only for men. If this is accurate, then that supports the idea that women will have something similar for themselves as men obtain.

    But putting that all aside, the most important hadith in regards to this is the one that indicates that women from earth- especially the wives of the men who attain jannah- will be even more beautiful and desirable than the hooris:

    "Umme Salamah (Radiahallahu Anha) narrates that she said to the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) “O Rasûlullah, are the women of this world superior or the hûrs (of Paradise)?” He replied, “The women of this world will have superiority over the hûrs (houris) just as the outer lining of a garment has superiority over the inner lining.”

    The second thing I want to address is, you're not living just for your husband. You're living for Allah. In marriage, both spouses have rights and duties upon one another. This means it's not a one way street. He should be doing just as much to please you, care for you, even spoil you, as you are doing for him. If that's not happening, then the marriage is not following what is prescribed by Islam.

    Finally, don't look at covering as something you do for your husband. You're doing it for YOURSELF. In Islam, unlike so many western cultures, women are taught to have self respect. That's why we wear hijab, because we know what we're worth and we know that what we have isn't just for anyone to see freely.

    I get the idea that you are a convert to Islam, and it seems to me like your husband is trying to use your role as a wife and muslimah to prove his superiority. I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong. But I just want to tell you, sister, in a true Islamic marriage the husband will not use these things to subjegate their wives. They will value their wives and do everything they can to be good to them, following the Prophet's SAWS example. They will admonish their wives in the gentlest of ways, and if their wife is new to Islam- they will exercise patience and understanding as their wife grows in the deen.

    Don't blame Islam for something someone else is trying to pervert it into. Islam is beautiful, Islam is just, and Islam never denies or decreases the value of someone else. If that's what you're coming away with, it's coming from that person you're hearing it from, not real Islam.

    -Amy Editor

    • Sister, I am afraid the concept of "Male Hoor" is not correct. Some people do have this theory, but it is against the understanding of the Sahabah and their followers. Hoor are female and the Quran suggests just this. For example, in Surah ar Rahmaan, Allah Says:

      فِيهِنَّ خَيْرَاتٌ حِسَانٌ (In them are good and beautiful women)
      Aayah 70

      حُورٌ مَّقْصُورَاتٌ فِي الْخِيَامِ (Fair ones, close guarded in pavilions)
      Aayah 73

      In the second aayah, the Arabic word "Maqsoorat" has "ات (aat)" in the end, which is used in feminine sense in the Arabic language. So, it is obvious that the word "Hoor" is referred to women. People try to reason based on logic and what the word may mean, but this kind of understanding is totally new and not known among the scholars and the salaf of the Ummah, including the Sahabah.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • I was born into a muslim family, but I grew up in America. I recently started wearing the hijab (but only started with the head piece and inshallah plan to slowly progress into wear full abaya). It is when my husband looks at other girls here that I get jealous and that is why I don't feel beautiful wearing the full thing. Thank you for your response on the other part.

  3. Assalamu'alaikum sister,

    First of all, I would like to ask: Are you sure your husband will make it to the Jannah? Or for that matter, will you make it to the Jannah? If you don't have an answer to this or your answer is 'no' then the question of 72 Hoor is meaningless.

    The mention of Hoor is to encourage men to work towards the Jannah and not to suggest that the women of this world don't matter. In fact, your belief about the women of this world after death is incorrect. I have read that they will have a better position than the Hoor of Jannah, they will be even more beautiful. But that is not the point, what you must worry about is whether you are walking the path of Jannah or you are not. Jannah is not easy, it is covered with all kinds of difficulties and desires. One must give up the desires and defeat the Shayateen in order to reach it.

    The saying that "love is eternal" perfectly applies to a Muslim couple that has taqwa and Allah is Pleased with them. This is because they will live in this world together until they die and in the Hereafter, they will live together in the Jannah, in sha Allah. Yes, if a man and his wife are destined for Jannah, they will live together and the position of the woman will be better than that of the Hoor, as I have read from Shaikh ibn Uthaimeen Rahimahullah.

