Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Worries about husband getting a second wife

second wife

Assalamuailakum,

I just got married and before my nikaah I accepted that my husband can have a second wife. But now I am not feeling that I will be able to cope with such a situation. Do I still have the right to refuse him of getting married once again or have I already lost that chance? Thank you for considering this issue... it is very important for me to get this answer on an Islamic basis with details. Thank you.

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7 Responses »

  1. Hi sister there are two requirements that your husband must follow to get a second wife. The first is your consent which he has gotten, and the second is to live in a country that observes polygamy legally.

    There has been a lot of debate on the standards that must be met to observe a polygamist relationship. Some people say that polygamy should no longer exist because the main reason polygamy was practiced in the days of our profit was to help the women and children left widowed during times of war when the men in their families would die on the battlefield. Because of this Allah was generous and allow a man to take more than one wife so that we might not have an entire culture and population of displaced and uncared for women and children.

    Now of course we know that this reason for the vast majority of us no longer applies so therefore the general consensus has been out of respect and observance of the sacrifice and commitment both parties make to each other if the husband wishes to practice polygamy he must first to get the consent of his current wife or wives. You gave your consent and if this stipulation has been recorded in your wedding contract or if there are witnesses to your agreeance of this, then you have no grounds to deny your husband a second wife.

    To deny him now would be to trap him in a situation and that would be wrong. We all know how difficult this decision must have been for you and I can only imagine the pressure or the hardships you went through to finally come to the decision that you would allow your husband to take a second wife. However you had made your decision and then you went through with the marriage and now you are married to a man who is allowed to take a second wife on the grounds that the laws of the country and the area you live in observe legally polygamy. It is illegal and immoral to take a woman permanently as your own as your wife without giving her the proper rights as your spouse including papers and a marriage contract which would only be allowed in a country where polygamy is observed. So therefore this would be the only circumstance where you could just fully change your mind as to this particular stipulation of your marriage. However I still must say and I think it's wrong for you to change your mind and I urge you to understand that this will likely cause A great deal of turmoil and stress in your household and possibly divorce will be brought up in the house. Considering that this issue is unfortunately going to be due to fault of yours I would prepare yourself for these problems in the foreseeable future and prepare a plan that doesn't villainize your husband.

    Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors this message was posted with a voice to text application on my smart phone.

    Best of luck
    Moose

  2. You have to live with it now. The only way you can stop him is by proving that he cannot afford two wives and households or demanding yourself separate accommodation, which is your Islamic right, to make it even more difficult for him to do justice.

    You could also somehow prove that him having another wife will cause immense harm to you and possibly any children you may have. You could attempt to convince him by telling him he won't have enough time for one family, let alone two, with all the work pressures etc and he will have to give both wives kind treatment and fulfill both their rights (and believe me, being patient with one wife is a major trial enough and being kind to her in spite of all of that is even more testing).

    Here is a panel discussion between Sheikh Faraz Rabbani and other Muslim community members. Its a brilliant discussion on polygamy. Particularly the shaikh's reference to Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi, a major scholar of the subcontinent, who ruled that the general rule for Muslim men in his country in his time was that polygyny is impermissible due to the immense harm it causes, in the background of the fact that adl between two wives is an enormous challenge. I would highly encourage you to watch all of it.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC3EoR3gOF0

    Justice between two wives is no trip in the park.

  3. wa alaikumu ssalam sister

    I am feeling sorry for you.since i am going through the same.I have left it to Allah ta'ala , whenever this thought come into my mind i seek His refuge and ask Him to save me.I think this is the best solution when you dont have power to stop something. Dua is a powerful weapon.
    Does your husband has any valid reason for second marriage?
    Has he proposed someone or he is just talking about it to you?

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    If you have concerns, talk with your husband. It may be that he can reassure you on some points and the two of you can discuss your worries. So long as you approach things in a calm and non-judgemental way, there's no rule against saying "I'm not sure about this any more - can we think about it some more?".

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. Selam alekum sister,

    I am feel for what you are going through. You always have a choice. You can not prevent your husband from taking a second wife if he wants to. You can talk to him and if he is respectful, honest and caring then I think he would consider your needs and be honest. But if not he will probably do what ever he wants not caring what you feel.
    But you still have a choice to leave him if you can not live with his choice and desire for a second wife. You can ask for khula and ask him to divorce you if it would be something you can not live with.
    You have a right to change your mind even if you thought when you married you could accept another wife, now you feel you can not and that is your right. You do not have to be second and accept this, if you can not. You are never trapped in a situation. But you can not change what your husband decides to do. But you can choose for yourself and leave .

  6. @neotjer moose is completely wrong because having wife consent is not mandatory of she did not expressed her consent in the contract but if she had then the husband cant do anything. Secondly, in the above presented case wherein the wife has presented her consent the only way she can persist her husband not to marry is making him prove financially incompetent as brother ubaidullah has said.

    Jazakiallah

  7. I don't know why your husband will even think about a second wife when he married you? Is it a normal thing for men to put more wives clause in the contract? Islam allows 4 wives so why even put that in the contract? What country do you live in? Is your husband going to get citizenship thru you? If immigration is involved he may already have a wife some where.

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