Islamic marriage advice and family advice


depressed woman lost love

I had zina with someone i love and he had been my best friend also ( i have cried and repent to ALLAH for this sin) but after 2 months we had a serious fight and he is now refusing to get married. I have made sincere duas for him , i have asked for sabar and left everything on ALLAH but I am depressed and devastated i don't know what to do next? Should i share this with my family and friends to make him agree? Should I just wait for the rest of my life or should I just move on? Or marry someone else but I can't ruin someone's life as i don't deserve anyone now.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. Wa alaikum Assalam sister,

    It is no doubt that zina is a road to devastation and creates a lot of problems further down the road. You have done right in repenting and getting right in your relationship with Allah. It is also okay to be grieving about all that happened but don't let your grief deceive you into thinking that no one deserves you.

    If that was true than our religion wouldn't have heavily stressed on the importance of repentance. Read any verse talking about punishment in the Quran and you will find the next verse to be about forgiveness from Allah SWT maximum number of times. We may be sinners but Allah is THE MOst forgiving. Allah SWT is Al Ghaffar, Al Ghafoor, At Tawab so please do not be disheartened by your sins and mistakes but take lessons from them.

    it was narrated from Ibn Maajah (4250), at-Tabaraani in al-Mu‘jam al-Kabeer (10281), Abu Nu‘aym in Hilyat al-Awliya’ (4/210), al-Bayhaqi in as-Sunan (20561), via Abu ‘Ubaydah ibn ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood, that his father said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.”

    Sister now you must think about the next step. It may be tough now but be easy on yourself and give yourself time. Also use this trial to straighten your relationship with our Creator. Everything that happens is good if it leads to Him and bad if it leads far away from Him.

    Surely you need to move on so grieve now completely and do everything you possibly can that will help you in it. Cut off any connection with the boy, even a connection as irrelevant as checking his social network profiles, deleting his number etc. Zina is surely a major sin and you have repented sincerely through your heart, now it is time to repent with you actions by cutting him off completely. This will help bring Allah's mercy to your life and further help you heal completely while you fulfill your obligations of prayers as a Muslim.

    It is only after you are over your grief that you should worry about your future life. Depression can be a black hole that makes you extremely short sighted and cynical. It will paint the whole world including your future black but this is just glasses that you grief is making you wear. And in truth none of this is going to be a reality and insha Allah you will find spring again.

    For now trust Allah, pray to Him, seek help and patience and be true to Him by performing your obligations as a Muslim. Meanwhile DO NOT return to the source of your sins, that is the last place you will find any solace in not to mention that no solace can be found away from Allah and His obedience. May Allah strngthen you, heal you and make this trial a means of nearness to Him. Ameen

  2. Yes you do deserve someone better then him just be patient and pray to the Al Mighty. And In Sha ALLAH everything will ve alright. By the way if you are in england or some country and have access to a computer or something then you can send your email to a youtube couple called sid and dina they can give you some good advice.

  3. Assalam-o-aliakum
    Sister,i think you should talk to your family and the one which is truely sincere with you in this matter,and ask Allah for forgiveness.if iam not wrong you had a serious fight and then he is refusing to marriage.confirm that this attitude is temporarily or permanently?
    May be he said so because of fighting in anger and after that he become apologetic of his saying.
    If the situation is opposite to this then move one.because this relationship hurts you even after the marriage.
    last decision is indeed your's.
    Hope that helped,
    May Allah reduce you worries!
    Allah(S.W.T)knows best and guides us best!

  4. Salam...Sister this feeling is the doing of your own bad actions When we go against are nature..the nature that Allah made pure halal way....then truly we will appreciate and be full of happiness because of the fear of Allah which is the root.......people don't realize they curse themselves all because of disobedience. .....remember success is only Obeying Allah's commandments and teachings of prophet Muhammad PBUH. .there is no other way regardless of intelligence or wealth. ....Allah is the controller of hearts and everything is known to him......for we must also belive in predestiny. So learn Deen correctly attend the sisters gatherings at mosque....ask questions to our local sunni scholors and help the community. ...Do not miss Salah read quran daily and become independent have career that will give you the means to help people and perform hajj .For marriage put your trust in Allah....but be patient marriage must be done correctly to be blessed in both worlds other then this marriage is a big test and it usually doesn't last long ....Find a person who is a scholor or a good Islamic foundation..he should be soft and kind in character. ..he should also have some sort of education in a field .......The happiest relationships are people who have deen and they are both on the same page.......You see if a couple doesn't have deen it's all game ,sex ,image, what person owns ,how much assets he's got ,fame ,popularity anger,fights,lies bad talk the list goes on......because of disobedience. .this is the only answer...!!! So you decide...Don't be fooled by the nice words and the dress to impress....this is only SHAITAN in wolfs it's said An idle man's brain is a devils workshop. ...So understand

  5. 53
    ۞ قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

    Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

    وَأَنِيبُوا إِلَىٰ رَبِّكُمْ وَأَسْلِمُوا لَهُ مِنْ قَبْلِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَكُمُ الْعَذَابُ ثُمَّ لَا تُنْصَرُونَ

    And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped.

    Surah Zumar (39): verse 53-54

  6. Salam
    Yaar get some sense.. the sin that you had committed is worst but it doesnt mean you have to waste your life for a person who wouldn't understand your feelings.. move on.

    As for Allah, He is all forgiving. His mercy has no bounds ask Him for forgiveness, and be humble. We all are sinners. May He guide us all in the right direction.

Leave a Response