    Having said that, you must avoid harboring such thoughts which come from the Shaitaan, to make us ungrateful. Allah Created us all, men and women, and gave us all different things to do. Women are superior in some areas and men are superior in some areas but after all, they are servants of Allah, having no differentiation except with Taqwa. Allah does not look at our faces and who we are, but he looks at our hearts (according to a hadith). He Says:

    يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا ۚ إِنَّ أَكْرَمَكُمْ عِندَ اللَّهِ أَتْقَاكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ عَلِيمٌ خَبِيرٌ
    O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. (Hujuraat - 13)

    The life in the Hereafter is something different and not like this deceptive world. This world is like a prison, and the Hereafter either has more severe imprisonment or eternal freedom. Allah Admits into Jannah, whoever He Is Pleased with. So we must work for His Pleasure instead of worrying about what we will get in Jannah. In fact, this shows ingratitude and lack of trust in Allah. He Has Promised that the people of Jannah with get what pleases them. We MUST believe in His Promise and NEVER doubt, and without this, our Eemaan is incomplete.

    Read the Quran and the Sunnah, read what Allah Has Promised His servants and believe them. Let go of these feelings you have. They don't really matter. IF you make it to the Jannah, rest assured you will get what will please you. May Allah Grant Jannah to you, your husband, me and others.

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Assalam alaikum Brother,

      I suppose the author of the post is touching on what should motivate/encourage a woman while a man may feel encouraged by the mention of hoor. Of course you have mentioned that we don't even know if we will enter Jannah, but perhaps you can shed light on why more "encouragement" is openly offered to men, but perhaps not the case for women even though neither man nor woman know if they will achieve Jannah? Jazak Allah.

      To the OP,

      I understand where you are coming from and what I would suggest is that you should have full faith in Allah swt that he both knows what your desires are and that He intentionally created you so that you may worship Him. In your worship and struggle in this life by staying on the Deen, you will be rewarded in the afterlife inn shaa Allah by the one who created you and He knows best what it is that will fulfill your soul and put you at peace--Trust Him.

      It is my understanding that due to women's nature (being shy) much of how women will be rewarded is not mentioned. But know and understand that Allah swt knows you and your inner most desires.

      Al-Quran [41:30 to 32]

      Indeed, those who have said, "Our Lord is Allah " and then remained on a right course - the angels will descend upon them, [saying], "Do not fear and do not grieve but receive good tidings of Paradise, which you were promised.
      We were your allies in the worldly life and in the Hereafter. And you will have therein whatever your souls desire, and you will have therein whatever you request
      As accommodation from a [Lord who is] Forgiving and Merciful."

      May Allah ease your worries, Ameen.

    • Thank you for your reply

    • I really wanted to mention this;
      Inspiration for men; Will get 72 hoors
      Inspiration for women; "Most women will be in Hellfire!"

      • Fatima

        You are not understanding it correctly .
        Take for example our religion says "Jannah is under the feet of your mother" (not father )
        What a great honor for women in Islam.

        There are many hadiths which talks about giving respect to women .

        Also have a good read about misconception about women in islam at below

      • The hoors gender is not specified for it to be just for men. It's the "believers" will get "hoors". The quantity is also not specified.

        As for "most" women in hell. The majority of mankind will disbelieve so the believers are less than 50% of the population. This implies that "most" of mankind will be in hell. Just because most are going doesn't mean you should too. The statistics of the population in hell have no bearing on whether you chose to believe and do good deeds.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    Women have a very high status in Islam and if you look for a moment at some of the women whose lives are discussed in the Quran and ahadith, you can see that there are many important roles and opportunities for women.

    We are mothers and nurturers, who shape the future generations of Muslims and care for those of the Ummah who need help and support (the elderly, disabled, infirm...). At a time when much of Europe wasn't convinced that women even had souls, Muslim women had careers, legal rights and the right to have and debate opinions in public. Women healed the sick and injured, women debated religious and political issues with other women and with men, and women preserved and taught the teachings of The Prophet (peace be upon him). If someone tries to tell you that women are worthless or unimportant, tell them about women from the history of our faith, such as Ayesha and Khadija (may Allah be pleased with them).

