Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Worried what my parents will think about white Muslim husband to be

assalamu alaikum,

I'm from the UK and I need some Islamic advice on marriage, I'm not going to make it long so basically, I met this guy when I was 16 and he was 18 and he is white and recently converted to Islam, and we met each other through our friends we used to hang out and that's how we met really. so we started speaking to each other through email and that which meant we got to know each other more and more, but it was nothing intimate, then our friendship grew and we started hanging out more an i started helping him out with prayers from the Qu'ran and any Islamic help he needed etc..

Well its been about 5 years now that we have been still speaking and our relationship has grown a lot closer since we were 16 and well we have sort of fell in love silly yes I know but its true, we are both positive its not lust so instead of doing the wrong, we are planning on getting married in a couple of years time, but because he's British and white I'm certain my family will not accept him and I believe its a stupid reason on not accepting somebody, he's an amazing guy and I just wish there was a way that I could be able to convince them, because I am certain they will not accept him in without a doubt.

Also we are both very nervous about telling my parents because not only we are both sure they will deny him but I don't know how to tell them am scared of their reaction, or shall I say more terrified than scared, cause my parents are really strict an follow their traditions/culture so its going to be hard, so I don't know how to begin or where. Also I want to know what happens if my parents refuse no matter what how hard we try to convince them, could we still get married? I'm in need of advice so anything will be helpful at this stage.



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3 Responses »

  1. ASA sister!!
    I understand your situation very much!! Yes, its hard and i can imagine how how are feeling towards everything, specially about telling your family!! Its scary and sad to get a no for an answer. But i think you should come clean to them and tell them how you feel and what you and his intentions really are. Im 100% against muslims who use culture instead of religion! it should not matter if he is white or pink with purple poka dots!! There are good men out there who do not have to be from the same cultural background as you. Prophet Muhammad (pbup) said that an arab is not better than a non arab and vice versa! I hope your family atleast gives this guy an opportunity to show them he really wants to take you serious! Have you thought about talking to the imaam? Maybe, he can come to your house when you and your friend talk to your family, for that extra support, and to keep reminding your family that culture has nothing to do with anything!! I know many people here will oppose to this but if i was you, i would still marry him even if my family oppsed... thats just me and my opinion

    Hope you can work things out with your family

  2. Well my sister, i think u ve 2 b open nd clear 2 ur parent., remind them that in d fold of islam, there is no racism nd no tribal influence. If for instant u are pakistani(which of course i guess u are), a black african (leaving in a small village in africa and who fears Allah),, is far far better than a pakistani or an arab who does'nt fear Allah. . . Tell them to set aside any cultural influece nd hold fast 2 d kitab was-sunnah. . . Islam it self is a complete system nd do not need any cultural support. . . . And in d fold of islam, a woman can marry a man from any tribe nd from any cultural background so long he is a muslim . . . . .. . . . . And if they don't agree with what what d religion say's (as regard racism nd cultural inflence), i don't think they will deserve ur obedience to them in this respect since they disobey Allah. . . I mean u can decide not 2 follow thier desires and u ve not done any wrong

  3. ASA:) basicaly ur parents are very much concernd about u having a stable marriage. i think that if the man u wanna marry shows that he's mature enuf (age will contribute here), knows islam inside out, is a practicing muslim, will provide u with a good dowry, has good qualifications, has a good and stable job, and is respected among the people who know him, at least that would take alot of presure off ur parents. put urself in their place.
    if they say u cant marry cuz he's not from ur country then thats racism and is against islam! u can perfectly use qoutes from hadith and/or qur'an to prove it.
    if u can, talk to ur imaam aswel, i'm sure he'll be able to help u out someway;)
    hope i helpd, and may God be with u:)

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