Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Worried about ageing parents


Asalam walaikum

I'm a 23 year girl living with my parents, I have a younger sister, as girls Me and my sister both have to eventually get married and leave our parents, we both are well educated and I'm a doctor

As I was in my medschool, I fell in love with a fellow student, we both are doctors now and our parents are ready to get us married, but the guy lives in the U.S. And I live in India, so after marraige I would have to leave my parents and move miles away from them and that scares me.

I regret falling in love with a person living so far away, as I can't imagine leaving my parents alone in their old age, so I have decided not to get married and stay with my parents

I know this is a big decision and I'm confused if it's the right one or not.

I would seriously appreciate any help/ opinion about my situation.


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12 Responses »

  1. You have made the right decision, so now leave the guy and find someone local and get married to him, remember the love for your parents and their love for you can never be outshone by a love for a guy who you have known only for a portion/few years of your personal life.

  2. Well you can get married and move to USA. If your financee is a US citizen, you can become US citizen in 3 years. After you become US citizen you can sponsor your parents and they can come and live with you. Your parents can work in US too.

    To practice medicine you may have to clear some exams to get licensed.

  3. Hi miniali

    REally I was once in your situation, but to help myself I asked many questions to the guy I loved , he was an Indian . Once he answered to myquestion " All guys are same in the world, if u want to know if your rice in the cooker is done , just check only one rice it will tell u the news of other rice" ,, this was a correct answer as I got this after marriage with some other guy who is from my own country and a stablished , well occupied man.. So don't worry , parents demand is first priority. As even in Islam it is said that . And as u have no husband so u r free to think about this . Making love before is not so important , rather make love after the marriage , and get married to a local guy but honest one .

  4. Sister,,,I suggest you get married and get residency once you get it in 3 years you can sponsor your parents to US.
    You can look for someone in India as well. But do you think if you live in India nearby parents you can stop them ageing or you can stop their death..Once it will come..thats why you are planning wrong...

    If you love someone get married and try to get your parents along as soon as possible...

    Death will come one day..and will take away us from our bodies...

  5. JazakAllah everyone for their responses

    After posting this question, I talked to the guy about my situation, he said that once I become a US citizen, I can easily sponsor my parents, he says he doesn't have a problem with it either. But I'm still scared because I have heard soo many stories about guys promising a lot of stuff before marraige and once u get married they go back on their word.
    I know no one can gurantee me about the future except ALLAH (swt), the guy has assured me in every way possible and keeps saying that I don't need to worry about it, as he will take care of my parents as he takes care of his own, all I need to do is just say yes...but even after his assurance, I don't know why I am not satisfied, there are a lot of what if's in my mind..
    May be im just being paranoid or I'm over thinking..
    I still haven't decided what to do..

    But still jazakAllah guys for answering:)

    • If you don't have confident about him keeping promises regarding marriage which are not only including the matter of sponsoring your parents, it could be about marriage after work, frequency in visiting your parents, sponsoring you further study before you get a license, having number of children etc etc; then I urge you to think twice to marry this guy.

      If you are just over worried and he is a guy with good character and good deen, then you should bring the matter to your parents and your sister. Check with them carefully if they will support your idea of moving abroad. Will your parents like to be sponsored? Will your sister happy to take up the full responsibility in term of living close to them while you are in US? You may still help your parents financially. As a parent myself, I would be happy to see my children have a better future. Parents do not "own" their children as they are entrusted by Allah. You shouldn't be over worried about them.

    • Assalam alaikum,

      It is important to know how the both of you met, if he expects dowry, whether your parents are aware...if he is sponsoring you, it is more a risk to him and it could be that he simply wants to marry a girl from his homeland and you are also educated.

      • We met during first year of medschool and have been friends since then, it's been 6 I asked him if his family expects dowry, he flat out refused

  6. I think you have already answered your question, its clear you think you are "in love" or infatuated with this guy in the US, but you still have doubts and there are clear reasons why you have doubts.

    Your parents as we established come first, now your worry for their wellbeing isnt a financial thing, its a more physical help and support thing which requires you to be there with them, thats your worry. Do you think that your worries once you are married, living thousands of miles away in the US will go away? On top of that you have to wait 3 years to then sponsor your parents, the only help you will be able to give your parents is a financial one, which is not necessarily the reason why you are worrying.

    Honestly, clearly think about you are doing, put your feelings for this guy to the side, and think will your parents be okay, will you stop worrying if you decide to marry in the US and then go away for the next 3 years, coming back to india every and then. Even then, you also doubt whether the guy you have unfortunately got involved with will support you 3 years down the line with your parents, its an acceptable doubt because time will change people.

    There are enough red flags and doubts which show that you will be taking a huge risk if you go through with this, you seriously need to think it through properly.

  7. Sister, you are 23 years old. How elderly are your parents? Did your mother give birth to you late in life? Even if she did, she can't be older than 63? Sister, that is not elderly. Your parents can be healthy and independent for another 10, 20 years!

    Go build your future, get married, have children, be a wife and mother. In a few years you can sponsor your parents once they need help. Or maybe your sister in India will help.

    Also, remember you will be a practicing physician. You will earn money, which you can use to send back to India so your parents can obtain what they need to make their lives easier.

    It's hard to find good men to marry. Don't lose this chance.

  8. Your such a sweet,
    Caring person may Allah reward you for taken care of your parents. Honestly if I was in your place I would have done the samething since you don't have any brothers,to care for your parents you mind as well. And like someone said you can always bring your parents to usa if you became a ciziten it will take up to a year, my husband brought his parents to usa they stay with us for 3 months they hated here they wanted to go back to our country since they were old nothing for them to do Insallah yours might like it here better then mine did. Good luck and insallah everything work out for you soon.

  9. As salaam alaikum sister May Allah guide you and make the path of khair as the path of ease for you.

    It is appreciative you are concerned about your parents. I do live in the USA and am originally from India and yes it is possible for you to get your parents here to the USA in a few years once you get your citizenship that would roughly be let's say 5-6 years after you move here. However you do need to ask yourself and your parents if thy would be comfortable in the USA. Life in this country is much different than what they have lived for many years back in India. Generally everyone here is busy with their own lives and also they can miss the social circle that they have back there. There at still large Indian communities in California, Texas, Chicago-Illinois and NY-NJ but they might still not be comfortable. I am only stating all of these things as my own parents do not want to come here for a lot of reasons including ease in practice of islam for them, social circle, their own parents and siblings that they cannot leave.
    You need to discuss this very carefully and clearly removing purely emotional aspects with both your parents and your prospective groom. Additionally evaluate the character of your prospective groom from the perspective of deen that he practices and also what he intends for his parents. Also remember that being in India by itself also doesn't guarantee that you will be close to your parents even though you might be close in geographical distance but travelling let's say from Delhi to Hyderabad on a regular basis isn't an easy task either.

    So more than any of the things above, please continue to constantly do istikhara. May Allah guide you to the path of khair and grant service of parents to all of us. Ameen.

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