    If we were to think about hijab as something we have to do for men or buy into the Western media's claim that to cover up is to be oppressed, then it would be easy for us to become disillusioned. But in fact, we wear hijab because it is what Allah has guided us to do, for His sake and for our own. Rather than being ashamed or shy, be proud that you are doing as Allah has instructed.

    Look around the world today. All over, women are being told by the commercial media that we are only as valuable as our physical appearance, that we must display our bodies in order to be deemed worthy by a materially-driven society, and that our main purpose is to attract and please men. Children can buy (or have their parents buy) mini-dresses, high heels, skimpy tops with obscene slogans... And girls are being told that they should aspire to be "WAGS" or stars of "reality" TV shows, rather than being told to value and develop their intellect and talents.

    (And yet, we Muslimahs are told we're the ones being oppressed... sigh)

    It might help you to feel more confident and secure in your identity, for you to join a sisters-only study group or community centre, where you can inshaAllah meet other pious sisters and make more friends among them.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. Dear sister i like your question..u really want ur husband in jannah..women of this world will have 70000more beautiful than huri in jannah it is not compulsory to have more spouse for evry men or women..if u enter in jannah definitly you can live with ur husband in jannah any of huri in jannah cannot disturb u ..whatever u want Allah give it to happy now..may Allah enter u and ur husband in jannath ul firdouse together

    • May I ask, where did you get the number "70000" from?

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • I don't think many men realize that most women only want to be beautiful for their husband, if they have on. Or be beautiful, to attract others. Otherwise it clearly doesn't matter. Please don't act like that's what women desire in Jannah, because they probably don't.

  6. I feel the same way sister. I am a convert, and this topic almost made me leave Islam. It is very frustrating to feel like your feelings don't matter in this religion.

    • Women's feelings do matter in Islam. You need to look to the Quran and proper Islamic teachings, rather than the personal viewpoints of men from patriarchal cultures, or misconceptions based on fabricated hadiths. Please read the comments already given on this post.

      Wael Editor

  7. you’re not the only one sister. I feel the same

    I guess for me, I have lost my trust in finding someone and honestly, I just have been struggling a lot in my deen. The stuff I hear about women:
    More women will be in Hell
    More women will follow Dajjal
    Women have to share their husband and their desires for a monogamous marriage will be erased to facilitate for a man’s desire of having many women and hoors and all of that
    Women have to obey men without question
    Women have to ask for divorce and they cannot initiate Khula without permission and if they do they have to pay back their entire financial wellbeing

    I feel like as a woman, I am born cursed. Astaghfirullah. Sometimes I feel like I am better off dead somewhere.
    About a year ago I wanted to focus on my faith and be a better Muslim but once I saw all of those, especially the one about Jannah. It broke be beyond repair. My hopes and dreams of getting married are all gone cause of this. Why do people say that I won’t have a desire to have a husband all to myself when it’s Jannah? People tell me to actually work on getting there
    first, but if there is no motivation then is there a point? These are all the reasons I decided to remain voluntary celibate my entire life because all of these points, and men in general have traumatized me to the point where I believe that love is a disgusting thing. I have no interest in it anymore because i, as a woman, am doomed. But.. a part of me wants to marry and love and be happy, but how can i? How can I marry knowing that my husband will get heavenly wives in Heaven and I will like that no matter what because my desires are erased for a man’s desire.
    Astaghfirullah were women just made to pleasure a man in intercourse? Was I objectified from the start?
    I may go to Hell because of these thoughts but I have no more interests as I am in so much pain from all of these points.
    Advice or anything is appreciated however, I dont think it can give me any ease of thought. My imaan is weak and I am probably the population of women who were destined to Hell anyway. Sorry if I seem really pessimistic, but I truly am. I need help before its too late.

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